Excitement. Nervousness. Fear. Anticipation. The cycle of emotion were going through ayesha every five minutes. She would think how its the day she would finally be meeting the prince charming or her Knight in shining armour!
Marriage, what a word it was. Filled with alot of dreams and emotion's, commotions and sacrifices, happiness and sadness. They say, for a girl marriage is her everything. She may be strong and independent but when she's married, all she becomes is just a wife of a respectful men and most surprisingly, girls like to be bound with their husbands. Ayesha was no different.
Marriage is about sacrifices and that is right, a successful marriage takes alot of sacrifices of the thing you never thought you will be making, and ayesha had always prepared herself for the time where she will be the wall of support for her husband, she was a child who had high expectations with marriages.
She was nervously walking back and forth inside her room, while biting her lips, making them appear red. She was decked up for the day, in a pinkest shade of a anarkali with chickenkaari work that reached upto her ankle that was paired with churi daar pajama and a bonanza dupatta on her head.
Her stomach was churning, her heart was beating, she was meeting the family of her would be husband for the first time and she would be meeting him for the first time, him whom she hasn't even seen yet! Hasn't even seen his picture. After tiering her legs a little, she sat down on the edge of her bed, waiting was making her anxious but her mother had warned her not to come out of the room before she would be called and no one has called her till now.
______
The clock was ticking on his watch, he was sitting with his back leaned against the sofa in an uncomfortable manner in the house of his maybe would be bride who was yet to make her entry inside the living room. Sat infront of him was the father of the girl who's name was ayesha as he was told by his ammi, giving him stinky eyes like he was taking away the bride without any legal wedding. The thought itself was making him laugh yet the slight fear of the old man infront of him was keeping him at his bay.
Sikandar left no chance into showing the young man infront of him that he was possessive about his daughter and no way he should think she would be alone after the marriage. They were sitting inside the living room of salaar family after a week of ajmal and sikandar having the talk on phone. They were here to ask the hand of his daughter, officially.
Sikandar nodded on something ajmal said and turned to Noor-Ul-Ain sitting beside him, who was having her own conversation with safa, both women had not gone quite since they sat down, they were gossiping on every single topic they could find. He slightly nudged his wife who turned to him and he finally asked her to bring ayesha in, making everyone wait impatiently, even Dilawar who was neutral till now.
But as soon as he heard the slight tinkle of a payal, he could feel his heart gripping inside his throat and his eye's glued to the entrance, waiting for her to grace him with her presence and when she did? He could swear his heart did a somersault.
She was beautiful, Dilawar could barely feel his surroundings as his eyes noticed the girl who walked up infront of him, hugged his mother, took the blessing of his father and sat beside them on the sofa, right infront of him. His would be wife was beautiful and shy, the way ayesha sat indicated how shy and nervous she was feeling, despite her sitting in a way she could not see him and let him feast on her, she could feel the eyes of the man, they were piercing and sharp, like he could read her and he was.
Being the professor of psychology, he was trained enough to read the reaction of people and he could read her like an open book. With the way she has covered her head with dupatta and was concealing herself, he could feel her anxiety.
His mother asked her a question on which she barely nodded and ducked her head down again, he was looking forward for hearing her voice. He was anticipating being near her, asking her questions and having her know his first priority and maybe his wish was heard when he caught his parents talking.
"Jee jee, I think bacho ko khud bhi baat cheet kar leni chahiye. Mujhe to ayesha beti bhot pasand hai lekin akhri faisla to bacho ka hi hai" Safa told sikandar who had asked them about what's ahead, he nodded and turned to dilawar who sat straight feeling the eyes of sikandar on him.
[Yes yes, I think childs should talk amongst themselves now, I really like ayesha but the last decision would be theirs]
"Bilkul, beta ap or ayesha jaa kar garden mai baat kar sakte hain...." saying this to Dilawar he turned to his daughter and kept his hand on her head and said "ayesha...lead him beta....or daryaab bahar hi khara hoga...theek hai" meekly nodding at her fathers words, she stood up and waited till he could too and walked out with him tailing behind her.
[Son, you and ayesha can talk in the garden]
[Ayesha...lead him child, daryaab will be outside okay]
She walked ahead and stopped near the neem tree in the garden but didn't turn around, she could feel him. His presence was disturbingly full, as if he would walk in the door and all the attention would be on him and it was disturbing her, she was feeling like she had feel the presence before, it was suspicious but she was too shy to lift her eyes to look at him.
She was mentally debating what to do when he cleared his throat making her flinch slightly. Dilawar suppressed his smile and spoke, with his voice conveying his smile "mai dilawar...Ap peeche mur kar dekh saktin hain...I dont bite!"
[I'm dilawar, you can turn around, I dont bite]
Ayesha took a deep breath hearing him and nodded, still not turning around. But his voice was familiar as well, as if she has heard it many times and her suspicion was getting clear and clear. The dilawar behind her was Dilawar durrani, her professor and she wanted to slap the destiny for playing so dirty with her.
Dilawar slightly grazed her arm with his finger, making her turn around immediately. He smiled wholly when he saw her expression, mixed of horror and surprise. "Hi" he said again. Ayesha licked her lips and spoke what was troubling her "ap mere professor hain!" Dilawar, who was smiling, having fun and maybe accepting her in his wife's face, slowly stopped smiling. "What?" He asked, making her repeat the question.
[You are my professor]
He could legit feel his brain saying "program to war gaya" and it irritated him, he didn't expected to be paired with his student, he sighed and turned around to look back at her who was anxious like it was last day on earth. He nodded and smiled slightly again "Its fine. We can tell the deputy head in advance, it won't cause any problem" cause it really wont.
[Program got fucked]
They weren't having any illegal relation, they were unaware of each other being student and a teacher. He could take care of it, he confirmed her and walked ahead, till he was leaning his back against the tree with her standing infront of him.
Dilawar was in awe with how pretty the girl infront of him was, with her complexion so soothing and clear, she was like a bright clear day of autumn, calming aura and plump lips. Oh he was not sane for going so ahead but with his maximum 6'3 feet tall height, she was barely coming up to his chest, with her petite body and full face, she was comparable to an ant against an elephant, for the first time, he was proud of his genes and praised his hardwork in the gym. His thoughts weren't keeping him sane any more, he needed to talk to her and ask her about her preferences.
He cleared his throat and stood straight infront of her. He started "ayesha..." and stopped, thinking. Ayesha looked down and shut her eyes tightly, her name sounded so foreign, so right from his lips, the way he said her name, she wanted him to call her again and again, it was just so delicious coming out of his mouth and she wouldn't mind having him whisper her name near her ear again and again.
She was snapped out of her lala land when he started again "meri—meri ammi chahti hain k mai shadi karlun....I was married before you and-" he stopped again so did ayesha's heart. He was married? She gulped and nodded, asking him to continue "-and, we did love marriage.....she's left" and whispered the last words. As if voicing them out was hurting him physically.
[My...my mother wants that I marry...I was married before you–]
"We were married for five years maybe and I had— have some issue going on, with which she wasn't ready to compromise but it's all my fault, its me who cant move forward. I-i just wanted to let you know, so you won't feel like we have forced you into the marriage-" dilawar carefully pointed out words to her who has had her head down by now, in her deep thoughts.
"-and you can deny.....or we can move forward with the wedding-, its all upto you ayesha" ayesha's eyes snapped up at him and she smiled at him robitically , giving away the idea of being displeased.
Dilawar nodded and smiled at her, pinching his lips shut, he turned to side and waited for her to say something. He had hopes. Ayesha could think nothing. She likes him, she really does. But would it be okay marrying someone who was married before and had divorce over some inconvenience in their life? What could be the reason, ayesha couldn't hide her curiosity and asked him suddenly " what was the reason?"
As soon as her soft voice fall in his ear, he confusedly looked at her, she repeated " wajah kya thi apki divorce ki?" Dilawar sighed. Ofcourse he cant hide it from her. If she really is agreeing on getting to know about his life and him, he wont lie.
[What was the reason of your divorce]
He gulped the lump in his throat, his eyes suddenly started replaying the scene of 20 years ago where he lost his everything that night, his everything, his abbu.....His ammi.....His sister, he took a deep breath and looked at her with such intensity and sadness that something in her shattered.
"I-i" he stuttered and cleared his throat "when I was 15...I went through a traumatic event—mind you,I cant tell you the sensitive information till you are in my nikkah, I cant trust no one with this" slightly nodding at it, Ayesha understood him and didn't ask anything, letting him continue.
"I went through alot due to my one mistake and I couldn't save the one I vowed to save.....Lets just say I am afraid....to have children. I dont think I can take the responsibility of them and keep them safe....and my ex wife wanted them...I felt pressured, it was too much, with all my fear and anxiety and she filed for khula at last, saying she cant live with someone who was'nt ready to accept his past—her word, not mine"
Dilawar opened up to her slightly, giving away the look of his messed up life to the girl who nodded and smiled at him. "I see no problem professor....Let bygones be bygone and begin your new journey now!" Ayesha spoke, her perfect teeth on display at whole, pointing out joy with him opening up. Dilawar smiled as well but went silent. "I...think apko or sochna chahiye is matter par ayesha. Its about your whole life"
[You should think more]
Softly he whispering to her, while having the hope in his heart that she wont change her answer and when she winked at him suddenly, oh so boldly, he was left speechless. She laughed slightly and went inside, leaving him gazing at her back in longing.
He was confused. He was bewildered. He never accepted that night, to anyone yet when she asked, he told her. He let her have a peak of his past that he denies. What was it? Why would he do that? He was surely confused and in denial. He was sure nothing can bring that change in his life and he will stand by the point.
———♡
-On the train we swapped seats,
You wanted the window
and
I wanted to look at you-
—Muhammad Darwish ♡
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A little sneak into the past of dilawarr!
For me, when I wrote it, I was a little nervous and hesitant cause I really think that the past is dark!
I'm not so sure bout ya all!
Its a short story, you will get to read it soon!
Also,
You all must be confuse with my
Obsession with Darwish but ugh his palestinian self makes me love him more!
Also, you guys need to like as well