Word Count: 4,764
Even though Rosé and I now had class together, my daily life had hardly changed at all. I diligently attended school like a good student, ate lunch with Jennie in the cafeteria, and went home afterward because I wasn't in a club. I almost never interacted with Rosé. Everything was as it should be.
One thing that had changed a little bit was that I'd started talking with Chanyeol more than during our first year.
That said, it wasn't my idea. Rather, Chanyeol often approached me, and I did my best to handle the attention despite my obvious confusion.
The day of the opening ceremony, I had felt for an instant that the events of the past might be repeating, and that had naturally set me on edge. But Chanyeol was clearly a different kind of person than the former friend who betrayed me.
I was still slightly on guard, but that didn't mean I wanted to awkwardly keep Chanyeol at arm's length, and as we spent time together, I began to recognize that he was a cheerful, honest, and compassionate young man. Above all, he had Jennie's seal of approval, so I didn't think he was someone who demanded my suspicion.
After attending my first week of school as a second-year university student, I noticed that the pain I had been harboring for so long began to fade.
"Hey, are you cool with this?"
Sitting across from me, Jennie said that as if she had suddenly remembered to ask.
At the moment, we were having lunch in the cafeteria just like we had done since our first year.
Sometimes Lisa would join us, but today she was off eating with Rosé. I was glad the two of them got along, even in public.
"Cool with what?"
"I mean, keeping things as they are with you know who."
"There's no need to go out of my way to talk to her at school."
By which I mean, if I speak to her, everyone around us is going to stare and wonder where I got the nerve.
It wouldn't do for meek, unfashionable gay Y/N to be seen approaching Rosé.
"Y/N, she's just itching to talk to you, and it shows."
"...Yeah, I noticed."
Rosé seemed to be doing her best to ignore me, but every now and then she would slip up and stare over at me glumly.
So far, she'd only done it when nobody else was looking, but Lisa had taken it upon herself to start giving me dirty looks on Rosé's behalf, so it was becoming harder and harder to endure.
"You need to transform. There's no other way."
"No way... dressing up like that is a huge pain, and you know I don't like the attention."
Besides, even if the rumors had settled down for the moment, some people had seen me out and about with Rosé, even if they hadn't recognized me. If people made the connection that I was the mystery person, things would probably get so hectic it would derail my whole college career.
"Why are you like this...? And honestly, you could be so popular."
"That makes no sense."
I couldn't imagine changing my hair and fashion sense a little bit, and suddenly becoming popular, but Jennie seemed convinced for some reason.
"I think you've got the kind of personality that girls want in a lover. You've got a cynical side, but you're also sincere, and you're the type of person who treats girls well."
"...Isn't that normal?"
"I think there are a lot of people who can't even do that much. Like, you're the type who can figure out what a girl wants and then make it happen. You don't make a big deal out of it; you just pay attention and then act on what you see."
"...You sound awfully sure about this."
"If you weren't that type of person, do you really think that a cautious girl who's always hiding behind a guarded smile would have ever gotten attached to you?"
When Jennie put it that way, I couldn't refute her theory.
I bit my lip hard as I mulled it over, and she laughed.
"...Also, can I say one thing?" Jennie continued.
"What?"
"If you weren't into her, you probably wouldn't treat her as well as you do."
"Shut up. Is it so bad being nice to someone?"
Jennie could read me like a book. There was no hiding how I felt. I turned away and began sulkily slurping up the noodles I'd ordered for lunch.
Rather than teasing me further, Jennie nodded sagely and acted impressed.
"If you ask me, you ought to be happy. It's a wonderful thing to find someone to treasure."
"Oh, you think you're an expert?"
"I know I am."
"...I don't really care whether we get together. If there's someone out there who would make her happy, I don't mind if it's not me."
If Rosé chose some other, unknown person and was really, truly happy with them, I would give them my blessing. If anyone deserved happiness, it was Rosé.
Of course, I very much wanted to be the one to make her happy, but if she ended up finding fulfillment elsewhere, I wouldn't balk at swallowing my feelings.
"...You're such a wuss."
"And you're a jackass... Look, I do want to make her happy, I do, but—"
"Then just tell her that already."
"I can't just come out and say it, you moron!"
How can I confess my feelings if I haven't even figured them out myself?
Rosé was so cautious when it came to relationships that I was sure there was no way she would be willing to go out with someone for fun or just to try things out. It was all or nothing.
And given everything with Rosé's parents, she's not likely to agree to date someone of the same sex so easily anyway.
"...You are a serious late bloomer."
"Shut up. It's fine; I can get her to like me in my own way."
"...Well, as an objective observer, I think it'd be better if you tell her everything straight up, but—"
"But what?"
"...Nothing," Jennie muttered. "...All right... good luck. I'm rooting for you."
I frowned, but I was actually really grateful for my friend's somewhat exasperated encouragement.
-
"Oh, Y/N, don't see you here often."
I had stopped by the local arcade after school. I was just inserting a bill into the change machine when I heard a familiar voice.
I stuffed my change into my wallet and turned around to find Chanyeol standing there. He had apparently also come to play games and was standing behind me with his wallet in one hand.
"Chanyeol? You're an even rarer sight. What happened to the track club?"
"We have a break today. It's not good to work the body too hard day after day."
"Ah."
So the school's top track-and-field star takes a vacation once in a while, too, eh?
I stepped back from the machine, and Chanyeol inserted his bills and waited for the change. Once he'd deposited about two thousand won worth of coins back in his wallet, Chanyeol noticed me staring at him and smiled.
"I'm surprised to find you in a place like this, Y/N. You don't seem like you would appreciate the noise much."
"I hit up game centers like everyone else. I just don't like to waste money, so I don't go that often."
"Hmm. Well, what did you come for today?"
"I wanted to check out the crane games. I got an order to pick up a stuffed animal."
Actually, it was more like Lisa had shown me the NEW ARRIVALS page of the game center's website and pointed out which ones Rosé might like, so I had decided to get one as a present for Rosé, since she had seemed a little down lately.
Also, as I had seen in the infamous photo Lisa had sent me, Rosé's apartment was quite sparse. So I was hoping to win a cute friend for the teddy bear I'd already gotten her.
"Do you think you can win a stuffed animal?"
"It's kind of my specialty."
The crane arms at this particular arcade were stronger than usual, so it was easy to pick up the toys. As long as I accounted for the balance and position of the stuffed animals when controlling the crane, it was surprisingly easy to snag a prize.
It was actually my mother who had taught me how, way back in elementary school. "This one, you see? If you bring the arm down right here, you can get it no problem. And this one is good, too. Just hook the tag with the arm." It was one of many pointless talents that had rubbed off on me.
Chanyeol was giving me an incredulous look, so I led him over to the corner crammed with all the crane games. I decided to try my luck on a machine in the new arrivals section filled with stuffed rabbits.
I casually put a coin in the slot. Judging by the placement of the stuffed animals and the size of the crane arm, a single coin would be enough. Some prizes took a lot of money to win, but one of these stuffed rabbits—a character I didn't recognize—should be easy.
I aimed the crane at the place where the rabbit's head and body met and skillfully guided the arm into place, catching the head and avoiding the body. As the crane came back up, it brought the prize with it, secured by the head. When I took my hand off the lever, the stuffed rabbit tumbled down the prize shoot with a plop.
I casually pulled it out and turned to show Chanyeol, who looked impressed.
"Wow!"
"The crane arms at this game center are strong, and the staff are friendly, so if you get stuck, they'll show you how to win. It's a good place for beginners, too."
"So that's why Jennie and the others said this place would be good? I see now." Chanyeol nodded. "By the way, is that a gift for someone in particular?"
"Yeah. Someone who takes good care of me. I want to show my appreciation."
Well, it's not a lie.
I just conveniently left out the fact that I'm talking about Rosé. It's true she takes care of me, and I am grateful for what she does every day.
I also quite simply thought Rosé would look adorable surrounded by stuffed animals, so my choice of gift was not entirely innocent.
"You're a really thoughtful girl, Y/N. But I knew that already."
"What do you mean, you knew that?"
"Well, you're sensitive, and you help people out without making a big deal of it."
"Sometimes, I guess."
"Even if it's only sometimes, you helped me. Like with the bags and stuff, that was a big help." Chanyeol thanked me again with a bright smile, and I felt slightly embarrassed.
It really wasn't a big deal, but apparently Chanyeol still remembered it.
I usually had shopping bags on hand anyway, and it hadn't been my intention to make Chanyeol feel indebted to me.
"...Oh yeah, did you eat all that Valentine's chocolate, Chanyeol?" I asked, trying to move past the awkwardness I felt when confronted with Chanyeol's overflowing gratitude.
Chanyeol's expression grew cloudy. "Ah... Can you keep a secret? I only ate the store-bought ones."
"You didn't eat the handmade ones?"
"...The handmade chocolates are... How do I put this? I'm sure there are some girls who can make them well, but—"
"They're bad?"
"No, it's just... Sometimes they have hairs in them or other things that clearly shouldn't be in there."
"Are we still talking about chocolate...?"
Finding out that something like that had accidentally gotten mixed in would have been bad enough, but from hearing his voice, I suspected that Chanyeol had discovered intentional adulterations on more than one occasion.
I remembered reading somewhere that, long ago, people had believed mixing a part of the body into someone's food could work like a magic charm to make them fall in love. The person who consumed the secret ingredient was supposed to be helpless to resist the effects.
"I accept the gifts, even if they've got...stuff in them, but...that used to happen a lot, and I'm still afraid it might happen again, so I tell everyone ahead of time that I won't eat any handmade chocolates. The ones who give them to me anyway... Well, I appreciate the thought behind the present, and I do still pay back every gift. Unfortunately, some of them try to disguise it as store-bought chocolate, but... What can you do? And of course, if it happens more than once, I never accept chocolate from that girl again, so..." Chanyeol trailed off, looking sad and lost. I couldn't help but feel bad for him.
"...I guess even popular guys have it rough."
"Meanwhile, everybody is so jealous of me, I feel like I can't complain, but... It's not like I want to be popular. Honestly, it's miserable. I'd give it all up if I could."
"Sounds serious." I nodded.
"I mean, yeah, it's disturbing. Girls give me sweets or food with weird stuff hidden in it, smiling the whole time."
It was only reasonable to be apprehensive.
Ordinarily, most boys would treasure a girl's handmade food, but for Chanyeol it was a potential threat. Going through something so awful so many times must have been terrible.
"Sometimes I think it would be easier if I went out with someone, so the other girls would stop flirting with me...but I'm afraid whoever I picked would end up getting bullied."
"...Jealousy's a scary thing."
"Yeah..."
Chanyeol's shoulders slumped like he was at a complete loss. He seemed exhausted.
I won a large bag of potato sticks from a nearby machine and offered them to the sad boy in front of me.
"Eat these... you'll feel better," I said. "And you know, if you ever want to talk or something, you can come to Jennie or me."
"It's just hard sometimes... So I appreciate it."
Seeing Chanyeol so troubled, it occurred to me that popularity didn't always make people's lives easier or better.
-
When I got home, Rosé heard me entering and came to the door to greet me.
She was wearing her apron and had her hair up in a bun. She always tied it back when she was cooking, but this time she had added a braid as a cute flourish that accentuated her practical style.
Rosé smiled, a little relieved now that I had returned. Apparently, she had already finished making dinner.
After leaving the arcade, I had gone to a café with Chanyeol to listen to him complain over coffee. I had let Rosé know I would be late, but evidently she had still worried.
"Welcome home, Y/N... What's in the bag?"
"I stopped by the arcade and got some prizes."
The huge bag was crammed full of all the things I had won, including the stuffed rabbit. It was obvious just by looking that there was a lot inside.
"...That's quite the haul."
"And I only used about two days' worth of lunch money."
"Wow, what did you win?"
"Maybe we can save that for later? I'm starving."
I wanted to find the right moment to present her with the rabbit. Her surprise would be worth the wait.
Besides, my stomach was growling. I wasn't lying when I said I wanted to enjoy some of Rosé's delicious cooking.
"In that case, go change and wash your hands—and don't forget to gargle. While you do, I'll set the table."
"Roger, roger."
I didn't really need the reminders, but it still made me happy to hear her concern for me. She was maybe even acting a little maternal, but I didn't say that out loud and instead headed to the bathroom as instructed.
-
"...So what did you bring back that needed such a large bag?"
The prizes must have been on Rosé's mind. After dinner, she glanced over at the bag sitting beside the sofa and asked about it again.
"Hmm? Stuffed animals."
I had no intention of hiding it, so I picked up the bag and set it on my lap, then peeled off the tape keeping it closed.
"Stuffed animals?"
"You like them, right, Rosie?"
"Y-yeah, I do, but-"
"I saw a few I thought you might like, so I got them for you. Here."
The best prize among the day's winnings had to be the stuffed bunny that was about the same size as the bear I had given her before. It was pretty large, and I had won it with only a single coin, so I decided it was all right to feel a little proud.
I pulled out the bunny and set it on Rosé's knee, where she could get a good view of its white fur and big round eyes.
I didn't really know anything about the particular mascot. I had simply picked it out because a bunny seemed like something Rosé would like.
She stared at the stuffed rabbit sitting on her knee.
"You...don't like rabbits?"
"...It's cute."
"I'm glad."
Rosé wrapped both arms around the stuffed rabbit and squeezed it tight against her cheek, just like she always did with her favorite cushion. For a second, I thought about getting out my phone for a picture but ultimately decided against it.
She was smiling softly, so I captured the scene with my mental camera and pulled another stuffed animal from the densely packed bag.
"There's more. I've got cats and dogs and-"
Thanks to the crane arms at that game center being relatively strong, I had been able to get most of the prizes for very little money, so I had picked up toy after toy, grabbing any and all I thought Rosé would like.
As I added a beige-and-white stuffed cat that looked sort of like Rosé's style and a plush Shiba Inu dog, she looked at me with bewilderment.
"Uh, um, this many...?"
"I... Uh, I hope they won't be in the way..."
"No, not at all! I don't have any decorations in my apartment, and they're very cute. I'm happy."
"That's great."
As I had imagined, Rosé looked adorable surrounded by a small herd of stuffed animals.
She was still hugging the bunny, but she looked back and forth restlessly between the cat and dog, wondering which to hug next. I couldn't help but smile, and Rosé must have noticed me watching her because her face turned bright red, and she tried to hide behind the stuffed rabbit.
The contrast between the rabbit's white fur and her blushing cheeks was striking.
Rosé's eyes, peeking out from the gap between the bunny's ears, were a bit teary, which only made her more adorable. Finally, overcome by embarrassment, she leaned over and buried her face in my shoulder.
"...Don't grin at me like that."
"I wasn't."
"You were! You were smiling. Laughing at me for being childish."
"That's not why I was smiling. It's because you're cute."
"...So you were smiling after all, weren't you?"
"You got me," I said teasingly, flashing her another big grin. This time, Rosé slapped my thigh, so I rubbed her head in an attempt to pacify her for the time being.
Rosé seemed to settle down, and when I grinned at her again, I did my best to make sure she didn't notice.
"...I feel like this is all a trick or something."
"It's only your imagination."
"...Well, just for today, I'll play along," Rosé muttered disapprovingly.
I decided not to point out that she was still smiling.
Looking at the cat that was in Rosé's lap and the bunny she was holding, I thought she reminded me a little of both of those animals as I continued stroking her hair.
Rosé suddenly sat up. Her cheeks were still flushed, but I could see a new tinge of protest in her eyes.
"...I'm always on the receiving end."
Apparently, all the gifts were making her uncomfortable.
"I'm just doing what I want to do, so don't worry about it."
"But... I'm always getting things from you. You give me presents, and you're so thoughtful, and you spend so much time with me... Everything."
"But those are all things I want to give you, so there's nothing for you to worry about."
It's not like I'm expecting to be paid back or anything. It's just because I want to make her happy. Maybe that makes it sound like her happiness is my compensation or something, but the truth is it's all for my own satisfaction. It feels good to make her happy, so I do. That's all there is to it.
But apparently Rosé felt guilty. That seemed absurd to me, considering all the trouble she went to for my sake, plus all the care and attention she always gave me. I honestly didn't think I was anywhere close to balancing the scales.
But it seemed Rosé felt the opposite.
"I want to give something back," she insisted.
"You're so stubborn...," I teased. "But... I guess if you feel that strongly, there is maybe one thing I'd like."
"If it's something I can give, name it."
She really seemed like she was ready to do whatever I asked. Of course, I wasn't going to put her on the spot with anything crazy. But I had to make a request of some kind, or Rosé would feel even worse.
"I want a pudding."
And so I gladly asked for something I knew Rosé could handle.
"...A pudding?"
"One with plenty of eggs. I want to eat your homemade version."
"...You don't mean one from the store, right? That's not nearly enough to pay you back."
"Of course not. I'll only be satisfied if you make it yourself."
I didn't care for most sweets, but pudding was a different matter. I liked cream puffs that were made with only pudding or custard-cream filling and knew that if Rosé made the pudding by hand, it was sure to be delicious. A sweet treat skillfully handcrafted by a girl I liked... I couldn't think of anything better.
I made my request very seriously, and Rosé stared up at me silently for a moment, then nodded sharply.
"...All right, I'll make some this weekend. A stiff pudding with lots of egg, right?"
"Mm-hmm."
"I'll do my best to make something tasty!"
"Okay, okay, you don't have to get so worked up..."
"If I'm doing it, I'm going to do it right."
"Is that how it is?"
Rosé seemed to be taking this very seriously for some reason. I thought that maybe she didn't need to try so hard, but since I was going to get a delicious pudding out of it, I couldn't complain.
I stroked her head once more to show my support, and Rosé looked slightly bashful and buried the lower part of her face in the back of the bunny's head.
Soft puddings with an abundance of heavy cream were delicious, of course, but for me, the best pudding was a stiff one with plenty of egg, the kind that held its shape even in the spoon.
-
The pudding that Rosé made clearly highlighted the taste of the egg yolks while carefully balancing the richness of the heavy cream. It had a clean, distinct flavor, and the touch of the caramel's burnt-sugar bitterness kept the whole thing from being too sweet.
I found myself bringing spoonful after spoonful to my mouth as if in a trance. Before I knew it, Rosé's pudding had completely disappeared from my dish.
"Geez, that was insanely good."
"I'm really flattered to hear that."
She had brought out the pudding after dinner, and I had made short work of it. One serving hadn't been enough, so I'd asked for seconds.
For a college student, I didn't have that big of an appetite, but when it came to Rosé's homemade desserts, I was not surprised to find that I always had room.
Feeling even more satisfied than expected for how much I ate, I felt utterly content. I rubbed my bulging belly.
"You really can make anything, huh?"
"Well, I had a very...demanding education," Rosé replied. She was not boasting in the slightest, but it was true that her culinary repertoire was impressive. Sometimes she even made dishes I had never seen before. They were always good, and I couldn't get enough of her cooking. Having someone like Rosé around to make me delicious food was one of my greatest joys.
"Well, I don't know what else to say, except thank you. I'm very happy."
"...Happy?"
"Sure. I mean, who could be unsatisfied with life when they get to eat tasty stuff like this day after day? I always look forward to it."
Rosé's cooking was pretty much what I looked forward to the most every day. As long as I got to enjoy a meal with her at the end of the day, I could forget all my woes and troubles. Just the very fact that she was cooking for me all the time was cause for joy, and I was flooded with feelings of happiness every time I took a bite, but Rosé didn't really seem to understand the value of her own dishes.
Once before, I had said that Rosé's cooking tasted like happiness, but she didn't seem to understand. If I didn't heap high praise on her, she might never recognize its value. Besides, it was good manners to compliment the cook when their dishes were phenomenal, and I intended to follow through on that.
"...Y-you really think so?"
Rosé's cheeks flushed slightly at my praise, and she shrunk into herself a little.
"...It makes me happy when you say things like that, Y/N."
"Well, if you don't mind that they're coming from me, I'll give you as many compliments as you like. Maybe you want me to be more specific, instead of just saying that everything is good? I can do that, no problem."
Rifts between couples often start with forgetting to thank each other, after all. Not that Rosé and I were a couple or anything. But she made dinner for me on an almost daily basis, and I believed it was important to express my gratitude often. And besides, getting good feedback probably made her feel more motivated, so if she wanted, I was prepared to present detailed notes.
But Rosé shook her head, directly rejecting that idea.
"P-please don't... I'd die if you did."
"That's a little extreme, isn't it?"
"I'm being serious. What you do now is already perfect."
"Really? But you're going to keep making food for me, so I want to show you my appreciation properly. Thank you for everything."
Honestly, these days, my diet entirely depended on Rosé's cooking, so I felt like I owed her a lot and wanted to do what I could for her. She was so very important to me. When Rosé wasn't around, I quickly fell back into my old hopeless habits, so I hoped she would stay by my side for a long time.
I smiled gratefully, and Rosé trembled like a phone on vibrate, then quickly stood up.
"...Stupid Y/N..." she said in a cute voice. Then she carried the dishes over to the sink. I followed, my own dishes in hand.
She had moved suddenly, so I wanted to get her attention to tell her I'd handle the cleanup and that she didn't have to do anything else. The moment I lightly caught hold of Rosé's arm, she whirled around to face me. She looked at me with a face much redder than it had been before. She seemed like she really couldn't stand being there a second longer.
"...I...I'll do the cleanup. You can go hang out on the sofa. Okay?"
I ruffled her hair once and chased her from the kitchen. Groaning softly, Rosé rushed for the couch and sank into the cushions. I was caught off guard by her sudden lack of composure.
As I washed the dishes, I couldn't get her bashful expression out of my mind. I switched the tap to cold water, hoping to cool my head off a little.