"Mr.Klein thank you for having me over tonight." Lennox and her mother seemed to be having some heated conversation. I wanted nothing more than to drag her out of the house and into my car. She wouldn't have wanted that. She would refuse me locking her away like a prisoner but it's seeming to be my last resort. Something is up with her and not just whatever rift is between her and her mother. That may be part of it but not the entire problem.
"My daughter likes you very much. Don't make me come after you young man. You better take good care of her. The same way I do her mother."
"I would love nothing more." Firmly he shakes my hand before going back into his house.
Dinner with the Klein's is different from what I'm used to, not in a bad way, just something other than what I am used to. I enjoyed myself up until the point Lennox came running into my arms with tears in her eyes. I've seen her like that in moments mostly when she's had a lot to drink. Tonight was nothing like that. My first thought was to throw her in my car and force her to tell me everything she's always holding back. We've made some progress with being open with each other but not enough. I know there is something going on that she's just not telling me. There are things you're keeping from her too. Whatever problems she is dealing with could be taken care of. My secret is a lifestyle, something that wouldn't change. Keeping it a secret is better than confronting it and her possibly leaving me. She wouldn't understand why I couldn't give it up, why I do the things that I do.
The living room light is on. Papers are neatly separated into piles on the glossy wood floors. Zaviano and Angelo both sit on the floor with their own system going. They're checking Milo's client list and approving or flagging the clients. Clients can be flagged for any number of reasons, if they have had a late payment on an order or even inconsistent purchases. Usually we're able to track how much of a product a client will use and how often to know when they'll need more. Since this is the Synd's first stint with us we don't have all of that information on their clients and have to use more creative methods from the information given. Once someone is flagged Angelo starts an investigation on them with a portfolio.
"How many?" I slip my jacket off before sitting on one of the cream sofas.
Right now I need work as a distraction. Thinking about the tears in her eyes and not being able to do anything to soothe them flusters me in ways I never considered. It unnerved me. She acted as if her feelings didn't matter, as if I wouldn't do anything in my power to fix whatever was wrong. No matter how big or small. Why did she believe so firmly that she had to suffer alone? When I first realized I wanted to be that safe space for her we didn't know each other. Now that isn't an excuse. We know each other too well. Too intimately. I've felt her skin on mine. Tasted every surface on her body like a man desperate for water. If she wouldn't open up to me knowing all that we do about each other I'm not sure if she ever would on her own. It isn't my right to push her into doing it. Still I'm considering it.
"How was dinner?" Angelo asked the question without even looking at me. The hole being burned into the side of my face is from Zaviano. The keen motherfucker could probably tell the night didn't go how I would have wanted. In no scenario did I ever picture the anguish that I saw on her face. If I did I would have never agreed to dinner. Lennox agonizes herself too much already.
"How many have been flagged?" I ignore his question with my own.
"What happened?" Zaviano abandons whatever he was looking at to stare at me.
I didn't want to talk about it. It only made me crazier than I already am. If I discussed it I would make a decision that would alter our relationship. Making that decision would give me the answers I wanted to know but at what costs? Nothing in life is free, getting my answers would mean losing something. While I knew that was a possibility I had hoped it wouldn't come to this. The measures I took were a last ditch effort, a just in case because I convinced myself she would confide in me. I didn't want to force her hand and steal her secrets but I refused to watch her suffer.
"She was crying." My voice is close to a whisper when I speak.
"You made her cry?" Angelo stalked over to me grabbing me by the collar of my shirt.
"No." I push him off of me more forcefully than I intend but I'm not upset with him. Annoyed that he would think so lowly of me but no anger for his actions. Honestly I'm happy he came to Lennox's defense so quickly. She truly is one of our own. From where I'm standing very few people had her back the way that they should.
"Who is the motherfucker that came after her?" Angelo asks the same question I've been wondering since she ran into my arms? Sitting here under the weight of the question makes it hard to breathe. I don't want to think about this. I can't.
"There's only one way to find out the answer to that question." I sigh knowing my brothers knew exactly what I meant. Angelo had forgiven me once but I don't think he actually thought it would go this far. I know I didn't. If I did I would've checked long ago preventing any more danger from lurking her way.
Zaviano ponders the implications the same way I do. I can see the lines in his forehead creasing while considering what would happen. There are so many ways this could play out but they all end with her hating me and finding out the truth. Maybe that's one of the reasons I delayed in making this decision because I would have to be honest. Not just about my lifestyle but my parents too. The one thing I hated just as much as I hated Lennox's suffering is my past, my parents. The only good thing that ever came from thinking about them is memories of my mother.
"Fabian no." Angelo steps away from me like I have some sort of disease. I knew he wouldn't agree to this. He and Lennox are very close; they have such a good relationship. I still needed him to do this for me. I'm on the brink of full blown insanity at seeing her pain. He doesn't want to betray her trust but there's no other options and time is running out. "You don't know what you're doing."
"Angelo. Please?" My voice sounds weak asking him the question. I can't fight with him on this but I needed to help her.
"We flagged-"
"No. We're not skipping over this. You wanted to discuss it, let's discuss it."
"I'm not doing it!"
"Yes you are."
"She will hate-"
"I know she will but it's worth it if it makes her problems go away. You didn't see the look of agony on her face Angelo. I rather her hate me and be worry free for the rest of her life over what she's becoming now."
"That's the problem, she won't just hate you." He takes a step back knocking into the fireplace. The picture frame of our mother falls. What am I doing? "You're selfish."
"Don't you fucking dare say that." Anger takes over and if he weren't holding the frame with our mother in it I might punch him. "If I were selfish I would watch her suffer in silence just to keep her to myself. I don't expect you to understand." Zaviano walks over to Angelo talking in a hushed tone. A few minutes later Angelo storms off after putting the frame back probably to get his keys and find his woman for the night.
"It's weird. Usually you're the mediator." Zaviano leans against the fireplace. "Be patient with him, Fabian. He'll do it." I nod my head having no words that weren't bitter. It's better to say nothing at all.
"Did you guys find anything tonight?" Zaviano updates me on the progress they have made. There was only one client who they red flagged. Apparently one of the clients did not match up with the information provided. It may be nothing or everything.
"How was everything else at dinner? Besides Lennox crying?" A slight frown sits on his face at the mention of her tears. I feel the same way.
"Good. Better than that. Her father was easy to talk to and Lennox served me." I laugh at her bringing me wine all but throwing it in my lap. "It felt right."
"We'll do our best to minimize the damage between you two." If I weren't the person I am I might get choked up at his words. My brothers always have had my back even in a fight. Appreciation floods me for Zaviano's support and understanding.
"It's been a long night. I'm going to get some sleep. You should do the same." I knew he wouldn't but I tried to encourage him anyway I didn't want him burning out. I loved all my siblings in a unique way. Zaviano had been there from essentially the beginning. From the moment anything mattered he was there. A complaint has never slipped from his lips. Whatever I needed he had made sure I had. Having him by my side all these years is a gift I am thankful for. Once the dust has settled I have something I want him to have. He deserved to mold the world his own way. I don't expect him to stay by my side
Like I said I would, I went to bed. First I took a shower then slipped on pajama bottoms. Laying under the cool sheets didn't lull me to sleep like usual. The unknown of the future is too powerful tonight. Desperately I want to believe something other than what my heart knows is true. Am I ready for her to hate me? To lose the rare smiles that she saves for me only? We had fought so hard to be in a place where we could just be together. Losing it is my own personal vision of purgatory.
I'm not sure when I fell asleep but I did even though it wasn't for long. My alarm rang at its normal time. Just like every other day I get myself ready. I push all the what if's of the future to the back of my mind. I will focus on today's task instead. My mind blurs as we drive to the office. The world spins around me at an impossible place while I remain feeling still. Everything seems wrong, the feel of my office chair, the dark blue walls, nothing is right.
"Are you ready?" Angelo asks the question with gritted teeth. Without knocking he entered my office addressing me as if there's an issue. Another item on the list of things that are out of place today. There's no point in calling it out or even addressing it. It would just become another point of contention between us. Clearly we had enough as it is.
"Ready for what?" Typically I would indulge in his temper tantrum but today I had no patience for mind games.
"I'm giving you all of the footage to go through." The breath I was taking becomes lodged into my throat constricting my windpipes smashing me to tiny bits and pieces. I wasn't ready for this. Not today. Maybe not even next week. "Stop looking so surprised this is what you wanted? You made the decision last night, we're just following your orders." He knows what saying that would do to me. I've never seen my siblings as runners or people that just do things for me. They're my advisers and the people I trust the most in the world.
"Angelo. You're out of line." Zaviano speaks, this time fixing his glasses.
"I do what you want I'm the bad guy when I don't you berate me for it. Pick a fucking side." He pulls a USB out of his leather work bag. "This is the only time I'll do this. If you want it you better take it now because if you don't I will destroy it." Barely looking at him I hold my hand out waiting for him to give it to me. The tiny thing feels so weighted in my hands. All of her private moments in her office are on here. That's one of the few places she gets to be herself, me watching this stomps on the trust she's given me. I feel sick.
"Thank you Angelo." I mumble the words but he must have them as he bristles out the room. His anger could be dealt with later.
"He'll be fine." I'm not worried about that. Angelo will calm down even if he doesn't like it or agree with my decisions. "Are you going to watch it?" I knew that I would but for some reason I couldn't say it. Admit that I would do something so wrong to her. What other options do I have when she won't open up to me? "You know I always have your back, but are you sure about this?" What could I say to that? Truthfully I'm not.
"Don't worry about me, Zaviano."
"You don't get to tell me to do that. You may be older but I can still take you." Lightly he punches my shoulder before walking out of my office.
Ignoring the blue USB I make some calls, review documents, and check new properties until it's time for lunch. The shiny thing calls to me, haunting me with every passing second. All I can think is how I can't do this. I won't take advantage of her or our trust. There had to be a different way. I've already lost too many important people in my life. Losing Lennox would be a devastating blow. She may one day hate me for other things but not for this.
My personal cell rings. I answer the incoming call from Zandrino still with thoughts of what I would do about Lennox. Obviously I wouldn't confront her, that's not the way to do this. Perhaps I have been approaching this all wrong. There needed to be a situation where she had to admit what's going on to me. The possibility of that happening naturally is very slim. I would have to manipulate things a bit to go my way.
"Lennox is here." What could she be doing at the hospital? If she's hurt because of all of this I swear I will rip every single member of the Dane family limb from limb. I wouldn't even bother discarding their bodies, instead I would leave it scattered all around city hall. Clearly Jackson Dane has something to do with all of her worries. Fear seeps through her pores whenever he is around. Her father didn't seem to notice the tension between the two or maybe they just put on a great show for him. Whatever issues they had she didn't want it affecting their family.
I understood that too much. Not wanting your family to bear the burden of the world. Responsibility isn't easy but she deserved to be soothed. I longed to be the one to soothe her hurts and aches. Emotional scars are the hardest ones to heal and while I couldn't heal her I could do my best to take care of her so that she could become the best version of herself.
"What the fuck happened? I'm coming right now." I already had my jacket and keys in hand.
"Relax. She isn't hurt but she is in one of the private rooms. I thought it might be a family member but it's not. I thought you said this is her last case?"
"It is. She's hellbent on retiring. Who is in that room?" This may be the situation I needed for her to finally tell me the truth about her pain. In my gut I could feel this having something to do with Jackson Dane.
"Rebecca Cheyney. Does that sound familiar?"
"No but I'll have Angelo look into it." This might be exactly what I need.
I sigh a breath of relief at the fact that she's ok. Now I had work to do. To get my affairs in order because the truth will be revealed.