Two weeks. I'd been in the Spring Court for two weeks, and each day felt like a century. It had taken nearly three days for my wings to heal, though I still could not lift them or spread them well. I could hardly move them.
Tamlin had found me in the garden. Emyr and Dafid left me, claiming they thought I'd died. As if they hadn't heard my screams. I was nude, caked in my own blood, passed out from the exhaustion and trauma. He'd carried me to his bedroom, wiped me down with wet cloths, but he did not return. He did not sleep beside me as he had before. I was alone, and truly grateful for it.
Not one person had visited me. I'd left this bed only to make use of the bathing chamber, though the fact I'd been in the corridor was terrifying enough to make me suffer with the pressure in my bladder. Tamlin had dressed me in a nightgown, which I still wore, by tearing the back neckline open to fit my wings. I didn't have the energy to hide them again.
I'd wasted away in the corner of his small bed, staring at the wrinkled sheets, the vine filled window, the dust coated desk. I wasn't sure I even breathed anymore. This morning, I'd woken sitting up against the chipped headboard, not even realizing I'd fallen asleep. I wouldn't have moved if not for the musky dampness between my thighs and spread on the sheets beneath me. Even in an empty room, shame filled me.
I was twenty-seven, yet I could not stop myself from wetting the bed? When had I even gone into the bathing chamber last? I couldn't remember. My skin was hot and cold with shame as I lifted myself to the edge of the bed. My muscles ached with lack of movement, my head pounding from lack of water.
A rush of dizziness spun my head and spotted my vision as I stood. My hand fell to the bed, gathering the wet fabric in a fist as I tried to steady myself. I should've stayed there. I should've sat in that bed until I decayed. These bastards deserved to clean the mess my body would leave. Then again, I knew they'd force their servants to peel me from the bed, and they did not deserve that.
My knees shook as I waddled to the end of the bed, already losing my breath. How long had it been since I'd eaten? Drank water? Gods, did I even sleep more than that one time? In my time here, I'd given too much to them. They'd taken plenty, but my refusal to eat or drink had only left me further in their mercy- or lack there of.
A rasped whimper left me as I leaned forward and gripped the bed with two hands. My knees threatened to give out, my arms trembling under the brace of my body. I felt a pressure, a horrid reminder of what I'd done. My body was too dehydrated to let a tear fall, but as another trickle of liquid began running down down my thighs, I felt like crying.
What horrible luck I had as a singular knock sounded on the door. My head had hardly lifted before it swung open, revealing a stiff Tamlin. He still bore bruises on his jaw and eye, though I suspected they were new. His nostrils flared and eyes fell to the now wet rug beneath me. Shame heated my cheeks as I lowered my eyes to the blanket I gripped.
"I'm sorry," I croaked. My voice did not sound like my own.
"I am here to tell you that your brother is returning for yet another visit. He will be here in a few hours," Tamlin spoke, voice tight. I felt like crying again. I didn't want Rhysand to see me like this. I didn't want him to know what they'd done to me or my wings.
"Okay," I whispered. I had no choice but to pretend.
"Do you need assistance?" Tamlin asked after a long beat of silence. I wanted to shake my head, I wanted to scream at him to leave, but I knew better. I'd find myself vulnerable in that corridor if he did not walk me. Slowly, I nodded my head.
I heard a hesitation in his step as he neared me. I knew what was coming, but still, the hand around my arm had me flinching. Tamlin sucked in a breath before helping me straighten. I kept my eyes on the floor as we slowly made our way to the bathing chamber. As he pushed the door open, I couldn't stop my mouth from opening.
"I'm sorry- About the bed and floor. I can clean-"
"No. It's fine. I'll send someone in to refresh the bed and scrub the rug," Tamlin said gruffly. I stumbled when his hand left my arm, but I couldn't turn fast enough before he had the door shut. My chest rose with an uneven breath as I reached forward and locked it. A mere lock would not stop those males from coming in here, but it could satisfy the trepidation.
It was a struggle to reach the steaming basin. I pushed the nightgown straps from my shoulders, feeling the torn neckline ghost down my back and between my wings. My eyes flickered to the mirror out of reflex and I nearly screamed. What looked back at me was not Freyja. It was not me.
What looked back at me was a spirit of the wood; a ghastly creature of stringy hair and a gaunt face. How long had I truly been here? I thought it was two weeks, but the evidence laid out in the mirror hinted at a far longer stay. Maybe it was my wounds- the energy to heal them had stolen away everything else from me. My body was feeding on itself far faster than it would've if I hadn't been laying in my own blood.
My eyes looked larger than ever before, pale skin stretched around them besides the blackness below. My cheeks and jaw looked as though they were mere seconds from splitting through my skin. My hair was a tangled mess that looked as if it were mud coated straw.
I didn't dare look lower. My face was all I could stomach. As I climbed into the water, sucking in a sharp breath at its heat, I knew something wicked and broken within me would've enjoyed the sight. My body had become something I hated. I'd never put thought into it. Cauldron, I wasn't worried for it until Azriel had paid it attention. I'd fallen in love with it, then.
But in my time here, my body was their weapon against me. My body was the base of their cruel words and their punishing assaults. I hated it almost as much as I hated them. I knew that if I looked in the mirror, if I saw what I already felt, I'd enjoy it. I knew I would like the sight of jutting bones and lack of a swelling stomach simply because it would mean they may not use it against me anymore. If I was no better than the bones they'd bury, Emyr and Dafid may not want to touch me again. Carys wouldn't comment that my one bite of duck would be too much. I didn't want to do that to myself.
I took my time scrubbing my skin with the sweet floral scented soaps. I wanted to rid myself of the smell of urine and decay. The water ran cold and I forced myself to climb from the basin. When I dried myself with a towel and wrapped it around my body, my breathing grew short. What if they were waiting? What if they stood outside that door for me? I could bear it.
I left the soiled nightgown in the floor and inched toward the door. My breathing was already labored, my hands shaking as they clutched the towel. I stiffened as I laid my forehead to the door. The act made the towel press against the base of my wings, a phantom pain running through me. My eyes fell shut as I sucked in a breath, gathering whatever strength was left to will my wings away.
Panting heavily, I waited until those muscles in my shoulders and back relaxed, losing the added weight of my wings. My chest felt clearer as I straightened. I could not dwell on something that was not there. Still, I feared what could come for me as I unlocked the door and pulled it open. I took extra precaution in peering down the corridor and ensuring it was empty. After checking multiple times, I did my best to run into Tamlin's bedroom.
It was gratefully empty, no longer smelling of urine. The bed was made with green sheets rather than the grey from before. The rug was gone. I grimaced as I shuffled to the wardrobe. My trunk had been emptied and my gowns hung alongside Tamlin's clothes. It looked like he had gathered his own clothes and brought them to wherever he stayed now.
I chose a long-sleeved gown, one with a high neck I'd often wear at home. If I had to face my abusers, I wouldn't let them see my skin. I dressed myself, ignoring the way it hung from my body when it had once fit well. I only enjoyed that it left me shapeless, hopefully not alluring.
I thought I had more time to sit and pray nothing would happen to me tonight. I had hardly rested myself on the edge of the bed before the door opened again. I slowly rose to my bare feet, meeting Tamlin's empty gaze. Did he pretend he wasn't himself, too?
I didn't speak as he walked forward. I did, however, flinch when he lifted a hand to brush my wet hair behind my cheek. He didn't react to that. He simply took my arm and began to lead me out of the room. I was silently grateful for his slow steps, not pushing me past my ability. I limped pitifully beside him, my muscles still cramped and tired.
"They are here for drinks. My father and brothers are gone, my mother is spending her night enjoying the empty bed chamber. It is just us," Tamlin murmured softly.
Gods, if that wasn't a gift from the Mother. A blessing laid upon me at my worst moment. Tears burned my throat just at the decency of them being gone. I still had to face my brother, though. And Azriel.
Terror struck each of my bones as Tamlin led me into the sitting room. My eyes fell to the floor as we entered. Tamlin's arm stiffened around mine just as a thickness took the air. A suffocating threat that raised the hair on my arms and back of my neck. There was a lethal danger directly in front of us and I knew who it was.
"What have you done?"
The feral snarl of those words were telling enough. My entire body seized, stopping Tamlin from walking forward any more. I swore my heart would fall from my ribcage with how hard it beat. My breath shook as I lifted my eyes slowly.
"I have done nothing," Tamlin returned, his voice not nearly as deafening as Azriel's. I saw the boots and the leathers first. It shocked me when my eyes lifted to Cassian's face. He stood in front of the others, arms crossed and stance wide. I realized he was a wall between us- Tamlin- and his brothers. His eyes looked me over with a suffocating sense of pity and sorrow.
It was well needed.
Azriel was nothing but shadows. A darkness my eyes skipped over at first, but my heart lurched at the rage settled in the depths. My brother was becoming the beast I'd seen only a few times now; skin thinning with blackened veins, fingertips sharpening and dark as he flexed and clenched his fists.
They'd kill Tamlin if Cassian was not between us.