Lindsey
I was in my dorm room supposedly studying but I was interrupted by the sound of my phone ringing. I pulled it out of my pocket and smiled when I saw that it was just Andre calling. I was exited to talk to him since I haven't talked to him in over a week. The two of us have just been too busy and haven't had an opportunity to talk where we're both not occupied doing something else.
"Hey, nice of you to call me after...how many weeks?"
Andre laughed. "Why you gotta do me like that though Lindsey? It's been like two weeks but I'm finally free. You busy?"
I looked down at my text book and sighed. I had three chapters to read tonight that I'm sure my professor was going to quiz us on tomorrow during class. I'm in school trying to become a teacher. I don't know how Mama did it, but it's so stressful. I could have stopped awhile ago and just gave up since I've been in such a slump lately but I wanted to prove to everyone and myself that what happened to me seven years ago wasn't going to be my downfall. I'm still working towards my bachelors but I was taking my time. Shit. Everything is paid for, so I'm just taking my time through college. It's not like Mama and Daddy have to pay for anything of mine. I basically got a full ride because of what happened to me. I had to write an essay for a scholarship about a hard time in my life. I talked about being kidnapped, the assault and how I got pregnant at 16. And I guess it helped that Mama and Daddy were alumni too
"A little, but I can make some time for you. How's school?"
He sighed. "I feel like dropping out but I'mma stick through this. I wanna change my major."
I smacked my lips. "You've gone too far to change your major now," I replied.
"I know but Ion wanna do this shit for the rest of my life. This is taking too long."
"I know. Trust me, we aren't he only people who feel like this but it's gonna pay off in the end. Think of the money you'll make after you become a doctor. You're gonna be making big money Andre. I promise it'll get better once you start making some money."
"Yeah, you right. What about you? School going good?"
I nodded my head as if he could really see me. "Yeah, I guess. I'm feeling like you, I'm just ready to get out of here. You know I can't keep doing this school thing Dre."
He laughed. "Stick with it Linds. You gon' get out like ten years before I do," he said, making me laugh, "but I called before I wanted to see how you were doing. You remember what we talking about last time I called?"
I sighed. "Mhmm, I remember but I haven't gone out on any dates."
"You gotta get out there and just try Linds. You can't wait on me forever," he teased.
I smiled. "Trust me, I'm not waiting on you. I think it's the other way around."
"You wish. You already know I got a girl in mind but she's playing games. She won't be with me because we're so far away but she won't date anybody else where she's at. I think she's just confused."
"I know what I want. I'm not confused," I lied. Andre knows me like the back of his hand. He knows I'm lying about being confused because we've talked about this before. I don't know if I want to fully put my trust into Andre when he's more than 2,000 miles away from me. I like Andre a lot, but not too much to risk the chance of being hurt again. I'm sure he wouldn't hurt me but things happen and I don't want to take that risk.
"Then find you a guy."
"I just. I don't know," I mumbled.
"You need to find you another man. You haven't talked to anybody?"
"No," I replied.
I really haven't looked at any guys beside Andre int he past few years. Nobody has really interested me aside from Andre but that kind of changed yesterday when I laid eyes on Theodore's teacher, Stephen. He's absolutely breath taking but I don't like the way him and Theodore argue. He's rude, just like Theodore says he is, but he's cute. And I can look past the rudeness because he's not rude to me. The only problem with anything happening with me and him is that he thinks I'm Mama. What would I look like flirting with him and going on dates with him when I'm supposed to be married with children? We wouldn't work out.
"Well, I'm coming to visit next week," he changed the subject.
I smiled. "Really? For how long?"
"Just three days but I wanna spend every single day with you Lindsey. I miss you."
"I miss you so much Andre. You good in Atlanta?"
He chuckled. "Yeah, I'm fine."
"Found yourself a girlfriend?"
"Maybe, a little something like that."
I slightly smiled. I'm happy that he's found a girl but when I heard him say that, I got this stinging feeling in my heart. I just pushed my feelings to the side though. I just want him to be happy. "Oh, I wanna meet this girl. Is she coming in town with you next week? Where'd you meet her? What's her name?"
"Nah, she's not coming with me this time but I do plan on coming home for the summer. I'm coming back in July and I plan on bringing her with me if things go well with us. But I met her through a friend of mine and she goes to Spelman. She's your age Lindsey and she's a teacher too. And I can't say her name just yet. Ion wanna jinx it or anything."
My smile somewhat fell when I heard him say that. Was he replacing me with somebody who was exactly like me? "O-Oh, that's good to hear. But listen, I've gotta go Andre. I have to study tonight and I'm sure my professor is gonna give me a quiz. I'll try to call you tomorrow though. Bye."
"Wait!"
I sighed. "Yeah?"
"I love you Lindsey."
I opened my mouth to speak but nothing would come out. What was I supposed to say to him? I can't tell him that I love him when I really don't feel the same way about him. At my age, I really don't even know if I know what love truly is. Outside of the love I have for my family and their love towards me, I've never loved anybody. I have love for him, a lot. He has more of my love than any man I've ever known but I'm not in love with him so I can't say it back.
I quickly ended the call before he could say anything else to me. I'm sure he's mad at me for just hanging up on him, but I didn't know what to do. If I say it back to him, then I'd be lying and I don't want any lies clouding our friendship. I want to keep things honest between the two of us since that's what we've been doing for the past few years. But then, if I don't say it back, it would crush him. Andre would do anything in the world for me, probably risk his own life for me, and I couldn't take seeing him hurt because of my selfish decisions.
I don't even know how to love. I don't know the first thing about love. Back in high school, I swore I loved John but then I found out he was a snake just like the other people around me. He didn't want me, he wanted what I could give him. He wanted my money, the power my family has and what's in between my legs. Other than that, he didn't want anything for me. He damn sure didn't want anything of the things Andre wants from me. Andre doesn't just want my body, he craves my attention, he wants stimulating conversation with me, he wants my love but most importantly, he wants to be my hero that'll save me from this downwards spiral I'm in. And I can't even let him save me from this tragedy because of people like John and Jordan and Luther. They corrupted my mind, my body and my soul to the fullest and no one, not even Andre, will be able to save me. I'm in too deep.
I took a deep breath and just laid my head on my desk. I can't take this anymore. I can't take trying to put on this act to prove to everybody that I'm all right when I'm really not. Deep inside of me, I'm hurting. I'm in pain. And the monster that's living inside of me is ready to explode and break free from it's cage that's it's been trapped in for the past seven years. And I'm ready for it to unleash.
I want my revenge. I want to go back in time seven years ago and just kill Luther, John, Jordan, Ashley and anybody that hurt me. I just want them to suffer and feel this unbearable pain I've felt for the past seven years. I've been day dreaming for years about what I'd do to them if I could just get my hands on them, but all my mind keeps going back to is that day Luther tied me up in that bedroom and assaulted me until I couldn't hold out any longer. He continued pounding away at my insides until I fainted due to all of the blood I had lost in the process. He ripped away what little bit of innocence I had left and threw it away.
And how does he repay me? He gets me pregnant. I'm 16, spending my last summer of high school pregnant and locked away in my bedroom because I'm too afraid to go outside and get near anyone. I'm too afraid to do anything because I think they're going to come into my life, ransack my trust and then steal my innocence like a thief in the night.
Oh the things I'd do to them if they were still around. There isn't a second thought in my mind about hurting them. After all of the shit they put me and my family through, they should be glad they all died an easy death. If it was up to me, I'd still have them all locked away in a basement ravenous for dear life for the past seven years.
I took a heavy sigh and pulled my body up, ready to make one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. I wanted a change. I wanted something new. I can't just walk away feeling down or feeling bad about myself. I want a new look, a new attitude, a new me. A new Lindsey. One who isn't afraid to go outside. One who isn't constantly watching her back whenever she's walking down the street. One who doesn't wake up in cold sweats from nightmares. One who doesn't get scared just from being touched by a man. One who's fearless and knows how to get what she wants. But most importantly, one who's in control of her life and doesn't let anything or anyone hold her back.
I walked across my dorm room to my medicine box that sat near my bed. My doctor prescribed me a higher dose of my anxiety pills, he gave me more sleeping pills, he gave me more anti-depressants, and he even gave me Prazosin for my frequent nightmares. All he was doing was keeping me doped up on medication to try to get me through life, but all the medication has done was caused me to lose my damn mind. I can't concentrate. I can't think straight. These medications haven't done anything but keep me on edge.
I pulled my door open to the darkened living space. I'm surprised Asia didn't have Isaiah here tonight since he's always here with her. It was dark, but I felt my way through it. I had several goals and I planned on getting them completed tonight. I walked inside of the bathroom and sat my medicine box on the back of the toilet. One by one, bottle my bottle, I emptied out it's elements into the toilet and I flushed it. I watched as all of those pills filled the toilet but then were sucked down to the bottom to be somebody else's problem.
Goal one: complete
I continued walked through the living area until I got to Asia's room. I didn't even tap on the door, I just walked right inside and found her and Isaiah laid up in her bed together. I shifted through her room, careful not to wake Isaiah up. I just needed Asia to be up. I didn't need Isaiah to be involved in this. I walked over to the side of the bed and tapped Asia's shoulder twice. She didn't wake up, so I tapped her again but this time a little harder.
Her eyes fluttered open. "H-Hey," she yawned, "you okay?"
I quickly nodded my head. "I need your help."
She looked down at Isaiah, who was still sound asleep before she climbed out of the bed and took me to my room. She plopped down on the edge of my bed while I sat at my desk across from her.
"What's going on Lindsey? Do you know what time it is?"
I looked over at the clock in my room that just flipped over to four in the morning and shrugged my shoulders. I don't care about time. I know I've got an eight o'clock class in the morning, but all I need is some coffee to boost me up. I'll be fine in the morning. "Yeah. So?" I asked.
She sighed. "What's going on?"
"I need your help."
"With?" she motioned for me to continue.
"You've been saying you wanted to get me out of this slump, well," I held my hands wide in the air, showing her that I was finally surrendering and letting her do what she wanted to me, "here I am, and completely up to your control. So, what are you gonna do to me first? Hair? Makeup? Clothes? Ugh! I haven't been shopping in months. I do need a new wardrobe aside from these t shirts and sweatpants. This style has gotten old a long time ago, and so has my hair," I said as I pulled on an end of my straightened hair. "And don't even get me started on my makeup. I don't even wear makeup anymore so I'm just walking around with suitcases under my eyes, an uneven skin tone, freckles galore and a big, pudgy nose. I need your help," I rambled.
Asia just sat there dumbfounded. She just starred at me for a good two minutes not saying a thing. "What took you so long to finally realize all of this? I've been telling you for years that I'd help you get yourself together but you just kept pushing me away. What happened? Why did you suddenly change your mind?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know. I just had an epiphany."
She nodded her head. "An epiphany? About what?"
"About changing my life and doing better."
"Alright, well I can't do anything for you at four in the morning. How about we start tomorrow after class? I don't get out until 12 and I know you don't get out of yours until 11, so how about we start then? We can go shopping after class and grab something to eat and then we can hit up that kick back that the Thetas are throwing and maybe you can meet you a fine dude there. The Thetas always have fine guys at their parties. Me, you and Sonya tomorrow. All day. It can be a girl's day out to get you together," she smiled, making me smile too.
"Perfect."
"Alright, now can I please go back to sleep before Isaiah wakes up?"
I nodded my head, excited that I finally took that first step towards getting better and changing. Today I'm walking around all old and drab, but tomorrow I'm going to be a totally different Lindsey. I'll be the Lindsey I've always wanted to be. The Lindsey with a purpose in life, not the Lindsey who's just barely getting by because of her medication.
Asia stood up from my bed and was on her way out of my room when she turned around. "Are you sure you wanna do this Lindsey?"
"Yes."
She sighed and hesitated before walking out. It looked like she wanted to say something, but decided not to. Whatever. I shrugged my shoulders. It obviously wasn't important if she can't say it to me. I climbed up in bed and flipped the lights out so I could get some sleep before tomorrow morning. Before I even undergo this makeover, I need to get my attitude together first. It's no more nice Lindsey that lets people walk all over her. From now on, I'm going to be powerful Lindsey. The Lindsey that's in control.
The first thing I did the next morning was talk to Stephen about letting Theodore play in the game tomorrow night. Stephen would have been the first victim of my attitude adjustment but I have to be as nice as I possibly can to him or else he wouldn't try to help Theodore. That's one thing I don't want to happen. I don't want Theodore getting hurt with me trying to help him. If I say or do one wrong thing, that could be Theodore's grade on the line. Theodore and I used to fight a lot when we were growing up, but I can't imagine intentionally hurting him because I wanted to change myself.
"Hello?" Stephen answered his phone.
I smiled. "Hi, is this Mr. Curry? This is Theodore's mother, Mrs. Reed."
"Oh, hi Mrs. Reed. This is an early call from you. I usually only see you in the afternoons."
"I know but I needed to speak with you before I went in to work this morning regarding my son."
"Alright."
"Well, I'm aware of the agreement we made about Theodore playing in the game tomorrow. He gets an 80 or higher on his test, then he can play. And I'm also aware that he didn't get an 80 but he was merely two points below what he needed to get. I understand there's no excuse for how poor his grade looks now or how low he got on the test, but I'm asking you to look at it in a parent's standpoint. Wouldn't you want your child to play in a big game too? He's got recruiters coming out to see him play, and it would be really bad if he couldn't play. He'd disappoint his team, his coaches, the recruiters and the school. This could be my son's big break! You don't want him to miss that, do you?" I asked.
He sighed. "No, I don't Mrs. Reed but school comes first."
"The good Lord comes first Mr. Curry, but continue."
"Right," he sighed again. "Theodore puts in no type of effort when it comes to my class. I might be able to reason with you about letting him play but I can't since he doesn't put the time in. If he were to just do his homework and try his hardest, then I could pass him and just give him the OK to play in the game, but sadly I can't. I've already spoke with his coaches."
I frowned. "And what did they say?"
"Well, they said okay but I know they're still going to let him play in the game."
I smiled. "Which is a good thing."
"Negative. Since they weren't listening to me, I plan on taking it to a higher authority when I get to the school."
"And that is?"
"Principal Williams. Are you familiar with her?"
I rolled my eyes. "Indeed I am, but why are you doing this sir? Why are you so hell bent on failing my son and not even trying to offer him tutoring or assistance in your class? If you see he's in a deficit, why not lend a helping hand to your student? You know the school's continuing on him to win the championship. His entire team is riding his coat tail to victory. Without Theodore playing, the school will lose the championship all because of you Mr. Curry. Would you like to be the most hated person at the school for not letting him play?"
He sighed. "I assure you Mrs. Reed that I won't be the most hated person at the school just because I'm doing the right thing."
"Being hell bent on ruining a students' life is not doing the right thing. Your decision to let him play in the game can lead him down either two roads: one, he'll win the game and go on to get drafted in the near future or two, he won't be able to attend the game because of you, no scouts will want to see him and he'll be stuck working at a fast food joint for the rest of his life. Do you want that from your student?"
"I'm sure Mrs. Reed that the way your husband is set up, he'll be welcomed to the NBA with open arms in the future. He won't have a problem getting in, especially with the name. Everybody will know who he is just from the name, just like your other son," he said, referring to Isaiah who was in talks with a few teams right now.
I scrunched up my face. "My husband isn't going to help him play in the game tomorrow night. Only you'll be able to help him Mr. Curry."
He sighed. "I don't know."
"C'mon Mr. Curry. Have you ever had a dream?"
"Yes Mrs. Reed," he groaned.
"Well, Theodore has a dream too. This is his dream and with the wrong word from you, you'll crush his big dream. Do you want his feelings to be hurt?"
"He's a grown man Mrs. Reed. I think his feelings are the last thing that he should be worried about."
I smacked my lips. Was he serious? No matter how old Theodore gets, he'll always be my little brother. Theodore was one of the main people that helped get me through my pregnancy and the moments to come after it. He stayed up long nights with me when no one could get Daniel to sleep, I can't even count on the number of times he changed Daniel's smelly diaper, but most importantly, aside from Daddy and Grandpa, he's been Daniel's male figure in his life. Theodore my do his fair share of bad but when he's around Daniel, he's a completely different person. Theodore's kept me sane all of these years. He's been my savior.
"No, what you should be worried about is me reporting you to Channel 4 news about he corrupt teachers in the school system. I keep threatening it but obviously you aren't getting the hint Mr. Curry. I don't want to turn up the heat on a situation as small as this one, but you're tempting me Mr. Curry. Your bad attitude and will to do anything you can to bring my son down to rock bottom is really irking my last nerves. If you even speak to Principal Williams about this situation or bring it up to any other staff member at that school, I'll be sure to pay you a visit and you're not going to like the bitch that comes out of me. Do I make myself clear?"
He sighed. "Mrs. Re--"
"I said, do I make myself clear?"
"Crystal clear Mrs. Reed."
I smiled. "I'd like an email, or text or even a call from you explaining to me that you're going to let my son play in the game this Friday night. And I'd like for you to relay the message to my son as well. I'd like this message relayed ASAP. If I don't get anything from my son telling me what you said or a message from you telling me that it happened, I will be notifying Channel 4. Have a nice day Stephen."
"You do the same Mrs. Reed."
I ended the call with a large smile on my face. Maybe I can use my new, powerful attitude to my advantage. I wanted to be nice to Stephen, I really did, but once he said I shouldn't be concerned about Theodore's feelings, I couldn't bite my tongue any longer. Something clicked in me and I soon became that angry parent that only wants to see what's best for their child. The utter thought of me acting like Mama made my shudder.
"Well damn," Isaiah exclaimed. "I ain't know you had it like that."
I quickly looked up at him, sighing. "What are you doing?"
"Well, I was going to the bathroom to get cleaned up but then I heard you getting with somebody. I been standing here for awhile now Lindsey. Who was you talking to? One of Daniel's teachers?"
I shook my head. "First of all, you have your own dorm in a completely different building where you need to get cleaned up at. Second of all, I had to get with one of Theodore's teacher's who's giving him a hard time. I had to pretend to be my Mama."
"Oh, you need me to pretend to be Pops too? You know I could do it," he smiled. "We could have like a whole fake family going."
I shook my head. "Nope. I've got this. I didn't want to do this in the first place."
"I just hope Pops doesn't find out. You know you and Theodore are gonna be in so much trouble, right?"
"Yeah, but that's if he finds out. He wont find out, right?"
He smiled. "Of course not. You know I got your back."
"I know."
"And your front."
"I know."
"And your sides," he added, making me smile.
"I know, I know," I replied. "Before I forget. My Mama told me to tell you that your Mom has been asking about you. She's been calling Daddy everyday talking about how she can't get in contact with you and that it's Daddy's fault because he's putting lies in your head about how bad of a parent she is when she's been there your entire life. She's claiming now that she wants to sue Daddy."
Isaiah scrunched up his face as he leaned up against the door frame. "What the hell? Sure him for what?"
"Mama said something about slander because your Mom keeps claiming Daddy is trashing her name and that's the reason why you won't come around her anymore or talk to her. I thinks he's finally starting to lose it."
Ever since Isaiah found out Charlotte was lying to him about what really happened between her and Daddy, he really hasn't had much to do with her. They moved to California during our junior year of high school and he put up with her nonsense until the day he graduated from high school but then after that, he really has had nothing to do with her. The crazy thing is, he started hanging out with our side of the family more because he claimed he wanted to know more about us and he wanted to know what truly happened between our parents. I hate that he doesn't talk to his Mom anymore but I think it's for the best if they don't speak. I swear she's been losing her mind the past few years and her crazy behavior was rubbing off on Isaiah when we were younger. I'm just glad he got away from her.
He sighed. "I think she lost it a long time ago."
"Well, are you gonna talk to her?"
He shrugged his shoulders. "Ion even know, probably not. I haven't talked to her in two months and I really don't want to. Every time I talk to her she starts talking a bunch of nonsense about how Pops has brain washed me into thinking she's a bad person."
"Well, what's your reason for not talking to her?"
"That bitch is out of control!"
I sighed. "Wait. Look, I know she's crazy and all but don't call her a bitch. She's still your mother."
"And she's a bitch. You don't understand how hard it was having to grow up with her and having to conform to what she wanted me to be. And you know what happened to me when I didn't want to listen to her?"
"She beat you," I mumbled.
"Right. She's a bitch. And I can't tell you the number of niggas she had in and out of our house. She had a new nigga every single week and I swear each one of them niggas always tried making me call them Daddy. They was out of their minds."
"I'm sorry Isaiah."
"You don't need to be sorry about something you couldn't change or something you didn't even do. Don't feel bad for my Mama. She has problems and shoulda been taking medicine a long ass time ago. Now, she's just going through a mid-life crisis and is really losing her mind now that I'm not around. And she's using our Dad as a reason for her behavior. Look, I'mma just head out. Tell Asia I'll be back later. A'ight?"
I nodded my head. "Yeah, I'll tell her."
I watched as Isaiah walked out of the room. I knew he was upset about what's going on with his mother, but I think he needs to talk to her. He doesn't have to like what she's saying to him but he can at least hear her out so she can stop accusing our Dad of slandering her name. Maybe then, she'll drop the law suit if Isaiah actually calls her.
For the next three hours, I sat bored out of my life. Class was boring. It was beyond boring. Normally, I have a good time in class but today I just wasn't interested. I guess I was just excited about going out with Asia and Sonya and becoming a brand new me. Yeah, I think that's what it was.
Asia, Sonya and I went to the mall a few blocks away from campus. They dragged me straight to Forever 21 and pulled me up to the first rack of class.
"Do you like this?" Asia asked, picking up the mint green peplum skirt.
I nodded my head. "Yeah, but how much is it?"
Sonya smacked her lips. "Girl, stop acting like you don't have that credit card your parents gave you. I rarely see you using it too. What's the limit on it?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know. Daddy just said to use it when ever I need it."
"Right. And you need these clothes girl. And I know your fine ass Daddy won't care," Asia said as she grabbed me and pulled me over to another rack. She grabbed every piece of clothing that was in my size and threw them across her arm. "I'm sure Mr. Theodore will be glad we're helping you throw out those old shirts and getting you into a something a little bit more revealing."
I frowned as I folded my arms, growing a little uncomfortable. "Revealing? How revealing? I don't want all of my body hanging out and my Dad wouldn't allow it. He doesn't wa--"
"Lindsey, do you hear yourself?" Sonya asked. "You're 23 years old. You don't have to have all of your body hanging out but you barely even show your arms. We're talking about showing your arms, yours legs and maybe even a little bit of cleavage. But not too much. We want you to take it easy and ease your way into coming out of your shell. You can't just do everything at once and expect everything to be all right. It takes time Lindsey. You sure you wanna do this?"
I quickly nodded my head. "Yes."
Asia turned from a rack. "You sure girl?"
"Yes," I groaned. "Damn it. It's too late now to turn around and go back to campus. Let's just fucking do this."
I turned and walked away from them so I could pick out more clothes for myself. I knew they were back there talking about me and my sudden change of behavior, but what can I do now? We're already at the mall. And the most that can happen to me is Daddy calling me to see why he got such a big bill. He won't be upset with me, mainly because I rarely go shopping anymore. I rarely spend any money, so I already know he won't be upset. He'll be more than happy to see me shopping and being happy. He'll be happy that I'm spending his money on myself instead of on Daniel.
Asia and Sonya pulled me out of Forever 21 the minute the cashier finished ringing up the numerous bags we had. We had to put them all into the car before going back inside of the mall to shop for more clothes. The next store they pulled me inside of was some lingerie store called Sweets. I kept my arms folded and my hands to myself the entire time we walked through the store. I was uncomfortable beyond belief.
"Isn't this bra cute?" Asia asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.
I looked up at the silky red bra in front of me and shrugged my shoulders. "Um, yeah I guess. What would I need that for? Nobody's gonna see what's under my clothes."
They both gave each other a strange look before they turned to me. "Uh, I think you know why Lindsey," Sonya spoke up. "When was the last time you had sex?"
I looked down at my fingers, trying to think back to the last time I had sex. The most major time I last did something was the incident, but that doesn't even count. About a year or two after the incident, I thought I was ready to have sex again but I was sadly mistaken. It was on day Andre came back from college. We spent the entire day together, just talking and laughing and then one thing led to another and I ended up coming on to him. I thought I was ready but just kissing him bought back memories. I was sitting on his lap and I could feel him getting hard under me. I know he couldn't help it, but we just couldn't finish. I wasn't emotionally ready to finish.
I shrugged my shoulders. "Before it happened," I whispered.
Asia threw her arm around my shoulders. "Well that's okay. Nobody said you had to jump into bed with anybody, but just in case it does happen, you should be prepared. And you don't even have to be prepared just to have sex. You can wear this just to make yourself feel sexy, girl."
"I know I do," Sonya laughed, making me smile.
"See. It's not just for sex. It's for you," Asia reassured me.
"One day you'll get back to having sex with your boo Andre," Sonya smiled.
I shook my head. "I doubt it. He has a girlfriend."
"So?" Sonya shrugged his shoulders. "That boy loves you but you keep pushing him away. I know what happened to you was bad, but you gotta move on some day and that day is today. I'm not saying you gotta forget, but move on. You can't keep living your life like this Lindsey and you definitely can't keep pushing Andre away. He really cares a lot about you, and for him to stick around all of these years and talk to a girl he's in love with as if she's just a friend of his is hard. He's special Lindsey."
"I know," I mumbled.
We shopped for the rest of the day and even got my hair, makeup and nails done. I wanted to change. I wanted to do better not just for me, but for Daniel, and even for Andre. I love my son with all my heart, that's why I want to do better. I know seeing me do better will spark something good in him. I don't want him to turn out like me. I want him to be like my brothers, my Daddy and my Grandpa. I want him to grow up around them and learn from them so he doesn't turn out like his stupid ass, no class having father.
We walked across campus to the frat house, where they were having a party. Asia bought Isaiah with her and Sonya bought some new guy with her, so I was all alone. As soon as we walked inside of the house, they separated from me. I stood in the middle of the house, all alone and uncomfortable in this short, tight dress they got me today. I took a deep breath. This is what I need. I don't need them surrounding me. I need to be out of my comfort zone since they aren't going to be around me all of the time.
I pushed my way through the large crowd of people and made my way to the kitchen. If I want to relax and get out of my comfort zone, then I need a drink. I don't know what was in the bottle sitting in front of me. I just grabbed a cup and poured the alcohol into my cup. I pulled the cup towards my lips and took a sniff. I'm not even supposed to be drinking alcohol while I'm taking my medication, but good thing I'm not taking my medication anymore. I took a deep breath and just downed what was in my cup.
"What's up?"
I quickly turned around and looked the man up and down. He was dark skinned, at least six feet and beautiful. He almost looked just as good as Mr. Curry, but I haven't seen anybody who looked that good in awhile.
I pointed to myself. "Who, me?"
He smiled. "Yeah, you. I'm Sean," he said, extending his hand.
I looked down at his hand and shook my head. "I'm Lindsey."
"What? You don't shake hands?"
"It spreads germs," I replied, causing him to draw his hand back.
"Well, I think you're fine as hell Lindsey."
I nodded my head as I looked down at the ground. What was I supposed to say to him? Was I supposed to say thank you or just nod my head. I felt my heart beginning to beat. Why was I getting so nervous just talking to this guy I don't even know? Maybe I should just leave. My eyes darted towards the door that I walked into. I could see straight through the hallway and out to the front door. I could just sprint right out of that door.
"And I wanted to know if I could get a dance?"
I quickly shook my head. "I don't dance."
He chuckled. "You can't dance or something? Neither can I, it's all right baby."
"It's not that."
"Then what's the reason baby? 'Cause you're too fine to be this shy."
"I'm not shy," I replied.
"Then come dance with me or you can chill with me."
"I'd rather chill with you, if you don't mind," I said.
The first step to becoming a newer Lindsey is to open up. I can't even remember the last time I hung out with a guy that isn't considered family, so this was something new for me but I was willing to try it. I needed to try it and get close to a guy.
He led me off to some back room of the frat house that was empty. It looked like some kind of a library.
"Where are we?" I asked as I hesitantly stepped inside of the room.
He smiled. "You in a good place. I'm the president of the chapter of this fraternity at this school, so I've got access to every room in this house. And this is my office," he said, motioning to the library we were in. He pulled out the seat behind the desk and patted his lap. "Come sit down with me."
I closed the door behind myself and strutted towards him, the way Sonya taught me to do when we were younger. Sonya was the first one out of our group to lose her virginity, so she schooled Asia and I on how to approach older men. She was 14 when she first had sex and she slept with an 18 year old that one of her cousins knew. She taught us what to do around men and that's still stuck with me all of these years. I placed my hand on his shoulder and slowly sat down on his lap.
"Damn, you're sexy. How old are you?"
"Legal," I smirked, making him smile.
"I like legal," he said as he placed one of his arms around my body and rested his hand on my butt while his other hand rubbed on my thigh. "So, you been around for awhile? I haven't seen you around here before."
I looked down at my fingers, pretending to be bored. "I usually don't do little...get togethers like this one. I usually chill with the real men at clubs."
"Oh, and who's the real men? 'Cause I'm all the man you'll need Lindsey."
I smiled. "We'll see about that. How old are you?"
"I'm 28."
"And still in college?" I asked, making him laugh.
"Damn. A nigga can't go back to college to get his education? I got into some stuff after high school that prolonged me from going to college, but I knew I had to go to college. Getting an education is the only way you'll get far in society. Don't you agree with me?"
I smiled. He was smart and understood the value of an education unlike the rest of the men nowadays. "Yes, of course I agree with you. What's your major?"
"Sexy women, like yourself," he licked his lips.
I rolled my eyes, pushing him. "Boy, stop it."
"A'ight, what's your major?"
"Teaching," I replied.
"Damn. I wish I had a teacher that looked like you back when I was in school. I probably would have done my work if I had a teacher that looked as good as you. You think you can teach me a few things?"
"Like what?"
"Like what I can do to get your number?"
"Well, here's your first lesson," I said as I climbed off of his lap. I pushed everything off of his desk and climbed on top of it. I looked over my shoulder and saw how excited he was getting just from seeing me crawl across his desk. I sat right in front of him and spread my legs wide open, revealing the silky red thong I got today that matched that silky red bra that Asia was showing me. "Eat my pussy."
His eyes widened. I knew he was shocked but the smile across his face told me that he was willing to do it. "Y-You for real?"
I smirked. "Yeah. I want you to show me how good of a President you can be and then if you're good enough, I'll give you my number."
"Shit," he mumbled as he grabbed a hold of my thighs and pulled me towards his face. "You ain't gotta tell me twice."
I sharply sucked my breath in the second he came in contact with my lower lips. This felt good, but then part of me was still nervous and uncomfortable but this is what I needed to do. I needed to do this if I wanted to become the new Lindsey I've been striving to be.
~~~
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300+ Comments.
How do you guys feel about this chapter? How do you guys like Lindsey, what about Andre? Do you think Lindsey should be with Andre? Is Andre a good guy? How do you guys feel about how crazy Charlotte's acting? Is she doing it just for attention or does she still want Theodore? How do you guys feel about Asia and Sonya? What do you think will happen to Lindsey if she doesn't take her medicine? Was it a good idea to throw out her medicine? Will throwing out her medicine back fire on her? Wills he make any advances at Mr. Curry? How do you think Theodore will react if she does make advances at him? Was it a good idea to get a makeover and go out to a party so soon? How do you guys feel about her getting with that guy?
Lastly, I need more people to comment. I don't even think I got 200 comments on the last chapter and barely 300 on the first chapter. I write for y'all, and without support, what's the point? I just need some more comments. I don't care about votes, I need comments to give me feedback.
T3's on the side.