I didn't know what I expected. I followed Aled when he beckoned me, expecting to be led back to the dining room. Instead, he led me to the stairs. I kept my mask on, teeth clenched and chin lifted. My heart was pounding, though, and I could not get it to slow. The corridor to the rooms was dark, making it all the more terrifying.
"You will bathe and ready yourself. My wife will escort you to the room when finished," he announced, waving a hand to the bathing chamber. My throat bobbed as I hesitantly walked into the bathing chamber. Aled slammed the door behind me, making me jolt.
My eyes lowered to the steaming basin, a row of jars of soaps laid along the edge. There was a thin robe draped over the chair, and I knew it was my wardrobe for the night. I took my time undressing and bathing. I wanted to push this off for as long as I could. I genuinely did not understand why this was pushed by Aled. Tamlin and I were not married yet, nor did he have any reason to impregnate me.
When I finished bathing and the water ran cold, I dried myself and pulled the robe on. There was nothing to hide beneath it. My nipples, my core, everything was shown beneath the gossamer fabric. My wet hair hung over my shoulders as I looked myself over.
I was dead within my eyes. I saw no emotion, no light. I was gone. I ran a hand over my cheek, squeezing my eyes shut as I tried to recall the feeling of Azriel against me. I wanted him here, even if he had to watch. Just having him there would make it easier to handle.
A knock at the door made me jump, head turning. It swung open, no care if I had still been in the bath. Carys strolled in, a lazy smile on her lips and a wine glass in her hand. My jaw clenched, arms crossing over my chest.
"Very nice. I knew the robe would look nice with your skin," she commented, looking me over. I crossed my legs, too.
"What is the point of this?" I asked, trying to summon the remainder of my bravery. Carys narrowed her eyes at me, and the way she sashayed towards me, hand on her hip, I knew she was drunk.
Her long nails dug into my skin as she snatched my chin. I glared at her, hating the scent of wine on her breath.
"Your brother made it clear that Emyr and Dafid had spent time with you. I believe you forgot the biggest lesson, dear. You are a Lady, not a whore. Your thighs open for your husband only. This way, we ensure it is only Tamlin who enters you. Emyr and Dafid made it clear that they did not fuck you."
I stared at her, heart pounding. Whore. Yes, a whore who wishes to not be touched by greedy hands. "And you must witness it?"
Carys laughed, thumb tapping my chin. "No, no. It will be only the males. I am not one to gaze upon another male's body other than my husband."
"He is your son," I argued. Anger for Tamlin- for me- rose.
"And he has proven himself weak and unworthy," Carys spat. "Tamlin has no desire to be High Lord and refuses to prove himself. This is his punishment. You are his punishment. If he chooses to humiliate this family, then he will be humiliated back. I'm sorry that you've become a pawn, but it was the choice your father made when he offered you."
"Did he know what you would all do to me?" I asked through gritted teeth. Her head moved back as if in surprise.
"What we would do? Freyja, dear, this is not our doing. It is Tamlin who chooses to betray our family. Blame him. It is he who will be fucking you soon anyway."
"With your husband and son watching," I spat. She rose a brow, glancing between us at the robe I wore.
"I do not have to worry that my husband would rather you, if that is what you're implying."
"I'd rather die than want the attention of any of them."
Carys hummed, dropping my chin. "Yes, well, you have five minutes to kill yourself. If not, let us go. They're waiting."
It was tempting. I knew my soul would find Azriel eventually, find my brother and mother. Carys grinned at me before turning away. She knew that I pondered it, but she also knew there was nothing I could use. I tucked my arms over my chest with a sigh and followed her. I just had to get through tonight. They would be satisfied and hopefully grow bored of me.
Carys sipped her wine as she knocked on the door beside the bathing chamber. It was not Tamlin's, making my brows pull together. The door opened, revealing Aled. He ignored his wife, grinning at me. I refused to cower under his wandering eyes.
"Come in, Freyja."
I obeyed, immediately seeing Tamlin sat on the edge of the bed. He was shirtless, left only in his trousers. His knee bounced, hands folded, as his eyes lifted to me. I thought that maybe, if it were only us in the room, I could do this. I trusted him. I could let him take me. But then, I remembered how badly it would hurt, that fingers had torn me open. I winced at the thought.
"We are here to watch and ensure Tamlin takes your virtue," Aled announced, taking a seat beside the bed. I grimaced, looking over to see Emyr and Dafid sitting on the opposite side. Tamlin stood and walked to me, his eyes never leaving mine.
I tilted my head back, my arms still crossed. I could see the concern in his eyes, the terror he felt for me. Despite his father beside us, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my forehead.
"It'll be alright. I'll be gentle," he murmured. It didn't matter if he was. I'd be screaming in pain anyway. His hands went to my waist, pulling me to him. I felt my mask crack as he leaned down, taking my mouth to his. I couldn't bring myself to kiss him back. Not while feeling the stare of his father and brothers. This was fucked. Completely and utterly cruel.
Tamlin turned us, leading me backwards. My rear hit the edge of the bed, making me whimper. I thought I could be brave, but I realized then that I was terrified. Tamlin lifted me with ease, setting me on the edge of the bed. A hand ran up my thigh as he kissed me, thumb caressing the dip of my hip and thigh. I wanted this over with. I didn't care if it pained me too much to walk afterward, I just wanted it done.
I moved to scoot back, to give him access to the bed, but Tamlin dropped. I gasped, looking down at him as he placed himself between my thighs. I began to shake my head, mentally begging for him to just stand up and finish this, but he kissed my thigh.
"Tamlin, there's no need. Her blood will make her wet enough," Emyr called with a laugh. I cringed, curling in on myself. Tamlin didn't pull his eyes away from me. He moved the robe back, pulling my thighs apart. My legs mindlessly tried to close and I saw the defeat in his eyes as he held me open.
"I'm sorry," he mouthed before pulling me closer. I grabbed a fistful of the blanket at the first touch of his mouth. I hated the pleasure of it. I hated that a shiver ran through me. Tamlin parted me and I could tell he worked fast to bring me to arousal. My lips parted, head dropping back. I couldn't fight it, even if I didn't want it. My hips rocked against his mouth, the bite at my nerves sending sparks through my veins.
My eyes opened wide at my moan, one I didn't mean to release. Aled was sat back in his chair, eyes glazed as they ran over me. When he met my eyes, he smiled wide. Disgust hit me, making me try to force my thighs shut, to push Tamlin away. Instead, he brought a hand up and pushed a finger into me. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to focus on only the touch and not the situation.
It took too long, Tamlin couldn't bring me to that point. In defeat, he kissed my inner thigh and stood. I wanted to cry when I saw the tears in his eyes. He hardly gave me enough time to see them before dropping his mouth to mine. I cringed at the taste of myself on his tongue.
Tamlin lifted me again, dragging me up the bed to lay me on my back. His eyes were downcast as he situated himself between my thighs and began to undo his pants. It made me relieved to see he was not as big as Azriel, though his size would still tear me open. He stroked himself, and I realized then that I was looking at something not aroused. He was not hard, and I saw the shame in his cheeks.
"Come on, Tam. Take her robe off. You'll get there," Dafid snickered. His eyes closed briefly before meeting mine through a haze of tears. I gave a small nod, knowing there was no dignity left in me. I felt the tremor to his hands as he undid the tie to the robe and let it fall free to my sides. I still felt the need to hide myself, but I hoped the sight of me would make him finish quicker.
"Touch her, Tamlin. You've done it before," Aled groaned from my left. My eyes widened as horror filled me. Despite myself, I turned my head to find him palming himself. Oh, Gods. Tamlin cringed and I could see the calculation to his breaths as he lifted a hand and massaged my breast. My eyes lowered, seeing him grow in his palm.
I had never felt more disgusted. Was this worse than my own father touching me? I didn't know. Tamlin lowered himself over me, kissing me hard. I whimpered into his mouth, clutching his shoulders. I was terrified and I could not hide that.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he whispered against my lips. I shook my head, widening my thighs. Tamlin pressed himself in. My body went still, jolts of pain hitting me all at once. I gasped sharply, digging my nails into his skin. His breathing grew heavy as he tried to kiss me, but we both knew this was torture.
"Fuck her good, Tamlin," Emyr muttered. I whimpered again, squeezing his hips with my knees as he pushed in more. It was agony. I felt myself tearing. My back arched, teeth clamping together to stop my cries. Tamlin cursed, reaching between us to massage my nerves, but it did not help.
After far too long, Tamlin seated himself inside me. I was shaking violently, tears running into my hair. I was proud to not have screamed, but when he began to thrust, I wasn't sure I could stop myself.
I believed this was my worst torture. Hearing Emyr, Dafid, and Aled mutter horrid things as Tamlin whispered that he was sorry. My nails had begun to draw his blood. Tamlin sucked in a breath, moaning into my neck. That's when the sob hit me. I cried, shaking my head as he thrust. With a tremble through his spine, Tamlin stilled in me. The pain throbbed around him twitching within me, but I didn't care. I didn't care that he finished inside of me, I was just glad for it to be over. I hiccuped beneath him, my legs shaking violently.
"Pull out of her, Tamlin. We need to check."
I felt his tears against my neck as he cursed and pulled out of me. He sat back on his knees, staring down at me. My teeth chattered through my cries as we stared at each other, even while Aled and his brothers surrounded us. Aled pulled my thighs open wider, all three of them peering at my sex.
"Well done, son," Aled praised, patting Tamlin's shoulder. We stared at each other, crying, even as the door shut and we were left alone. I finally got the nerve to look down. He was soft, coated in his seed and my blood. I realized then that I could not catch my breath. The panic that seized me was suffocating, and even as Tamlin crawled from the bed and emptied his stomach into the bin beside it, I hoped I couldn't ever catch my breath. I hoped I would bleed out. I hoped that this would be my final resting place.