chapter ten.
rising and falling
A HALF HOUR LATER, WE WERE SEATED AT the end of a table in the gallery, empty glasses of tea in front of us. David was sat across from me, his head bent over a pile of drafting paper as he tried to re-create the plans for the glass skiff and the formula for lumiya from memory.
For better or worse, I didn't believe he'd aided the Darkling intentionally. David's crime was hunger for knowledge, not power.
The rest of the Spinning Wheel was empty and silent, most of the soldiers and rogue Grisha still asleep. Despite being hauled out of bed so early in the morning, Nikolai managed to look put together, even with his olive drab coat thrown over his nightshirt and trousers. It hadn't taken long to update him on all we had learned, and I wasn't surprised by the first question out of his mouth.
"How long have you known this?" he said. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"An hour, maybe less. I only waited to confirm the information with David."
"That's impossible—"
"Improbable," I corrected gently. "Nikolai... I heard it from the Darkling's lips himself. He told me."
"You still have the connection?"
"Unfortunately," I said. "But I've gathered some well enough information about it."
"Go on," Nikolai was interested.
"It's like I'm traveling by flying, when I think of him I feel like I'm leaving my body physically but it's not..."
Nikolai rose a brow. "That's it?"
"Well it's harder to explain," I protested.
"How so?"
There's a long beat. "I can't hear other people or really even see them if they aren't immediately next to him or in contact with him. It's as if he's the only real, material thing."
Nikolai's fingers were drumming on the tabletop. "When was the last time this happened?"
I opened my mouth to answer and paused. Nikolai nodded his head in a silent plea.
"Yesterday,"
Nikolai hummed. "Then we could feed him false information... false intelligence." he said, his voice excited. I blinked. That quickly, Nikolai was strategizing. I should have been used to it by now. "Can you do this with other Grisha? Maybe try to get in their heads?"
I shook my head vigorously. "No. The Darkling and I are... connected. We probably always will be."
"We have to warn West Ravka," he said. "They'll need to evacuate the area along the shore of the Fold." Nikolai rubbed a hand over his face. It was the first crack I'd seen in his confidence in ages.
"They won't keep to the alliances, will they?" I asked.
"I doubt it. The blockade was a gesture West Ravka was willing to make when they thought they were safe from reprisal."
"If they capitulate," said Tamar, "will the Darkling still march?"
"This isn't just about the blockade," I said. "It's about isolating us, making sure we don't have anywhere to turn. And it's about power. He wants to use the Fold. He always has." I restrained the urge to touch the back of my hand. "It's a compulsion."
"What kind of numbers can you raise?" Mal asked Nikolai.
"All told? We could probably rally a force of roughly five thousand. They're spread throughout cells in the northwest, so the problem is mobilizing, but I think it can be done. We also have reason to suspect some of the militias may be loyal to us. There have been massive desertions from the base at Poliznaya and the northern and southern fronts."
"What about the Soldat Sol?" asked Tolya. "They'll fight. I know they would lay down their lives for Alina and Freya. They've done it before." I rubbed my arms, thinking of more lives lost, and gripped Alina's kefta tightly, she glanced over and knocked our shoulders together in a meaning of reassurance.
Nikolai frowned. "But can we rely on the Apparat?" The priest had been instrumental in the coup that had almost brought down Nikolai's father, and unlike Genya, he hadn't been a valuable servant victimized by the King. He'd been a trusted adviser. "What exactly does he want?"
"I think he wants to survive," I said. "I doubt he'll risk a head-on confrontation with the Darkling unless he's sure of the outcome."
"We could use the additional numbers," Nikolai admitted.
A dull ache was forming near my right temple. "I don't like this," I said. "Any of it. You're talking about throwing a lot of bodies at the Nichevo'ya. The casualties will be unheard of."
"You know I'll be right out there with them," said Nikolai.
"All that means is that I can add your number to the dead."
"If the Darkling uses the Fold to sever us from any possible allies, then Ravka is his. He'll only get stronger, consolidate his forces. I won't just give up."
"You saw what those monsters did at the Little Palace—"
"You said it yourself— he won't stop. He needs to use his power, and the more he uses it, the more he'll crave. This may be our last opportunity to bring him down. Besides, rumor has it Oretsev here is quite the tracker. If he finds the Firebird, we may just stand a chance."
"And if he doesn't?"
Nikolai shrugged. "We just put on our best clothes and die like heroes."
⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎
Dawn was breaking by the time we finished hashing out the specifics of what we intended to do next. The kingfisher had returned, and Nikolai sent it right back out again with a refreshed crew and a warning addressed to West Ravka's merchant council that the Darkling might be planning an attack.
They also carried an invitation to meet with him and the Tide Saint in neutral Kerch. It was too dangerous for Nikolai and me to risk getting caught in what might soon be enemy territory. The Pelican was back in the hanger and would soon depart for Keramzin without us. I wasn't sure if I was sorry or relieved that I wouldn't be able to travel with them to the orphanage, but there just wasn't time for a detour. Alina, Mal, and Genya would depart with the rest of their team for the Sikurzoi tomorrow aboard the Bittern, and I would meet up with them a week later. We would keep to our plan and hope the Darkling didn't act before then.
There was more to discuss, but Nikolai had letters to write, and I needed to talk to Baghra. The time for lessons was over.
I found her in her darkened lair, the fire already stoked, the room unbearably warm. Misha had just brought in her breakfast tray. I waited as she ate her buckwheat kasha and sipped bitter black tea. When she was done, Misha opened the book to begin his reading, but Baghra silenced him quickly.
"Take the tray up," she said. "The little Saint has something on her mind. If we make her wait any longer, she may jump out of her seat and shake me."
Horrible woman. Did nothing escape her?
Misha lifted the tray. Then he hesitated, shifting from one foot to the other. "Do I have to come right back down?"
"Stop wriggling like a grub," Baghra snapped, and Misha froze. She gave a wave. "Go on, you useless thing, but don't be late with my lunch."
He raced out the door, dishes rattling, and kicked it shut behind him.
"This is your fault," Baghra complained. "He can never be still anymore."
"He's a little boy. It's not something they're know for." I made a mental note to have someone continue Misha's fencing lessons while we were gone.
Baghra scowled and leaned closer to the fire, pulling her furs close around her. "Well," she said, "we're alone. What is it you want to know? Or would you rather sit there biting your tongue for another hour?"
I wasn't sure how to proceed. "Baghra—"
"Either spit it out or let me take a nap."
"The Darkling may have found a way to enter the Fold without Alina and I. He'll be able to use it as a weapon. If there's anything you can tell us, we need information."
"Always the same question."
"When I asked you if Morozova could have left the amplifiers unfinished, you said it wasn't his way. Did you know him?"
"We're done here, girl," she said, turning back to the fire. "You've wasted your morning."
"You told me once that you hoped for redemption for your son. This may be my last chance to stop him."
"Ah, so you hope to save my son now? How forgiving of you."
I took a deep breath.
"Aleksander," I whispered. She stilled. "His true name is Aleksander. And if he takes this step, he'll be lost forever. We may all be."
"That name..." Baghra leaned back in her chair. "Only he could have told you. When?"
I'd never spoken of the visions to Baghra, and I didn't think I wanted to now. Instead, I repeated my question.
"Baghra, did you know Morozova?"
She was quiet for a long time, the only sound the crackle of fire. Finally, she said, "As well as anyone did."
Though I'd suspected as much, the fact was hard to believe. I'd seen Morozova's writings, I wore one of his amplifiers, but he had never seemed real. He was a Saint with a gilded halo, more legend than man to me.
"There's a bottle of kvas on a shelf in the corner," she said, "out of Misha's reach. Bring it and a glass."
It was early for kvas, but I wasn't going to argue. I brought down the bottle and poured for her.
She took a long sip and smacked her lips together. "The new King doesn't stint, does he?" She sighed and settled back. "All right, little Saint, since you wanted to know about Morozova and his precious amplifiers, I'll tell you a story— one I used to tell a little boy with dark hair, a silent boy who rarely laughed, who listened more closely than I realized. A boy who had a name and not a title."
In the firelight, the shadowy pools of her eyes seemed to flicker and shift.
"Morozova was the Bonesmith, one of the greatest Fabrikators who ever lived, and a man who tested the very boundaries of Grisha power, but he was also just a man with a wife. She was otkazat'sya, and though she loved him, she did not understand him."
I thought of the way the Darkling talked about otkazat'sya, the predictions he'd made about Mal and the way I'd be treated by Ravka's people. Had he learned those lessons from Baghra?
"I should tell you that he loved her too," she continued. "At least, I think he did. But it was never enough to make him stop his work. It couldn't temper the need that drove him. This is the curse of Grisha power. You know the way of it, little Saint. They spent over a year hunting the stag in Tsibeya, two years sailing the Bone Road in search of the sea whip. Great successes for the Bonesmith. The first two phases of his grand scheme. But when his wife became pregnant, they settled in a town, a place where he could continue his experiments and hatch his plans for which creature would become the third amplifier. They had little money. When he could be pulled away from his studies, he made his living as a woodworker, and the villagers occasionally came to him with wounds and ailments—"
"He was a Healer?" I asked. "I thought he was a Fabrikator."
"Morozova did not draw those distinctions. Few Grisha did in those days. He believed if the science was small enough, anything was possible. And for him, it often was."
Are we not all things?
"The townspeople viewed Morozova and his family with a combination of pity and distrust. His wife wore rags, and his child... his child was rarely seen. Her mother kept her to the house and fields around it. You see, this little girl had started to show her power early, and it was like nothing ever known." Baghra took another sip of kvas. "She could summon darkness."
The words hung in the air, their meaning settling over me. "You?" I breathed. "Then the Darkling—
"I am Morozova's daughter, and the Darkling is the last of Morozova's line." She emptied her glass. "My mother was terrified of me. She was sure that my power was some kind of abomination, the result of my father's experiments. And she may well have been right. To drabble in merzost, well the results are never quite what one would hope. She hated to hold me, could hardly bear to be in the same room with me. It was only when her second child was born that she came back to herself. Another little girl, this one normal like her, powerless and pretty. How my mother doted on her!"
Years had passed, hundreds, maybe a thousand. But I recognized the hurt in her voice, the sting of always feeling underfoot and unwanted— even when I did have parents that loved me, only until they let me go.
"My father was readying to leave to hunt the Firebird. I was just a little girl, but I begged him to take me along. I tried to make myself useful, but all I did was annoy him, and eventually he banned me from his workshop."
She tapped the table, and I filled her glass once more.
"And then one day, Morozova had to leave his workbench. He was drawn to the pasture behind his home by the sound of my mother's screams. I had been playing dolls and my sister had whined and howled and stamped her little feet until my mother insisted that I give over my favorite toy, a wooden swan carved by our father in one of the rare moments that he paid me any attention. It had wings so detailed they felt nearly downy and perfect webbed feet that kept it balanced in water. My sister had it in her hand less than a minute before she snapped its slender neck. Remember, if you can, that I was just a child, a lonely child, with so few treasures of my own." She lifted her glass but did not drink. "I lashed out at my sister. With the Cut. I tore her in two."
I tried not to picture it, but the image rose up sharp in my mind, a muddy field, a dark-haired little girl, her favorite toy in pieces. She'd thrown a tantrum, as children do. But she'd been no ordinary child.
"What happened?" I finally whispered.
"The villagers came running. They held my mother back so that she could not get at me. They couldn't make sense of what she was saying. How could a little girl have done such a thing? The priest was already praying over my sister's body when my father arrived. Without a word, Morozova knelt down beside her and began to work. The townspeople didn't understand what was happening but they sensed power gathering."
"Did he save her?"
"Yes," said Baghra simply. "He was a great Healer, and he used every bit of his skill to bring her back— weak, wheezing, and scarred, but alive."
I'd read countless versions of Sankt Ilya's martyrdom. The details of the story had been distorted over time: he'd healed his child, not a stranger's. A girl, not a boy. But I suspected one thing that hadn't changed was the ending, and I shivered at the thought of what came next.
"It was too much," Baghra said. "The villagers knew what death looked like— that child should have died. And maybe they were resentful too. How many loved ones had they lost to illness or injury since Morozova had come to their town? How many could he have saved? Maybe it was not just horror or righteousness that drove them, but anger as well. They put him in chains— and my sister, a child who should have had the sense to stay dead. There was no one to defend my father, no one to speak on my sister's behalf. We had lived on the outskirts of their lives and made no friends. They marched him to the river. My sister had to be carried. She had only just leaned to walk and couldn't manage it with the chains."
I clenched my fist in my lap. I didn't want to hear the rest.
"As my mother wailed and pleaded, as I cried and fought to get free from some barely known neighbor's arms, they shoved Morozova and his youngest daughter off the bridge, and we watched them disappear beneath the water, dragged under by the weight of their iron chains." Baghra emptied her glass and turned it over on the table. "I never saw my father or my sister again."
We sat in silence as I tried to piece together the implications of what she'd said. I saw no tears on Baghra's cheeks. Her grief is old, I reminded myself. And yet I didn't think pain like that ever faded entirely. Grief had its own life, took its own sustenance.
"Baghra," I said, pushing on, ruthless in my own way, "if Morozova did—"
"I never said he died. That was the last I ever saw of him. But he was a Grisha of immense power. He might well have survived."
"In chains?"
"He was the greatest Fabrikator who ever lived. It would take more than otkazat'sya steel to hold him down."
"And you believe he went on to create the third amplifier?"
"His work was his life," she said, and the bitterness of that neglected child edged her words. "If he'd had breath in his body, he would not have stopped searching for the firebird. Would you?"
"I— I don't know." I admitted. "It is not my obsession to have when it isn't even mine."
Baghra hummed.
I shook my head. "What did the villagers do to you?"
Her rasping chuckle snaked through the room, lifting the hand on my arms. "If they'd been wise, they would have thrown me in the river too. Instead they drove my mother and me out of town and left us to the mercy of the woods. My mother was useless. She tore at her hair and wept until she made herself sick. Finally, she just lay down and wouldn't get up, no matter how I cried and called her name. I stayed with her as long as I could. I tried to make a fire to keep her warm, but I didn't know how." She shrugged. "I was so hungry. Eventually, I left her and wandered, delirious and filthy, until I came to a farm. They took me in and put together a search party, but I couldn't find the way back to her. For all I know, she starved to death on the forest floor."
I stayed quiet, waiting. That kvas was beginning to look very good.
"Ravka was different then. Grisha had no sanctuary. Power like ours ended in fates like my father's. I kept mine hidden. I followed tales of witches and Saints and found the secret enclaves where Grisha studied their science. I learned everything I could. And when the time came, I taught my son."
"But what about his father?"
Baghra gave another harsh laugh. "You want a love story too? There's none to be had. I wanted a child, so I sought out the most powerful Grisha I could find. He was a Heartrender. I don't even remember his name."
For a brief moment, I glimpsed the ferocious girl she had been, fearless and wild, a Grisha of extraordinary ability. Then she sighed and shifted in her chair, and the illusion was gone, replaced by a tired old woman huddling by a fire.
"My son was not... He began so well. We moved from place to place, we saw the way our people lived, the way they were mistrusted, the lives they were forced to eke out in secrecy and fear. He vowed that we would someday have a safe place, that Grisha power would be something to be valued and coveted, something our country would treasure. We would be Ravkans, not just Grisha. That dream was the seed of the Second Army. A good dream. If I'd known.." She shook her head. "I gave him his pride. I burdened him with ambition, but the worst thing I did was try to protect him. You must understand, even our own kind shunned us, feared the strangeness of our power."
There are no others like us.
"I never wanted him to feel the way I had as a child," said Baghra. "So I taught him that he had no equal, that he was destined to bow to no man. I wanted him to be hard, to be strong. I taught him the lesson my mother and father taught me: to rely on no one. That love— fragile and fickle and raw— was nothing compared to power. He was a brilliant boy. He learned too well." Baghra's hand shot out. With surprising accuracy, she seized my wrist. "Put your hunger aside, Freya. Do what Morozova and my son could not and give up."
My cheeks were wet with tears. I hurt for her. I hurt for her son. But even so, I knew what my answer would be.
"I cannot."
"What is infinite?" She recited.
I knew that text well. "The universe and all greed of men," I quoted back to her.
"You may not be able to survive the sacrifice that merzost requires this time, girl. You have used it too much."
I smiled softly and said weakly, "I have to try."
Baghra shook her head. "Stupid girl," she said, but her voice was sad, as if she were chastising another girl, from long ago, lost and unwanted, driven by pain and fear.
"The journals—"
"Years later, I returned to the village of my birth. I wasn't sure what I could find. My father's workshop was long gone, but his journals were there, tucked away in the same hidden niche in the old cellar." She released a disbelieving snort. "They'd built a church over it."
I hesitated, then said, "If Morozova survived, what became of him?"
"He probably took his own life. It's the way most Grisha of great power die."
I sat back, stunned. "Why?"
"Do you think I never contemplated it? That my son didn't? Lovers age. Children die. Kingdoms rise and fall, and we go on. Maybe Morozova is still wandering the earth, older and more bitter than I am. Or maybe he used his power on himself and ended it all. It's simple enough. Like calls to Like. Otherwise..." she chuckled again, that dry, rattling laugh. "You should warn your prince. If he really thinks a bullet will stop a Grisha with three possibly four amplifiers, he is much mistaken."
I shuddered. Would I have the courage to take my own life if it came down to that? If Alina and I brought the amplifiers together, that we both might destroy the Fold, but we might well make something worse in its place. And when we face the Darkling, even if I dared to use merzost again, would it end me for good?
"Baghra," I asked cautiously, "what would it take to kill a Grisha with that kind of power?"
Baghra tapped the bare skin of my wrist, "more than you know, girl."
⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎
I spent the rest of the afternoon wording a plea for aid to the Apparat. The massive would be left beneath the alter at the church of Sankt Lukin in Vernost and, hopefully, would make its way to the White Cathedral through the network of the faithful. We'd used a code that Tolya and Tamar knew from their time with the Soldat Sol, so if the message fell into the Darkling's hands, he wouldn't realize that in just over two weeks' time, Mal and Alina would be waiting for the Apparat's forces in Caryeva. The racing city wall all but abandoned after the summer, and it was close to the southern border. Either we'd be able to match whatever forces we had north under the cover of the Fold and meet with Nikolai's troops south of Kribirsk.
I had two very different sets of luggage. One was nothing but a simple soldier's pack that would be put aboard the Bittern. It was stocked with rough spun trousers, an olive drab coat treated to resist the rain, heavy boots, a small reserve of coin for any bribes or purchases I might need to make in Dva Stolba, a fur hat, and a scarf to keep myself hidden. The other set was stowed on the Kingfisher— a collection of three matching trunks emblazoned with golden and blue sunburst and stuffed with silks and furs.
When evening came, I descended to the boiler level to say my goodbyes to Baghra and Misha. After her dire warning, I was hardly surprised that Baghra waved me off with a scowl. But I'd really come to see Misha. I reassured him that I had found someone to continue his lessons while we were gone, and I gifted him with one of the golden sunburst pins worn by Alina and I's personal guard. Mal wouldn't be able to wear it on the south, and the delight on Misha's face was worth all of Baghra's sneering.
"There's something you should see," Nikolai said as I strolled down the hall.
"Is everything all right?"
"Rather spectacular, actually." He peered at me. "What did the hag do to you? You look like you ate a particularly slimy bug."
Or possibly exchanged kisses and a bit more than that with my cousin. I shuddered.
Nikolai offered me his arm. "Well, whatever it is, you'll have to cringe about it later. There's a miracle upstairs, and it won't wait."
I lopped my arm through his. "Never one to oversell it, are you, Lantsov?"
"It's not overselling if you deliver."
We'd just started up the stairs when Genya and Alina came bounding down in the opposite direction. They were both beaming, Genya's face alight with excitement. That smile was like a bomb going off in my chest. It belonged to Genya I thought I had lost beneath the scars of this war.
She caught sight of me and Nikolai, arms entwined. It took the briefest second for her face to shudder into a clenched jaw. She bowed and grabbed Alina's elbow and pulled her to the side.
"Headed the wrong way," said Nikolai. "You're going to miss it."
"Be up in a minute," Genya grumbled and pushed past us.
I sighed and closed my eyes. My hand tightened around Nikolai's arm. I shook my head, she understood what I was doing, and yet she hated it.
Saints I love her. But I am an idiot.
When we reached the top of the stairs and entered the Spinning Wheel, my jaw dropped. The lanterns had been extinguished so that the room was dark, but all around us, stars were falling. The windows were lit with streaks of light cascading over the mountaintop, like bright fish in a river.
"Meteor shower," said Nikolai as he led me carefully through the room. People had laid blankets and pillows on the heated floor and were sitting in clusters or lying on their backs, watching the night sky.
All at once, the pain in my chest was so bad it nearly bent me double. Because this was what Genya had been coming to show me. Because that look— that open eager happy look— had been for me. Because I would always be the first person she turned to when she saw something lovely, and I would do the same. Whether I was a Saint or a Queen or the most powerful Grisha who ever lived, I would always turn to her.
Because I loved her.
Words written:
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Authors note-
I'm back bitches! ;)