❧ 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐬, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐞𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐠𝐨𝐧𝐬 ❧
Curled up into a ball on her bed, safe from the terrors of the world, Y/N stared at her screen, not focusing on the video she watched before her. Her mind was completely rattled by her anonymous mailer, who she gave into and texted.
Messages upon messages had flowed into her screen about Levi, and every single sentence she read had been more horrible than the last.
Anon:
The Ackermans made Trost. They run it. His mother was the black sheep, disowned due to her wedlock pregnancy instead of marrying the son of the mayor, a marriage that would've sealed the deal for the Ackermans and allowed them to be the true leader of Trost.
Y/N:
So? What does that have to do with Levi?
Anon:
Let me get to it. In trade for a good life and that his mother would be accepted into the family and cared for, as the sickly woman she is, Levi agreed to certain terms with his uncle, Kenny Ackerman.
Anon:
The deal was that he would do anything and everything to get secrets from competitive companies and dealers, and for Levi Ackerman, his tactic was calculated and sickening. He would lure in the daughters of executives and directors from across the states, the world even, and sleep with them in trade for daddy's secrets.
Anon:
And you're daddy's money aren't you? He's just waiting for you to open up and spill. Waiting for the second you start complaining about your father being incompetent and he'll ease you into opening up about all of daddy's troubles and how that costed you a Birkin or Maserati. And the second he gets something good, he'll fuck you. Good. And act like you never happened.
The messages stayed untouched after that. Of course, more came in, but Y/N felt nauseous even thinking about them. Nothing made sense to her, and the dots didn't connect at all.
Levi had been introduced to her as a heartbreaker, but she had never assumed him to be so calculating and cruel, so cunning and devious.
With every thought that came to her mind, Y/N could feel the knife dig deeper into her heart. She wondered whether Mikasa was aware of this. Tears burned in her eyes, as of course, blood was thicker than water, yet Y/N had always assumed that her connection to Mikasa was tougher than titanium itself.
She couldn't even process the thought of Levi. There it was, hardcore evidence right before her that he was everything that everyone had told him. Sinful. Beautiful. Evil. More evil than anyone she had ever known.
And as her last heart strings tore apart, she could feel the scales tip over, her heavy heart being placed last to push her over the edge.
Y/N pulled herself up from beneath the covers, heading over to her wardrobe, rifling through every dress she had, choosing whichever one would make her look like a starlet the most, knowing that there had to be a party somewhere that her friends were heading to.
She texted the groupchat, asking for any plans before her phone started buzzing with an influx of messages, and she smirked to herself, settling by the mirror and smearing makeup across her face, not knowing at all what she was doing, but knowing that she was going to make Levi Ackerman regret every decision he had ever made that led up to meeting her.
After some time of curling her hair and looking at herself in the mirror excessively, she called in a taxi to take her to the club her friends had already left for, some Halloween party she couldn't even careless about, but knew that if Levi heard she was there, he would come running to find out what she was doing.
***
"Y/N. Wow!" Historia nodded in approval at Y/N's last minute Halloween costume, provided she didn't even have once since the occasion was still a week away.
"You look hot. Seriously hot." Sasha whistled, grabbing Y/N's waist as she blushed at her friend's compliments, before looking around and spotting Eren, a vampire, Jean, a werewolf, and she didn't know what Connie was.
"Did you come here without Levi?" Mikasa asked, looking concerned as Y/N nodded, unsure whether or not she should talk to Mikasa about everything, not ready to know the solid truth behind Mikasa's family, but suppressed the urge. That was for later.
She ignored the anxiety bubbling in her stomach and followed her friends around for drinks, feeling her phone buzz against her thigh, held securely in place by her garter.
Levi:
You went to the halloween party?
Levi:
Show me what you're wearing cause if ur dressed up slutty leave right now
Levi:
You know what, fuck it. I'm coming.
She rolled her eyes, but couldn't stop her heart flutter all the same. When she looked up from her phone, Mikasa was looking worriedly at her friend, about to talk before Y/N rushed away to dance with Sasha.
"Where's your man?" She asked, cheeks slightly red and her smile so keen.
"Don't have one." Y/N shrugged, her arm snaking around Sasha's waist as they began to dance.
"Shit. What'd he do?" Sasha rolled her eyes as Y/N shrugged once again. If she started talking about it she'd cry, and that was the last thing she wanted to do tonight.
Sasha noticed the glint of Y/N's tears within her eyes, despite all the flashing lights everywhere and squeezed her close friend tightly.
"You know, the last few weeks have been crazy for you, and if you want my honest, drunk opinion, I say leave it. Him. Everything. You guys aren't even dating and somehow you've already fought a hundred battles. And you're constantly stressed or panicked or paranoid." Sasha began, before dropping low to Y/N's ear.
"If he was the one Y/N, you know he would've dropped everything to get rid of your worries. And you know Levi."
"I know. And he has. He's done it. Everything I ask him for, he's done it. It's just this one thing came up and I can't let it go..." Y/N pondered about telling Sasha. She wondered if she'd keep it between them, but Sasha had only known Y/N for a year. She'd known Mikasa and the rest since they were kids.
Y/N decided not to risk it and shook her head.
"Anyways. I don't want to think about it."
Sasha smiled comfortingly and took Y/N's hand.
"Well. Let's make this a night you most will definitely forget."
Soon after downing whatever Sasha, Historia and Mikasa had thrusted into her hands, Y/N almost had forgotten about her recent letters in the post, the man that constantly plagued her thoughts, and every other worldly matter. For now, she was with her girls, giggling and dancing, wobbling and singing, without a care in the world.
For the first time in seemingly ages, Y/N felt a little lighter, and thought to herself that probably her world without Levi would feel like this. No obsession, no paranoia, no worries. It felt so sweet that she could feel her intentions for the night begin to shift.
Mikasa had edged her way a little closer to Y/N, but Y/N didn't care anymore. She lived her life with Mikasa without Levi before, and she could do it again. She doubt Mikasa was truly tied to Levi's schemes in any way, and didn't want to let go of her best friend, so she pulled Mikasa in, dancing with her all the same.
"You good?" Mikasa asked, smiling brightly as Y/N nodded enthusiastically.
"Never better." Y/N yelled out, swinging Mikasa around as Mikasa continued to smile, the brightness in her eyes dimming rapidly.
"Y/N...you're acting different. Do you wanna go somewhere to talk?" Mikasa began to take her hand, which Y/N snatched back profusely.
"I said I'm good Mikasa." She snapped, before stopping abruptly.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I'm just, I'm really okay Mika. I promise. I just don't want tonight to be anything but fun." Y/N tried to explain as Mikasa nodded, watching Y/N's phone glow with a notification, which her friend ignored.
As if nothing had happened, Y/N grabbed Mikasa's hands and began to twirl her again, Mikasa laughing forcefully, knowing something was going on between her best friend and her cousin, and she had a sickly feeling that she knew what it was.
Y/N didn't know how much time had passed, but when her legs began to ache, she mumbled an excuse about going to the bathroom, when in reality she just wanted a bit of time out.
Stumbling across people, Y/N climbed her way through flights of stairs until she found a quiet balcony, crashing onto a chair and breathing slowly. Her mouth tasted bitter and her eyes were wet. She drank in the cold October air to steady herself before she returned back to the party.
Her phone buzzed again, and for what felt like the first time in hours, she looked at it, her heart racing at the text messages.
Levi:
I'm on my way. Stay with everyone
Levi:
I'm here, where are you?
Levi:
y/n are u playing with me rn ?
Levi:
if so, u win. where are you????
She wanted to go to him. She wanted nothing more to text him back and run into his arms and kiss him. She wanted to obsess and to inhale him, but with all that came so much she couldn't handle.
The constant insecurity that his past would come back, the unknowing of who he truly was, the fact that everyone will always have a part of him, and the fact that she just started out as a mission to him. The fact that she may well still be part of his mission, she couldn't bear it.
A man who swore to do anything for his mother, and had repeatedly done so, would do it again. Y/N didn't seem like an exception to the deal, and the feelings that came with this realisation just felt so horrible that she just couldn't take it.
She sat at the balcony door, knowing he'd probably find her soon. Y/N wondered what she'd say to him. A part of her was so scared that she'd go into her knees and beg of him to be hers truly, to run away with her and from this life so that the endless rumours about him could never follow, but that man was so thickly covered with secrets that she doubted she could ever break through.
Minutes passed, maybe longer, but her head was swimming and heavy, so heavy that a second felt like an hour. All she could hear was cheering, music, and laughter, and she had to bite down on her lip harshly to stop herself from crying. She was so stupid.
Of course he had an ulterior motive, and even if he didn't, Y/N was sick and tired of feeling paranoid all the time. After finding out that he'd do anything for a lousy secret she didn't give two shits about, how could she ever feel secure with him?
She saw the pictures, how passionately he had kissed those girls, how doting he looked at them, all for nothing. After witnessing all of that, she knew that from then on, she could only look at Levi with distrust. There was just too much about him that set her defences up.
She could hear shuffling, and could recognise his footsteps almost immediately, smiling to herself bitterly. She'd only known him a short month or so, but there were some things about him imprinted onto her brain, but that's the way infatuation went.
"How did I know that I could find you here?" He said with a smug smile on his face, leaning against the doorframe, looking her up and down, and she swore she could hear him groan softly amongst the loud sounds of the club below.
"What are you supposed to be?"
"A failed Hollywood star I think. Made up of crushed dreams." She said, with a tone that was a bit too sharp for Levi's liking.
"Hmm."
He put his hands in his pockets, and walked closer towards her. Y/N didn't dare to move, too worried she'd do the wrong thing, but watched Levi all the same.
Levi stopped before her, not too far away, and watched her back. In the chair, he was standing over her, and his hand trailed to her jaw.
Y/N relished in the warmth of his touch, and her heart swelled with regret.
"God. You're gorgeous." He declared, his eyes soft and his fingers gentle.
Y/N scoffed, rolling her eyes.
"How many other girls do you tell that to?" She asked, raising a brow as a little smile tugged on his lips.
"Want me to tell you the truth?" He seemingly joked, but Y/N swatted his hand away all the same.
"You make me sick." She muttered, getting up from the chair as Levi managed to grab onto her hand, pulling her back as she resisted his pull, failing to do so as he brought her in.
"I was only joking babe." He frowned, trying to bring her to his chest as she pushed away from him, frowning even more.
"Don't call me babe either. I'm not your babe."
She walked across the room, scowling and fierce as Levi looked at her in confusion.
"Did I do something Y/N? What's wrong? Is this about the phone number thing, because I swear-"
"Stop. Please. Stop. I need to think." She cut him off, moving back over to the balcony to gulp in air once again.
"Y/N? You're scaring me." Levi confessed, walking over to the balcony also to peer at Y/N'a face, his own struck with worry as she had her eyes closed shut, firmly.
"We need to end this. Us." She spat out, opening her eyes to look down at the party below, but avoiding Levi's eyes.
The air had thickened suddenly. Her heart crashed, and she swore she could hear him inhale sharply as if she had stabbed him. Tears burned in her eyes, and she didn't dare to look over at him.
"What?" He asked, and Y/N couldn't make out his tone. Heartbroken. Angry. Confused maybe.
"Whatever is going on between us needs to stop. I'm sick of it and I don't want to play your stupid game anymore."
She sucked in the cold air and breathed out heartily, before turning to look at him, her gaze cold.
She half expected him to look wounded, but his jaw was clenched, and his brows furrowed.
"Game?" He spat out, sounding insulted as Y/N nodded, not daring to blink incase tears pulled over.
He let out a dark laugh, then stepped away from her, almost disgusted.
"I opened my heart to you. I told you things I have never told to anyone else, just so you could see me as anything other than what you've heard, and you still think this is a game?"
"I don't want to talk about it. I made up my mind ages ago. I'm sick of feeling paranoid about you all the time, and I'm sick of everyone looking at me like I'm about to have my head slaughtered, all because I liked you." Y/N said, her voice steel and lifeless, although she was about to choke on her words.
She decided that she wouldn't talk anymore, so let go of the old railing that could've crumbled from the tension that it currently held between the two of them, and began to walk away, before Levi grabbed hold of her hand.
His fingers were warm, smooth and soft. They curled around her own and it took everything within her not to cling back, but she still tried to wrangle free.
"You're doing this cause you're scared Y/N. I know you are, I know what everyone thinks of me, and I know what everyone says." He started, and as she tried to let him go, he clutched onto her closer than ever.
"Run away with me. Then youll never hear the whispers that they all tell you and the jealousy they all spread. We can be together Y/N, you know it. You're letting your fear over consume you and-"
"Stop Levi!" She shrieked, causing him to let go abruptly as she turned to him, shoving him hard.
"You don't know what you're saying. You don't know me!" She cried out, tears falling regretfully as Levi looked at her in horror.
Wiping her tears away fiercely, she looked at him once again, shaking her head.
"We could never be together. You know it. You knew one of us would fuck this up sooner or later, and it's been done. I can't be with you Levi." She whispered, looking into Levi's eyes as she watched his soul crush apart within them.
He stood there, as if he couldn't comprehend what was going on.
She watched him a moment longer, so wistful of what could've been hers. His silver eyes that glimmered as tears formed, his black hair that framed his face so perfectly. The scar on his cheek, the frown he always wore.
"Why?" He asked, so quietly, his voice so timid and fragile.
"I think you know why." She whispered back, leaving the room, pushing past people as her heart beat faster than it ever had, looking up at the stair way as Levi looked over, scanning the room for her.
They locked eyes, and for a moment, the world stopped. Their gaze, ever so longing, but brief. Levi began to rush past dancing teenagers and Y/N picked up the pace, shoving here, pushing there, until she was free from the crowd, running out onto the road, looking behind as Levi had gotten lost in the swarm of people trying to leave, her heart about to jump out of her chest.
She hid amongst the cars, breathing so heavily she thought that she might have a heart attack.
Hastily, she called an Uber as she looked around cautiously, incase anyone would find her, but no texts. None from Mikasa, none from Eren, and none from Levi.
Deep down, she knew that she had fucked it up deliciously, probably losing the love of her life, and scarring him along with that, but with everything that she knew, it was either him or her, and Y/N decided that she needed to start picking her, before she began to slip under the spell of obsession and lose herself within Levi.
Y/N held her head in her hands and she closed her eyes to stop her head swimming, taking deep breaths and rocking herself gently.
Deep down, she knew that if they broke up further than the line, a heavy heart would've been the least of her worries.
❦
if i can't be happy no one can be 😜🤟