SUMMARY: Mobius inner monologue as he slowly realizes he is in love with Loki. Basically him narrating his progression on his love for the god.
WARNINGS ⚠️: ok i know i said no s2 spoilers but i can't help it sooo there will be SLIGHT spoilers towards the end but nothing huge or big. also probably fluff only.
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The day I heard about the God of Mischief, I instantly had a weird connection to him. At first I found his story intriguing, learning about him for the sake of simply gaining knowledge. However, what turned from studying became an interest. One might say an obsession. I became a fan of his style, loved his charisma. I sympathized with his tragic life and there were just so many times I wished I could've jumped in to say something, to help the poor god. All I could do was watch his life play out, with the same tragic ending of his death under the hands of Thanos.
I tend to replay moments I loved in his life, like that one time where Loki turned out to DB Cooper, flying out of that plane, mysteriously disappearing. That was quite a twist for myself. There are probably many more moments I would replay, I'd watch them over and over like a fan would watch of their favorite celebrity.
I did think about my attraction towards Loki at one point as I felt my obsession with him had gotten a bit much but many signs pointed that I would never have gotten with him nor did I think I was truly in love. I always just classified myself as a huge fan. I met many Loki's yet this one in particular was my favorite and I don't know why.
Maybe there was a reason?
Maybe there is.
When I found out that Loki had been plucked out of time after messing with the tesseract, my heart was pumping fast. It was the same Loki I have been looking into for so long. It's like the universe heard my thoughts and granted me him.
Perhaps it was fate. Fate for me to step in and do something.
Knowing that he was going to get pruned, I couldn't let that happen. I took him under my supervision and hoped we could get along. Obviously, now that I know his tricks, I knew he couldn't fool me. I started off a little harsh on him, I mentioned his mother which I knew was too far for me. Deep down, my heart was slightly aching for him. I only ever wanted to help him.
Seeing the god in a vulnerable state, I knew his story shouldn't have to end here. He could help. He could work alongside with me and the TVA. Be a better person.
After awhile, I convinced him and put him in a nice little TVA uniform, got him to get used to our system and how we work around here. Although he was fooling around most of the time, he still seemed interested in the cause.
We stuck together for most of the time and I have got to say, I was trying my hardest not to talk so much even though I had a lot to say. Sometimes it feels like a fantasy, just seeing the prince of Asgard right there in the flash. All those times of fan-boying over him, not thinking for a second I'd ever have him sitting with me in the cafeteria, playing with my salad. As much as I tried to keep a stone cold face, I was truly grateful for being able to have him here.
I was starting to enjoy his company. I was getting let say, attached. I did not think for one second that he would leave. That he did. He left and disappeared, the TVA door shutting behind him. My heart sank. I couldn't understand why it hurts more than it should've.
He was the god of mischief, known to leave once his done. That's his signature move and I should've known that. Yet, I still didn't want to believe that was all he was. I believed he was simply misguided. Confuse. I didn't get enough time to help him realize himself.
Eventually I found him, and obviously I still felt betrayed and backstabbed. When someone you admire had done something like that, you would naturally feel the same way I have. One thing was, it hurts even more when I slowly figured out about the twisted relationship between Loki and the variant, Sylvie, who he ran away with. I don't know why but it angered me way more. It felt like my reality was crushing down on me.
I could hear the concern in his voice for her. The love and adoration he has in his eyes. I couldn't understand the relationship but seeing Loki being considerate for someone else made me wonder what he saw in Sylvie.
What did she do that made him stay with her that I couldn't do?
I only wanted to help him see the best in himself. Yet, I hear him tell me things that I'm not sure if it was part of his trickster plans. I wanted to believe him. My heart was telling me to give in. But the anger and this other uncomfortable feeling in me was telling me not to let him go that easily. The negative feelings obviously overrides everything else and I couldn't let him go, placing him in a time prison. I was never going to put him there forever though. Only to get a bit of his own medicine.
However, after knowing the awful truth about Ramona and how Loki had been telling the truth, I knew it was time to confront him. Frankly, I was scared. Scared I was going to lose the trust that I tried to built up with him over the time I've met and spent with him.
Though, I didn't need to worry about that any longer. The minute me and Loki got out of the time prison, I was met with a tragic fate. Facing Ramona, my best friend and having her prune me right in front of Loki. I didn't get to say goodbye. For a second, everything went blank.
Next thing I knew I was relocated to a new environment. It was scary. A huge storm that somehow had a soul was floating around, I drove around in a car and eventually met Sylvie. Clearly I had some pent up emotions towards her and maybe a little salty but I did try reasoning with her, understanding her.
And suddenly, after spending a bit of time with Sylvie, I could understand why Loki was attracted to her. Not only was she a variant of him that made it somewhat intriguing, she also had a past that he could resonate with. There were parts of himself he saw in her and seeing it from a different perspective must've made him appreciated her a little more. They were both angry and hurt people who found each other. I was still unsure about the relationship but at least now, I knew that perhaps, they were meant to be.
Like all stories end, I have to part ways with the main characters and that I was simply a supporting character to help Loki in his journey. I knew I was never going to be someone important and that my time with him has come to an end.
One thing I didn't forget before I left was the hug. That hug that meant a lot to me, more than you could imagine. I kept a facade, trying not to expose the fact that I was feeling emotional. I made a silly joke to lighten the mood and parted ways with Loki. Even after that, I couldn't stop thinking of him.
I wondered, would I see him again?
Again, the universe answers my wishes. Hearing that Loki came back and was somehow in the TVA, my heart started racing again like it was the first time meeting him. I was nervous but also for him too. I wanted to know what happened, what he saw and how he's doing.
Eventually we reunited, but he came back confused, sweating and somehow with this new ability to appear out of nowhere. He was scared. Scared little boy.
Together, we tried to fix his and our problems. One by one. Just like the old days. If I was being honest, I liked that he wasn't trying to find Sylvie for the sake of finding her but to help us. She knows and has more information about what happened as she was the last one standing with He Who Remains.
As we went on our own little adventure together, I felt our old connection back and better. I knew he trusted me and I trusted him. Whatever happens, we were in it together and I liked it a lot. Even though I've spent a lot of time with him now, I still can't believe that I'm considered a friend to Loki. I always felt I was way out of his league, and he would never bat an eye if I walked past. Now, I guess he's stuck with me and I am stuck with him.
However, as we spent even more time together, sharing small moments, talking with each other, I begin to realize something about myself that I didn't fully understand. All those time when Loki was away from me, chasing someone else other than me. I felt awful. It was like my heart was ripped apart. But when he's with me, everything feels alright. Even after knowing I have a life out there, I don't feel as excited or happy as I am around Loki.
It's like he's the source of happiness.
It's like he's the reason why I feel...love.
That piece of information hit me hard. I was nervous. I knew eventually I had to tell him and let him know how I felt. At the same time, I didn't want to listen to his rejection speech. Let's be real, Loki was never going to love me back. He has been with gods, princesses and prince, aliens and even humans much more cooler than me. Perhaps maybe if TVA was an actual thing and not a scam, I would've felt a little bit more confident in myself. But the TVA is nothing. I'm just a variant like him and I'm a complete nobody.
But I needed to get these things out of my chest. We've been through thick and thin. We never left each other's sides. Even then, it's not like my confession would shock him or anything will change. He's gonna brush it off quickly because my words simply wouldn't matter as much.
Nothing's gonna change. Or would it?
Sat down in the cafeteria, I took this opportunity to talk to him. He was sat right across me, playing with his food like always. He never seems to eat them quick and takes the time to savor the meal. He knew I was being awfully quiet but maybe it was just me trying to brace myself into telling him the truth on how I felt.
"Not gonna talk about your day like you always do?"
I took a huge bite out of my food, using it as a way to stall myself from talking. Loki raised an eye, as I muffled while speaking, signaling that my mouth is full.
"You know, Mobius. If there's anything you got to say to me, you can always say it. Even if it hurts me."
Hurts him? More like make him laugh. I could never say anything to hurt him. Apart from that one time I brought up his mother, I would have never hurt him.
"Why do you say that? Hurt you?"
"You've been acting shady around me. You can barely look me in the eye and you've been avoiding me. I know I did something but I just can't seem to understand what I did."
"No! No, you didn't do anything wrong. That's not why...that's not why I've been acting that way."
"Talk to me."
His eyes stared deeply into mine. For a moment, I got lost in his hazel eyes. They were beautiful. That feeling of deep affection in me only grew and somehow it felt so wrong. It felt so wrong for me to feel this way for a god. For the god of mischief.
Because of that, I ended up excusing myself from Loki as I was not in the best mood. I could explode at any moment and I needed to collect my thoughts, keep them neat and then present it to him in a casual way so that it wouldn't make me seem like I cared a lot. Which I do.
When I started walking away, however, the prince slammed the table behind me and stood up, the chair being pushed back loudly. It grabbed my attention and I turned around, Loki having his hands on the table and looking down.
I didn't understand what was happening but I knew he was obviously mad, "Loki?"
His jaw moved angrily before he spoke and his eyes still looking downwards on the table, "I don't understand, Mobius."
"Understand what?"
"Have I not done enough?"
"Loki, what are you talking abo-"
"Enough! You're going to leave me just like everyone. First you start avoiding me, then you stop talking to me. Slowly, you'll leave one day, and never come back. That's the game plan, right? Betray me?"
No. That was never the plan. Ever. I could never do that to him. In fact, I wanted the opposite. I only wanted us to be closer. I started moving closer to Loki but he moved away from the table, looking straight into me.
"What did I do wrong?" Loki said with a straight face but his emotions took control of him and a tear escaped from one eye.
My heart shattered at that moment. I had to tell him. It'll probably assure him and although I know we won't work out, at least he'll know why I've been distant.
"Loki. Listen to me. Carefully." I said as I walked closer to him, step by step.
"I ain't leaving. Not in a million years. I..I just..I have things to say to you. All these times of me avoiding you wasn't because of you, it's because I needed time to think of a proper way to tell you. It's nothing important but I needed to let you know about my feelings. We're friends, right? Well, I..."
I couldn't finish my sentence. I was being a pussy. Loki was right there. I could come up with a white lie and say something that could assure him but at the same time not tell him how I feel. That way, I might not lose him.
But before I could make a decision, Loki started talking. He let out a chuckle before he spoke, "Do you know why I decided to venture along with you? Stay by your side? Because I want to do good. I learnt a part of myself that I didn't know I could be. A good person. I've always been that person. I was just too clouded by hatred, sadness and anger to see it. But do you want to know what helped me to see that? Someone once told me that 'you could be whoever, whatever you wanted to be, even someone good' and that phrase stuck to me. Through my process of healing, I hold that phrase closely to me. Do you get what I'm trying to tell you, Mobius?"
I knew what he was hinting at. I told him that. That line. I believed he could be good. I knew he was a good person. He just needed someone to tell him that he could be anything and eventually he chose the right side. It was his decision and that's what makes it special. But I wondered what he was aiming for. What was he trying to say?
"Mobius, I've been following you because of you. Everything is for you. It feels like I owe everything to you and I never say it but I was hoping you could see that."
I couldn't tell if this was Loki's way of confessing but it was something I appreciated a lot.
Because, it gave me the courage to slowly take his face and pull it into mine for a kiss. It was gentle and soft. It was like I was hesitant at first but once my lips pressed onto his, I didn't care about anything else. It felt good and yet, it didn't feel real. Was I kissing the Loki Laufeyson? The God of Mischief. Prince of Asgard. All these crazy titles and he's kissing me.
Loki didn't pull away. Instead his hands that were awkwardly beside him, now started to slowly rise up to my waist, holding me. It was surreal. For my many years of being unromantically attached to anyone, it feels so amazing to finally have someone. Someone like the person I've been looking into my entire life. It's like the saying goes, "Perhaps the person you've been looking for has been right there the entire time", and that is exactly what I'm feeling.
I kissed away all my doubts, all my worries and all my troubles. My hands were cupping his art-like face, and his hands were everywhere on me now. I knew he wanted me too and that made me really happy.
From that day onwards, we learned about each other, about our feelings. We both were completely unsure. It was Loki's real relationship while it was mine as well although, I have seen what love looks like from the countless of lives I've seen, in movies, in shows. I'm more or less a romantic while I have not been intimate with anybody in my life while Loki has experience with being with people but lack the emotional & affectionate part of it.
And I think as we venture through this relationship together, we can help each other with both of those things. We'll figure it out together. For all time. Always.
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AUTHORS NOTE: thank you so much for reading till the end. i wanted to try and make something that feels more raw and real instead of something too whimsical. i might make one in loki's pov through-out their time together. i also have more story ideas in mind so can't wait to share them!!