Slight caution warning for this chapter ⚠️
🎶: 'Stop Waiting' by Cigarettes After Sex
Beomgyu found solitude and sanctuary on the banks next to the cliff. He couldn't bring himself to stay in the house any longer, feeling suffocated the longer he stayed there, and just left without even finishing the full story.
The brunette felt like a coward.
Sitting here, knees tucked into his arms which he had thrown around his frame, watching the waves roll against the stone, sloshing quietly.
He was lost in thought.
Talking to Kai... reopened wounds.
Four years have passed, yet the memory of seeing his beloved parents lying on the ground, covered in their own blood, was so vivid and fresh.
Not a day went by where he doesn't think of how he behaved in his last moments with them, and how much he regrets it.
Because he couldn't even say I love you or I'm sorry to them.
Before Beomgyu knew it, tears began to dribble down his cheeks. He lowered his head into his knees, and quietly sobbed into them.
Why do I still cry about this? Why can't it get better?
Suddenly, the brunette felt a warm blanket fall over him. He stiffened when he realized it was a pair of arms. But a whiff of fragrant perfume coming from the brown sleeves adorning the pair of arms around him was all it took for him to know who was hugging him.
And at that moment, the young man didn't want to be elsewhere.
No words were exchanged.
Beomgyu simply leaned his head back, eyes still closed, basking in Kai's comforting warmth.
After a while, Kai let go of the older and glanced at the water.
"Anything interesting down there?" he asked.
Beomgyu shook his head.
"No."
"Ah. Mind if I join you?"
"Not at all."
I would've pushed you away if I did.
Kai slid his sandals off before crouching down next to Beomgyu, dipping his feet into the water as well, and threading them through the waves.
Doing so gave him a bit more time to think.
Now that Beomgyu opened up about some things, because Kai was certain there was more to him than what meets the eye, so much more made sense.
He was a country boy.
No wonder he was so drawn to nature, why he adored and wanted to protect it so much; it was part of him ever since he was born.
It explained why he knew his way around just using the sun, why he could determine the ripeness of fruits, why he could fix cars; all of that must've been taught to him early on.
And... his past also shed light on the nights he spent crying in his sleep, and why he reacted so heavily when Kai asked him about his bruises.
Something in his gut told him that this ex of his... was not a good person.
"Hyung."
"Hmm?"
Both men simultaneously turned their heads to look at each other, and Kai's heart throbbed when he looked into Beomgyu's mysterious eyes.
Now, the young poet could see the reflection of a hurt and lost boy in those red rimmed eyes, and the tired face he never saw, blinded by his beauty.
Sitting right before him was somebody who lost everything too early on.
And who has to walk the earth carrying the burden of not being able to say goodbye before death tore it all apart.
"I... I know this won't mean anything but... I'm truly sorry for your loss," Kai eventually said.
"I appreciate it."
Beomgyu gazed back at the ocean.
"But you're right. It doesn't mean anything when you know you can't bring the dead back."
"Yeah..."
The brunette fiddled with his sweater cuffs.
"I miss them so much. Every day is haunted by the regret of spending my last moments with them in anger. If I had the chance to travel back in time and change the past, I would do everything I could to prevent myself from going out with Ahnjong that night. Maybe I could've done something to help and protect my parents. Or..."
"Or what?"
The brunette fell silent.
"It doesn't matter."
Kai didn't ask further. Instead, he contemplated whether or not it'd be wise to ask the next question. He could tell Beomgyu was in emotional turmoil, and he didn't want to add more stress than it already is.
"It was an assassin."
The ravenette frowned when he heard that single word.
"What?"
"An assassin. The one who slaughtered my parents. He was hired by someone with whom my father had a dispute. The police had been trying to capture him for so long due to his record of assassinating people for money. My family wasn't the first one he killed... but they were the last."
"Oh..."
"You were probably curious why, right?"
"I won't lie and say no."
Beomgyu simply nodded, and let his feet sink down into the waters below.
"Is it okay if I ask you... what happened next, with you and Ahnjong?" Kai questioned carefully.
The brunette sighed softly.
"He took me in. I had no one else to turn to, but little did I know, I would make the worst mistake of my life."
Kai's heart sank.
"Why?"
"He... Ahnjong took my virginity away that night, and I just barely consented to it."
The younger male gasped quietly.
"Beomgyu..."
He avoided looking at him.
Something like this isn't easy.
There's the fear of judgment, the fear of the possibility of inexplicable questions that you're unable to answer, and so much more.
But come what may.
"I found a side of Ahnjong that I never thought I would."
The memories became explicitly vivid in front of his very eyes.
"After I moved in with him, his behavior towards me changed. He knew I was depressed and grieving, yet he couldn't understand why; he thought I despised my parents for being so controlling sometimes. But I never hated my parents to begin with, sure I was fed up a few times with their strictness, but I nevertheless loved them. I wouldn't be the person I am today if it weren't for them, I wouldn't know half of the things I know had I not lived on the farm for so long, and I... just about everything about me wouldn't be the same."
A light shudder rippled through him.
"But... Ahnjong believed otherwise. He became aggressive. He began to blame me for so many things, and he began hollering at me for having depressive episodes. Those hollers... eventually became hits, and then into forcing me into things I didn't want. And... I didn't have a choice but to let him have his way. After all... he would always say 'I'm sorry' and then treat my wounds."
Everything was covered up and sugarcoated with the word 'love'.
And for some reason, Beomgyu kept falling for it.
Kai could feel his stomach lurch at that. Beomgyu hung his head ashamedly, and felt too humiliated to look at him.
"I know, i-it sounds so messed up..."
"Beomgyu, I'm not angry at you."
The brunette glanced up with shimmery eyes.
"Y-You're not?"
"For heaven's sake, no. I... I'm just... I feel terrible, knowing this happened to you."
"Mhm..."
Beomgyu hesitated, debating whether this was a good idea or not, but then he rolled up his sleeves, and showed Kai his lower arms.
"These... this is what I did to myself... to relieve some of the pain."
If Kai didn't feel his heart break before, he now did.
Scars littered Beomgyu's pearly skin, and he could see bruises adorning the area above his elbows, which looked like painful grip marks.
"Hyung..."
Kai took Beomgyu's arm into his hand, and gently traced his scars.
Scars were everywhere.
Some smaller than others, some more healed than others, and some... fresher than others.
"I... I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything either."
Beomgyu smiled at him weakly.
"Just you sitting here, expressing your sincere care... it's enough."
Kai could feel his cheeks blossom pink.
"I... I guess I'm glad it is."
The brunette lowered his gaze back to the water, which had turned a bit more turquoise now that the sun was breaking through the clouds.
"Now you know the reason I'm here: to escape him and everything else from back home."
"I'm glad you were able to leave him."
"... Yeah."
Beomgyu threaded his foot through the ocean, watching a school of fish scatter around him, and feeling the cool airy breeze blow through him.
"Were you scared of me?"
Beomgyu didn't want to answer that one. The response in his throat was... unfair to someone as pure and kind as Kai.
He looked at him with a cautious gaze.
"You can tell me. Please... don't be afraid to tell me."
Can I ever not be afraid?
There was only one way to find out.
The most he could do... is try.
"I was."
"But why?"
He bit his lip before he spoke.
"There was... so much about you that reminded me of him. The way you both seemed so fascinated by anything. The way... your parent statuses align. I... I guess part of me thinks every guy I'll meet will hurt me if I trust them too quickly, because that's what happened with him. I don't know how else to explain it because I barely know myself... But..."
Beomgyu glanced at Kai through his brown bangs.
"... now I don't see how you can be similar."
Despite the resurfaced pain... I'm glad I opened up to you.
Kai could have taken offense that Beomgyu thought of him so negatively.
Especially because he was nowhere near him.
But instead, as pure and good hearted as he is, he felt his heart leap at the fact Beomgyu no longer thinks of him that way, that he trusted him enough to tell him his story, and that... he feels safe around him.
"I'm glad then."
Beomgyu gave him a small smile, before shyly glancing down at the rocks again. They were gleaming under the sunlight, like little crystals.
"What about your friends?" Kai asked, remembering the trio from the photo Beomgyu showed to him yesterday.
He exhaled.
"They came to me as soon as they heard my parents died."
"Baby."
Beomgyu blinked his tired eyes open.
"Hmm?"
His vision was filled with Ahnjong sitting beside him, brushing pieces of stray hair out of his face.
"Your... friends are here."
"My what?"
"Your old friends came here to visit you. They just got the news about your parents."
He felt like a knife stabbed him.
"Oh."
"I can also turn them away—"
"No... just let them in."
"You sure?"
"Mhm..."
"... okay fine."
Ahnjong stood up, a miniscule scowl on his face, and walked into the living room, where the three friends were.
"You can come in," he said, a small hint of annoyance in his voice.
Taehyun instantly stormed past him, with Soobin chasing after his dongsaeng so he wouldn't overwhelm Beomgyu, while Yeonjun purposefully elbowed Ahnjong in the ribs, making him scoff.
"Hyung!"
Beomgyu's eyes began pooling upon seeing them.
"Guys..."
Four months have passed since he last saw his old, genuine friends, who had changed a bit appearance wise, as their hair was a different color.
But it was his friends who were the most shocked, seeing him.
He had lost so much weight, leaving his face gaunt and distortedly pale, heavy dark circles were under his eyes, and his hair was messy and disheveled.
In short... he looked like life had been sucked out of him entirely.
Nothing like the bright boy they met years ago, who cheerfully greeted them with a smile on the day they signed up for lessons, who took them on little adventures across the nearby fields, who organized picnics.
It was clear to them that that boy was gone now.
Taehyun knelt down next to him, grabbing his hand and squeezing it. Soobin sat down on the edge of the bed, patting his knee.
"Hey... glad to see you don't have too many injuries."
"At least on your body," Taehyun added.
Beomgyu silently nodded.
His eyes fell on Yeonjun, who just entered the room. He was dressed in black and white only, and his gaze met the younger's.
"Gyu..."
That was when Beomgyu couldn't take it any longer; he broke into sobs. Yeonjun instantly came over to him, and wrapped both arms around him. Beomgyu, craving comfort, slid his hands up, clutching the back of Yeonjun's jacket.
"Hyung... I-I'm sorry..."
"Shh... it's not your fault—"
"No."
Beomgyu shakily exhaled.
Soobin and Taehyun looked at each other before shuffling a little closer to hold their friend's trembling hands.
"I-I am responsible for this... I-I fought with my parents, a-and I was d-drunk too... I-I d-didn't e-even get the chance to say goodbye..."
Yeonjun's heart broke all the more.
Drunk?
What happened in the last few months that neither of them didn't know about.
"Gyu..."
"Yes, H-Hyung, I-I've become such a horrible person, a-and I couldn't be a good son to my parents i-in their last moments."
His voice was laced with so much pain and regret, breaking apart with every passing second as he shook with sorrow.
It was almost unbearable.
Taehyun bit his lip to not start crying, even though tears were already beginning to form in the corners of his eyes, and Soobin simply looked at his lap.
"I-I hate myself... w-why did I become like this?" Beomgyu cried out, sobbing into his best friend's chest, who could only do so much as caressing his back.
Unbeknownst to the pair of ears spying on them.
Yeonjun felt his heart shatter when he came face to face with the reality he didn't want to greet.
Beomgyu will never be the same again.
Unless a miracle happens.
Kai wanted to ask so many more questions.
Why did Beomgyu not see the signs of Ahnjong's behavior? Why did he decide to stay with him? Why didn't he stay with his friends instead?
But he chose not to.
None of that mattered, at least not right now.
Right now, what's important is that Beomgyu knows he has another friend to rely on, and that he should treat their time here in Indonesia as a well-deserved break.
Everything else can be answered another day.
"Hyung?"
"Yes."
"Thanks for telling me. I can imagine it was difficult for you, so... I'm truly proud of you and your bravery."
Beomgyu smiled.
"That's what friends are for, right?"
Kai returned the smile.
"Right..."
No words were exchanged afterwards.
None needed to be either.
They only gazed back at the ocean, listening to its waves rush back and forth, meeting the sandy beach and closed their eyes at the feeling of the sun bathing on them as soon as it broke through the clouds.
Something bloomed that day.
Friendship.
—+x+—
A/N: Sorry for the delayed chapter, but we're gonna go back to our regular upload schedule starting today :) what was your fav song off Freefall? Mine are Skipping Stones and Growing Pain ✨
Also. This song is >>>>