I didn't believe in love. I didn't, but with Freyja, I thought it could be possible. I'd been terrified to tell her of the things I'd done to those males because surely, a good female like Freyja should've been afraid of me. She should've hidden herself and demanded that I leave, but she didn't. Instead, she listened intently to each detail, every gruesome fact, and she'd been smiling.
"They deserved it, Azriel. I'm glad to know that you're the one who'd done it," she had said to me.
I was in utter shock. After I'd finished telling her, Freyja had lifted my hands and kissed them, murmuring about how I was not a monster, that I wasn't ugly or wrong. I'd never been so enamored by someone like I was for her. She fed into my worst thoughts, bringing them to light and showing me that I shouldn't be ashamed.
She had told me how she'd fought her father about protecting the females there. Freyja told me of the rallies she tried to start with the other angry females, and then been punished by being brought to the Moonstone Palace. She'd told me when she and Rhysand had gone to a lunch at a small cafe in the village during his training and a male had grabbed at her. Freyja had turned and sent her fist into his nose, despite being far shorter than him. Rhysand had to step in and force the male from the cafe, and they'd promised not to tell anyone so Freyja wouldn't get sent away again.
Alcaeus had suspected she had been 'acting out' and sent spies to watch over her. Once she'd grown close to her maturity, Alcaeus had punished her so often that during the war, she and Odessa remained in the Moonstone Palace so that Freyja could be taught to be a lady. During the years, Alcaeus would return and test her, claiming that she was to be married off as an alliance with another court, and Freyja was afraid that if she rebelled, he would send her to whomever would be her husband.
The talk had grown more consistent in the last year and Freyja said she'd grown terrified that she could no longer handle herself if she was sent to a cruel male. That was why she was desperate to ruin her chances of it. She'd grown meek and afraid, she claimed.
"I just know I'll become like my mother. I'll be used for an heir and thrown to the side to entertain myself while he finds pleasure with others. I want love, Azriel. I don't want to be a male's plaything."
I wanted her to be loved, too. I wanted to love her, but I wasn't so sure I was capable of it. I'd only ever hated. Love seemed too gentle, too docile. I was neither of those things. I was a cruel male who wanted pleasure and blood. Was that even true anymore? I was sat with a nude female on my hips yet I spoke to her of my deepest feelings. I wasn't fucking her, I wasn't coating her in my blood. I didn't even crave pain or pleasure. I just wanted her skin on mine, which in itself was foreign to me.
When I'd been with Flora, I wouldn't let our skin touch unless it was my bloodied hand on her body. I had hated the idea of my marred flesh on a female's. I thought that they didn't deserve my cruel hands on their bodies unless it brought them pleasure. Now, I couldn't think straight if I didn't have Freyja's skin on mine. She'd called me worthy of touching her and I couldn't get enough.
Even my fingers holding hers or my hand resting on her thigh, I needed it. My body felt calm with hers against it, my mind soothed by her presence. She was my salvation, saving me from the darkest thoughts. Here and now, my every thought was of her.
"I don't see you as a monster, Azriel. A true monster wouldn't care if they were one. They wouldn't be concerned of harming a female. You are a savior of my people. You have been tortured and hurt, and now it's your turn to be unleashed. I love your violence, I love your pain, and I love you," Freyja murmured softly, leaning forward.
Gods, I would cry. I was sure of it. I'd never felt such peace. Freyja's lips captured mine, her small hands gripping my face. I could help but tangle my fingers into the back of her hair. I hoped she didn't feel how badly I shook or the sniffle as I tried to fight back tears. I'd never felt the light of love or nurture besides my brothers, and the love they had for me was nothing like this. Their love was a battlefield loyalty, putting their lives on the line for mine. This, however, was something I would kill for. I'd do terrible things just to feel this a moment longer.
Our kiss was slow and delicate. The truth of her words glided across my tongue with each parting of her lips. Her hands still held my face as though I was the most precious item in the realm. Mother, I'd found it. I found the peace I'd been searching for. In these moments, not one haunting clouded my mind. I was entirely surrounded by us. I'd let go of my control and let Freyja pull me where she needed, encouraging me to speak of things I'd never brought to words.
I'd never felt the type of freedom that I did now. As if my mind released my past and is allowing me to savor an emotion I'd never truly felt. An exquisite part of myself that had been shadowed by my past traumas.
"Az," Freyja cooed against my lips. My skin tightened, chills running down my spine at her voice. A female I'd never thought to look twice at now clouded my every thought. She was peeling back my soul and bringing herself within me, becoming a part of my every fibre. She'd wrapped herself around each nerve, writhed in my blood.
My arousal was entirely at her mercy. Her hot breath against my mouth, her nails digging into my jaw. I knew she needed me as badly as I needed her. The hand that wasn't in her hair went to her hip, tugging her forward. I'd never been more thankful to be nude as her slickness slid over my length. Her breathy moan against my lip was a prayer more beautiful than any chant from within the Temple.
"Ride me, Freyja. Use me," I panted, kissing down her chin to her jaw. Her fingers still clung to my face as she shivered. I wanted so badly to see her ride me to completion, to find her pleasure in my body. Never once had I allowed a female to use me, but I'd used them plenty. It was her turn.
Freyja threw her head back, her shoulder length hair tight in my fist as I tasted her throat. Her hips rolled, gliding herself over my cock. She was already soaking me. One of her hands slipped from my face and down between us as she rose higher on her knees. My pulse thrummed with excitement, already feeling so close to erupting.
"Like this?" She asked with a heavy breath, fingers wrapping around the base of my cock. I hummed in approval, flattening my tongue against her racing pulse. We both moaned as she lowered herself to my tip, stroking me through her arousal.
"Take it slow, pretty. Don't hurt yourself."
She nodded, chin tapping against my cheek. I'd never been so aroused in all my years. I felt myself throbbing against her loose hold, moans already tumbling from my throat. Freyja placed me at her entrance, lowering herself. She gasped sharply, stilling at the first stretch.
"Good girl," I cooed, kissing up her jaw. I shifted my hold on her hip, extending my thumb to massage her in her most sensitive spot. Her thighs shook as her head fell forward, a gasping moan rattling her. "Slowly, Freyja. Take all of me slowly."
She lowered herself more, her face falling forward to my shoulder. I planted soft kisses to hers, continuing to stroke her. Freyja let out a pained cry, my chest aching. Perhaps I shouldn't have encouraged her, surely she's still sore.
"I'm sorry, Freyja, we can stop."
She shook her head, panting against my skin. "You're just so big."
As much as that should have stroked my ego, I didn't want to hurt her. "Let me lay back, you can ride my mouth instead. I'll make you soak my face instead of my cock."
I felt her clench around my tip, a moan shuddering through her. "I want you like this."
I nodded, choosing to shut my mouth and continue stroking her clit and massaging her scalp. Freyja lowered herself further, crying out. I expected this to last for a long while, of her slowly lowering onto me and letting herself adjust, but just like always, Freyja surprised me. A hand clamped around my wrist, her teeth biting into my shoulder as she dropped down fully. I groaned, pressing my face into her neck at the sudden sensation of her warmth.
Freyja bit down harder, small whimpers escaping as she pulsed around me. It took every ounce of restraint I had not to fill her with my seed. Between her squeezing me and the delicious pain of her teeth, I was teetering on the edge.
"Such a good girl," I choked out, my own whimpers following as she began to rock her hips.
"I'm so full," Freyja moaned. She pulled her face from my shoulder, seating herself on my cock and meeting my eyes. Her were brimmed with tears, a reddened lip caught between her teeth as she brought herself up and dropped back onto me.
"Fuck," I spat, my head falling back against the headboard. She did it several more times. My hand fell from her hair and to her hip, shaking as I held myself back from finishing. I used my other thumb to spread her open. I looked her over, a moan rumbling in my chest.
Her pretty blue eyes were glazed with lust, lips parted, cheeks blushed pink. Her hair was a mess from my fist, her breasts moving with each heaving breath. My entire body trembled as I looked down to where I spread her open. My thick cock had her stretched entirely, her arousal pooling around my base. I'd never seen anything more seductive; more erotic.
"Roll your hips. Flatten your feet on the bed and use your legs to ride me," I instructed with a thick voice. Freyja followed my instruction and both of us were whimpering like never before. I couldn't get a word of praise out. Each time I parted my lips, an embarrassingly loud moan left me. Freyja bounced on me as I used my grip on her to help lift her up. Her legs shook violently with the effort and I decided we both had enough.
"Gods!" Freyja shrieked, her eyes rolling back as I began pounding into her. I felt myself swell, felt her squeeze me so fucking tight. We were both so close and I couldn't handle her mouth being so far away. I tightened my hold with one hand and brought the other to her hair, fisting it and dragging her to me. Our mouths met in a messy kiss, our moans transferring from tongue to tongue.
I swallowed her scream as she came, unable to stop the trembling cry of her name as I filled her. We kept kissing long after the overwhelming pleasure subsided, and Freyja didn't lift off of me until I'd gone entirely soft in her and our lips were swollen and crimson. When I'd carried her to the bathing chamber to scrub our skin clean for the second time that day, I wasn't sure I could ever leave her side again.