-Connor-
"Do you want me to go find him?" I heard Troye ask, volunteering to go find Joe in the woods. Troye had his lunch in hand as he asked.
"Sure, go ahead." I heard Tyler reply from his seated position. Troye then set down his lunch and walked into the woods. After he left, I got my sandwich out of the Ziploc bag and took my first bite.
"What do you think he's actually doing out there?" I heard Marcus speaking out in general. I heard Tyler scoff while he was drinking his water.
"He's probably shooting up or burying some drug in the ground so no one will find it. He's so uptight and hot headed." Tyler said, taking bite of his sandwich. "He's always been like that, but ever since last year's incident, things have been even worse." Tyler said through his chews. I swallowed the bite that was in my mouth.
"Is there still tension between Joe and Alfie?" I asked, turning to Marcus. He nodded in the middle of taking a drink. Once he swallowed, he spoke.
"It's all Joe's fault. He's still holding that damn grudge. He's really good at that apparently." Marcus said. After he was finished speaking, I heard a rustling off to my right. Emerged was the very person we were talking about with a red, hot face. Following behind him was Troye. He had the hugest, smuggest grin I've ever seen on a person. He grabbed his lunch and sat down next to me.
"What's with the smile?" I said, smiling slightly. He then began slightly laughing to himself.
"Don't worry about it." He said, still smiling. His smug look turn towards Joe, who was still hot headed. He gave him a small smile, then took a bite of his sandwich.
Minutes passed and everyone was finished with their lunch. Everyone piled back onto their boats and we headed off down the river. While nothing significant happened on the rest of the trip, Troye and I just floated down the river in comfortable silence. I rowed down the river with Troye in all of my wetness and grossness. Admittedly, I was slightly pissed at him for that happening. But, I don't wanna get mad at him, and I can't stay mad at him. And although I was holding it together quite well, I was still shaken up by earlier today when Troye finally figured out my deepest, darkest secret. While it was a relief, it still scared the shit out of me. No one else knew besides the multiple counselors I've been to, my parents, and the very boy that's making it tougher, Troye boy. The very boy that I'm sharing a cabin with. The one that I will be spending two weeks with. The very boy that has already changed the course of my life. Through the rest of the canoe trip, I marveled at the wonderful scenery and beautifulness that was enveloping my life. Him.
-
"Yes, Troye hit me into the water." I said to the dinner table. It was the usual table. Caspar sat on my left and Troye on my right. Tanya asked what happened on the canoe trip and Marcus said I got wet.
"TROYE HIT YOU INTO THE WATER?" Tanya practically yelled. Her eyes got wide and had a huge concerned look her face. I felt Troye exhale in annoyance.
"Yeah, he did." I simply replied, moving towards my dinner to devour it.
"Did anything else happen on the trip?" I heard Phil speak up.
"Nothing." Joe quickly answered. Shutting any possibility for Troye to speak down. Phil just replied with a simple 'oh'.
The table fell silent after that. Everyone ate their lunch in silence. After a few moments, I heard Caspar sniffle. I looked over to see him shedding a tear. He rushed upward and ran out of the mess hall. Joe looked at me with a concerned face. He then ran after him, calling out his name. I looked towards Troye.
"What was that about?" I asked him. He stared at Caspar and Joe's exit with a look of great puzzlement.
"I have no idea. Caspar didn't seem sad or distressed when he sat down." Troye added. After that, everyone got up and left the table. I threw my trash away and followed Troye out of the mess hall. We walked down the path with conversational chatter. We climbed up the few steps that led to the cabin and entered. Joe was sitting in on his bed, in a curled position. He had tear streaks down his face. Troye sat on his bed and I sat on mine. I would've went to Joe's side to comfort him, but all things considered for the past two days, I didn't. I heard Troye speak up.
"Is everything okay Joe?" He said. I could tell he didn't have his most sincere caring voice, but I don't blame him.
"It's Caspar." Joe said through quiet sobs. Troye immediately shot up.
"What happened? What's wrong with him? What did you do to him!" He then shot up from his seated position
"I didn't do anything! He ran into his cabin and shut the door behind him. He's locked himself in there. He's letting no one in." Joe said, looking up at Troye, who was suddenly alert. Troye bolted towards the door.
"Troye it's no use. He's letting no one in. No one." He said. Maybe Caspar just needs space. Maybe he just needed time to think about something. I don't know.
"Joe, do you know what's in his suitcase?" Troye asked, standing in the doorway. Joe looked up from his curled state, his eyes filled with tears.
"No. Why?"
"Well whatever is in there, he's left ALONE with it." Troye said. Is he really suggesting that Caspar is left alone with something dangerous? Is Caspar really that dark? Joe's eyes suddenly widened. Without a word, he sprinted out of the cabin and down the sidewalk. Troye entered back into the cabin. He came over and sat next to me. He sunk into the bed, his head falling into his hands. I did the one thing that felt natural. I tapped his shoulder, causing to look up. I opened up my arms, hoping he would oblige. He surged forward and wrapped his arms around my small figure as I let my arms fall around his neck. I set my head on his shoulder. I felt him nuzzle into my neck, his breath beginning to feel uneven.
"I'm worried about Caspar." He whispered, voice cracking. I began to draw circles into his back, hopefully soothing him as much as possible.
"Caspar just needs time to think about a few things." I said, also whispering. Troye pulled away from the hug with force. His eyes were beginning to turn red. His voice was wavering.
"No, you don't understand." He said, eyes brimming with tears.
"Connor, he's suicidal."
I felt my heart drop. My stomach twisted and contorted. Caspar? The gentle giant? Suicidal?
"What? But Caspar is the happiest person ever." I said. I don't know why he would be suicidal about. It doesn't make sense.
"He's struggling with his sexual orientation." What? Caspar might be gay? Well, I guess that explains Joe's passion for him. But, I never thought Caspar would struggle with something like that. He must've hid it well.
"Caspar might be gay?"
"He's just confused. He's never acted like this. Ever. He's bottled up so much. He's kept things away from me. Away from everyone. And the fact that I didn't help him. He was suffering in silence..." As Troye went on, his voice began to crack and waver. His eyelids gave way, and the tears flowed out. I went back for a hug. Troye immediately obliged and he silently cried into my neck. His hot tears and breath wetted my neck. I drew even more circles into his back. After a while, he quit crying. I tried to think of something that will take his mind off of things.
"Hey Troye."
"Hm?"
"You wanna help me get firewood?"
-
"Come on Connor. Sit down. The fire is fine. Relax." Troye said as I poked and prodded the orange and yellow beast. I wanted it to be perfect for me and him. I wanted to have the perfect setting. I finally gave into Troye's word and sat down next to him.
"I appreciate you doing this for me." Troye said in a small voice. "It makes me feel a bit better."
"Well, it's the least I could do. I know your life must be so jumbled with the drama and Caspar." I said. He was sitting to my right. His hands placed behind him, leaning on them for support. The light of the fire reflected of his face.
"My life? Mine is completely fine. Just a few bumps here and there. I'm more concerned about you. Is everything okay with your...you know, secret?" Troye asked, looking uncomfortable as he asked. Honestly, as today went on, I reflected on how the coming out experience was...and it felt amazing to just say it. I feel like I could scream it from the rooftops. Well, maybe not that extreme, but I could tell someone else if I wanted. Although the thought of coming out still scared me, it won't kill me, like I use to think.
I forward and closer to Troye. I pivoted on my butt, my back facing Troye. I then laid back, my head falling in his lap. Troye moved forward, criss crossing his legs, giving me a better and more comfortable position. I rested my hands on my ribs.
"I think it's gonna be fine with my 'secret'." I said with a small smile. Troye smiled back at me. The heat of the fire warmed our two bodies. Minutes passed, and Troye began to slowly move his fingers into my hair, playing with my hair. His fingers running across my scalp, slowly massaging my hair. I stared into the heart of the fire. My eyes began to droop. Combined with the warmth and comfort of Troye, the fire's hot, blazing presence, and Troye's fingers running through my hair, I drifted off into a world of comfort and peace.
-
"-didn't you tell me!" I heard someone yell. I jumped awake. But, I didn't open my eyes. I felt around me slowly. I realized I was in my bed. I slowly opened my eyes. I saw Troye and another figure I couldn't make out in the darkness. The cabin was only lit by the dying fire.
"Joe shut up. You're gonna wake up Connor." Troye said in a hostile tone. I closed my eyes again. I went back into my sleeping position. I know that eavesdropping is bad, but I wanted to hear what was going on.
"Does it look like I give a fuck about your boyfriend? I wanna know why you didn't tell me Caspar was suicidal."
"So, you think barging in here and asking for answers of why I knew before you will solve anything?"
"Don't get smart with me, Troye. For all I know, Caspar now has problems like your boyfriend." I shot up at that remark. My head shot upward, my eyes open. But, the two were to involved in the conflict to notice. I saw Troye's head turn slightly.
"What the fuck do you mean by 'problems'?" Troye said, reading my mind.
"He's depressed, he might be cutting, he wants to kill himself, the same things Connor feels."
That was enough.
I sprung up and moved forward with force. I pushed Troye to the side and faced Joe face to face.
"Oh, I'm sorry, what problems? As far as I'm concerned, all of those things don't apply to me anymore. I've moved on from that. I have the damn scars to prove it. And if Caspar is feeling that way right now, why the hell aren't you their for him right now? What exactly are you accomplishing by walking your fucking dumbass down here and asking for answers that you don't even need? Huh? Absolutely fucking nothing. So, you go back to that cabin, and help the very person you are neglecting." I spat at him. His face turned white as I went on and on. After I was finished, Joe was staring at me with no emotion. I turned my back on him, moving towards my bed. Then, I thought of something. I turned back around on my heels.
"Also, you think I have problems? Go look in a fucking mirror sometime."
Joe's face turned a small shade of crimson. He stormed out of the cabin. I glanced at Troye, who had a look of surprise. I slightly smiled.
"Well...that was...something." Troye said, chuckling. He rubbed the back of his neck.
"Yeah. Quite the scene." I said. I moved forward to look into the fireplace.
"It's 9:30 right now. We still have a half an hour." I said, looking at the fire.
"That's perfect." Troye said, smiling. I smiled back at him. I rekindled the fire into the blaze it was before. I sat next Troye. I felt his hand move onto mine. I moved my hand into his, entwining our fingers together. After doing so, I rested my head onto his shoulder. He then laid his head onto mine. We sat there in perfect silence, staring into the heart of the fire that would warm us through the night.
________________________________
A/N: Hey Guys!!
UPDATE
I'm really sorry that this one took a bit. I hit a serious writer's block while writing this. So yeh, sorry about that.
Thanks you guys for soooooo many reads!!! It's insane how many of you read my ole story!!
Speaking of reads, if we get to 10K reads, I have a little something special I'd like to do. SO LET'S GET TO 10K!!!!!
Q: Favorite movie?
Okay, you guys'll think I'm weird, but I like the movie Twister. It's from my childhood. It's the movie that got me to be so interested in weather.
I think that's all I have so.....
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