The plan was to go to the storage unit filled with of all my things. But as we pull up to the front of it, I can't peel myself off the seat. No matter how loud I screamed at myself inside my head, nothing freed me from the seat. I was suctioned to it, sewed to it, glued to it.
No matter how much I wanted to hold Max's tattered teddy bear, or run my finger over the thousands of photos of the two of us. I physically couldn't force myself to do it. So instead Bax and I returned the car and returned to the hotel. We didn't leave it for the next day. We sat inside, staring out the windows of the high rise. Simply just watching snow trickle down from the sky.
And just like that we were gone. I was leaving this life behind me. New York wasn't home. It would never be home again. Life didn't feel the same here, not with Bax. Everything felt heavier. The air was thick, it felt hard to breathe. New York made me question everything I had ever known.
The moment we touched down back in Australia, I felt like I could breathe again. Bax and I felt normal. There was no questioning on if Bax wanted me, or why. Bax wanted me because he loved me. He loved what we were together. He didn't care if I was broken, or healed. None of it mattered. He just wanted Miss Maybelle Grace, that was it.
The thing I dread though, the one thing that's still heavy on my heart, is having to sleep alone. I've had months with Bax by my side. But he had his own trip planned, a trip I was denied from attending. My safety net was being ripped from me the day we landed and I was terrified.
The goodbye was miserable. I ended up a mess of tears on my bed. I half expected to stand on a damp surface having flooded my room with so many tears. It didn't happen though. My pillow was the only thing soaked.
I didn't leave my room for the first day. Not to eat. Not to socialize. Nothing but him would make me leave. He was somewhere along the coast, very far away from me. It wasn't going to happen; no matter how many tears I cried. He was gone, and not coming back for the foreseeable future.
Summer tried to enter the lion's den quite a few times. But I only met her with silence. A cold shoulder was enough to turn her away. I was inconsolable and she knew it. There was no reason to fight a battle she knew she was never going to win. In the past maybe, but not now. Not when I was head over heels with someone who had clearly stole her place in my life.
The first night I went scream-less. Or at least that's what Summer informed Baxter. The second night though, I woke up drenched in sweat. My voice wasn't raw; it hadn't felt like nights where I've woken myself from screaming. But the nightmare was vivid. It felt like it was still happening, no matter how many times I opened and closed my eyes the movie still played like a broken record stuck on repeat.
"You really thought I loved you?" A cold laugh passes by lips that once loved upon my skin. I can't help but reach up and run my fingers over marks where he's marked me as his. "You're so gullible Maybelle." The hackle continues, as my heart crumbles to dust.
I'm merely melting into the floor. My knees have instantly bruised from the drop I've just done to them. A dampness coats my cheeks as he continues to blare words at me I never thought I'd hear him say.
"I used you to get Summer back. I even told you I wanted to kiss her and you still stayed. You're actually an idiot." Bax shakes his head. "You go on and on about your dead brother, like I cared. Took me to see where he died, like I cared. I don't care because it doesn't matter." He tucks his finger under my chin as he squats down in front of me. I try to fight off his touch, but it's nearly impossible. I have no control, he does.
"I had to act all sweet, make Summer jealous. And it worked. Of course it worked, because I will always be the best. You see it. She sees it. Everyone wants a piece of me all to themselves." He boasts and it makes me stomach churn, I feel the urge to vomit but I choke down the bile rising up the back of my throat before I do. "What can I say? Can't take the player out of the person."
"Stop." I mutter, but it has no gumption. There is no will left of trying in my tone. I have lost all there is to have. My brother. My parents. My best friend. Bax...
"I never loved you Maybelle. It's sad to say, well no it's really not, but you were just a pawn in my game. You should have seen it coming my evil evil girl. We're both cut from the same cloth." He nips at my chin with a pinch as he stands.
The nightmare skips time.
I'm at the edge of a cliff, the only thing stopping me from going over the edge is the guard rail. I'm alone, but I don't feel alone. My eyes are scanning, looking, searching for the looming presence aching in my heart. When a car goes flying off the edge beside me.
I practically throw myself after it, but I don't. Not when I hear the screams. Instead I'm now trapped inside the car. I'm no longer at the edge. I'm sat in the passenger seat, eyes set staring at the water below. This car will crash. I will die. There is no second chance to live through one of these. No guardian angel in the name of my brother can save me.
My eyes shift to who is driving, Bax is sat there. His fingers are tightly wound against the leather surface, so much so his knuckles have gone white.
He smiles at me. A smile that I love. A smile that has pulled me from such a dark place. "You took Summer from me. Now you must pay."
It's the last words I hear before I'm ripped back to the beginning. Baxter confessing how he used me, how he never loved me—how Summer is his person. But this time instead of jumping forward to the cliff. I'm pushed to Summer's room.
I glance down at my hand. A knife covered in blood is held tightly in my palm. I am covered in blood. I stare at the scene before me. Bax is covered in blood. Summer is there. She's not moving. She is gone. I've seen the look in my brother. There is no life left in her.
"Baxter..." I call out, and his eyes jump to me. "What did we do? Baxter, what did we do?" I repeat the question over and over each time my voice raising in panic.
I'm jolted awake, the constant repeat of nightmare ending. I'm not alone. Summer is in bed beside me. Her hand petting my hair like Bax has always done. It's just not the same. It will never stop them. It will never end them.
"He picked you, then tried to kill me. Then time rewound and we killed you together. Summer it won't stop." I sob, curling into her like I haven't just told her in my dreams I want her dead.
"It's okay Belle, it's okay." She tries to comfort me, but instead I just sob until I can't breathe. I'm hyperventilating, the room going fuzzy, and then his voice pings in my ears, the warmth of a male's touch grazes my skin and all will to breathe is pushed back into me.
"Maybelle, look at me I'm right here." Bax pulls me into his chest as my body refuses to move. "Baby, it's okay I'm here now."
Two days it took two days before I inevitably ruined his time away. Two days until I cracked. Two days for it to all be too much. My fear of Summer and Bax was never going to leave. I was trapped with that feeling. So much so I had begun to hate my own best friend for something as simple as looking at him. But Baxter has done the same so why can't my brain understand that it is me he wants.
"I'm not okay." I whine out in a sob so filled with emotion, I hear him choke back a tear.
"Summer, I've got this." He forces out, shooing her away. I hear the door click, but I don't see her leave. My eyes can't seem to open. They don't want to open.
"We killed her." I sob out. I am a mess. I know I look like a mess. And I honestly don't think Bax has ever seen me this fucked up by something. This is the worst I've been in so long, since the death of Max.
"Oh May." He pulls me up from my laying position and rocks me in his arms. I'm like a limp noodle, so full of sad emotion, that I feel emotionless, numb.
"I can't do this anymore." The dagger I stabbed through Summer's chest in the dream, I stab it through my own. "I can't do this." I say louder, But the force of it sends me into a coughing fit sending rogue tears, spit, and snot everywhere.
"Baby, what can't you do? You have to calm down." Bax rubs my back trying to soothe me. But his touch is like razor blades to the skin. My nightmare has tainted my vision of us. I hate who we are now. We are just demons feasting of whatever gives us a high at that moment.
"This!" I motion between us. "One day you're going to leave. Whether it be to her or someone else and I'm going to become my mother. I'm going to kill because I know I can get away with it. And I—"
"You don't mean that." Bax forces me to look at him. His irises have been lined in a bright shade of red. Tears have begun to fill his water line. He is cracking right in front of me.
"You'll hate me when I do it. I'd rather break your heart now, then risk having to watch you hate me with every single bone in your body from ripping away the one thing you love most in this world." A tear slides down his cheek. Just one. The rest are brimming but he doesn't let them fall.
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𝚊/𝚗: 𝚜𝚑𝚑𝚑𝚑𝚑... 𝚒'𝚖 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚜𝚙𝚘𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚘𝚞. 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚊 𝚜𝚎𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚝 𝚍𝚘𝚞𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚞𝚙𝚕𝚘𝚊𝚍 𝚒 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍𝚗'𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚒𝚝 𝚞𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚕 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐