Within seconds the tension between Drew and Jada had reached the point to where it was actually unbearable. I was afraid, but Drew seemed to be trying to keep her shit together while Jada basically held a death glare. Luckily my parents were oblivious.
"So when did you two meet?" I heard my dad asking but I couldn't seem to fathom the thought of answering, at least not in front of my older sister.
But she encouraged, "Yea Bree, when did you and Drew meet?" The sarcasm in her voice was apparent but the anger was even more obvious.
I swallowed hard, "End of September, she uh..." I paused, feeling a sense of bile rising in my throat, "Works at the gym we rehearsed at."
The air was so thick I was convinced I was going to pass out, but Drew seemed to be one step ahead. "It was so nice meeting you but we promised some friends we would have dinner with them after the recital."
I knew she was lying but I was so glad she was, and I nodded, "Yea, and I'll see you all tomorrow anyway."
My mom winked at me, "I'm guessing you're staying out tonight, then?"
I saw the anger in Jada heighten further, as if that was even humanly possible. I swore she was about to explode, but all I could do was try and get away as fast as I could.
I nodded, "Yea, I'll see you all tomorrow."
And with that I let Drew pull me away from my family and out of the auditorium. I believed we were both in a state of shock, but the fact that we had managed to get out of Jada's glare alive was beyond me.
Drew mumbled, "Holy shit."
"Holy shit," I repeated, feeling the shortness of breath and the pounding in my chest. How had everything gone from great to horrible within seconds? How was I going to face my sister tomorrow in the car alone for over two hours? She was going to kill me. I didn't know what to expect, but as of now I was just grateful I had survived that situation.
Drew's eyes took me in, "I thought you said she was going to be in Philadelphia tonight?"
I nodded, swallowing hard as I followed her to where she had parked her bike, "I thought so too, apparently she decided otherwise."
"She looked like she wanted to murder me," Drew confessed.
"You?" I countered, still being able to recall the image of Jada and her rage in my head. I didn't know what to expect tomorrow, but I was trying not to think about it. I had less than twelve hours with Drew till I had to leave for Philly, and I wanted to make the best of it. Not continuing to relive that horrific moment between me, Drew, and my sister.
Then Drew squeezed my hand as we made it to her bike, "Well, I think you parents liked me."
I laughed a little, some relief finally washing over me, "Yea, they did, especially my mom."
We climbed on her Yamaha and she revved it to life, allowing us to take off towards her house. We had wanted to go eat but neither one of us were hungry now, and to be honest I as more than ready to curl up in bed with Drew and talk till we fell asleep. I knew I was dreading tomorrow, so taking full advantage of tonight felt necessary.
It didn't take us long to get back to her place, and soon she was letting me into her familiar apartment. We quickly showered and readied ourselves for bed, and as I walked up the stairs to join her I felt my pulse quickening. I should've been used to it by now; I knew nothing was going to happen. I didn't expect anything to anyway, so why the hell was my heart pounding like I just ran a mile?
I crawled into her bed, coming close to Drew to feel the warmth she always had that I was so accustomed to. Besides the whole Jada situation everything had gone perfect tonight, including the recital. The response had been outstanding and leaving NYU felt right now, as if I had accomplished everything I needed to there.
I heard Drew's soft voice, "So, what's next?"
I narrowed my eyes in confusion, "What do you mean?"
"Well, you're done with classes and everything so I was wondering where too now?"
With the recital and school I had completely forgotten to mention my upcoming internship I had scored with one of the sponsored NYU dance companies for children. It was the one thing I was actually interested in, and not only had I filled one of the three available spots, but so had Maria.
I smiled, "Me and Maria got an opportunity to teach at one of the dance companies funded through the university. It's for children, and I start in January."
I could tell Drew was happy I had this opportunity, "Do you know what your work schedule will be like or...?"
I shook my head, "Not yet, but I'm sure it won't be too much."
"You never know," Drew informed, "They might see you're really good and ask you to take over completely."
I laughed quietly, "I couldn't do that, besides... I have that waiting for me at home."
I saw something in Drew's demeanor change, as if she had suddenly thought of something that disturbed her. I could tell she wanted to talk about it to, so I waited patiently.
She exhaled, "Speaking of home... Are you planning on seeing...?"
"Yes," I confessed, knowing she was talking about Ashley. She looked hurt, but I quickly tried to reassure her, "Because you and I both know closure is what I need from her. You don't have to worry about anything, Drew, I promise."
She softened up a little bit but I could tell it was still touchy for her. She was insecure over my ex, and she had no reason to be, but I knew insecurities weren't something you could fix overnight. All I could do was use time to prove to her I wasn't going anywhere, even if I physically was leaving for a week. I had absolutely no intention on cutting Drew out of my life and replacing her with my ex.
"Will you tell me how it goes?" She asked, and I heard some vulnerability in her voice. Usually Drew was so guarded and cautious; it was weird hearing her talk like this.
"Of course I will," I confessed, taking her head in my hands. I needed her to know that Ashley was nothing but someone I used to know, and she would remain that for the rest of my life. "Drew, I don't care if she may still want me, and I don't care if I have history with her. That's all it is – history. You've got to believe me, okay?"
She nodded, and she finally allowed her eyes to look into mine, "I'll beat her ass if she tries anything."
Laughing I leaned in and kissed those soft lips I loved so much. I inhaled, taking in the scent of her shampoo and mint on her breath. I knew I was falling hard for Drew, although she probably didn't know that, and I wasn't sure on telling her yet. The things I felt for Drew were intense and quick, nothing like I had ever experienced before, so figuring them out felt like the right thing to do. I needed to know what I felt before I confessed it out loud to her, but I also wanted to make sure she felt the same, and that would take time.
"And I'll let you," I joked, feeling better that we had talked about this.
She smiled into our next kiss, but this time something felt different. It felt more needy, as if she was desperately trying to tell me something without words. I didn't want her to feel nervous about Ashley, but knew it was kind of inevitable. I would prove to her that everything would be fine, and I would come back and we would have the relationship talk.
Both of us were lying on our sides, bodies pressed together as I held her face to mine. Our lips were dancing together in perfect unison, but I realized we had actually never kissed so much in this amount of time. It was one of our firsts, but just the thought of pulling away made me angry. I didn't want to pull away, and the way she kissed me made everything in my body tingle in anticipation.
My heart rate was speeding up, most likely from the lack of breathing I was doing but I had no intention of stopping. Had it gotten hotter in here? My body temperature seemed to increase rapidly, but I was wrapped in Drew's comforter with her hands on my body and suddenly everything was on fire. I was burning up and loving every second of it.
I felt her hands run along my bare thigh then; causing the little air I had to catch in my lungs. My eyes were shut tight and I refused to open them, hoping that this wasn't one of those dreams. If it was I refused to wake up now.
Then before I knew it Drew was on top of me, wedged between my legs as her lips continued to move softly against mine. I was wide awake all of a sudden, but when I expected her to take it just a little further she held back instead. She was driving me all kinds of crazy. I loved the way she ran her hands slowly over both of my legs, I loved how sensual her kisses were, and I was doing everything in my power to give her the 'okay' signal to take it further.
I hesitantly brought my hands up, scared that if I touched her in the wrong place it would result in a horrible outcome. I had to be cautious and careful when it came to touching her, so I started with her face. She didn't seem to have a reaction, which was good, and I focused on moving my hands slowly over her neck and down to her shirt.
She gasped a little whenever I made it to the bottom edge, but I refused to take it off. I wanted to, I really did, but maybe I was rushing things. She pulled back, those familiar eyes were dark with something I hadn't seen often in Drew. Lust was obvious in her dilated eyes, her pupils taking up most of the space in her irises.
I mumbled, "Sorry," before dropping my hands, realizing I had most likely intimidated her. I scolded myself internally for doing that, wishing I would've just asked her if it was okay-
My thoughts were cut short whenever Drew's lips connected with my neck, and I gasped from the sudden pressure. Was she really doing this to me? Was this her silent okay? I didn't know, but I was too lost in what her lips were doing to care about anything else. I brought my hands up and tangled them in her hair, my eyes closing as I let her do what she pleased. As if it wasn't intense enough when her hands touched me, her lips were a whole different story.
They didn't make me burn like her hands, but rather sent quick shivers all throughout my body. Like ice flowing through my veins, and I felt like I had to hold onto something whenever she started trailing her lips down my neck. Our bodies were pressed together, and there seemed to be a battle going on between the hot and cold. I was so lost in what she was doing that I had no means in controlling myself.
It wasn't until she kissed my collarbone that I moaned her name, regretting instantly letting it escape my throat.
She pulled back, the lust in her eyes replaced with something more nurturing then anything. I groaned internally, wishing I wouldn't have made a sound so that she wouldn't have stopped, but here we were now.
"That was a good sign, wasn't it?" she smiled down at me, and I knew she understood the desperation behind my reaction.
I laughed slightly, "It was, sorry if I freaked you out."
She shook her head, "It didn't... it's just, I don't want to..."
I knew what she was implying already, but I was wondering what exactly I could get away with in situations like this. I looked up at her and questioned, "Can I ask you something?"
"Anything," she responded instantly.
"What exactly..." I trailed off, attempting to find the right words, "What is okay and not okay when we... you know... do this...?"
The vagueness of my question didn't seem to confuse Drew, as if she already kind of knew what I was asking. She tilted her head and thought about it, like she was trying to find the right words.
"Trying to explain something like this... it's really hard. I've never had to do that, so forgive me if I sound unsure," she explained, but I knew I wouldn't hold it against her. This was something that was new to both of us, and I would try my best to see it from her perspective.
She continued, "The fact that you've been so patient and so understanding, I find that actually helped me more than anything. I don't feel uncomfortable, which is different because usually even thinking about doing this with anyone but you feels wrong. Not that I think about doing this with anyone else, I don't want you to think-"
"Drew," I smiled, cutting off her rambling, "I know what you meant."
She grinned shyly, but continued, "I like testing the waters with you, I like taking it slow... but I want more. Physically I know I'm ready, it's my mental I'm worried about."
I just watched her speak, attempting to wrap my head around it. She wanted me, that was obvious, and the physical attraction was there, and I understood completely where she was coming from. She was still damaged, no matter how collected she seemed on the outside. She was still battling a lot of things internally, but I knew time would show I had no intention on taking advantage of her.
I teased, "So you're not just trying to let me down easy and tell me you're not sexually attracted to me?"
She smirked, leaning in and bringing her lips right above mine, "That's definitely not what I'm trying to say."
I whispered, "Good, but you still never answered my question."
Knowing I was right she attempted to do her best again, "Okay, as for how far you can go... we'll just have to trial and error."
I felt myself growing hot at her response, feeling my confidence level growing while I brought my hands back to the edge of her shirt. I spoke low, "So I can do this..."
I began pulling her shirt up but she intruded, "You're not tired?"
Now that she had brought it to my attention I realized I was, very much so, but I wanted to try this. I wanted to go further, but I couldn't refuse my own fatigue.
I groaned, "I am but I want-"
"There's not rush, remember?" she interrupted, making me smile even harder, even when I wanted to slap her for being so cute. How could she go from one extreme to another I would never know, but she was driving me insane. Maybe waiting till after our week apart would give me some time to figure things out, and maybe when I got back things would be even better.
She lied on the side of me then, pulling my body into hers. This was something that felt new every time it happened. I loved the feeling of being in her arms, and it had been so long since I had that sense of comfort in someone. I knew it was the same for her, but it felt impossible to think she loved it more than I did.
She sighed, "So what do you want for Christmas?"
I shook my head, "Nothing."
"Bree, c'mon..."
"Seriously, don't even give me that... I can't ask for anything."
She stayed silent for a little while, which led me to believe I had ended the conversation. But then she came back, "Fine, then it'll be a surprise."
"Drew!" I protested, but she just stayed silent after that. God she was so stubborn, but I loved that about her. I knew I had been planning on getting her a little something anyway too, so what was the harm?
She compromised, "It won't be anything over fifty bucks. How about that?"
I rolled my eyes and agreed, "Fine."
"Good night," she answered through the dark, and I felt myself easing into her.
"Good night."
~ ~ ~ ~
"Bree, are you kidding me?!" Jada nearly screamed as we sat in the car, alone for the first time since last night. I rolled my eyes, realizing it was a bit too early to be dealing with this, but I should've expected it.
I shook my head, "Yes Jada, it's all just a big joke to get you angry. What do you think? I'm five?"
Jada was still mad, and the fact that I had left as soon as she had found out the news about Drew she hadn't cooled off one bit. It was frustrating. I mean I got it; Drew whipped her ass and took away her undefeated title, but really? Wasn't she being a little dramatic?
"Out of everyone in New York City, you had to pick her?" It's not like I had intended on her being there when I went into the gym looking for a studio. It's not like I had expected her to be so charming and mysterious. I definitely hadn't expected to run into her dancing either, but I knew it had all happened for a reason. I was sure of it.
I retorted, "Out of everything you could be doing, you had to choose illegal fighting?"
This apparently wasn't the right response, because I could see the anger boiling within my hot-headed sister. She took in a deep breath and tried to contain it, but I knew it would be a matter of seconds.
"You're dating the girl who literally beat my ass, you don't feel guilty?"
"It's not my fault she beat your ass, Jada. That's your fault," I was tired of hiding Drew, whether it be from Jada or my parents. I wasn't sugarcoating things anymore, and Jada was going to have to just get on over it. I wasn't choosing between family and Drew when I could have both at the same time, even if my sister didn't like the idea. I finished, "And we're not dating."
"So what, you're gonna root for her when we fight again? I mean I can't... why didn't you tell me you had met her outside of the ring?"
I just looked at my sister, the biggest "really" look plastered on my face. I shrugged, "I'm not rooting for anyone because I hate what you two do. Oh I don't know, maybe because I knew you'd react like this."
"Damn right I would've!"
"Question answered then," I replied sarcastically, realizing my sister wasn't even making sense anymore. I mean I knew she was upset, I couldn't blame her, but I could blame her for being immature about this. I mean she was nearly twenty-six years old, get over it.
I could tell Jada was coming to terms with everything as she went quiet, lost in her own thoughts. I would let her accept it, and then answer any questions she had about it, and if she reacted erratically then I would just ignore her. I swear sometimes she was like a five year old when it came to things she didn't like.
"And if mom asks what she does for a living, what are you gonna say?"
"That she works full-time at a gym," I answered matter-of-factly, because it was true.
"So you'll lie."
"Or I'll just use selective truth."
Jada was shaking her head, "Have you two... you know...?"
I narrowed my eyes, "I don't see why that matters, honestly, but no, we haven't."
"I just don't like her, Bree. I don't know, there's something about her that irks me and I don't really want you involved with her."
I had a feeling Jada had seen what I had the night they fought, the darkness in Drew's eyes, except she didn't understand it. At least I liked to believe I understood it, but I could be wrong. Although I knew exactly what Jada was talking about, and I knew she was protective since Ashley. She didn't want to see me get hurt again, but I was going to be fine, and she needed to know that.
"I know Drew okay, and I know you're protective ever since..." I trailed off, not even wanting to say my ex's name. "But you don't have to worry anymore, I'm fine. I know how to handle things."
She seemed to loosen up, but I could tell it wasn't so much that it was Drew rather than she was just worried about my well-being. Ashley had screwed me up, and Jada had seen what it had done to me. Drew was involved in a lot that even she didn't like, which they were both attempting to get out of. There were plenty of factors that played into this whole "I hate Drew" concept, and I saw that now.
"Breanna, if she hurts you..."
"She won't," I stated, wishing Jada would know Drew like I did. I didn't want to assume everything would be perfect between us, but I knew she would never physically hurt me.
"It's just..." Jada started, searching for words, "When you and Ashley ended... you scared me, okay. At the time I was around you a lot more and I saw what you went through. I can't see you go through that again, because if you do I won't be able to be there for you like I had back then."
I knew that Jada was just very protective, and now I understood. I remembered the first month after the break-up, it had been absolute hell. I was barely functioning, never going out with any of my friends and basically living like a zombie. I hadn't intended to scare anyone; I had just been dealing with a lot of nasty shit in my head. I knew better now, I had grown from that experience, and I wasn't going to go through that again.
Or at least I wanted to believe that, because thinking about Drew and I ending made my stomach hurt. I didn't want to think about that though, I just wanted to try my best to make it work.
I promised, "I know, and I'm sorry I put you through that, but I won't be that girl again. You don't have to worry," I assured, suddenly feeling the need to tell her about my planned meeting with Ashley sometime next week.
I didn't want her to get angry, and I didn't want her to beat Ashley up, at least not anymore. I knew deep down I needed some closure, I needed her to explain, and I needed her to help me move on, as messed up as it sounded. Sometimes it has to get worse for it to get better, and I genuinely believed this was the way to a full recovery.
"I'm planning on meeting with Ashely though," I confessed, realizing there were no more secrets.
Jada's dark brown eyes turned to me, a look of anger on her face from the mentioning of my ex. She shook her head, "Hell no you're not."
"Jada," I pressed, "I need closure. I need her to explain."
"So you text her," Jada continued, "Because you know that girls a leech. She's gonna try and reel you back in, suck you dry, and then leave again. I can't let you do that."
"I'm not eighteen anymore," I felt my tone changing, more demanding now. "Stop acting like I'm this scared little teenager."
And with that Jada understood. She understood why I hadn't been able to give myself to anyone since Ashley. I was still hurting, and I would continue to hurt until I had the proper closure I needed from her. I didn't want to hurt myself again by talking to my ex, but I needed it, and sometimes the thing you need in life will hurt you, but it will make you grow. I believed that, and there was nothing I wanted more than to just move and finally forgive all the bad she had done to me.
But I had people on my side now, and I knew if Ashley hurt me one last time I would have someone waiting for me back in New York. Someone willing to take the pain away, and that's why I was ready to face the truth.
***A/N***
So, I hope you guys are enjoying the more frequent updates because I'm eager to crank out the rest of this story by the end of the summer. I have time now, thankfully, and if you're enjoying "If I Fall" let me know :) Votes and Comments are great, really! :)
-Lauryn