ZEHRA
1 MONTH LATER ~
I sat on the floor lower to the window that was always cast with things that Daiwik had sent for me, for years. My eyes closed while my mind was travelling over the images of us together, a subtle vibration on my lap. And I was well aware of what that vibration was for.
It's been a month. A month since all the truth was revealed to me, one month to when I was shattered by the hand of the man who had glued me together.
But why, the pain of what he did feels more nominal than the assertion of never seeing Daiwik again?
A month, since I have been ignoring attempts of his.
The ringing stopped, and the vibration of my lap was haltered. Few heartbeats, and once again the vibration rang through. Every day, I opened my eyes, the moulded walls that were now covered with fresh pain, he had helped my mother with, my gaze settled on it.
I lowered my chin, watching the call cut again, the numbers of how many times I had ignored his calls, were right before my eyes.
In today's day alone, there had been more than two hundred missed calls from him. Thirty-five by Devakshaya and forty by Divya. Every day, they kept calling me, and I never picked up the call.
I have received text several times, Divya telling me that Daiwik is gone somewhere and hasn't shown up ever since. He is not at home, and neither does to work.
I wonder where he is? I wonder what place he is sitting at when he is calling me. If it is to apologize?
I don't pick up the call, because I am afraid that if I pick up and he says sorry, I might forgive him.
And I can't forgive him, some reason is he did wrong to me. And the other reason is, I can't forgive my blood because it ruined him and his family when it killed Daman.
How many times my hand have faltered to break through the phone lock, and type the message to him, to pick up his call? To ask him, that please Daiwik, please be fine.
Even if we are not together. I don't want him to suffer, I hope he is okay. Wherever he is.
~
DAIWIK
The car passed by the red soil that covered the entire air, made its way into my half-open eyes and my nose and I started coughing harshly, I was lying on the big black stones, set by the arc of entrance.
One that was written in huge letters,
Vandigana. I woke up on the stole, another day today, my body was hurting with the pain it bared all night on this hard rock.
The man who had his tea and some tobacco shop walked towards me with a glass of tea. “You slept here, again?” he asked me, and I pushed myself above, in a sitting position. Taking the tea from his hand.
"You haven't even bathed for how many days?" He asked me when he was trying to sit next to me.
The night I sent those guys and Devakshaya with Arti to Zehra's house and told her the truth. The reality of what crime I had committed. Dev came home and told me that Zehra didn't come back.
I called her, a hundred times to talk to her to beg her. But she never picked up the call. And I couldn't home myself back, the next day, I left home and came here.
Stood before this arc the whole day, and yet couldn't bring myself to walk inside, to go to that place with tormented me. And I have been living on the walls of this arc the for last month.
I want to go to my Zehra and beg her, for forgiveness. But my mind was filled with my demons of the past. The torture of the past. The pain of the past. I can't seem to overcome them. the For last month, I have been trying to fight my demons to reach my Zehra.
And a failure has I become. Yet again.
"Three days," I told him and he shook his head. There was a public bathroom I had been going to, which was not inside the arc, but rather a kilometre from there.
I couldn't bring myself to walk to that distance, thinking what if the moment of bravery that hit me, would be when I am away from this arc?
The man went to his shop and came back with a steel lunchbox and opened it keeping it beside me,
“Mahri Lugai-” he started but my mind froze on those two words. What he said after was barely audible but his last words suggested something that he was appreciating his wife's cooking. He offered his luncheon towards me.
"She sent for you too?" he asked me, and I shook my head.
"No," I told him and went over the arc, and stood before it. I can feel my skin being coated with at least three layers of dust. When I scratch my arm with my nail, a layer of dirt shifts on my skin, I was extremely dirty.
Standing near the gate, they spoke the words out loud. I tried to stop myself further on. But I couldn't move myself, the images turned clearer. The images of my torture the last time I crossed the arc.
The same way for last month, every morning I try and pass this arc, but I end up falling on the ground after a sudden attack on my body. I closed my eyes and thought of not thinking. To not put my past before me never to think of that which has happened.
Irony,
I say things like this, to me. I have created a monologue to tell Zehra to not let the past rule her.
And yet here I am struggling to reach her because I couldn't act on it myself.
I thought not to think. Never to think again.
But here I was standing and the images became clear in my head.
~
PAST (8 months ago) -:-
I heard the phone buzz in my hand, but I was listening to what my boss, Abhiraj was talking about.
My attention was directly on his orders, and I heard notification bells on my phone. And he heard them too when he turned around and looked at me.
"Pick up," he said aggressively.
"I don't need to, Babasaheb!" I was well aware that it was Dev and he had done something with what he needed from my accompany.
Babasaheb sat down on the desk of his study, and he gestured his hand towards me, "Take it!" he ordered and I nodded taking the phone, the caller ID was unknown.
I haven't yet, won over this man before me completely. He is very keen in his senses and well aware of what is going on in the opposite person's head.
I picked it up when he made me keep my hand low, pointing out, “Speaker!” he asked me.
I blinked staring at him, but put it on anyway, I owe him my loyalty after he helped the case of me cutting those men's hands.
“Daiwik where are you?" I heard a familiar voice, Arti.
Where did she get my number? And why is she panicked?
I met Abhiraj's eyes who looked at me with bare curiosity. "Is everything okay? Whose number is this?" I asked her.
"Daiwik, Zehra is getting married today. I was locked in my house because Dad was afraid I would go to the wedding so I sneaked out, this is the neighbour's phone. Come and save her, she is messed up. That man is messed up! He is paying Murshad money to take Zehra,"
My hands clutched tightly in my fist,
“What?” I asked, but her call ended abruptly.
I looked up, Babasaheb before me, looking straight at me. He knows there is a girl I love, the girl I am working hard for. And he is smart enough to decipher that girl was the one getting married today.
"Go, Save her. And call me whenever you need something or want to be saved from something, I will help you!" He ordered and I nodded. And stood on my feet,
“I want some men, to attack the wedding with me,” I asked of him and he stood from the chair and walked crossing me ahead.
“The man will reach there before you!” he patted my shoulders and walked by.
I stepped out of his house, and the evening sky above me drove the car directly to Vandigana's roadway.
The bridge crossed, and a small market passed me by, hours it took in this car. And before it took me a long way, before finally, the gate of my town was visible in my sight.
There was no route anymore, it was just rocks and stones and dust and uneven ground. The tire hit a strange rock and the screeching sound hung in the air, the car drove around coming to turn in an abrupt circle, the control lost from my hand and in one swoop the car ended up colliding with the rock before me, my head colliding to the steering wheel.
Blood dripped from my head, I walked out of the car, watching its state. There was nowhere this car would restart again.
I looked at the arc, and I walked inside. I had to get to the wedding, I stepped under the gate, standing outside picked up my phone and brought it to my ear.
"Babasaheb, did you mean arrive?"
I asked him.
"Yes, they did. They are some men I know from the nearby town of Vandigana. They wouldn't act without your guidance. So reach there." He told me, I thanked him before I hung the call.
I was in the town, on my feet, striding towards there was only one place in the town where a wedding could happen, the open ground.
I was halfway there when my eyes halted on so many men dressed in their religious clothes, the traditional kurta pyjama and it wouldn't take a genius to recognize that they were the riot community of Muslims in our town, lately who had always had fights against the Hindus. My blood boiled watching them, of what those people have done to my family.
But my eyes halted on a man I did know, Murshad, the monster who was selling his sister in a marriage. He looked at me and a big smirk appeared on his face, he directed the men with him towards me.
What the hell, "I knew you would come here! I knew that you would show up, you and your friends have been behind my sisters for months! When I attacked your friends after they assaulted Zehra, they spat the truth to me. The truth is that you all were taking revenge on my father by playing with my sister. I knew you would show up," Be smirked walking towards me.
In the next second, I was attacked by the rioting people, I tried to fight them. I held the first man who attacked me by his neck and threw him on the ground. The man struggled in my home when another attacked me with his fist. I dodged the man. I tried to hit two that attacked me and before I could settle them down to where they belong? I was attacked by three more from behind. And they pushed me off and threw me on the ground I was attacked by the man, attacking me with their kicks but suddenly Murshad walked towards me with a huge rock in his hand and taking that rock he dropped it on my face, the pain that splattered on me, broke my nose my entire face roughly scratched and the pain buzzed my nerve for the first few seconds under the pressure I felt numb, but when the chaos of realization hit my nervous in the brain. The impact of pain shuddered my head. I felt my hands being stomped on, and my bones of fingers broke. I yelped in pain when the rock fell from my face, but now his brother was crouching under me.
"My sister is a stupid bitch! Who couldn't see what you were doing!" he spat on my face using his words.
I am not mad at him for attacking me because it's for the sin that I have committed and I have wronged Zehra.
“I will give myself to you...” I fumbled with my words, my jaw was bleeding the taste of iron and blood covered my tongue. "But don't marry your sister off? Don't...” I begged him. But he picked up the brick from next to him and threw it on my face.
I yelped under the impact but he didn't stop, the heavy brick attacked my nose my side of the face, my eyes again and again, and the sensation ran to my bones.
He didn't stop, the others kept kicking me, and my muscles ached under the pressure but finally, it stopped.
The attack stopped, I tried to open my eyes but the nerves on my lids had busted I could feel them swelling to their most, I felt two hands catch my leg and start dragging me, my back was scratching on the uneven ground, the head hitting with the blow and hit crash. And with only my one eye that had a mere sight, I was brought in somewhere more secluded.
They left me completely, I turned around my body turning to face the ground now. The front was impairing with the hits before and my backside was set aflame with the hauling, the cuts and the scratches. I pushed my broken palm onto the ground and tried to pressure my body to stand up, to resume and be awake but something hit my back with something heavy on my back turning around I couldn't see but with one eye I found Murshad's foot on my back. I hauled his foot and in one long sweep that man fell on his head hitting the head on the corner of a big rock, he used earlier to hit me with. And blood pooled under his head.
I couldn't care less if he died. I pushed my hand out to drag myself further ahead, even if I had to crawl to Zehra, I would limp there on my screeching knees.
I metallic rod swung in the air at my peripheral vision and in a swing, I was thrown on the floor, my body sprawled, and I felt the blood pooling under my head.
“Zehra,”
A low muffle escaped me, with my head on the ceiling in the sky and the image disappearing.
~
When I opened my eyes, I was sitting in a chair, tied around, and my body felt like a big lump of hurt and pain. I crossed my mind.
When one of the men in riot showed up and caught my broken fingers and holding on to the knife near the tip of my finder he dug the tip inside and started to move it in my skin from the top of the finger to the bottom of my palm. I didn't have power in my audible enough to scream. I didn't realise how long had I been unconscious.
“Zehra?" I cried under the strain while he did the same with my other finger, "Did...”
“She got married! She is probably pleasuring her new husband!” he said gritting while he did the same with my other hand, my ability to cry and scream lost me.
I felt the same knife being staggered into my thighs right after and I howled this time. But voiceless, my heart beating in my chest and my ears drumming but that one look of Zehra at that gajra shop, was all that was before my eyes on the darkest blue sky. Her smile when she talks with her friends is created under the starry night.
I deserve this pain for what I had done to her. But please let me have her. Please...
I begged inside of me while the knife was twisted in my leg, another time my mouth was left open to cry of no voice but word was released,
"Zehra..."
~
2 DAYS LATER
For two days I have been tied to this chair, after hurting more of my muscles these people disappeared two days ago and haven't shown up again since last night.
I know my half the blood is drowned completely and in a few more hours I will be dead.
Since it's a close abandoned corner the body came, my bladder was busting, the torture hadn't stopped last thirty-six hours and finally, it was at a halt, since only the last few hours. I had so many holes in my body plunged by their knife and only one thing on my lips.
"Zehra..." If I had prayed to Shiva like this, repeating his name. I would have been blessed with his presence.
Maybe that is the hope, if I said it too many times, she would show up.
~
THE BROTHEL (continuation of PROLOGUE)
2 MONTHS AGO~
My eyes roamed around the room, the woman who saw me as a monster. A beast that's all I was for them.
A true villain, rather than the one I killed for them, that Rehman Ali who made them sex slaves.
Watching me like I am a monster, my eyes halted on those brown pairs I recognize even in my death.
And everything stopped for me.
Zehra.
My world that destroyed ages ago, was rebuilt but also busted with the fact that she was in a brothel. Working as a...
I couldn't bring myself to speak.
In the last six months, I had called her friend Arti several times to ask her how is Zehra, and she said the same thing.
Every night Zehra talks to her mother and tells her that everything is fine and she is very happy with her husband.
She lied? A surge of anger broke through me and the next minute I asked Babasaheb that I was taking her as my reward.
My anger was over my head, she lied. She was suffering and she lied. She could have spoken the truth if I can't believe that she moved on in her life. I would have fought to have her again.
Even if I had to tell her that the reason her brother went insane was because of me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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