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Layla'𝐬 𝐏.𝐎.𝐕.
I slowly tiptoed to my room and closed the door, locking it from inside and went to take a bath. All I wanted was to wash off his filthy touch from my body. I didn't want a single trace of his to be remained on me. I- I never imagined that something like this would happen with me. I always used to think how must the girls who undergo these things feel, and today, I know what they exactly feel- disgust.
I scrubbed my body till my skin became red. I sat under the shower, thinking what did I do to deserve this. Where could I have been possibly wrong that this happened with me? After washing and cleaning my face, I went out and changed my clothes. I did my wudu (ablution) and wore my prayer scarf.
I stood up on the praying mat to offer my Salah. Once I was done, I bowed down in sujood, made duas (prayers) for the wellbeing of myself, my family, my friends and everyone I know. I made a dua to Allah to forgive the sins and accept the repentance of each Muslim. I prayed for the safety of the people of Palestine and cried my heart out to Allah. I made prayers and cried in front of Him and after some time, my heart felt much lighter and better than it was before. I checked the time and it was 12:23 am. I sat down on the prayer mat and read the Quran.
After about fifteen minutes, I came across a verse that said,
"Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear."
It was in the Quran at 2:286, Surah Baqarah.
I suddenly felt as if it was Him telling me that I am much stronger than this, and that this was merely a test of my Imaan (faith), of my Deen. Alhamdulillah! (Praise be to Allah)
Maybe he tested me, so that I also find about how strong or weak my Imaan is. Maybe he wanted me to know that not everyone here is as good as we think they are, not everyone has good and pure intentions. I continued reading for a few more minutes and then headed to sleep.
Maybe tomorrow will be a different day, with different opportunities and challenges waiting for us?
Next Day
"Layla, where were you last night?" Zahra came in my room unannounced and asked me. "Why does it matter to you?" I ask as she said, "I don't care neither did I wanted to know. It was Iqra calling me, she wanted to talk to you. And guess what? You weren't in your room when I came. So yeah, where were you?"
"Last night, my phone accidentally broke, like it flew through my hands and landed on the floor. So I had to go out to get it repaired. You know, my parents couldn't get it done for me, so of course I had to do it by myself," I said, pressurising the word 'accidentally'.
"Oh, so it took you almost 3 hours, just to get your phone repaired?" She asked as I questioned, "Wait, were you keeping an eye on me? And no, I'm not gonna answer you. If Mom or Dad asks, I'll them what I have to say." I picked my bag and my phone and left my room, closing the door with a loud bang.
"I'm going to college and I'll be late coming home." I called out to my mom in the kitchen while passing through. "Layla have your breakfast-" "No mom I'm good, give it to Zahra." I cut her midway and left my home and sat in Iqra's car, who was waiting out for me.
She understood that something was off about me, and decided to drive to college without asking me any questions. Just as we reached college, she parked her car and asked, "Lay, what's wrong? You look... dull."
Before she could ask me anything else, I hugged her and started sobbing. Panicked, she hugged me back and asked, "Layla? Layla what's wrong, why are you crying? You know you can tell me, right?" I nod in the hug and stopped crying, preparing myself to tell her about what happened last night.
"Iqra, last night..."
And I told her everything. From how my phone broke to how I was dropped home by Imran and Theo, and how I scrubbed every part of my skin to be untouched by him.
"Oh my God Layla!" She patted me softly whilst we both cried in each other's embrace. "Shh Layla, you're okay now, I am here. Why didn't you tell me about it before? You knew I was just a phone call away, didn't you? I literally live next to you and would come to you even in the middle of the night!" She said out of care.
"No, I didn't wanna trouble you and plus I slept after praying at night," I lied as she said, "I know you haven't slept last night, I could see it on your face the minute you walked out of your house."
"I've told Imran not to tell anything about it to Zayn. I'm not ready to tell him yet," I said as she nodded in understanding.
I wiped my tears and we got out of the car and went to our usual spot, where all of us usually meet before and after college. We saw Zayn, Shifa, Amaan and Hailey talking to each other and as soon as Shifa saw us, she screamed and ran to us and hugged us. "Ow Shif, careful!" I said and chuckled as she let out a small laugh.
We went to everyone and greeted them. Amaan came towards me and held me from my waist, asking about how I am. I felt uncomfortable to his touch as well, I felt like the thing from yesterday night was happening all over again. I felt as if I was strangled and couldn't breathe. He hugged me as I closed my eyes, knowing that he's my boyfriend and wouldn't hurt me, still the thought of anyone touching me gave me shivers and goosebumps.
Iqra noticed my uneasiness and said, "Amaan, leave her now, I want to talk to her." She took me aside and asked whether I was okay or not and I said, "Yeah I am- I am okay, it's just that the idea of someone touching me made me uneasy." She nodded and we went back as Zayn asked, "Layla, what exactly happened to your phone last night? I mean, how did it break?"
I sighed and said, "Well, long story short, Zahra wanted some of my clothes which I refused to give her and she got mad and said a few nice things to me. The moment I answered back, she snatched my phone from me and threw it, causing it to land on the floor."
Their mouths remained opened as they heard about it. "So you're saying she literally threw your phone?" Amaan asked and I nodded, further saying, "As I picked it up, it had a few scratches and wouldn't work. Plus when I told about it to Mom and Dad, they too blamed me, for not doing what my elder sister said. And so I left my home without informing
anyone to get my phone repaired."
"Layla, you could have simply told us and I would send my brother to get it repaired," Shifa spoke, mentioning her brother Umar. "Come on Shifa, it's alright, plus why would he go out in the middle of the night for me?" I said casually and waved my hand.
I think I should tell about it to Zayn after the college. At least he won't be thinking about it all the time instead of studying. We talked for some time and left for our classes.
As soon as I entered my class, everybody looked in my direction and started whispering and talking. I even looked over my shoulder to check if they're talking about me or someone else, but no one else was there. I guess they were talking about me.
Confused, I went and sat at my seat when Sarah came to me and said, "Layla, what happened last night?"
That one question was enough to make me tremble. "Wh- why? How do you know about it?" I asked her as she said, "Layla the entire college knows about it. It was Austin's party, everyone from college was there. Words spread pretty fast here."
The entire college knows what happened with me?
My hands started trembling as I closed my fist and tried to relax. "Layla? Lay are you okay?" I could hardly hear Sarah's voice. People's whispers were now much clear to me as I heard them say, "Yeah, then Imran found her,"
"I feel so sad for her," "Was it her fault?"
"Poor Layla, I can't even imagine being in her shoes."
"Imran would have literally killed Josh if Theo didn't stop him! He's never done this for anyone before." "She isn't even his girlfriend, then what is their relation?"
The noise in the class increased and so did my heartbeat. I was having a panic attack. I couldn't breathe and it felt as if the air was becoming thinner and thinner as time passed. "Layla! Layla calm down. I- I'll call Zayn or Amaan wait." Sarah said and went out to call Zayn.
My classmates gathered around me and two girls grabbed my hand, rubbing it gently to make me feel better. But it only worsened my condition and I jerked my hand and freed it. I could no longer here what the people around me were saying.
"Oh God Layla! Layla are you alright?" I heard a male voice and felt people moving out of the way. I suddenly felt as if someone held my hand. "No please!" I exclaimed and jerked my hand and looked at the boy, who was Max. "Layla? It's me, Max, calm down." He whispered and gently held my hand, and said, "Layla, do you want to get out of here? You wanna go out and take some fresh air?" I nodded as he made me stand up and slowly took me out, holding me by my shoulders.
I was still shivering, and was still scared of any guy touching me, but I knew Max or any of my friends wouldn't do any harm to me. I still couldn't breathe and tears threatened to fall from my eyes. He held my trembling hands and sat me down on a bench in the garden.
"Layla, you're fine. Let's count backwards from ten to zero, okay?" He said and I slowly nodded, counting with him. "Ten, nine, eight- I can't Max!" I tried to repeat after him, but soon broke down and wiped the tears off my face.
"Hey! I know what happened, and I also know that you are much more stronger than this. You don't have to cry, you are better than this Layla," he said making me look at him as he held my chin up.
"I- I can't do this. The entire college knows and- and what will Zayn and Amaan say? I wasn't planning on going to the party Max. You know I never do parties. I swear I had no intentions to go to the party, it- it just happened that my car broke down and- and I met Theo who called the mechanic and instead of waiting there all by myself I went with him. You- you trust me right?" I asked as he said, "Layla, I know you, and I trust you. I know that you would never do anything wrong, and you weren't at fault here, okay? And about Zayn and Amaan, they'll listen to you. And if they don't, I'll make them understand, okay? Just- just please don't cry, you know I can't see you crying Layla."
He said and I wiped my tears again and heard Zayn calling my name.
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