(Ariana pov)
May-18th-2019
Houston, Nasa📍
Courtney: "Hey you alright?"
Ariana: "Ya I'm good." I nervously chuckle. "We're at Nasa dumbass, I'm going to enjoy it with Faith." I fake a smile.
Since we left I noticed more and more often that Faith has been distancing herself from everyone. I talked to her about her family and what happened. I still hate her mother for hitting her daughter in the face like that. It was like nothing I was doing was helping her. She made it clear she wanted absolutely nothing to do with her mom.
Ariana's thoughts: "Hopefully she can enjoy this place."
I look back at Faith who was in the very back of our group, on her phone. She made me worry more than ever.
Doug: "The tour is about to start shouldn't you get Faith,?" I dozed off into my own world.
Ariana: "Huh!?"
Doug: "The tour is about to start, I was just saying you should get Faith, you have been talking about for the past 2 weeks straight…everything okay between you two?"
Ariana: "Ya all good everything is ah okay in my book." I smile walking over to Faith.
Only if what I said was true, cause it not and it's probably hitting me harder than her. I don't know how she's able to be this calm and act like things are fine.
Ariana: "Hey dork." I awkwardly punched her arm. "You'll enjoy it much better if you're not always glued to your phone."
Faith: "I was just changing the song I was listening to." She puts her phone away.
Ariana: "Can you at least try to enjoy today for me." I say nervously. "I know shit happened when we left, don't let it affect you."
Faith: "I'll try to enjoy today, I promise." She rubs my head weakly, smiling.
Ariana: "Hey you're messing my hair."
I did my best to make sure Faith and I had fun. When Faith got left behind I made sure to grab her by the hand and pull her. When we needed to volunteer to learn and try what the astronauts did I made sure we were the first one to do it.
Jace: "Fuck that shit is cool, when do you think we're going to ride the space rover?"
Courtney: "Beats me all I want is to try that space food."
Doug: "I heard that shit tastes like ass!!"
Victoria: "I'm just so excited to try on a space suit!"
Ariana: "Not to bum you out and all but they are only going to let Faith and I wear the suits." I nervously said to her.
She gets very disappointed and I look around for Faith but she's nowhere to be seen.
Ariana's thoughts: "Fae!?"
I panic for a good minute to see her looking at one of the exhibits.
Ariana: "What are you doing here all alone, we're just about to head to the…"
Faith: "I forgot how beautiful the stars look, it's dumb when they're just projection…I never seem to find the time to actually look up, I've been so caught up with everything I forgot what's in front of me and messed up everything…You know some stars don't shine as bright because our Moon lights up the night sky the brightest." She chuckles softly.
Ariana: "Fae!?"
Faith: "Sorry I'm thinking out loud, just forget it we have some Astronaut suits to put on." She smiles weakly and softly.
She walks away back to the group like she didn't say any of that to me. I could just feel the tension, I shouldn't have brought her this soon.
Astronaut: "So these suits take a good minute to put on, if you just follow what we tell you it should take too long…alright which lucky lady is going to be first."
I look over at Faith and she pushes me softly, telling me to go first. I smile and walk over to the astronauts, and they gesture to Faith to come over. She tells them that she's okay and can wait but won't take no for an answer, our friends push her toward wearing I was.
Astronauts: "We made sure to get your suits to your height, these suits are the ones we use here for training, my friend there will help you Faith, and I will help you Ariana, after this we were told you are going to ride the rover."
Ariana: "Ya we are, I'm so excited!!"
Astronaut: "Hey make sure not to get it caught on her cast."
Faith: "It won't be an issue will it?"
Astronaut: "No, if it was a cast around your arm or leg then we couldn't put the suit on, you'll be fine."
Ariana's thoughts: "I'm going to look like a fucking Astronaut with my Girlfriend!!! We're going to be matching and everything like when we wore out dresses!!"
I was so excited constantly looking over at Faith. What felt like a long process was finally over and they gave us space helmets.
Ariana: "Look at me I'm an Astronaut, one small step for Ari and one Grande leap for…" I didn't get to finish my joke.
It happened that Tommy started to play N.A.S.A, my freaking song.
Ariana: "Oh my god are you fucking serious." I laugh. "I was waiting for that to happen, I knew someone was going to play it."
Tommy: "Hey it was the perfect time to play it."
Everyone laughs and we start to enjoy ourselves. I look over at Faith who is cleaning her glasses. Oh my god she looks so fucking beautiful, and cute with her glasses on and in that Astronaut suit.
(Faith pov)
Faith: "What are you starting at!?"
Ariana: "At, my beautiful girlfriend." She giggles.
Faith: "That statement you said belongs to you." She nervously says.
Ariana: "You enjoying yourself!?"
Faith: "Ya, ya I am, don't worry I'm fine." I smile weakly.
Ariana: "If anything bothers you, tell me okay." I nod. "Alright well get your ass over here I want to take some selfies with you!!" She got excited.
We take selfies and even more selfies, her stealing my phone, going up to Courtney to take a pic of us together. We were the center of attention. Not that I wasn't having fun, I did my best to try to enjoy it, how could I not when Ariana was having the time of her life.
Tommy: "Do you think this will fit me?"
I watch from a distance of Tommy trying to put on Ariana's helmet they gave her.
Ariana: "I think it's a little too small." He almost got it stuck on himself. "For being a dumbass I told you it wasn't going to fit. "She laughs.
Tommy: "It was worth trying it on, either that or I have a fat ass head."
Ariana: "Here hold it but don't put it on." She walks back with a helmet for him.
Faith's thoughts: "I feel so out of place here." I sigh.
~20 minutes later~
We started heading over to the rover, the thing she was the most excited to do at Nasa.
Faith: "Hey I'm going to head to the restroom."
Ariana: "You want me to go with you!?"
Faith: "No you're fine I'll catch up with you I won't take too long."
Ariana: "You sure? Courtney or Victoria can go with you?"
I could tell that she was concerned about everything going on in my life.
Faith: "I'll be fine, I'm not going to do anything stupid." I kissed her.
I slowly walked away and looked back to make sure I was in the clear and headed in the opposite direction from the restroom.
I feel sick and tired, for all the shit I made her go through in the past month. Am I happy not in the slightest, I have too many thoughts running through my mind. Emotions that are getting harder to suppress.
Faith's thoughts: "I don't want to burden you anymore than I already have Moonlight."
What hurts me the most is that she knows I'm going through shit. Here I am telling her I'm God fucking okay when I'm not. I messed up so many times I caused her so many problems, I knew I was going to hurt her and I didn't stop myself.
Fighting and yelling at her, assaulting her ex boyfriends, almost getting her in an accident and physically hurting myself to the point she worries. All I am is a problem that she has to deal with, I sometimes think she's better off without me.
Faith's thoughts: "Are you better off without me? What if you never went looking for me, you wouldn't be worrying so much."
I thought about it so many times, I played so many scenarios in my head. It might be me but in every single one where I wasn't in her life she was happy.
I walked and walked as far away as I could thinking, holding back the frustration and tears. I didn't know where the hell I was going but away from all of this from everything.
Faith's thoughts: "Abuelita what am I supposed to do!?"
I walk out of the building and run as fast as I can to another building, I walk inside frustrated, throw and kick everything I can see. I left a disaster all around and I almost punched the wall only to stop myself and collapse against the wall. I was surrounded by stars in a dark corner, holding my knees against my body hiding my emotions.
I didn't know how long I was gone, I lost track of time. It wasn't until my phone started buzzing like crazy. That I knew I was gone for way too long then, I pushed away my phone so I won't have to hear it. It hurts having to hide in my hoodie, when you know you're the one to blame for. I can't let anything good happen to me because I ruined what happiness I have, like I shouldn't be feeling this?
That's bullshit because every year I feel like shit, but it hasn't been this bad since niko. Mom telling me what I should do with my life!? What goddamn right does she have to tell me how I should live it!! Abuelita has Cancer and I can't be next to her, and I dragged Ariana in the middle of all of my problems. I'm not perfect, no one is, I just want it to go away, I don't want to hurt anymore, and I don't want to cause her any more problems.
~Hour later~
The only thing lighting up the room where the stars and dim lights, I stayed in the room quietly. It was beyond the point to go back, but the stars do look beautiful. I can hear the rain outside hitting the building.
That's when the door opens up and it's Ariana soaking wet from being out in the rain.
Ariana: "Faith!!!"
~Hour earlier~
(Ariana pov)
I started to get worried, 15 minutes gone by and she hasn't returned from the restroom yet. I text her multiple times and no response.
Ariana: "Have you guys seen Faith? She went to the restroom and hasn't come back yet?"
Victoria: "Her phone must have died or something." She can tell that I'm worried. "Okay umm let me give it a try." She tried calling her.
~Messages~
Ariana: Babe answer the damn phone!!
Ariana: I'm fucking serious just look at it I swear I'm going to…
Ariana: Just tell me your okay
Ariana: Faith!!! Pick up!!!
Ariana: Fine I'm going to go out looking for u
Ariana: Don't u move
~Messages end~
Ariana: "Tell everyone I'm going to look for Faith."
Victoria: "You sure we can get the guys to help and…"
Ariana: "This shit tends to happen more than you think, and if she gets in trouble she'll probably only listen to me."
I headed to the last spot we talked before she told me she left for the restroom. I hurried inside hoping that she was hiding in one of the stalls.
Ariana: "Faith, Amor!? Faith are you in here!!" She wasn't here.
I walk around the whole area checking my phone constantly and I continue trying to call. I got more nervous, I was afraid, scared, that she was going to hurt herself.
I went back to where she was talking about the stars and the moon. I really wanted her to be here but she wasn't, no matter where I went she wasn't there.
Ariana's thoughts: "This is fucking impossible!! This place is ginormous, how am I supposed to find her!!"
I thought of everything we did together on the tour. I looked back, traced back my steps, I tried to think like she would. Nothing I couldn't think of, she hurts and I'm not there because she won't let me, it's frustrating.
Courtney: "Ari!!!" I turn around quickly.
Ariana: "Did you find her!!"
Courtney: "No you weren't answering your phone I tried calling like I have to fucking run to find you." She was catching her breath. "The guys are talking with security if they know anything they're going to call us."
Ariana: "What!? I'm not going to stand around and do nothing!!"
Courtney: "By yourself you're not going to find her like that." She grabs my hand. "Just wait for the guys."
Ariana: "Wait!? I'm not going to fucking wait she's not okay and I have to go find her so let me go!!"
Courtney: "Ariana, please just…"
Ariana: "Courtney just let me go!!"
Courtney: "Then tell me what the fuck is going on with the two of you I'm your best friend for the love god."
Ariana: "She needs me okay, she's not okay, a lot happened when she went to visit her family, her mom….she disowned her own daughter because of me, so please let me go find her."
She lets me go and I walk away looking for my baby. It wasn't long until I got the call and they told me where she ran off to. I ran out in the rain looking for the building.
Ariana's thoughts: "Please be there, please be there!!!"
I opened the doors and I was soaking wet only to find a disaster. A section of the room was a mess of all the things she broke out of frustration.
Ariana: "Faith!!! Baby!!!" I don't get a response back.
I looked around in the dark room, it was like the other one with stars lighting up the room. I then heard a large bang like something or someone falling onto the ground."
Faith: "Mmmmm…Mother fucker!!! Mmmm…bitch!!!"
Ariana: "Faith!!!" I hurry and run over to her.
I kneel down to check on her to see broken glass on the floor and back to Faith who was bleeding across her arm.
Ariana: "Fae!! You're bleeding!!!" I help her and her sit down away from the glass. "Stay right here and don't you fucking move I'm going to get help."
Faith: "I'm sorry." She's unphased by her arms bleeding.
Ariana: "You can be sorry afterwards we need to stop the bleeding."
Faith: "You're wet, you should dry off."She tries to give me her jacket.
Ariana: "Baby!! Right now isn't the time, you're probably in a lot of pain right so please don't move."
I text the first person to come up on my phone and look around for a first aid kit on the wall. I see shit and grab whatever I think I could find useful in this situation.
Ariana: "This might sting okay." I pour water on her wound. "I'm sorry!!" She groans.
The water clears all the blood and it was bad, the cut on her arm. The cut was a couple of inches long with pieces of glass lodged in her cut.
Ariana's thoughts: "She's going to need stitches."
Faith: "I've felt worse." She chuckles and groans.
Ariana: "You shouldn't have run off like that, what the hell were you thinking!!"
Faith: "I'm not 10 Ariana I can be on my own, you didn't have to come after me, I was going to call you."
Ariana: "That is not a good ass excuse, call me when? Babe your fucking bleeding right now and I don't know what to do!!" I started to tear up with frustration.
Faith: "I've gone through worse than this, I'm not going to die." She smiles weakly. "I'm a burden I know and I'm sorry, I really am and there's no excuse for anything I've done…I ummm…I….uhh….I'm an emotional wreck, and I don't know how to deal with that with others." She chuckles holding back tears. "That's the problem and it's me, so I'm sorry for everything and for all the shit my mom said about you."
I tear up and accidentally lean and push against her arm causing her to groan in pain.
Ariana: "I'm so fucking sorry I didn't mean to!!! You don't have to be sorry about anything right now…we'll deal with that later okay." She nods.
I looked at her cut trying to figure out a way to stop the bleeding so we could take her to the hospital. I couldn't think of anything, I was freaking out thinking she was going to bleed to death.
Faith: "Rip a piece of cloth or something and tie it tight above my cut."
Ariana: "Okay!" I hurry and do that and it actually helps. "How did you!?"
Faith: "Wasn't the first time I cut myself with glass." She chuckles and I could tell she was hiding the pain behind that fake smile. "Pour water on the wound and pull the shards of glass you can see."
Ariana: "What I am not going to fucking pull anything out of you it's going to hurt!!!"
Faith: "Well the longer the…" She groans in pain. "The longer the glass stays inside the higher chance it gets infected."
She can't be serious, taking out just one piece of glass is going to hurt like hell. I could never do it and she knows that, I'm hesitating whether or not I should.
Ariana: "I can't I fucking can't!!"
Faith: "Moonlight it's not going to hurt me I promise." That was a lie.
I hesitate and then Faith sits up and without any hesitation she pulls out a piece of glass. She was sweating and groaning in pain biting down on her jacket.
Faith: "That wasn't so bad." She chuckles.
Ariana: "Fae!!! What the fucking hell!!!"
Faith: "I go the big piece out, you do the rest, my hands are too big."
~20 minutes later~
Ariana: "Don't you fucking make me do that again and don't you go off running away like that, if something is bothering you…you're supposed to tell me!!"
Faith: "It's the way I've coped with a lot of things, you know that."
Ariana: "You need to understand that I'm here too, you're not alone, a relationship works both ways."
Faith: "Sorry." She looks outside the car window.
I was glad she was okay, once everyone went there I had her bandage up to the best I could. The medical staff there did a better job so we could get to the hospital where they were going to give her stitches.
It was a relief that she was okay, but what wasn't okay was that she got herself hurt. She feels like she's a burden for me, that she is the reason for all my problems and it's not okay.
Ariana's thoughts: "You're not a burden Fae you never were, but I get it you're so overwhelmed and it shows…and I haven't been able to sleep at all because I worry about you."
It's true, there are nights I stay up thinking, worrying, sometimes crying in frustration because I don't know how to be a better Girlfriend for her.
Ariana's thoughts: "It's going to get better I promise I swear it is."