This... was... not just ONE bitch... but TWO bitches and a half. I honestly hope that all of you enjoy it.
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Agent Connecticut, or C.T. as she liked to be called was dumbfounded. Yes, she was a Freelancer, but even this took the cake. It was almost as if the kid knew that there was at least one spy in the midst of the freelancers. But she shut up'd sat down and looked forward. There had to be something that she could report to her boyfriend. "Oh, and one more thing everyone. If you're expecting some of badass people... prepare to have your expectations lowered by a lot." said Christian. 'Ok, so translation: Nothing good to report about', C.T. thought dejectedly. She found it too bad that the Director didn't allow them to bring weapons to this. She could have maybe been able to play with that new combat knife that she got. Then, the video presentation started.
Music starts to play on a black screen, then cutting to a small band of Red simulation troopers, two in a Warthog. their names come up as the video gets a close-up of them.
~Roses are Red~The camera zooms in on a man in bright red armor holding a shotgun is shown with 'Sarge' going across the screen.
"What the fuck? We're watching a show about simulation troopers?", demanded C.T. the only response that she got was a simple one from Christian.
"Yes, but in time, they'll be important sim troopers."
That confused everyone, the Director included C.T. noticed.
~Violets are Blue, one day we'll cruise down Blood Gulch Avenue~The camera zooms in on a man in orange in the driver's seat of the Warthog with the name 'Grif' on the screen.~ It's Red vs Red and Blue vs Blue~The camera zooms in on the back of the Warthog is a man in maroon armor with the name 'Simmons' on the screen
~It's I against I and Me against You~
The camera zooms in on another man in in bright red armor with the name Donut on the screen
~Violets are Blue, Roses are Red~
The camera zooms in on the other side of the box canyon, showing a small band of Blue simulation troopers, on on a tank, and another on top of the base behind the tank.~Livin' like us, we're already dead~The camera zooms in on the guy on the tank. He had teal armor with the name 'Tucker' coming up on the screen.
"That little cockbite! He stole my color!", growled out Carolina uncharacteristically. Everyone turn to her for a brief moment before shrugging. C.T. didn't really care, but she had a feeling that this was only the beginning of some huge secrets were going to be shown. Too bad that she had to follow what this kid said for now. she turned toward the screen again. 'Wait, isn't her armor more of a sea foam blue?', C.T. thought.
more music played while the camera zooms in on the Blue on the base, this one had more of a sliver-blue armor. the name 'Church' appeared.
When everyone saw this, they immediately turned to the Director. His face held no emotion, but they saw his eyes. they were alit with a grim curiosity. C.T. was surprised to see that name on the screen. She looked at Christian. He had his head bowed and was rubbing his face... preparing for something. He knew how this show turned out, she realized. Or at least most of it. She and everyone turned towards the screen again.
The same music played as the camera zooms in on a woman with midnight black armor with the name 'Tex' coming up in front of her and as she turned invisible the name went behind she and she was back again.
Everyone froze. "What...The...Hell... is this kid?", Texas asked while gritting her teeth. Christian didn't say anything, he just... stared at the screen as if he was going down Memory Lane.
~Hop in my car, don't let it go Booom~
The camera zooms in on the tank and a guy wearing regulatory Blue simulation armor hopped out with the name 'Caboose' appearing. The camera zooms in on the tank itself with the name 'SHEILA' in the same line.
~It's built like a cat, It lands on all fours~
The camera zooms in on a guy in brown armor with the name 'Lopez' showing up.
C.T. was was livid... no, she'll fucking kill this guy for stealing her color. Surprisingly enough it was York that yelled out "That's C.T.'s and my color! That bastard!" C.T. was surprised at how pissed everyone was getting at the people who just so happen to have their colors. She guessed it was a sense of identity for the Freelancers that were there.
~My car's like a Puma, It drives on all fours~
The camera zooms in on a man in a grey suited man in front of an computer with the name 'Vic' popping up.The screen then goes through a montage of some things in the show then the words 'Red vs Blue' appear.
the screen goes black and fades into Grif and Simmons on top of Red Base.
"At least that's the only time that we have to watch that little Title Sequence.", muttered Christian, "Now prepare to be amazed." Everyone stared at him for a moment, then resumed watching what was on the screen.
"hey.", said Simmons turning towards Grif.
"Mm...Yeah?", said Grif answered while turning towards Simmons.
"Have you ever wondered why we are here?"
"It's one of life's Great Mysteries, isn't it? Why are we here? Are we a product of, some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a God watching everything with a plan for us and stuff? I don't know, man, but it keeps me up at night."
Simmons stared at Grif in disbelief for a moment before he said "what? I mean, why are we here out in this canyon?"
"Oh... uh... yeah.", replied Grif while looking down.
"What was that stuff about God?"
"Uh... N-nothing."
"You... want to talk about it?"
"Oh, no."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
they stood there for a moment, then Simmons says "Seriously, though, why are we out here? As far as I can tell, it's just a box canyon in the middle of nowhere. No way in or out."
"Mm-hmm.", muttered Grif nodding.
"The only reason we set up a Red Base here is because they set up a Blue Base over there. And the only reason they set up a Blue Base over there is because we have a Red Base over here."
"What. The. Hell.", said Wash, summing up everyone's thoughts. C.T. was shocked that these two made it past Basic Training.
"Well, yeah, that's because we're fighting each other." explained Grif boredly."Well, I mean, If we were to pull out today and they took this Base, then they'd have two Blue Bases in a box canyon in the middle of nowhere. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo.""What's up with that anyway? I mean, I signed up to fight some aliens, next thing I know Master Chief blows up the whole Covenant Armada, and I'm in the middle of nowhere fighting a bunch of blue guys!"
Christian and some of the Freelancers- C.T. herself included- chuckle at this, admittedly good one-liner. " 'Speak of the devil and he shall appear', isn't that the saying, eh Alpha?" intoned Christian. The hologram came to life next to the Director and said "It's one of many. But I'm trying to calculate how much of an idiot these guys are!""Don't bother, Alpha. You'll just short circut yourself."
On a cliff ledge two 'Blue Guys' are spying on Grif and Simmons. "What are they doing now?" asked Tucker as Church was watching them through his sniper rifle. "What?" Church asked as he turned to Tucker."I said, 'What are they doing now?' ""Gah, damn, I'm getting so sick of answering that question!""Tch, you have the rifle, don't bitch at me because I'm not just going to play with my dick-"
Everyone had a look of shocked surprise. C.T. noticed that Christian was watching them, looking at their reactions and laughing his ass off at them. Oh, she was going to make him pay for this. And judging by the looks from Carolina, Texas, and South, she was going to get help. she smirked at Christian as his face paled. "The episode is almost over everyone. Please keep watching.", he said quickly. They turned their attention back to the screen.
"Ok. look, they're just standing there talking, ok? That's all they've ever done, and all they'll ever do. That's what they were doing two weeks ago and five minutes ago when you asked me. SO, when you ask me FIVE minutes from now 'What are they doing now?' MY ANSWER IS GOING TO BE 'THEY'RE STILL JUST TALKING AND STILL JUST STANDING THERE'!", said Church, yelling out the last part."Well... what are they talking about?", asked Tucker as he suddenly found the ground to be more interesting."...Know what? I fucking hate you." said Church In disbelief.
"I'm surprised that the Reds didn't hear the yelling.", Carolina said with a little bit of shock coloring her voice. The occupants in the room nodded. York said "This is pretty funny when you think about, though." Again, everyone nodded. C.T. couldn't deny that and nobody else was going to.
"Talk about waste of resources! I mean, we should be out there fighting new intelligent forms of life, not them.", said Grif. Simmons said "Yeah, no shit. That's why they should put us in charge.""Hey, Ladies, front and center- on the double!", said Sarge from the front of the Base."Yes sir!", Simmons replied for both Grif and himself.
F.I.L.S.S. finally said, "End of playback. Continue with DVD One, Episode Two?" "No, F.I.L.S.S., that will be all today.", The Director replied. C.T. Looked at the other three women and they all shared a smirk. Now would be the time to make Christian pay for not informing them of a self-proclaimed Ladies' Man. How did they know that Tucker was one? simple. He had the sound of one. Oh, and he was going to pay for laughing at them.