november 2017
James' hand traced the curve of Natasha's naked shoulder, then rib cage and waist, and came to a stop on her hip. The oversized t-shirt she slept in slipped off her shoulder and was completely bunched up, barely covering anything. His nose nuzzled the nape of her neck, buried in the short hair. Goosebumps rose where his breath tickled her skin. She seemed asleep but he knew she wasn't. Maybe dozing off, but not sleeping deeply. The gentle smile, lighting up her face, betrayed her, just like her hips pressing into his and grinding ever so slightly.
"I know you're staring." she mumbled, proving him right.
He chuckled, leaning back on his elbow. "I'm admiring."
"It's creepy."
"It's romantic."
She opened one eye and lifted her head just enough to glance at him over her shoulder. "Zamolchi" she said, slipping into her mother tongue, before slumping right back onto her pillow.
He brushed some hair away from her neck and kissed her there. Once, twice, testing her limits. A soft kiss there, some more teeth here, sucking a bit further, each one getting a soft sigh out of Natasha. Seven was enough, the last one placed on a scar on her shoulder, a reminder of his doings. She rolled onto her back, allowing James to hover over her, supporting himself enough not to crush her but to let her feel his weight.
She wrapped her right leg around his hips, and cupped his cheek, caressing it with her thumb. James leaned into her touch and kissed the edge of her palm.
"Good morning." he said, his voice still raspy with sleep.
Natasha mumbled an answer, her finger still moving mindlessly. She kept holding his gaze, but seemed distant.
"You with me?" his nose brushed against hers, trying to get her attention.
"Mhm." she murmured. "I'm thinking."
"I can see that." he moved lower, causing her hand to slip away from his face yet it stayed at the same height. James pressed a kiss between her breasts and then on each of them. He looked at her, searching for any reaction, yet she still seemed totally absent.
"Alright, you're getting me worried here."
"You slept through the night." she said, meeting his eyes, a growing grin on her face.
James frowned but her words got him thinking. They went to sleep quite early the day before. He expected to wake up just after midnight, with another nightmare that would make his heart race, but nothing like that happened. He remembered no nightmare, no waking up.
"Yeah, I guess I did." he admitted, latching onto her neck and getting a quiet moan out of her.
Both Natasha's arms were looped around his neck now. Fingers of one hand tangled into his hair, while the other hand grasped his shoulder. She tipped her head back, giving him better access.
"Wait, how do you know?" he asked, his head jerking up in realization.
"Because I did too."
His brows furrowed. Did he wake her up every time? He knew that she kept waking up in the beginning, always by his side, ready to comfort him, to listen if he was willing to talk. But he always asked her to go back to sleep, assured her that she had nothing to worry about and after a while, she started listening. Or he thought she did.
"Are you saying that I've been waking you up every night for the past eight months?"
"I didn't say that." she said and wrapped the other leg around him when James tried to roll off her.
"I'm sorry."
"What for?" she ran her hand through his hair and brought him closer for an unhurried kiss. Her tongue slipped inside his mouth and when pulling away she caught his lower lip between her teeth.
"For waking you up," he said, when he finally had a chance to speak, taking a much-needed breath.
"Nothing to apologize for, durachok," Natasha assured, tracing the curve of his spine and making him shiver. "You woke me up maybe a few times, call the rest an instinct. I just knew when something was wrong."
"Any way I could repay you?" he asked between kisses he traced her jaw with.
"Mhm," she murmured. "I'm sure I can think of something."
And just as he pushed her shirt up and started to move down her body, creating a path out of slow kisses, giving extra attention to both scars he gave her, there was a knock on the door. While James let out a groan, with his forehead pressed to Natasha's stomach, she giggled and made a mental note to thank Laura for teaching Katya the importance of knocking.
"I can hear you're awake," she called out. Natasha's eyes widened in fear of how much and what exactly she heard. "What do you want for breakfast?"
"Whatever you'll make will be fine, zvezdochka." Natasha replied, swatting James's shoulder when he placed another kiss on her hip bone.
"Pancakes okay?" Katya asked.
"Great idea." James agreed and at the same moment, Natasha pushed him off herself, tapping her forehead, to silently point out how dumb he was. He laughed in answer. "Rain check?"
"You're so insatiable, I should give you a time-out, not a rain check."
Natasha got up from the bed. The huge shirt unfolded, covering her to the top of her thighs. She ran her hand through her hair. The sides were already starting to look weird, yet she wasn't interested in shaving them again. She circled the bed to get to the closet and grab something fresh to wear but stopped by James' nightstand, something catching her eye.
It was a sketch, drawn with a pencil, picturing the back of a person lying on their side, the curves suggesting it was a woman. She had short hair and her shirt was rolled up, revealing her midsection.
"Did you draw it?" Natasha asked, glancing at James who sat up, leaning against the headboard. He nodded. "Is that me?" she added, arching an eyebrow slightly.
"I felt like drawing for the first time since I can remember and the lightning was nice, so..." he shrugged.
"I don't think I ever saw your drawing before."
She knew that he went to art school, just like Steve, who mentioned it once or twice, not aware that Natasha already knew about it, learning from James years before. She got to see Rogers' sketches a few times. Her art knowledge wasn't vast, but big enough to notice that he was good, great even but James wasn't any worse, maybe better given that the sketch was drawn in a bed, on a single piece of thin paper.
"Now I know where Katya gets it from," she said, putting the drawing back where she found it.
"I could use some practice. And a model," he said with a smirk, his eyes scanning Natasha's body.
"I'm guessing preferably a nude one?" she asked, picking out some clothes and crossing the room, stopping by the door.
"A man can dream."
"Or he can ask nicely."
By the time they got themselves out of the bedroom and the bathroom, they were welcomed by an amazing-smelling but empty kitchen, aside from Liho munching on her breakfast in the corner. A pile of fluffy and still steaming pancakes waited in the middle of the table, surrounded by three clean plates and a bunch of spreads like jam or chocolate. But Katya was nowhere in sight.
"Katya?" Natasha called out, confused. She got only silence in answer. "Where did she go?"
James shrugged. "She left her phone," he added, noticing the device on the counter.
She couldn't have gone far. She wouldn't, not without telling someone first or at least leaving a note. It was Saturday so school was also out of the question and Natasha didn't remember Katya telling her about any plans for that day.
"Seriously?" she frowned at James when he sat by the table and put three pancakes on his plate.
"What? She's been gone for five minutes at best. Stop panicking and eat."
Reaching under the table he pushed a chair out with his leg.
"I hate you sometimes." Natasha murmured, admitting defeat, although it was worth it. The breakfast was delicious. Another thing to thank Laura for - getting Katya hooked on cooking.
Liho abandoned the now empty bowl and crossed the kitchen. She sat down by the table, tail sweeping the floor as she eyed them curiously. She meowed loudly, trying to get someone's attention, hoping for a treat.
"And now you're not hissing," James said, quickly followed by Natasha's "Absolutely not."
Suddenly the door opened and Katya walked in, something in her hands. Liho roused suddenly, her fur bristled as she started hissing.
"Where have you been?" Natasha asked before noticing the bundle and something more. "Is that blood?"
She stood up and approached Katya, reaching for the upper hem of her shirt to inspect the stains.
"It's not mine!" the girl protested before Natasha got close enough.
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"
"Then whose it is?" James joined the conversation.
"Some guy's." Katya shrugged. "And a bit may be its" she added, revealing the content of the bundle.
It was a kitten, wrapped in her hoodie. The cat used to be white, but now it was mostly gray, covered in dirt, pink in some places where fur was missing, dark red, almost brown, where scabs were scattered across its frail and emaciated body.
"Where did you get it?" Natasha asked. "What happened?"
"I saw these few boys out of the window, they were acting weird and I saw they were kicking something so I went outside and then I realized it was an animal so I got pissed off and... I taught them a lesson?"
"What did you do?"
"I may have hit one of them?"
"One?"
"The rest run away," Katya explained. "That's where the blood is from, he tried to grab me after I broke his nose or something but he fell and his hands were dirty."
"Did you know them?"
"I'm not sure, but they seemed familiar. I think I saw at least one of them at the farm?" she glanced at James.
"The older ones? Sixteen or something?" he asked and Katya nodded. "Might be Kato or Moyo."
"The second one! I heard that name." the girl remembered.
Natasha looked between them for a while before stopping her gaze at James. She shook her head. "Don't."
"Don't what? I just want to have a talk." he shrugged.
"Yeah, sure." she mocked, not really fond of the idea but turned back to Katya and the kitten in her arms. "We have to do something about this guy. It looks terrible."
"Can we keep it?" Katya asked, hope sparkling in her eyes.
"I don't think Liho approves." James suggested, glancing at the black cat whose tail still looked like a bottle brush.
"Since when do you care about Liho?" Natasha asked, turning to him.
"Since it's up to her if this house turns into a circus."
"She just has to get used to him! Please?" Katya interrupted.
"Now you know how I felt." he said, getting up from the table and taking a look at the tiny creature. Natasha rolled her eyes. The cat gave a weak mew when he stroked the top of its head. "I'm not saying we do, but even if we keep him, we have to find a vet first."
Yet Katya treated his words like a confirmation, already grinning from ear to ear. Natasha pinched the bridge of her nose, regretting a few of her life choices and remembering Sam's words from Berlin. With the second cat, now it really was the time to see about that fence.
january 2018
"Look! There's a party down there." Katya reached the top of the hill and pointed to the other side.
The sun would soon start to set down, but there were still about two hours till complete darkness. With the temperature in the evening finally low enough to go outside without being fried alive, Natasha, James, and Katya decided to go for a walk and Phezulu, the baby donkey, from the farm Barnes worked at, that took a liking to the girl, was tagging along. When they walked past the fence and wanted to leave him behind, the animal started screaming so loud upon recognizing her, that the owner of the farm let them take him for a walk just to get a moment of peace.
Natasha and James caught up to Katya and also saw the small gathering around the nearby house downhill. They could hear faint music and some of the people, dressed in colorful, mostly traditional clothes, seemed to be dancing. Scattered laughter and bits of indistinct conversation reached their ears.
"I think it's a wedding," Katya added after a while. "That looks like a veil."
Natasha squinted but had a hard time noticing what exactly the girl meant from the distance. James on the other hand agreed with a nod and proceeded to lay down a blanket he was carrying folded under his arm. He pushed Phezulu away when the animal tried to chew the corner and with a loud sound of disappointment, the donkey trotted away after Katya when she pulled at the rope attached to the bright blue halter on the animal's head.
"Don't go too close! Don't interrupt!" Natasha called after her.
After straightening the blanket, she sat down and leaned back, supporting herself on her elbows. With legs crossed at the ankles, she let her eyelids fall close as she enjoyed the warmth of the last sunrays on her face. James sat on her right, leaving barely any space between them. He smiled at her, and propped his only arm on a bent knee, while the other leg was stretched straight.
A fit of Katya's laughter broke the moment of peaceful quiet. Romanoff straightened her neck and shielded her eyes with a hand to see what caused it. Phezulu was chasing her, bucking from time to time. Natasha snorted when the girl tripped. Barnes shook his head and shifted his gaze to the party downhill.
"Would you want that one day?" he asked.
Natasha's gaze turned away from their daughter to him. "What, a donkey?"
James rolled his eyes playfully. "No, I mean this." he nodded at the party. "A wedding."
She arched an eyebrow. "If this is your way of proposing then you gotta up your game a little bit."
"It's not." he shook his head but kept looking at Natasha, making her realize it was a serious question.
She pushed herself up and sat straight. The wind pushed a single strand of hair in her face so she moved it away. Its length still made it impossible to tie it up in any way. "I mean... I wouldn't mind, but do we need it? Like after everything we went through, would that change anything for us?"
Barnes shrugged and took a moment to answer. "Taxes?"
Natasha snorted and swayed her hand at him. He dodged it easily. She laughed and he smiled.
How he loved that sound.
Only after a moment, her own words reached Natasha. They went through so much. Together, on their own, and for each other. Not many couples had a history like that. They took walking through fire and taking bullets for each other to another level. After all these years she doubted there was anything in this world left that she wouldn't do for him and he for her. What more could a person do than give your mind away?
But what did that make them?
"What are we?" she asked, catching his attention.
"And now you're getting philosophical?"
Natasha chuckled at his tease but the slight smile quickly faltered. "No, we, like this thing between us." she gestured between them. "It started what, fifteen years ago? And what is this?"
"What, you have cold feet?" Barnes arched an eyebrow and then squinted, pretending to be offended. "You doubt us?"
She shook her hand at his antics. She loved seeing him like that. Letting loose, being relaxed, himself. His real personality shone through, finally not stifled by anything or anyone and not even threatened by it. James let his gaze fall as he pondered over her question. Just being a couple didn't sound right. Boyfriend and girlfriend felt almost infantile. Until the hypothetical question earlier the subject of engagement never came up so they obviously weren't fiances. Same with marriage. Partners? No, they were much more. Something so much bigger that he wasn't sure if the word to describe them even existed.
"Honestly, I don't know." Barnes admitted "But what I know, is that we both had enough labels put on our names for a few lifetimes. I think It's nice to have something different, something ours, for once."
"I think your right." Natasha nodded while gazing into the distance. Not moving her gaze, she scooted closer and rested her head on his shoulder. James planted a kiss on her hair, almost fiery in the sun.
"Sixteen years" he added after a while watching Katya try to stop the donkey from eating something he wasn't supposed to consume.
Romanoff lifted her head, confused. "Since we met. January 2002." Barnes explained and snorted at her expression. She didn't think he would care about something like that. "Who knows, maybe today could be our anniversary."
His arm sneaked behind Natasha's back to embrace her before he started tickling her sides.
"Do you have a death wish?" she asked rhetorically, trying to move away from him and to keep a straight face.
Even one-armed he had an advantage over her. She wasn't really ticklish, but there was still something. Yet instead of laughing, she started playfully hitting him and swaying at his hand. Soon they ended up on their backs, one arm enough for James to wrap it around her and immobilize her, as long as she let him. Not wanting to bring attention to themselves, James let go of her soon enough, much to Natasha's relief.
She stayed on her back, with her arm thrown over her face, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. In the middle of the hillside, Phezulu brayed loudly and bumped Katya with his muzzle as she lay down in the long grass. James sat straight, his legs bent, arm resting on his knees.
"You said I should up my game about proposing," he remembered, returning his attention to Natasha. "What would you want?"
"Seriously?" She lifted her arm so she could look at him. She frowned. "I thought we just decided that we don't need a wedding."
James gave a one-armed shrug. "Humor me."
"Don't get any ideas." Natasha warned and sighed. "I don't need much. Like grand planned gestures, even flowers, all that romantic junk. To be honest, I don't even need you to propose. I think would be useless, for us." she decided. "You could just drag me to a courthouse one day, with or without the question before and I don't think I would protest if we were already there."
"So you want to get married one day?"
"Let's say I wouldn't mind making it official or whatever," Natasha concluded and pushed herself up. "Like you said, taxes."
Barnes snorted. "And what would promise each other?"
"You mean like vows? What, you don't want to be traditional?"
"The traditional in me died about seventy years ago. So, what do you say?"
She breathed out and took a moment to think, gazing in the distance at the setting sun, already partially hidden behind the horizon. Since they were already talking about it, for the first time ever, Natasha wanted to give a thoughtful answer.
"That we won't let anything come between us ever again." she decided, her eyes moving back to James. She smiled at him, noticing he kept looking at her the whole time.
"And what if it's out of our control?"
"Come on, don't jinx it," she warned with a chuckle. "But if so, then we will find our way back to each other like we always do. What about you?"
He looked into the distance for a moment, gathering his thoughts.
"That we'll love each other even when we hate each other." Natasha arched a brow at him, not quite sure what he meant. "That when we drive each other mad, like if I do something completely stupid that makes you want to hit me with a frying pan-" she snorted at this. "Despite that, we'll never doubt this love and we will never run away from each other, no matter how bad it gets"
Natasha nodded, a smile slowly growing on her face. "Jesus, you're a sap."
James rolled his eyes. " You know, some time ago people would call that romantic."
"Also, if I ever wanted to run away, I would've done that a long time ago. It's not worth it now." she said and it took him a moment to realize the joke behind her words. "I mean, since I've already wasted so many years with you, it would be a shame to just-"
He cut her off with a kiss, preceded by a grin on his face. The only way to shut her up he could think of. Natasha wrapped an arm around his neck on instinct, to keep her balance, as she laughed against his lips.
"You're incorrigible," James muttered.
Natasha smirked and shrugged, tilting her head as she pulled away from him after one more peck. "Technically you did get a warning, what did you expect from where I came from?"
"Please, stop talking." he requested, hiding his face behind his hand, yet couldn't hide his laughter.
translations:
"zamolchi" - "shut up"
"durachok" - "dummy"/"silly"