ZEHRA
I met Devakshaya's eyes and strolled mine towards the pathway Daiwik walked towards. I am not going without answers. If there is a lie that will break us? We are breaking apart already? Why stop for any?
I need to know, I shook my head, wiping the tears off my cold face, from the temperature drop of my body with the running heart that had frozen cold earlier. I turned my feet and jogged toward the pathway Daiwik was.
It was a few paces before I spotted him sitting on the footpath with his hand on his head, his face low, and his anger subsided.
My running state was now turned into a faltering steps, I wobbled towards him, and he looked up from the footpath of the old street of Chandravanipur.
Not a concrete road, just dust that hung in the air with every passing bicycle bike, rarely a truck that made a strange sound while it moved.
I halted before him, "Daiwik? Please tell me the truth. Please?" I asked him, and he looked up meeting my eyes.
"Go back! Zehra, go back to V-" He couldn't bring himself to say but the name that he heard himself in his head, probably started to beat because now, his knees started to her repeatedly while his attack kicked in. He started shaking his head, he held his hair with both his hand and pulled it so harshly, felt like he would tear it away.
He shouted so loudly, "Vandigana! Vandigana!" he shouted in the air before he witnessed me, and immediately stood on his feet.
But, today? I wasn't afraid! I was not scared of what he had to do with me. Because whatever it will be? It won't be worse than what I have been through.
He forced his step almost too near to mine that I shuddered backwards, he kept stepping again and again, his eyes red and his anger was holding him captive.
His body was furious and frantic, he looked like an animal who would jump into a dense state.
And I wasn't scared.
I let him, get mad, get upset.
"I am not going back to Vandigana! Not until I know the truth!" I demanded, taking the name that triggered him.
He yelled a loud "Ahh!" and raised his hand, started punching this promotion board of a local hair shop on the pathway, and turned to me,
I was ready to take the same hit, his eyes had forgotten me. They didn't seem to recognize me, and he was probably going to make me the next promotion board, but I said words.
And it all washed off.
"I am, Zehra! Daiwik, your Zehra," My words were spoken, and his angry self that was buzzing with rage was brought to calm. His body had stilled while he saw my face, the redening of his white pool, was turning back to reality. His darkened eyes had come down to normal.
He looked at me, stared at my face, his hand raised and his fingertips with those new newfounds tried to graze my cheek but they restrained back.
And he sat down on the floor again, his breath heavy and he tried to calm down, looking at his hand, that he had almost raised at me, he was watching it. And shaking his head, "I don't deserve you, Zehra. I don't deserve anything that you had to offer. I made the biggest mistake of my life, and I did not want you to find out. And I don't think I can still bring myself to tell you. But, once again when I saw you. A new hope in me rose, the expectancy that I could start it all over again. This is why, I brought you from chandravani Haveli, and when I did. My anger wasn't directed to you that day. It was directed towards me. That is because I failed. You were in a brothel, suffering.
Because I did what I did. When I begged you to see me, to like me to love me. It was all because I wanted you to fall in love with this Daiwik. To fall in love with me. And not all that the past was. And I did make you fall in love. But I do not want that part of our world to come to life. Please, Zehra forget about it. Whatever it was, let's live in the illusion that keeps us both together. Attached.
And to answer your question, if the letters were from me? If the Gajra's were from me? If...if the baskets were from me? Partially yes," His few words of begging and half explanation weren't enough.
The truth, the whole truth. But what does he mean they were partially from him?
"Zehra, go back to that place, where your family is. Don't worry about money or a single penny. I will earn, I will work hard and I will send money to you and your family. For long as I am alive. I will support everything. Please. Leave, Zehra!" he begged me again.
And I shook my head and stepped in front of him. "Tell me the truth Daiwik, and let me decide if I want to stay back."
"Go to that place, Zehra, by the end of the day. You will know the truth. I promise you, "
~
I trusted his promise, he said by the end of the day. I believe by the end of the day, I will be told. I took my steps back from his front, his eyes holding me tightly in his clutch, glistening with tears. He did not want to let me go.
Here we were, parting ways, his hand that he held in mine, escaped away when I stretched far from him, Devakshaya still waiting for me in the car in the driver seat.
I didn't turn around again, once I sat in the car. The parting was aching my chest, yet again. Here we were, broke apart. Once again.
But I trust him, whatever he will reveal to me by the end of the day? Wouldn't be so bad that I won't want to come back to him, to the happiness he has to offer me. This family I have found. The daily dinners, that we all shared. The laughter, watching movies and a mother figure who held me tight in her arms when I was shattered. A brother who fought with his blood for me. A sister, who never made me feel out of place. Never made me feel different.
I want to come back to all of this. I hope, whatever the truth is. It won't break my soul that he rebuilded again.
~
Silently sitting in the car with Devakshaya, I only thought about my days here. It wasn't such a long time, or maybe it didn't feel because I was with people who made every big thing look so trivial.
I closed my eyes, the car crossed the bridge, the one that adjoined Vandigana with Chandravanipur.
And here we were, the place I once left and never came back, again. The place that broke me, but also coming out from the place that did break me, but merged me once again.
It put my pieces together and I waited with the setting sun, for those pieces to break once again when I was told the truth.
"Devakshaya, did you always know I was the girl Daiwik was-" I asked him, suddenly breaking the long hours of silence.
"Yes, mute...Zehra!" He said so simply.
"Why did you act weird with me in the beginning? Trying to match me and Daiwik in the beginning, you seem to be against us, when the marriage and us getting together part came upfront?" I asked him, just making the recoiling thoughts.
And he sighed, "I am the one who collected my brother who had lost himself and brought him back to life. And all, because he had hoped to have you once. And when he did find you? I wanted him to have all the joy. All the happiness, that is why I was who I was with you. But...his anger problems, started hurting you. And I cared about you mute. I couldn't see him. I knew he would marry you someday but is he crossing all the lines with you? Without even telling you the truth, made me mad at him. I do want you both together. But not on the terms of lies." He explained so simply.
Devakshaya looks like a man you can enjoy having fun with, your days filled with laughter. But the closer you get to him? The realisation will hit you, that he always has a new side to show him.
I turned back to the windows when a toy shop passed from me, and I sat up, "Devakshaya? Can you stop the car in this market?" I asked him and he looked at me strangely and nodded.
I turned to see him getting out of the car, I walked back to the toy shop which was a compilation of stationery, beauty products and even little groceries.
I walked towards there, Devakshaya right behind me, my hand holding the small pouch I bought with the money I had learned to take from Daiwik and the money in it.
I picked out some little toys, a wooden horse that faltered back and forth when moved, a car, a man that played drum, and many more. I saw all the toys and picked them in my hand but Devakshaya took them from my hand and stood with them, while he let me search.
"Do you have a child back home?" He asked me, and I nodded.
I picked a few more and I turned towards the shopkeeper. He made the bill but before I could use Daiwik's money, Devakshaya already paid the vendor.
He thanked them and taking the plastic bag he stepped outside and I followed behind. "Thank you, Dev!" I told him and he shook his head.
And I walked towards the car and sat down inside, and he sat back. The rest of the ride was silent but now the home was closer. The place I wanted to run away from was getting nearer to me.
And within a few minutes, the same alleyway but different people, and different vendors were visible. Anju and Arti's house was still where it was and I have heard they still live here.
I pointed the house to Devakshaya and he parked the car right outside the door. I walked out, and he followed behind.
I walked up the stairs, for 8 months, I am coming back to my home after 8 months. So much has happened in all these years. I am not sure how will I ever be able to tell Ammi about it.
Devakshaya held the carry and taking my bags from the trip, he walked behind me while I banged the door with a fist.
My heartbeat drummed inside my chest, and soon enough Ammi opened the door, and stood there with her eyes resting on me, started to stream down tears and she hugged me tightly.
"Zehra!!" she cried on my back, and I hugged her tightly crying back, holding onto her, I bawled myself.
And unsure of how long this remained, but the familiarity that had in her hug, the mother's love was different completely.
She pulled back and saw Devakshaya. And immediately invited us inside, and we walked in. She pulled the chair because the cot was taken by my paralyzed father.
And kept it in a row, "Sit," She insisted and looked at Daiwik with homes. Since he didn't have a Hindu tattoo visible, she probably thinks he is Muslim.
Her eyes sparkled, "Is this the man you were re-married to?" she asked me, looking between us when I shook my head.
"No, Ammi, this is..." I can't tell her everything right now, "This is Farhan, his brother." I lied to keep my mother content and happy for as long as I could.
She smiled and did a salam walekum but Devakshaya stared at me with a shocked expression. And only to distract Ammi, I asked, "Ammi, Murshad?" I asked and her attention with her delighted self, forgot and turned to me.
"He is in the bedroom," I nodded and smiled taking the bag from Devakshaya's hand and walking towards the bedroom door.
And opened it, slowly. Entering inside, I looked around the room, my eyes didn't catch him but then he suddenly jumped at me with the roar of a lion, smiling and jumping,
"I scared you!" he laughed and jumped like a child, he jumped here and there running around the room, so happy and cheerful that he scared me. And I watched him dancing around, with a painful smile spread across my lips.
I took the horse out from the bag and pointed it out towards him, "Murshad? This, see? Did you ask me for a horse on the phone? Look I brought it!" I told him and he turned to me, and walking towards me with his hand in his mouth, he looked at the horse, and smiling took it and ran sitting down in the corner of the room and started playing with it.
Devakshaya entered the room, shock overtook him when he saw my brother sitting in the corner playing.
“He got diagnosed with a mental disorder,”
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