Sunday,
August 4th, 2017
11:24 AM
Nyla B.
"Me and mommy stay at hotel with a big pool, daddy! And my titi bring True and bring Nuna to swim with me today."
I glanced at Eliana's reflection in the mirror, while the pad of my fingers continued to work in a circular motion, embedding the serum into the pores of my skin. She sat atop of the toilet seat, dangling her legs and wearing a smile that showcased her single dimple. "Oh, yeah?" Elijah's baritone led from the iPad. "Can you take your iPad to a window and show daddy the outside, baby?" Eliana nodded her head, but before she could get down from the toilet, I quickly retrieved the device from her hands, "stay right there, Mootie."
I scurried out of the bathroom, brisk steps to an area outside of Eliana's range following. I pulled the door open and shifted the swing bar latch, the door clanking against the metal as I stepped into the hallway. Having brought Elijah into view, my brows immediately flew inward, "what you're not going to do is try to manipulate a three-year-old for your own gain. I'll squash all of this shit!"
His brows were nearly connected, merely interrupted by tiny frown lines, "you take off with the baby as soon as I fall asleep, to which I have no idea how you're traveling or where you're traveling to at four o'clock in the muthafuckin' morning, and you want to talk about manipulation, knowing that would piss me the fuck off?"
My steps trailed further from the door and the anger of his audacity influencing my tone, "I don't give a damn about you being pissed off. I came with my daughter, at your demand, and I took her with me when my time was up, because that was the whole purpose of you dragging me here, right," I cocked my head to the side, "because you didn't think she'd want to stay with you, without me?"
He hauled his hand down his face and released an exhausting sigh, "tell me where to pick you up from, mama." My face balled into a scrunch and I shook my head, "no. I'm not going anywhere with you. I'll meet you somewhere this evening to exchange Eliana, so you can continue your weekend with your children, but that's it."
Hunched over, he bore down into the phone, "this is the part where I become the dickhead, yeah? Because I refuse to accept what it is you're offering?" He tilted his head, narrowing his eyes, "because I meant it when I told you, not having any ties to you was the only way I'd ever be okay with being without you, no matter how insufferable it was?" His penetrating gaze intensified, "and because I'm keeping you, in spite of your objection, because you're clutching my rib, yes?"
Fury brewed within me, calling for a congregation of tears and glossy eyes, "are you mentally ill? In what fantasy world do you live in, that you think I'm going to sit back and allow you to mistreat me and crush my spirit, time and time again, for the sake of a baby I've raised or a piece of love that drains me fucking empty? Like, what is this to you, Elijah? A game of predator versus prey?"
He brought the phone closer, a scowl and protruding neck vein on full display, "what the fuck you mean, prey on you?" He drew the phone back, his countenance established in a frustration, "you don't think I'm bothered by the shit we've been going through," he questioned, while tapping his fingertips against his temple. "Li-like I get a kick out of seeing and knowing where you're hurting at? Like I don't love the shit out of you?"
He furrowed his brows, "and while I do, I have never had to love you in this capacity, Nyla. A capacity where everything is just as familiar as it was four years ago—the love, the infatuation, the adoration... and the deceit." his eyes traveled back and forth between mine. "I have never had to look at you and see anything other than purity in your eyes or had to taste your mouth and question all of the love it spoke into me and on me, and it fucks with me." He continued, "shit gets ugly when you're trying to mend what was broken in the most detrimental way, but I'm trying."
"You're not trying!" I shouted. "You're acting as if it wasn't just last night that we were laying in bed, while you consoled me with these empty promises of how things would be going forward, only for me to wake up out up my sleep and catch you washing your dick, after you left me in a bed that I never even asked to be in, nor did I want to be in, to go play in pussy."
A scowl etched across his face, while his tone harshened, "I didn't leave you in no fucking bed to go play in no fucking pussy." He spat. "I went over there because that's where I needed to be in that moment, under the circumstances that came forth. I didn't set out on bullshit nor the desire to be inside of another woman, after my dick has been drooling in you morning, afternoon, and night," he frowned. "I lost control of the situation for a second, gave her seven or eight strokes, and backed out of her. I didn't lay in pussy and I didn't continue the relationship with her."
I shook the iPad, accentuating my words, "I don't care, Elijah! When it comes to me, you've been out of control. I could never express enough remorse for hurting you, but this here that you've been doing to me, it's not right, and it's not okay." I laid my hand over my heart, releasing the detained tears, "do you know how many times I've had to ask God to have mercy on me while I'm in your presence, because I don't know what type of hurt you want to dish out on any given day?"
Unfazed by how I looked, I ignored the stares of those walking by, "and what has been an injustice to myself, this entire time, is that I have hardly put up a fight against you. Instead, I took whatever fucked up shit you wanted to give, because I knew that after you were done lashing out on me, you'd come around and do something or say just enough to make me feel a little bit better," I licked the still tear away from my lip.
"When you apologized and took accountability for your actions, I believed you! When you laid inside of me and recited that same fucking poem, I forgave you!" I shook my head, fighting past the burning sensation in my throat, "and not even a few hours after building me up to think I can finally rest my soul with you and that we're going to be okay, you disregarded my fragility and dropped me again. For that, I don't forgive you, and you can continue to lose control again and again," I circled my head, while loose tears expressed themselves freely, "and again, and again. This love has served its purpose and I no longer want it. I'm not about to fight with you to leave it behind either."
I disconnected the call and turned on my heels, ambling to the hotel room, while holding the ringing device at my side. Each step left a trail of tears and shedded armor, while peace crept through the small crevices of dejection and woe. I was in such a whirlwind of emotions, I hadn't noticed Kia leaning up against the wall, with a CVS bag in her hand, and her concern visible.
"How much of that did you hear," I asked, taking the bag from her.
"Enough to know you've been going through hell and he doesn't deserve the privilege of ever having access to you again."
Clearing my face of all moisture, the iPad continued to ring as I led myself and Kia inside of the room. "You'll hand me that water," I asked, while turning off the electronic and laying it on the table. Under Kia's microscopic lens, I retrieved the small box from the CVS bag and unpackaged the emergency contraception. I was ovulating and pumped with semen, the perfect ingredients for a catastrophic event as it pertains to Elijah and I, and without further ado, I consumed the tiny white pill.
"I have some goodies in my purse, let's go on the balcony." Kia stated, before turning her attention to the kids, "me and titi are going on the balcony for a little bit. Play nicely and quietly, until it's time to go to the pool. Nuna, you're the oldest, so you're in charge." Layla nodded and stood from the couch, her hand on her hip, "I'm in charge guys, so make sure y'all listen to everything I say, and no one will get in trouble, okay?" Kia and I laughed while stepping onto the balcony.
"Nuna speaks so grown, I be forgetting that child is only five," I let out, while taking a seat. "That's because she is grown," Kia pulled the joint from her purse, "daddy was fussing the other night and Nuna gon' say, you need a chill pill, or some of them melatonins my mommy be giving me and True." Raising my brows and stretching my eyes, my mouth went ajar, "Unt un!No she didn't!" Lighting the joint, Kia nodded, "yes she did, chile. I tell her everyday, she's one word away from an ass whooping."
Chuckling, I shook my head and stared off to the side, quickly drifting into my thoughts.
"So," Kia garnered my attention with a light tap on the arm and handed me the joint, "are you going to tell me why you let a man that went no-contact on you, leaving you to be a single mother, just show up and have his way with you? Not to mention, while being in a very public relationship." With furrowed brows and chinky eyes, I inhaled the potent strain, while Kia continued, "that sounds like some shit I'd do, not you."
Pursing my lips, I released the smoke and faced Kia, "I can't give you an answer to that. Half of the time, I didn't know what kind of interaction he and I were going to have. I never knew whether I needed to be ready to argue, fight, fuck, or all three." I took another pull, feeling my happy medium nearing. "Intensity was the catalyst of our relationship and that spilled over into this newfound dynamic of him and I. When you mix that with anger, resentment, and a love that isn't lost, things occur without simple reasons," I shrugged and handed off the joint.
Kia flicked away the remnants of the burning papers, "well, all I know is that when you called crying, and that muthafucka took the phone from you and hung up on me, I jumped up out my bed and grabbed my bat so fast! Which, now that I think about it, that was crazy, because what address was I going to pull up to? Just doing shit, for no reason, chile." My chest vibrated with the hearty laugher that poured from my lips, "meanwhile, I was over there feeling like J. Lo when she played in Enough. Tip-toeing, sneaking out with the baby and shit, waiting on the nigga to pull me back by my hair and throw me on the ground," collective laughter took place.
"All jokes aside though, are you going to be okay, sis?" Kia asked with solicitude. I nodded and relaxed into the chair, peering up at the sky, "I'm going to be more than okay, I'm going to better. I have all of the closure that I need and my conscious is clear. I'm ready for what life has in store for me next," I turned my head to face Kia, a sly smile spreading my lips, "starting with a night on the town and a few drinks tonight. Ditch the kids with mom." Kia smacked her lips, "I wish. I just paid that high ass rent, so, I'm dry until next week."
"I have twenty thousand dollars on me, right now. Tonight is on me, baby." Kia gasped, "in cash?" My smiled widened, "all blue faces." Sitting up in her seat, Kia extinguished the joint, "where the hell did you get twenty thousand dollars from?"
"Elijah's safe. An Uber from Babylon to the city was going to be over two hundred dollars, so, my plan was to only take enough to cover the Uber and the hotel. Then, something in me said, fuck that, and I just grabbed a few bundles." Recalling the event made me chuckle, "he's going to be so mad when he finds out. First the bitch lied, then the bitch stole," I imitated his voice and laughter followed suit.
———
8:36 PM
"Would you stop? You're making me nervous, shit," Kia let out. I ceased the fiddling of my watch, keeping a close eye on each car that entered the parking garage. Although I was standing firm in my decision, that didn't keep the anxiety of coming face to face with Elijah, shortly after that decision, at bay. I was emotionally spent, with not a peace of mind left to expend.
"Mommy, I come to your lap," Eliana whined. Having refused her nap, after being up since eight this morning, she had become increasingly agitated, and I was beginning to question if she would do well without me tonight. I leaned over the console and reached into the backseat, unfastening Eliana's seat belt and helping her to the front. Settled in my lap, she nuzzled her face against my bosom, her eyelids flickering with fatigue weighing on them heavily, and I placed soft kisses along her cheek.
"Is this him?" Kia questioned. Looking away from the angelic face resting on my chest, I made contact with the customized G-Wagon parked next to us, and him shortly after. Clad in a black Amiri tee and matching sweat-shorts that displayed the graffiti on his lower thighs and legs, Elijah's Alexander McQueens approached Kia's vehicle.
Sighing, I opened the door, awakening Eliana from the slumber she had gone into just moment ago, her fussing ensuing as I stepped out of car. Elijah's eyes fell on the dress exposing a substantial amount of flesh, snuggly fit against the curves and dips of my figure. "She's sleepy," I reached down to retrieve Eliana's book-bag from the floor of car, "she's already had a bath and I put some chocolate milk in her cup. Warm it up for her when you get home and that'll do her in for the night."
His surveillance remained steady while I handed over the whining toddler, and no sooner than she was secure within the bend of his arm, his idle hand took ahold of the small of my back, reeling me in closer. He lowered his head, resting his forehead against mine, "what's going to happen when you're finished drinking and shaking your ass, and the aching still hasn't subsided?" He dipped his head lower, attaching his lips to mine.
Turning my face away, I went to remove his arm from around me, "Elijah, let me go, so I can go." He tightened his grip, squeezing my waist while he crept his mouth to my ear, "you don't want to feel crazy for loving me through and through, but we both know you want me to do whatever it takes to make you feel better." He ignored my efforts to loosen his grip, along with Eliana's continuous whining, "I will and I am, you understand?" Face to face and eye to eye, we locked in on the truth. Only, this was the one time the truth didn't matter.
"I'm used to pain. More than that, I'm used to you being nowhere to be found in my time of anguish. I'ma drink my drink, shake my ass, and be just fine," I stared him down. With his hold on me unrelenting, he eased Eliana onto her feet and took her by the hand, shifting his back to her. Suddenly, his hand clenched my jaw, anger oozing from his lens. He applied pressure, forcing my mouth open, and spoke into it, "these kids are the only thing saving you from being put in that truck, mama," he spit inside of my mouth, sealing his work with a kiss, and gave my head a shake before releasing his grasp.
After taking Eliana's bag from my hand, he proceeded to his rear door, while I slid back into the passenger's seat. "Did he put his hands on you?" Kia asked, as I closed the door. I reached into the backseat, grabbing the bottle of Clase Azul Reposado. My face balled into a scrunch from the consumption, the aftertaste sitting bitterly on my tongue. "Lord, I didn't give my baby a kiss, tell her see you later or nothing," I sighed and rubbed my temple.
"I'm concerned, Nyla," Kia pulled out of the parking garage. I looked to my sister, meeting her eyes, "he doesn't hit me, Kia." She knitted her brows, "so, manhandling you, in front of Mootie, is acceptable?" I cocked my head to the side, "if you felt so strongly about it, you surely didn't get out of the car to help me." Kia took her eyes off the road, whipping her head around to me, "don't get defensive with me."
"I'm not being defensive. I'm just saying, if you felt like he was harming me, you didn't come to my side."
Kia focused her view on the road, "with the way you let him kiss you in the mouth, what good would it have done if you just gon' take the nigga back?" Pulling my brows in, I motioned at her with my hand, "what the fuck are you talking about? I didn't let him do shit and I'm not taking nobody back." Kia kept her sights ahead, "oh, so, he's a sexual assaulter, too." I let out a sardonic chuckle and gathered my belongings, "you can take me back to the hotel, boo."
"Nope. You made me drop my kids off and get dressed. We're spending some of that twenty thousand, boo."
The ringing of Kia's phone via the vehicle's Bluetooth postponed my rebuttal. "Hello," Kia answered. "What's good? This Kia?," a man's voice came through the speakers. Kia glanced at the number showing on the screen, "yes. Who is this?"
"This Brixx. Listen, I'm in a halfway house, so I can't say too much over the phone. I really need to see you when I get out of here next month, it's about LV. He left something for you, in the event of his demise. He said it would tell you everything you need to know about him getting knocked off and where to find something stashed for you and the baby."