When I imagined Azriel returning to me, I didn't expect it to be like this. This male was terrifying, a creature that had taken lives and bathed in their blood, but he was not that creature now. My fingers laced in his hair, clutching his head to my chest as he cried. His body shook so violently, I thought the entire cabin would shake with him.
I spent a while whispering into his hair that everything would be fine, he was safe, everything was okay. I didn't know what had set him off like this. I didn't know if anything would be alright, but he deserved the illusion. His shaking slowed eventually, his hands clamping down on my waist. I leaned back, offering him the chance to sit up.
"Azriel," I spoke his name softly. I felt his grip tighten. His body shifted back but his head still hung. I took a chance and brought my hand to his jaw like I had before. My heart was pounding, a thunderous sound in my ears when he peered at me through the strands of damp hair that hung over his eyes. There were so many emotions in that small glimpse. The one I could feel was his rage, a small taste of salty sorrow, but the rage made my throat tighten.
His hand lifted to my jaw, mirroring my own touch. His thumb tilted my chin up as he rose on his knees. My lips parted, my hand slipped down to his chest. This wasn't the male who cried in my arms. The way he looked at me now held a look of a predator. The primal fear deep in me rose, though an excitement joined it. His head tilted slightly, moonlight casting over one eye.
"I'm sorry," he muttered, dragging his thumb over the rapid beat of my pulse as he fit his hand around my throat. All I could focus on was the feel of his hand against me, imagining what he would do if we were anyone else.
"You shouldn't apologize for how you feel," I whispered, my eyes dropping to the downward curve of his lip. I didn't want to move. I feared that if I moved at all, he wouldn't keep touching me. I was entirely addicted to the way his gloved hands felt on my skin.
"I shouldn't have put that on you," he answered. His voice sounded deep and ragged, as though he just spent time clawing at his throat. I wanted so badly for him to lean down and kiss me, but I couldn't help but feel like he needed to talk. My fingers closed around the fabric on his chest as I met his eyes with a forced smile.
"Tell me why you feel like this."
He didn't want to, I could see that much. His throat bobbed, his eyes glanced to the window. I rose higher on my knees, sinking back down when his grip on my throat tightened. "Who will I tell? It'll be like you're speaking to a wall, Azriel. I just want to be able to help you."
His chin dipped slightly and I felt his warm breath against my lips. I frowned at the scent of whiskey. I wanted to know what he tasted like without the sharp drink.
"I get flashbacks," he croaked. I stiffened, realizing he truly would tell me what was on his mind. "They hit me at random times. Memories of the war, of the fields. I always have this feeling deep in me. It's like anger-"
He cut himself off, squeezing his eyes shut. I rose on my knees again, tugging at him with the grip on his shirt. Azriel's hand squeezed my throat but I didn't back down. I wanted to soothe him, though I had no experience in how to do it. I trusted my instincts and lifted my head, pressing a soft kiss to his chin. Azriel let out a small noise from deep in his throat.
"I feel a constant anger. I need release sometimes, and I have certain ways to do that, but I can't anymore. The past three weeks had been nearly as bad as when the war ended. I haven't been able to... handle it."
I kissed his chin again. Azriel shuddered. "How do you handle it normally?"
His hand squeezed my throat. I needed to clench my thighs as a rush of warmth curled through me. "Sex. Violence. Both," he whispered. I stilled, my breath catching on his palm. I hadn't expected that, nor did I expect the desire that rose at his words. I squeezed my thighs together again, whimpering at the tension. Azriel sucked in a breath as his hand tightened, jolting my face up.
It was possibly a dangerous decision, but Gods, it sounded so right. I brought in a shuddering breath and met his eyes through my lashes. Azriel let out a deep groan that I felt through the fist on his chest.
"You can use me."
His muscles tensed under my touch. I feared he would stand and leave me there, on my knees and practically begging for him to find peace in me. I could offer him that much, if nothing else. He began to shake his head and so full of desperation, I spoke before he could.
"If you'd like to, I want you to use my body. I always hated that notion, but I see now that it's my choice. If you'll have me, I want it," I spoke quickly, my voice cracking as the desire flooded me. His throat bobbed as he shifted on his knees, thumb pressing into the spot my pulse pounded.
"I'm not gentle."
"I don't want you to be."
A strangled sound came from deep in his chest as he lurched forward, dragging me to him. I hardly had time to take a breath before his mouth was on mine. Yes, yes, this is what I needed. I followed the fluid movement of his tongue, gasping whenever his hand squeezed my neck or waist. I'd never wanted to be a body used for a male's pleasure, but I'd do anything to to have Azriel releasing this pent up emotion onto me.
I could feel the wet heat gathering between my thighs, making me uncomfortable with need. I shifted my knees, pressing my thighs tightly together as a small whine left me. Azriel swallowed it, biting at my lips like he could devour the sounds I made. I loved how he gripped my throat, stripped away my power and held me at his mercy. It nearly scared me how bad I wanted it.
Suddenly, Azriel rose to his feet. A sickening sense of disappointment flooded me, a frown pulling at me lips as I moved to stand with him. He took me by my hair, keeping me in place. I stared up at him, lips parted and tingling.
"I'm not going to be gentle, and I will not make this easy. I have no fucking control over myself right now," Azriel grit out. Still, I blinked up at him. He tightened his hold on my hair as his other hand dropped to his pants. My eyes followed, mouth watering. I didn't know what came next, but I wanted it all the same.
I nodded- it was all I could do. As he shoved his pants down, something I'd never seen in person was presented to me. It made me whimper and shift again. Azriel's cock was rigid in front of my face, his hand curling around the base and squeezing. I realized then that my lips were parted and I was leaning forward. Something so ancient and primal rising within me to provide instruction.
"I need to hear you say it," Azriel grunted. My eyes flickered up to his. Say what? That I wanted this? That I knew what to do? Only one of those were true.
"I want this," I croaked, my eyes falling to the hard length in front of me. I watched a bead of clear liquid form at his slit, reddened and throbbing. I licked my lips.
"Open your mouth," he instructed. I obeyed, glancing up at him. Azriel let out another groan, my hair pulled taut in his grip. He guided me forward and I couldn't help myself. I flicked my tongue over the head, lashes fluttering as I moaned at the salty taste. I'd never dreamed of pleasuring a male like this, but I couldn't imagine anything better.
I dove in without Azriel's orders. I took him into my mouth, swirling my tongue. He let out a strangled down, pulling my head back by my hair. His other hand dropped to my jaw, squishing in my cheeks. I stared up at him, my breathing growing heavy.
"Hollow your cheeks and suck."
When he shifted his hips forward, I did as he said. I flattened my tongue and sucked, earning a jerk of his hips and a loud grunt. The desire to be filled took over, moving my head forward and taking him deeper. To Azriel's credit, he stood still and let me explore for a long while. Eventually, I suspected his need grew to be too much.
He tilted my head back by my hair and began pumping his hips. I blinked up at him, letting him take my mouth as he bit down on his bottom lip and watched me. I watched his control unravel, leaving me entirely at his mercy. I had brought my hands up to his thighs. My nails dug into his hair dusted skin as he thrusted, bringing himself deeper into my throat. My eyes watered, I gagged. He didn't relent.
"You're taking me so fucking well," Azriel spat through gritted teeth as he pumped. I moaned, eyes fluttering shut as his words found their way into the burning heat. I'd forgotten the ache in my jaw, the gagging that followed a particularly hard thrust, the agonizing throbbing between tummy thighs. I wholly focused on his moans and movements, fighting against his hold to meet his thrusts.
"Such a good fucking girl," Azriel cooed, thrusting hard enough that a spike of pain made it's way into my lusty haze. My throat constricted, earning a staggering moan and an erratic pumping of his hips. Azriel chanted my name like a holy song on the tongue of a priestess. I reveled in it.
I hadn't expected what came from him, though. I shudder traveled through his legs as he moved in jerky motions, his head thrown back. Soon, my bruised throat was full of a salty thick liquid that had me sputtering around his length. I clawed his thigh, swallowing around him to rid myself of the choking. Azriel's pumps slowed until I felt him soften on my tongue, slipping from my lips. I licked them, humming at the numbness to them. Azriel's chest heaved as he let go of my hair and ran his thumb over my bottom lip. He pressed it into my mouth and I sucked, noting the salty sweet taste there, too.
"You did so good for me," he murmured. I grinned around his thumb, excitement at his praise adding to my desire. I was disappointed, though, when he tugged his pants back up and fixed himself into them. I'd hoped to feel him, but I was happy to pleasure him nonetheless. For my first experience, I was floating in joy.
My disappointment didn't last long. Azriel hauled me to my feet, and then onto his hips. His mouth crashed onto mine in a flurry of desperate kisses that made my head spin. I hadn't noticed we were moving until I felt myself fall onto the bed. I moved onto my elbows, staring up at Azriel. He looked like a predator again, hungry eyes fixed on me. We stared at each other for a long while, the anticipation a thin sweat on my skin. Then he moved.
Strong hands closed around my thighs and dragged me towards him. I gasped, falling back. A near snarl on his tongue, Azriel tore the lounge pants down my thighs in one fluid movement. I hardly had time to feel embarrassed as he shoved my thighs apart and stared down at my core. I had never been this open to someone before.
His eyes flicked to mine, a curse in his breath, and then he dropped. I was sure I'd felt pleasure before, but nothing compared to when his mouth was on me.