Author's note: TRIGGER WARNING, this chapter contains implied suicide attempt. Although it isn't described in detail, I still put this warning in place to make sure you are aware of what lies ahead.
~~~
"Noeul!"
When Boss hears Peat's distressed cry, somehow his heart sinks even before he turns around. But even more so when he sees Noeul on the ground, unconscious.
And just for a split second, it was as if he saw Ple instead of Noeul, lying on the concrete after getting hit by a car and having no one by her side in that moment. But he quickly shakes it off and is running before he even thought of doing so.
He and Fort reach Noeul's side shortly after Peat and he asks him breathlessly, "What happened? W-what's wrong with him?"
But Peat is in no condition to answer as he's currently and panically dialing the emergency hotline. When the line picks up, he doesn't even let the operator finish speaking and just blurts into the phone, "Send an ambulance, please. Hurry!"
Boss and Fort are just as startled and worried yet they can't help but be puzzled by his reaction and the fact that this doesn't seem to be the first time this has happened, given Peat's quick response.
Medics arrive in no time and the three boys are asked to step away. They quickly note Noeul's vitals then ask the one responsible for the call, "Would you happen to know if he has a condition or medical history that may have caused this?"
And at this, the crying mess of a boy who is Peat replies albeit a very brief moment of hesitation, "He...he had a heart transplant just last year."
Boss' head snaps up to Peat, his face showing his shock and disbelief. Then he looks back down at Noeul as he's strapped onto a stretcher and Boss feels an even greater fear than what he felt just seconds ago.
Peat sniffles and sobs, overwhelmed with emotion. He knows Noeul wouldn't have wanted any of their schoolmates to know, let alone Boss. But now isn't really the time to be secretive; it could cause Noeul his life.
Peat rides with the medics to the hospital. Meanwhile, Boss quickly retrieves his motorcycle from the ground floor parking and gets ready to follow. But Fort who is just behind him pipes up then, "Wait, lemme go with you."
Boss doesn't know why he seems desperate to come along but he doesn't waste time asking questions and just gestures to Fort to put on the extra helmet. Soon, they catch up to the ambulance and shortly after, arrive at a large private hospital where Noeul's attending physician, Dr. Korn, is already waiting at the emergency entrance.
Boss, Fort and Peat are kept from entering the area where Noeul will receive initial treatment. And now, unfortunately, all they can do is wait.
~~~
Moments later, Boss briefly steps out to fetch a bottle of water from the vending machine. He doesn't let it show in front of the others but once he's alone, he takes deep breaths, trying to calm himself down.
The last time he was in an emergency room, he was too late. Ple was gone and he never even got to see her; he doesn't really know if he would've had the courage anyway given the chance.
Now that he's learning about Noeul's condition, he's not sure how he feels about it. He knows it isn't Noeul's fault but he can't help but feel anxious. If Noeul truly had a transplant and his body is rather weak and fragile, then wouldn't he be setting himself up for another heartbreak?
Boss forces himself not to think that way and downs half the contents of his water bottle. He leans back on the wall for support as he feels his knees get weak and as he wipes his lips with the back of his hand, he clenches his jaw, thinking what a fucking sadist his fate is.
Meanwhile, Fort is still waiting for an opening to try and talk to Peat. But the opportunity hasn't presented itself because after Boss left and he thought this was his chance, Peat then gets up and paces back and forth nervously before finally making a phone call.
When the line picks up, he bites down on his lip and Fort can practically see him mustering the courage to tell the person he calls 'auntie' about what happened. His tears start falling uncontrollably and he has to slap a hand over his mouth to keep himself from whimpering but when the woman takes note of his extended silence and muffled sobs, she exclaims, "Peat, what happened? Where is Noeul?"
Fort can hear her clearly even from a distance and he can't imagine how Peat must feel being in the front line.
"We're in...the hospital." Peat finally says albeit brokenly. "Noeul collapsed. I'm sorry, auntie."
Noeul's mom can be heard crying out worriedly and she ends it by saying, "I'm coming right now!"
After the call is dropped, Peat goes to sit on the opposite end of the bench from Fort and there, he completely breaks down. The latter doesn't know whether he should comfort him or how or if he even has any right to after all the things he said to him previously.
But setting all that aside, he scoots over closer to Peat and cups Peat's trembling hands with his. Peat seems to cry even more at his warm touch and once it's clear that it's a welcomed gesture, Fort wraps an arm around Peat and lays his head on his shoulder, giving him a safe place to just let it all out.
Moments later and Peat has calmed down enough to gently pull away and utter in between sniffs, "Sorry about that."
Fort shakes his head, letting him know, "It's no problem. I-I'm the one who should be sorry." He finally says; it's now or never. "Those things I said to you-"
But Peat's the one to shake his head this time. "No...you were right." He wipes at the traces of tears on his face before just kind of opening up. "I met Noeul when I was six years old; my mom was his nurse and she sometimes brought me to play with him since he wasn't allowed outside.
"He was quite a weirdo." He chuckles to himself, gaze nostalgic. "He was obsessed with movies, I guess because they were his only window to the world. And I admit, I only went to see him at first because my mom asked me to but eventually, he became someone I could talk to about anything. I thought I was doing him a favor...turns out it's the other way around."
"You two are that close, huh?" Fort remarks to which Peat cracks a smile albeit weak and hums, "Mm, we are. That's why I promised myself I'll look after Noeul and won't let anything bad happen to him. But ironically, I caused this."
"Hey, that's not true." Fort quickly quashes Peat's self-sabotaging thoughts. "You're doing your best."
"But there's only so much I can do." Tears well in his eyes as he turns to Fort and tells him, "I get it now...what you meant. I can't fill all the voids in Noeul's life...and I can't keep him from living just so he can continue to exist."
~~~
Boss speeds through the highway as the afternoon sky turns a darker shade of orange with streaks of deep purple. Earlier, he came back and heard the doctor telling Peat and, apparently, Noeul's mom that the boy is no longer in danger after which Boss decided to go somewhere.
He just really needs to talk to this person right now.
He arrives on location, holding flowers he bought along the way. His footsteps are heavy as he pads across the trimmed grass, his helmet hair somewhat a mess with pieces framing his face.
It's dark now and he can hardly make out the engraved writings on the granite headstone. But he knows for a fact he's in the right place; he never once forgot exactly where Ple is buried.
~~~
Around that same time, Noeul is just waking up. Even before he opens his eyes, he already notes the distinct smell of a hospital room and can hear his mother's dramatic sniffling on his bedside.
"Ma, I'm not dead." He utters weakly and slowly cracks his eyes open, squinting at the overhead light. It was supposed to be a joke not to mention, a fact. But his mother doesn't exactly take it well.
"That's not funny, Noeul. And when did you plan on telling me that you got sick a few days ago too? You're not supposed to ignore these things, you know that!"
Noeul groans, feeling like he'll get sick again. But he reassures her, "Ma, I'm fine. It was just the weather."
"And what about this time? Is it just the weather too?" She retorts, sighing exasperatedly before switching to her alter ego as Noeul likes to call it. It's because one moment, his mom is hostile and can't be reasoned with then the next, she's sobbing pitifully and, well, still can't be reasoned with—just with a different approach.
"Noeul, mommy is doing everything so you can be healthy. I-I don't know what I'll do if something bad happens to you." She wipes a tear that seem to fall on cue. "Dr. Korn said your immunosuppressants needs adjusting and that you should avoid stress and that's why..."
"That's why?" Noeul asks, already getting a bad feeling.
"That's why I've decided to put you back in homeschooling. Noeul, it's for your own-"
"What? Why?!" Noeul exclaims and Peat arrives in the room just in time to hear him raising his voice. "A-auntie, Noeul, what's happening?"
"It-it won't happen again, ma. Please, I just-" Noeul sputters emotionally to which his mother ignores his sentiment and orders him, "Noeul, don't get worked up. That's not good for you."
But to this, Noeul practically shouts, "But I don't want to go back! I'm fine, ma. Look! I'm okay."
"You're not!" She yells at the top of her lungs, rendering her son speechless.
"Auntie, please calm down." Peat pleads to which the woman seems to listen and takes a long deep breath. She sees Noeul's brimming eyes and quickly looks away, not wanting to waver in her resolve.
"My decision's final, Noeul." She says before walking straight out the door without sparing him another glance.
Seeing as his mother wouldn't budge, Noeul turns to Peat and asks desperately, "Peat, what am I gonna do? Help me. Please, tell her I-I'm fine. I am! I'm o-kay." He falls apart towards the end, crying in his best friend's arms.
"I will. I will." Peat coos even though they both know that it's pointless.
The only reason she even let Noeul go to regular school in the first place was because Dr. Korn suggested that it could be good for him and Noeul's psychologist backed this up after observing the boy was spiraling into depression due to his mundane life and the beating that his mind and body endures from illness and extensive treatment.
But she had always been skeptical and preferred having him at home where she can monitor him at all times. She always low-key tried to psych Noeul out of living normally and it looks like she finally found an excuse to impose on him.
~~~
When Boss returns to the hospital, it's past midnight. He knows it's stupid but he wants to see Noeul first thing in the morning and so he's willing to wait in the lobby until visiting hours start.
But it looks like he won't have to wait that long because as he's making his way to the main building, he sees...Noeul? Boss rubs his eyes, wondering if he's seeing things due to exhaustion and, fine, longing.
But he's almost sure it was Noeul just now; he was even wearing his clothes from earlier. Shaking off his inhibitions, Boss goes into the same direction. And surely enough, he sees him. But what's odd is that he goes into the hospital's aquatic center where people normally utilize swimming or water activities as a form of physical therapy.
Boss narrows his eyes at the boy, wondering 'what's he up to now'. He walks up to the entrance and (unintentionally) sees Noeul pulling his shirt over his head. Boss instantly averts his eyes, feeling like he's intruding on a private moment but then, something catches his eye and he slowly turns his head back.
His eyes widen and his breath hitches at the sight of Noeul's scar which he had seen a bit of back then when Noeul wore his clothes and they were apparently too big for him. But he never imagined it to be that long and with Noeul's small frame, it practically stretched out across his entire torso.
It made Boss' own heart clench, thinking how painful that must've been and how much the boy had to endure. At the same time, he's wondering what Noeul is doing here at this time, if he has therapy. Although it seems unconventional, Boss doesn't exactly know what it's like living with heart disease and a transplant.
But no one else seems to be around when Noeul goes into the water, submerging himself completely. Boss starts to feel uneasy and, muttering a 'fuck it', he enters the facility. If a nurse or PT sends him away, then that's that. But for now, he just wants to make sure Noeul's okay.
He confirms that no one else is present upon entering and now, he's really confused. "Um, Noeul." He tries to sound casual as he looks down at Noeul's muddled figure underwater. But when the boy doesn't surface and is unmoving, Boss grows alarmed. "O-oi, Noeul! Fuck."
He quickly chucks his shirt and dives headfirst and finds the boy at the bottom of the pool, hands floating on his sides and his eyes closed. But when he feels strong arms wrap itself around his torso, Noeul's eyes fly open and he comes face to face with...
"Chai-" He coughs in between trying to form words once they broke the surface. "Chaikamon?"
"What the hell were you doing?" Boss exclaims, worry evident in his tone.
Truthfully, Noeul is only realizing now what he almost did. He was so devastated, knowing he'll be forced back into a life lived within four walls at home or in a hospital room and...he didn't want to anymore. He just wanted everything to...end. And the realization brings tears to his eyes.
He just wants a normal life or at least, as normal as it could get. Why is it so hard and why did Boss have to see that, see him...like this?
"What's it to you?" He exclaims, trying to push Boss away but his small and trembling hands just bounce off Boss' chest and he gets pushed back instead. He grits his teeth, feeling so feeble. "You said I'm a handful so just leave me alone!"
He makes a move to swim away but Boss grabs his arm, pulling him back. "Let's go. You'll get sick."
But Noeul hates hearing that. Don't do this, you'll get sick. Don't do that or you'll get sick. He hates it!
He rips his arm out of Boss' grip then starts wading through the pool. And feeling somewhat pissed off at Noeul and more so, at himself, Boss swims after him and hooks an arm around Noeul's armpits, dragging him to the edge.
The boy flails, splashing water into their eyes and making it even harder for Boss to carry both their weights but the latter doesn't let up and hauls Noeul out of the cold water and onto the (still quite) cold tiles of the poolside.
To the end, Noeul struggles and Boss pins him down on the floor, looming over him with the water on his hair trickling down on Noeul's face. "Enough!" Boss' voice echoes through the facility at which Noeul turns still and tears start falling from his eyes.
"I can't live but I can't die either. What do you people want from me?" Noeul whimpers whilst his chest heaved scarily. "I just want to live...while I can."
At this, Boss' expression softens but he steels himself and tells the spiraling boy firmly, "Then do it, Noeul. But don't expect anyone to hand your life to you. You have to take it."
Noeul falls silent and his lips part as if to speak but no words come out. He looks a bit more calm but his eyes remain conflicted at which Boss swallows his ego and finally makes a confession. "Do you know what made me change, Noeul?"
Noeul's eyes flick up to Boss', his gaze curious and prodding the other to continue.
"Because I met someone so eager to live and won't let anyone keep him from doing so. Honestly...I envied him. I've been stuck in my pity party for so long that I forgot what that's like. And before I knew it, I wanted to be around him all the time because...he made me feel alive.
"That was you, Noeul."
The boy's eyes widen and sheen with new tears but this time after a brief pause, he props himself on his elbows to which Boss moves over to his side and watches Noeul wipe his face repeatedly, forcing his tears to a stop.
It's almost comical how he went from looking completely hopeless to optimistic again but Boss knows that wasn't easy for Noeul and it's a testament to just how strong his heart truly is.
Then, after drying his face as best he could, Noeul turns to Boss and with a soft smile, he tells him, "Let's go back?"
At this, Boss smirks, almost in disbelief at everything that happened in that short amount of time. But overall, he's just relieved. "Mm, let's go back."
Back to Noeul's hospital room but more importantly, back to the way they used to be before Noeul collapsed and before Boss thought he could run away from whatever this is that they have. Neither of them want to live in fear anymore and somehow, having each other makes them braver.