34. Confusion.
Siya ~
I stood alone in our dimly lit bedroom, the fading sun casting long, eerie shadows across the room. My heart thudded with an intensity I had never felt before, every beat echoing my seething anger and the deep wound Vani's words had inflicted upon me.
I knew she said all that just to hurt me. I know it very well but how can I not get effected by her words? She was standing right there, in front of me, talking about my husband. About how he couldn't keep his hands off her.
" Why me?" I couldn't help but mutter, falling on my knees as I sat on the ground with my back pressed to the bed and I brought my knees to my chest, holding myself still.
" I promised Arjun, I promised everyone including myself that I was going to forget the past and move on, then why can't I stand by my own words? What is wrong with me?" I sobbed, grabbing a pillow into me, trying to muffle my voice.
The lingering scent of Arjun's cologne in the air, a scent that usually brings me comfort these days, was now filling me with a burning resentment towards him and Vani.
Yes, they were married at a time and of course they had a physical relationship but why was I being subjected to that reminder almost on a regular basis? Where was I at fault here and why?
With trembling fingers, I retrieved my phone and began to type a message to Arjun, struggling to put my turbulent emotions into words. "We need to talk when you get back," I typed, the message inadequate to convey the chaos that raged within me.
With a heavy sigh, I hovered my thumb over the send button, my pulse quickening with each passing second. The desire to bridge the growing chasm between Arjun and me warred with my own uncertainty and I kept glaring at the screen in front of my eyes.
I couldn't bring myself to press that button. Just couldn't and found myself erasing the text before the phone slipped from my hold because of my trembling fingers.
With a furious, primal yell, I hurled the pillow resting on my lap across the room before I collected myself from the floor and pulled myself on my feet, getting hold of the delicate vase that was holding a bouquet of lilies, the very same I found next to myself when I had woken up yesterday morning, from Ranaji for the coronation and smashed it across the floor shattering into a myriad of shards, mirroring the fragmented pieces of my wounded self as I once again, fell on my knees among the remains of the vase.
The deafening crash of the shattered vase had barely stopped to echo through the room when the door slowly creaked open and mom stepped into the chaos of my room, her eyes widening in concern as she took in the scene of broken glass and strewn belongings.
Without a word, she moved swiftly toward me, sitting on the floor just next to me as I clung to her, my tears flowing freely, as the weight of Vani's hurtful words and the anger that had consumed me poured out. She held me with a comforting strength, her soft voice a soothing melody in the midst of the emotional storm, trying to pacify me.
" I am so sorry beta, so sorry. I don't know what Vani told you but I know that your breakdown has something to do with her. You have been hurting ever since the moment she came back, even before that for different reasons and I did not do anything to protect you. In the process of trying to be a better mom to Arjun, I perhaps went on to be a bad mother-in-law to you. I allowed Vani and Amar to stay here knowing that it will do nothing other than hurt you but beta, please trust me, my intentions were never wrongly placed but enough now....." She started to apologise to me when we were interrupted.
" I apologise for the interruption Thakuraani sa but your mother has arrived." The maid said, referring to mom.
" Show her to the room and tell her that I'll come see her in a while." Mom said while tried to collect myself.
" No mom. You should go. I am fine....will be fine and please don't say anything to Vani. I don't want her to know that her words affect me in any capacity. Besides, we need to find out why exactly is she here and what does she want." I told her in a collected voice as we both stood on our feet.
" No Siya. I am going to send Vani and Amar away. We will find another way to keep tabs on them and their actions." She stood determined but I understood why she was doing this, it was necessary.
" Mom trust me, this was just pent up frustration that came out like this. We need to keep her and Amar close by because I have a hunch about her sudden presence in our lives again. I think Amar and her want to become King and Queen. Something, we are not going to let happen." I said in a clear voice, taking a deep breath.
" That is true Siya. This is exactly why those two are here and that is precisely why I pushed on this coronation. My surveillance team told me about their plans. Your dad and your papa know it too. We have been keeping this away from you kids to save you the stress and trouble." Her voice dropped to a low with her shoulders sinking.
" What are we going to do Mom?" I found myself whispering, stunned to hear her confession. I was right.
" Nothing right now Siya. We are going to let them make the first move and then we counter. I am still in two minds about telling this all to Arjun or not." She signed which I copied.
" We'll cross that bridge when we reach there mom." I said, more for my peace of mind than hers.
Later, mom introduced me to her maa, Arjun's Naanisa and she gave a deadly stare to Vani before making sure that the witch was just made to stay in the room and not come out in her presence.
Later, it was unanimously decided that there will be a small get-together again in the Palace because Naanisa wanted to meet everyone. Mom and Dad immediately agreed to it as it served two purposes, one being her happiness and the second most important thing, letting the world see who the King actually was and another, a wannabe one.
I volunteered to hand-make the invitations which would go out tomorrow morning since the party was tomorrow night and that's how I found myself in my library, cutting papers here and there, with glue here and there all over.
I had to busy myself with something and this was perfect. I had left my phone in the bedroom because I knew that Arjun would call me and I had no intention to talk to him. I had also told mom to tell him that I had gone to bed if in case he called her. She agreed without a question.
All night, I thought about the pair of scissors in my hands, Vani's neck and Arjun.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~
" Chikki wake up please." I heard a soft voice in my sleep and slowly opened my eyes to find Jahanavi standing near me with a bright smile on her face.
" Good morning Janu." I said, pulling her up on my lap and she gave me a kiss.
" Why did you sleep here in the library Chikki?" She asked, curiously and I looked around.
" Once your Chikki was done making these invites, she was so tired that she slept right here. Silly her." I said and Janu giggled.
" These are so so pretty. I will go and give one to Kritik myself. Okay Badi Maa?" She asked for my permission and I gave her a nod.
" Of course my love! No one would dare to stop Janu from meeting Kritik." I said, kissing her forehead and she wrapped her little arms around my neck as I picked her in my arms and walked out before asking one of the maids to give the invitations to be sent.
" Where are we going Chikki?" Janu asked with a huge smile.
" We are going to my room." I replied and suddenly her smile widened, if that was even possible.
" Yes! Bade Papa is waiting for you! That's why he sent me to the library. To tell you that he's waiting for you. I forgot Badi Mumma." She sounded disappointed in herself that is was so cute!!
" It's okay my chotu. Your Bade Papa can wait." I told her and she nodded affirmatively.
" Will you take Kritik and me out for pizza today Chikki?" She asked, looking at me so innocently with her eyes that no one in their right mind could say no to.
" Of course! Why don't you go and get ready? I will also quickly freshen up and then go to pick Kritik?" I asked and she agreed before asking to be put back on her feet and ran away towards Preeti bhabhi's room as I chuckled.
" My doll." I muttered with a smile on my face which vanished just as soon when I saw Arjun standing in front of me, suddenly all of Vani's words returning.
" Did you sleep in the library, Little Flower?" He sounded amused for a second before his expressions turned from that to complete anger as he took two steps near me. I stood plastered on my feet.
"Siya," he said, his voice edged with concern and a hint of frustration. "What have you done to yourself?" His eyes narrowing as they landed on the small cuts that marred my arms—a result of the invitation work I had been doing with scissors and delicate paper.
"I was making these invitations for the get-together, Arjun," I replied tersely, my tone matching his own frustration. "I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself." I averted my eyes away from him.
Ranaji's brows furrowed, his concern giving way to anger. "Taking care of yourself includes not injuring yourself in the process, Little One." he retorted, his voice laced with exasperation and his gaze, plastered to me.
The room, suddenly, felt suffocating, and I needed to escape, to clear my head. Without a word, I stormed out of the room, my steps echoing through the quiet corridors of the palace.
As I moved through the halls, my anger began to wane, replaced by a sense of unease. I had pushed Arjun away and yet, did not felt the sense of relief that I thought I would after putting some distance between him and me.
Just as I reached a grand staircase that led to the palace's gardens, I heard Arjun's voice behind me. "Siya, wait!"
I turned to see him hurrying towards me, the first aid kit in his hand. His expression was a mix of worry, determination, anger and surprise as he continued to come after me.
I, in turn, turned around back on my heels and walked away as fast as I could.
Just not fast enough.
" Enough Siya. What has gotten into you?" He caught hold of my upper arm and spun me around to face him and I bumped into his chest, clutching the hem of his suit jacket with my hand.
" I don't want to talk right now Ranaji. I need to be left alone." I replied in the exact tone as his, trying to squirm away from his hold but till now, was just failing miserably.
" Not before you tell me about what is bothering you so that I can fix it, Little Flower." The harsh edges in his voices softened a bit at my vague attempt to free myself.
" Well, you can't fix this Arjun. Not until you go back in time. So no, you can't fix this at all. All you need to do is just leave me alone." I demanded in a tone so harsh that I couldn't recognise it as my own.
" Siya...." He had started to speak once again when I stood my ground and held my hand up in the air, indicating to him to stop talking.
" I don't want to hear anything Ranaji. There are a lot of things to be done for the evening." I said and slowly, his hold on me loosened.
" Not before you let me tend to your wounds." He replied, making me sit on one of the carved benching nearly and I caved in, knowing that this wasn't a battle I was going to win in the next thousand years so I kept my mouth shut and let him clean and medicate my wounds.
" Ouch ouch ouch ouch..." I held his hand in mine when he put the antiseptic lotion and I hissed in pain.
" Done." I announced, trying to get up but he kept his hand on my lap, holding my knees together to stop me.
" I haven't even started Siya. Sit still." He asked of me and I rolled my eyes.
" Tell me, Little Flower, why are you mad at me?" He asked once again and this time, once again, I refused to tell him the truth.
" I have a right to be mad at you Arjun. You signed up for it when you married me." Was all I said before I found my nails to be very interesting and focused on them instead of him.
" You do, Siya. But with that as your right, you awarded me with a responsibility too. The responsibility to ensure that whatever I have said or done to make you this mad, is fixed." Oh boy wasn't he smooth with his words to an extent that made my stupid heart flutter?
" This is done." Was all I could say before I got up and left him alone for my sake and his.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~
Arjun ~
Something had happened in my absence and Siya wasn't the one who was going to tell me about it. Whenever she had been mad at me, she'd make it known unlike today. She didn't try to give me a hard time, neither did she yell. This wasn't her and I couldn't stand that.
All day I had been trying to find out what had happened but no one seemed to know. My suspicion of Naanisa being rude to her was also discarded when I saw both of them laughing together before Naanisa gifted her a saree for tonight's get-together and she accepted it with a wide smile playing on her lips.
I thought of talking to her again while she would get ready for this event but she never made it to the room and mom let me know that Siya was getting ready with Preeti in her room.
What had gotten into my wife? What had happened that she was avoiding me like this?
" Talk to me Little Flower." I found myself talking to me like my wife usually does.
As I entered the room filled with people all around, Naanisa found me.
" How are you Arjun? I met your wife and she is lovely." She told me and I couldn't fight a smile off me. I was just about to say something to her when my eyes grabbed my wife's attention and I found her right there, beside her family, Jahanavi and Kritik, laughing her heart out.
Everything was her drew me in like a predator draws a prey. Her white saree, kissed by moonlight, shimmered softly against her skin. Her hair, like midnight silk, framed her face with a captivating touch that left me spellbound to her and the red rose in her hair added a touch of crimson to her whole look.
Siya's Look ~
" She is lovely indeed, Naanisa." I found myself telling her.
All throughout the party, I wanted nothing more than to be next to her, hold her in my arms and show my wife off to everyone but she avoided me like plaque the entire night. Something that refused to settle with me very well.
The night was over when I found myself outside the hall where it had started to rain and there she was, Siya, standing in the middle of the lawn.
Her white saree, now drenched and clinging to her like a second skin. It clung to her body, leaving very little to the imagination, revealing her curves to me without a shame.
The raindrops adorned her like glistening jewels, trailing down her neck, her shoulders, and then vanishing right above the back of her blouse. The red rose that had once adorned her hair had succumbed to the rain, its petals glistening with moisture and I walked towards her, taking her all in.
She looked so ethereal that I couldn't bring myself to touch her in the fear of tainting her.
As if realising my presence, she turned around slowly, facing me and a gasp escaped those red lips, putting some distance between herself and me.
" Siya...." I tried to talk but she turned around and in a jiffy, begun to walk away from me.
" No, Little Flower. I am not letting you get away this time." I told her, matching her steps in two long strides before scooping her in my arms and she wrapped her arms around my shoulders securely, a bit of defiance present in her eyes.
" Put me down Arjun. Now." She demanded in a flat tone, throwing her legs in the air, struggling in my hold and it took me everything in my power to not throw her on our bed right now and fuck the problem out of her.
" Not now, Siya. We need to talk." I kicked the door to our room open before placing her back on her feet and then locked the door behind me.
I turned back to look at her and there she stood, her arms folded in front of her chest which I believe made her to think that she was looking mad and tough but in reality, all it did was give my eyes access to herself more.
" What part of leave me alone is so hard for you to understand?" She glared at me, grabbing my attention and for a second, I closed my eyes to gain some composure over myself.
Siya ~
This man can infuriate me to no end. I was in the lawn, minding my own business but no, he had to get me here and then demand answers.
When I decided not to answer any question of his, he stood there, looking at me with all the patience in the world and I stood completely frustrated.
" I am waiting Siya." He broke the silence and I rolled my eyes, storming inside the washroom, trying to shut the door behind me but I was stopped by Arjun's hand which rested on the door, stopping.
He then stepped inside, closing this door shut too behind us.
" What do you think you're doing Ranaji?" I asked while he took steps near me and I took them back till he had managed to pin me to the marble top counter.
" Making sure that you don't slip away from my hold this time, Little Flower." He replied in a complete no-nonsense tone before he placed both his hands on my waist, pulling me up as he made me sit on the top of the counter, his hands still lingering on my bare waist because the pallu of my saree slipped down, leaving me completely exposed to his eyes.
His hands on my waist pressed into me even more, soothingly drawing patterns as he leaned into me, making me shut my eyes in anticipation.
His hands and eyes on me were sending literal shivers down my spine as I clutched onto the collar of his shirt tightly.
" Siya, what has happened?" I heard his voice which made me open my eyes and saw him cover me with my saree's pallu, taking one step away from me and immediately, Vani's words rang into my ears once again.
Has he ever touched you? Does he desire you?
" Don't you like looking at me Arjun? I don't think any husband would so easily resist his wife when she is pinned to him this close. Am I not hot enough for you?" I heard my own words ring into my ears as I felt that goddamn hurt and his expression changed from confusion to realisation within a matter of a few seconds.
Perfect Siya. So much for opening your mouth when you shouldn't have.
To unlock the next one, 2500 votes are what I seek on this Chapter. Hope you liked it. Until next time.