Tyler couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. All he could do was press down the gas pedal, driving as far away from the party and his teammates as was humanly possible. He needed to escape: to drive into the night and never return to handle the consequences of his actions.
Perhaps Sebastian wouldn't tell anyone, as the friendly Brazilian usually wasn't part of the bullying squad on the team, but still, someone could have seen them. Or the truth would be coaxed out of Sebastian somehow, perhaps in exchange for a secret about himself. Because that was how Dylan and Chase operated. They found out secrets and blackmailed to avoid their relentless torture.
But somehow, despite the bribes and exchange of truths, secrets like this always seemed to come out. Everyone always knew who had kissed whom after each weekend. Of course, those kisses were usually shared with girls. Which made this encounter all the more scandalous.
If his teammates knew Tyler was gay, would they even want to share a locker room with him? He'd certainly heard snickers about hoping no one was gay as naked teammates paraded around after showering. Luckily, Tyler wasn't attracted to bullheaded numbnuts so such sights had done nothing to his raging hormones. But the bullies didn't know that. Chase and Dylan may even request to not share a room with him anymore. And while Tyler wasn't particularly fond of his teammates, the thought of such actions was mortifying.
Everyone would know, and everyone would shun him. Everything he'd worked for would be gone.
It was over. Of that, Tyler was convinced. Everything was over. There was only darkness and dread in his mind. No solutions or reasons could fit.
Outside of the car window, the empty streets of the college town whooshed by. It was around midnight, and most people were already snug in their beds. It was only Tyler and the darkness.
Drops of water poured down the windscreen. He didn't even bother turning on the wipers to sweep them away. The heaven could weep the tears he was too frantic to shed. All he seemed able to do was push the gas pedal further and further down, causing the old car to roar as it accelerated and turning the surrounding landscape into a blur.
Around his chest was a metal band of panic, tightening with every attempted breath. While gasping for air, catastrophic scenarios of the coming days played like a movie in Tyler's mind, each one worse than the other.
He didn't even know where he was going. He just knew he couldn't stay at the party, with Sebastian looking at him with such confusion. He hadn't stayed long enough for the next reaction but he feared it would have been one of disgust.
The notion of Tyler being his roommates' ride him briefly entered his mind, but that seemed unimportant in the current circumstances. He could explain leaving them behind as a lapse in memory but he wouldn't be able to explain away kissing his teammate. Because he'd wanted to kiss Sebastian. He'd wanted it so damn much. Enough to make him forget all his usual hiding strategies.
He'd kissed a boy, and he'd liked it. Which wasn't a huge surprise but still, a nice confirmation of a deep-buried truth. Tyler didn't just think he was gay anymore. He knew he was.
But that truth did little good now. Not here and not now. He couldn't be gay in this school, in this team, at this time. It just wasn't possible. It would risk everything he'd fought for. The scholarship. The pride of his aunt and uncle. The unfilled dreams of his late father.
Leaving the city and its illuminating street lights behind, nothing existed but darkness outside the windows and trickling rain against the hood of the car. The world outside wouldn't come to his rescue. Tyler was alone in his panic.
He pushed the pedal to the metal when he approached the bridge across the river that formed the city border. Maybe outside of the city, he would be able to breathe.
But Tyler never made it past the bridge. Because as he accelerated on the water-filled road, the worn wheels lost traction and the car started to spin. Around and around, like a tumbling inside of a washing machine filled with darkness and rain. Jolted from his dazed state by the unexpected turn, Tyler tried to stabilize the car by turning the steering wheel the other way.
His efforts were in vain as the car slid atop the slick water surface toward the railing. With a loud crack, the car broke through and tumbled down toward the whirling river below.
Tyler didn't even have time to become scared. Everything went so fast that it barely even felt real. He wasn't sure what was up or down as the car floated through the air. The world stood still and moved in ultra speed all at once.
Upon landing, the whole front of the vehicle buckled, like a soda can being pressed together. Metal crinkled and water swirled all around Tyler, trapping him in their grip. Now, he was scared. So scared. He was terrified, panicked, and alone. He was hurting everywhere, but most of all in his left leg. A sharp pain pierced the bone right below the knee, making him nauseous from the intensity.
Tyler wasn't sure if he was alive or dead when the night caved in on him, taking him away from the world of pain.
Author's Note: It definitely pains me to write these chapters (and the ones in the Sweet timeline aren't much better currently, which is done on purpose as these parts of Tyler's life are obviously connected). As SLB readers know though, it will get better!