When you're soaked in tears for years, it never airs out
When you make pain look this good it never wears out
This dirty laundry, this dirty laundry
-Kelly Rowland
°Camila°
"Oh my god, look at you!" I said as Deja and I embraced each other.
The hug lasted longer than I had expected.
We broke apart and took our seats.
"How have you been? I've wanted to see you for the longest." She said smiling.
"I know, things have been really crazy in my life." I rolled my eyes as I spoke.
"I've heard. I can't believe he would act like that, especially after what he said."
I raised one eyebrow in confusion.
"What did he say?" I asked.
"Like two weeks before your party I had asked about you and what not and he just shrugged and said he didn't care about you." She picked up her fork to eat.
I shook my head.
"I don't ever want to see nor talk to him again." I said honestly.
She put her fork down and wiped her mouth before speaking, "He won't even talk about it when I ask. Just been drinking."
"And that's the problem! He had been drinking when all of that went down. It was so scary Deja. That wasn't August, almost like a demon." I said as I remember him from that night.
She nodded her head as she finished her plate.
"We found out what we're having." She clapped.
"Yay! Are you happy?"
"I am....."
"That's good. Still having problems?" I asked.
"Uhh yeah, but not as bad. I been on a extreme diet since it was confirmed that I had pre eclampsia. It's the worst cause I crave all these things and I'm limited."
"Well just a few more months and you can eat anything you want.."
She laughed.
I looked down at my phone, I had a text from my dad reminding me about dinner. He had been reminding me all week about this. I guess he would be going on the road again for a couple of months and wanted to spend sometime together.
"Well Deja I just came to talk to you, but I have to go."
She poked her lip out. "Already?"
"Yeah. My dad is cooking tonight and wants me to be apart of it." I said as I stood.
She chewed on her lip, "Hey.." She grabbed my hand.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"I called you over here because I need help."
"With what? The baby?" I asked.
She shook her head no.
I was getting worried at this poin so I sat back down.
"Deja talk to me!"
"I uhhh, I....I have something to tell you..."
I didn't speak but just waited for her to talk.
"You remember how August said he didn't the baby was his in the beginning? And how I would get angry and quick to correct anyone who said it wasn't?"
"Oh my God. Deja please don't tell me what I think you're about to."
"I'm sorry...."
"Oh no." I put my face into my hands for a second.
"Does he know?"
She looked away and shook her head no.
"I can't help you with this." I said standing to my feet again and walking out.
-
I stepped into the shower and washed a few times before stepping back out onto the rug and drying off. I dressed in a simple pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. I slipped into my house shoes and grabbed my phone, heading downstairs.
"Just in time." My dad said as he set the table.
I simply smiled and took a seat as I waited. I heard the doorbell go off and soon the sound of someone's high heels clicking against the floor.
I looked up and almost passed out, it was my mother standing in front of me. I squinted my eyes and looked over at my dad. "What is she doing here?" I asked.
"This is a family dinner right?" He responded.
He sat her down and Jamie brought out the plates and drinks. I watched as my mother scrunched up her face at the sweet tea,"Can I have some kind of alcoholic beverage." She pushed the glass away.
Some things never change.
-
The only sound that could be heard was dishes clashing together and the occasional smacks. My dad picked up his napkin to wipe his mouth and cleared his throat.
"I know you guys are wondering what all of this is for..."
I sat my fork down and waited for him to speak.
"All this bad blood between all of us is unnecessary and at this point we all aren't getting any younger and life is to short, so I had this set up so we can talk it out and move on with life.
I slightly rolled my eyes.
"Starting with you Carla." He said to my mom.
She put down her drink and gave him her full attention like everyone else.
"What about me?" She asked.
"You like to play the blame and victim game. When I left you it was for the better but you didn't see it that way. I wanted a better lifestyle, something I would be proud to tell Camila, something I would still be around to tell Camila." He spoke.
I watched as she rolled her eyes. "Really? Because last time I checked you lied and said you were taking trips out of town to move your dope, but in reality you were starting a whole new life."
"I said that so you wouldn't suspect anything. I had just started driving trucks and I didn't know how to tell you right away."
"You cared about your daughter sooo much, but yet you up and said you wanted to call off the engagement then two weeks later you're out the house and living in a new state. And you only left us with eight hundred." She said angrily.
"In cash. Don't forget I left you with half my savings....that you blew through." He quickly corrected her.
"Anyways enough of about you and I. I now want to move onto Jamie." He smiled at her.
My mom huffed making my dad cut his eyes.
"Jamie and I are together and we would like for you to respect her." He stated.
"Respect her for what? She's a whore!"
"I knew this was a bad idea." Jamie said with hurt in her eyes.
"Mom stop!" I demanded.
"Shut up Camila!" She yelled back.
"No you shut up and grow the hell up! Everyone is happy except for you and you can't stand it. She makes daddy happy and if you truly love him like you say you do then that should make you happy as well, not bitter." I let out.
She looked taken back for a second. "What do you know about love? Being with that little....hoodlum isn't love and him running around making babies on you sure isn't love either!"
My dad knew she had crossed that line and quickly tried to defuse the situation, but the damage was already done. I was tired of holding my tongue and tonight was the night I would get something's off my chest.
"Maybe if you stayed out of other people's business you would be a lot happier with life. What goes on between August and I is none of anybody's business. Since we're on people let's talk about you lying and telling Odell I wanted him to be with him!"
My dad looked confused and so did Jamie.
"I don't recall." She lied.
"Bullshit!" I spat.
"Camila watch your mouth." My dad said.
"No. Since we all want to play one big ass happy family tonight how about we talk about the real issues.....you." I pointed to my mom.
"OK I told him you wanted to be with him. It was the truth. You were just blinded by Augusto." She admitted.
"August." My dad corrected her.
"I didn't want him then and I don't want him now. Your so foul I swear. Funny how you had time to tell him lies and know about my personal life but would even pick up the phone to tell your only child happy birthday."
"I just wanted to help you out, he's the one that deserves you. Look at all the good times you guys use to have. You could of been Chanel. Married with the baby and living the life." She grinned.
I threw my hands up in frustration, she just didn't get it.
"I'm done." I said giving up.
"Done with that? Everybody wants to point fingers at me like I'm the bad person. All you ever did was hate me and praised your father. Who were you with when he up and left? Me, that's who."
"Because I was forced to until I was old enough to come live with him. You didn't pay any attention to me. All you cared about was impressing those uppity women you hung around, who didn't give a damn about you. You spent so much time trying to fool them like your life was soooo amazing when you really didn't have a pot to piss in.
Every fucking thing you had in that house belonged to daddy, it wasn't even in your name. And when he left your spending only got worse, couldn't even afford the lights but yet you would take them out to lunch every week in a heart beat."
"How dare you! Those were my friends and we all lived a lavish lifestyle. I couldn't let them see me weak and down when I was alone. So what money did get tight but I refused to be the talk of the town. You always want everything to be about you! That's exactly why you got pregnant." She blurted out.
"Pregnant?" Dad and Jamie said in unison.
When she said that I felt like the world was closing in on me. I couldn't speak nor move, the room was so silent to me for the first time tonight. My eyes watered as they were fixed on my lap, I felt numb as my body shut down.
"What is she talking about?" My dad yelled.
"Calm down." Jamie said to him.
"I was pregnant by Odell when I was only sixteen. I wanted a baby, I wanted to feel loved..." I said raspy as everything returned.
"What?" My dad asked confused.
I turned to my mother fuming at this point.
"But let's not forget the fact that you wanted me to have the baby so you could get some government assistance! I hate you and I'll rather die before I speak to you ever again!" I yelled at her.
My dad reached over the table and grabbed her by the neck. Jamie sprung to her feet as she tried to get him off of her.
Carla squirmed as she made her best efforts to get out of his death lock.
I had to get away. I ran out the house and jumped into my car. I looked at myself in horror, I didn't even notice I had been crying so hard up until now, I had wiped my eyes so much they were red and swollen along with my nose and cheeks.
I started up the car and pulled out the driveway, still sobbing uncontrollably. Everything was a blur but I kept driving, I tried to stop and clear my view but the tears kept coming down like the winter rain. I heard the sound of a horn before glass and my bones cracked as metal bent.
I fluttered my eyes as I went in and out. Pain shot up my left side but I couldn't scream.
"Ma'am stay with us. Try and keep your eyes open for me!" The man said in a panic.
Everything went black.....
-
°August°
I rolled over and used my free hand to find my phone. It had been going off for the longest so I guess it was important.
I squinted my eyes at the bright light and answered.
"Hella?" I asked.
I heard someone crying. It sounded like a little kid and I couldn't make out what they were saying.
I took the phone off my ear and looked at the screen.
"Its three o'clock in the morning and yal' niggas playing games?"
I heard shuffling in the background.
"August?"
"What's up man? Why TJ playing on my phone?" I asked.
"That wasn't TJ, it was Lani."
I sat up.
"Why she crying like that fa'?"
"It's Camila....."