A soul floated above the world as time passes on.
Where... am I?
I feel myself hovering in the misty orange sky as my limbs are extended.
It feels like an eternity here.
I only sense calmness. No pain or worry. But something feels missing.
My mind is cloudy, but I do not think of anything. Until something starts to swirl below me. Now I begin to drop, hurling toward the void at the speed of light. I begin to fear.
I have lost myself in darkness. And everything falls into silence.
Suddenly, I come alive. A chance to resume my place in the world.
My eyes fly open as I sit up, loudly gasping to fill my lungs. Like I nearly drowned. I continue panicking as my heart pounds, waking every ends of my body. When I scanned in a cold sweat, the dusk sun shone upon a hospital room I just awakened in. I am hooked up to machines in bed and start to wonder how long I have slept here. And how did I end up here?
I nearly hop out of my skin when the door swings open on my right and a middle-aged woman runs in. When our eyes meet, she puts both hands over her mouth in shock. "I can't believe it!"
I blink with a puzzled look until my memory of her starts to flood in. My dry mouth cracks open and I call out weakly. "M-Mother..."
Overjoyed, she scurries over to seize my hand, leaning over to cup my face. For some reason, she crying. They are tears of joy. How long have I slept here? She must have been worried to death.
Next, a nurse rushes into the room to check on me and my mother watches from the foot of the bed. "Can you state your name and date of birth?" the nurse asks which I show hesitation since the question sounded foreign to me.
"Sina..." I drag as my mind is still clearing up. "And my birthday is... July?"
Both the nurse and my mother come across as concerned. She continues. "What year is it right now?"
I pause, then shake my head. Without another word, the nurse heads for the door until my mother stops her. "I-Is she fine? Has she lost some of her memory from the coma?"
"Coma does not cause memory loss. I can't diagnose her, so I will have to fetch the doctor to come examine further for us." When the nurse exits the room, my mother leans in beside me with a worried look.
I finally ask her since I'm itching to know, "What year is it?"
"It's 2050, Sina," she calmly says, still feeling uneasy at my sudden memory loss. "How are you feeling?"
I lean against the pillows behind me and rub the sleep away from my eyes. My body is so exhausted and I let out a heavy sigh. "I feel like I have woken up from a very long dream."
"You feeling that way would be expected. You were in a coma for six months." My mother informs me, which I find hard to believe. It felt like years. Centuries. Like time never existed.
"And, I'm sorry..." My mother suddenly says and I blink in confusion.
"About what?"
"Oh, have you forgotten about what happened to you also?" she seems surprised but proceeds to help refresh my memory. "While you performing, you suddenly fainted and fell off the stage."
My eyes widen in shock. Now I recall doing ballet. I have been a ballet dancer for almost my entire lifetime. Perhaps the reason why I have memory loss is due to hitting my head pretty damn hard on the ground. I'm surprised I survived that fall, even though I have no recollection of that incident.
My mother looks at me with guilt in her eyes. "If only I hadn't pushed you so hard to become the perfect dancer, you wouldn't have passed out and fallen into your coma."
Now it rings a bell. My mother was always strict with me when it came to ballet. She pressured me to always strive for the top and doing so made me lose my love for dancing in each passing day. It felt more like competition than passion. As of now, it will be harder to convince me to set foot on stage again.
Suddenly, something hits me internally and I put a hand over my chest. A stream of tears falls down my cheek. I feel pain. A different kind of pain. Like I lost something. Mourning for somebody.
My mother notices and I quickly wipe them away with my fingertips. The tears won't stop. Why am I crying so much?
From there, I spent my last couple weeks in the hospital gaining my physical strength back, but that pain still lingers. The doctor referred me to a therapist since he thinks I have developed depression, but I refuse to believe that. I have been crying uncontrollably now with sore eyes, but I do not know why I have become this way. Maybe I'm just a fucking mess.
Or perhaps I am still forgetting something.
+ + +
One Year Later
Ever since I was released from the hospital last year, I chose to keep my mind off the sadness through ballet. It was difficult to pick up on dancing again after the coma. But with enough strength and encouragement, it grew back on me with time. I felt like I was reborn.
My mother is no longer tough on me like before and only wishes for me to find happiness. Now I have more control over my life.
I am currently repeating my senior year in college due to my six-month coma and thankfully graduation is just around the corner. Once I graduate, I wish to continue ballet as a profession and become a big performer here in Paradis. Maybe one day, I will travel across the world as a well-known ballet dancer.
Finally, graduation day comes and my close friends and I celebrate my success during the night at my house. Around the kitchen island, we celebrate with a toast of champagne and take a long sip.
"Whew! That hits the spot!" My friend Viktor raises his empty wine glass in the air with a wide grin. "Pour me another glass!"
"Drinking while on duty is absurd, officer." My childhood friend, Zaiya, shakes her head at her ignorant husband. Viktor has great alcohol tolerance, but a police officer like himself should know better.
"You should listen to your wife." Abel, Viktor's best friend, is also disappointed when he watches him pour another glass.
"Come on! It's an easy day. It wouldn't hurt to loosen up a little—" Viktor gets cut off and cries out when Zaiya pinches him by the ear. She then snatches his glass of champagne and chugs it like a champ. Though she is a lightweight, she is only doing this so her husband doesn't drink anymore. On top of that, the company she works under as a professional model is also very strict about alcohol consumption. This will be a secret only between us.
"H-Hey, sis. Your face is turning red. Why don't you slow it down? Or eat something at least?" Her younger sister, Freya, slides her a bowl of chopped fruits, and Zaiya waves at her. "I'm good."
Freya sighs at her sister for acting stubborn and takes a seat next to Abel. She and Abel are currently in the cupcake stage of their relationship, and I find them to be a perfect match for each other. Despite Abel's busy schedule as a flight attendant and Freya as an elementary teacher, they already have their whole future together mapped out.
"How does it feel to be free, Sina?" Viktor slings his arm around my neck and now I am the center of attention. It is my graduation day, after all, so I clear my throat.
"It feels great. I'm just glad it's all over." I tell with a smile. The effort was all worth it in the end, but where do I start from here?
"Sina has always been an outstanding performer. I can't wait to see her growth." Zaiya raises a glass at me before taking another generous sip and Freya snatches her glass away to slam it on the counter.
"Alright, that's enough," Freya demands and Zaiya pouts like a little kid, which Viktor and I find very adorable of her.
"Here comes the cake!" My mother comes into the dining room with a chocolate cake covered in frosting and we all gather around the table. When she places the cake down, she leans over to my side to peck me on the cheek. "I am so proud of you, Sina."
"Thanks, mother." I smile back, thanking her for the cake she baked for us. After a while, we enjoy the celebration with some music and chat away. It is starting to get late and it is nearly midnight. We somehow end up in the living room and my friends are still conversing with each other while I sit in the corner alone, sipping more champagne as I am on my fifth glass.
"Are you okay, Sina?" Zaiya asks now that she is quite sober after the cake and I blink since my thoughts were just now interrupted. I nod slowly until she frowns. "You haven't said much tonight. What's troubling your mind right now?"
"You seem out of it," Abel adds to what she said and Viktor butts in.
"Don't tell me you have loans to pay off!"
That earns a slight chuckle from me and I rub my eyes. "You know, last year, when I was in a coma, I had a long dream. A really long one that felt like a lifetime." I finally bring it up to them, wanting to get this off my chest for the longest. "I hardly remember what had happened, but I know you all were in it somehow."
"What was I like in your dream? Was I handsome like I am right now?" Viktor teases, which earns a slap on the back of the head from Zaiya.
"You are so full of yourself." Zaiya huffs. "Let her finish."
Abel and Freya are also listening, so I swallow. "I... don't know why, but for some reason, I was mourning when I woke up."
Freya gasps, covering her mouth. "Oh, no! Did we die!?"
Now I hesitate to answer because to this day, I still don't know how the dream ended. Or how it all went down or how it all started. They notice my face turn pale from fatigue, so Abel steps in front of me. "Maybe we should call it a day. Sina is very tired."
"Yeah, let me take her to her room." Zaiya also insists as she lends a shoulder for me to grab on and guide me to my bedroom. Just thinking about the dream sucks the energy out of me and gives me a slight headache. Later, I drift to sleep in my bed.
+ + +
The emcee announces my name through a microphone to call me up to the stage. A thunderous applause fills the auditorium and my heart races when I leap to the stage, where the audience continues to clap louder. The spotlight shines on me and I straighten up at the center, then tip my head to the audience. I ready myself, patiently waiting for the clapping to die down. When I look up, I spot my mother giving me a little wave in the auditorium. Then I remember my father, who was never in the picture of my life. He passed away before I was born and my mother raised me alone.
I haven't performed on stage in a long time, but returning brings back nostalgia. Taking a deep breath, I stand on my toes and raise my hands above my head to point my fingers outward, waiting for the music to start. I count to four in my head and the orchestral music starts, letting the melody flow through my veins. I sway my body to the rhythm and dance to my heart's content. At the final note of the music, I execute my last spin perfectly and bow, earning the applause of the audience that roars across the hall. Slowly, I raise my head to blink against the spotlight as the note fades into nothing. This sweet moment of adrenaline flows in me and I smile widely to show my serenity. Lastly, I bring a hand to my chest to bow my head in thanks.
On the stage, my eyes immediately search for my mother, but I am drawn to the far left wall. At first glance, I catch sight of a man with dark hair by the doors. He was dressed in black and turned to glance over with his shoulder. I caught a glimpse of his silver-blue eyes before he vanished from sight like a shadow. My lips parted in confusion, but before I could confirm what I was witnessing, the man was gone when he exited through the door.
With a conclusive bow, I stroll off the stage and leave through the backstage door. I find my mother waiting for me with a lovely bouquet. Suddenly, a headache strikes me and I pinch the bridge of my nose with my eyes squinting. That man earlier gave me chills. But who was he?
"Are you alright, dear?" My mother hurries over to support my arms. "You overdid it tonight."
"I'm quite alright, mother. Thank you for the flowers." I shake the unpleasant feeling off and take the bouquet.
The next day, I spent my free time around the bustling city of Paradis. After working so hard to prepare for my performance, I decided to treat myself to some shopping. As I stroll around the city, I come across a building with a grand opening. More like a museum. Remembrance of the Walls. Out of curiosity, I pay a visit.
When I step into the museum, my mouth drops at the stunning architecture. I was greeted with an open space with high walls that were made of white marble and giant stone pillars that held the ceiling up high. Since it is the grand opening, entry is free for today.
This is a museum that takes us back to history in Paradis 2,000 years ago when the three walls were still erect. When I roam to each room, I land in an exhibition with oil paintings and well-preserved items that are showcased before me. I inhale and deeply exhale with calmness until I sense uneasiness. It's a mixture of sadness and unknown fear. Perhaps I am just sympathizing with those who fought against the titans.
The strange feeling in my guts hasn't left ever since I arrived and I cannot tell if it is a good thing or a bad thing. I take myself around the exhibition with a guidebook and come across a framed painting. "Paradis. Year 857, Ambassadors for Peace (Armin Arlet, Reiner Braus, Annie Leonhart, Connie Springer, Jean Kirstein) visits Queen Historia."
Then, I walk over to the most disturbing painting of all. It shows a baby crying in the hands of humanity as it is being carried away from the colossal titans. "Marley. Year 854, The Rumbling." I cannot look properly because the painting itself makes me feel sorrowful. The gigantic titan in the middle, the founding titan, is the most bone-chilling thing to me. The Rumbling was indeed frightful and destructive.
"Queen Historia Reiss, Year 850-915" There is a large portrait of the first queen of the walls, and then it comes down to the current queen of our generation. The Reiss royal bloodline still remains after all these years.
"Paradis. Year 850. The Suicide March." In the painting, I see many heroic soldiers charge to their deaths with their commander.
Each painting seems to evoke different emotions and they capture how society was back then. They show humanity at its best and its worst. Its nakedness and its pure form.
"Paradis. Year 850. Trost Invasion." A detailed painting of a titan sealing the hole of Trost District.
"Paradis. Year 845. The Fall of Shiganshina." This painting of the colossal titan shows how the chaos all began.
As I look further, most of these paintings are heart-wrenchingly difficult to look at. They all hold a deep and endless message, all in a single painting. The scouts carried with them the hope of all humanity. For years, they were winning, pushing the titans back into the shadows. Finally, no titans roamed the land and the world began to recover from the Rumbling. From there, humanity peacefully rebuilt itself. The world is simply free.
After studying the paintings, my expression change when I land on a military uniform with a green cloak and maneuver gear worn by a relentless soldier. I take a step closer. It is the Wings of Freedom.
The longer I stare at it, the more emotional I become. There is a strong aura coming from the uniform alone as it tugs me closer. Not knowing why I am so drawn by it, slow tears trickle down my cheeks. This is beautiful, yet the honor is breathtaking.
In a nick of time, I hear echoing footsteps behind me. I do not want a single soul to see me in such a pitiful state, so I wipe my tears... until something gets into my view. It is a hand holding out a handkerchief for me.
I kindly accept it before turning in the direction of the person next to me. My eyes bulge open in shock when I meet a pair of silver-blue eyes. Those eyes, this man... I saw them last night during my performance. Now that I am gazing at him up close, he is undeniably attractive. Instead of wearing all black this time, he wears a white turtleneck with a blazer hanging over his shoulders and a pair of brown trousers.
I shyly nod. "Thank you..."
As the man watches me wipe my face in embarrassment, he tilts his head to the side. "What's so moving about this uniform?"
Surprised by his rash behavior, I feel quite offended, so I explain to him. "I-I don't know. Everything about this place makes me so expressive."
In this awkward silence, the man also examines the uniform displayed in front of us. If he stares at it long enough, maybe he will comprehend the emotion seeping out of it.
"Well, you're not the only one." The man finally admits. "For some reason, I am drawn to this place. Like it's calling my name."
I too arrived here for the same way. "I get what you mean because I feel that way too."
"Really?" His brows raised this time, then he relaxed his shoulders. "Are you also here because you feel like something is missing?"
"Yes..." I nod. "I've been feeling this way for a while now... even before I got here."
The man finally understands where I am coming from and abruptly, a phone rings in his back pocket. "I would love to chat some more, but I have to be elsewhere."
I flinch when he hands me a business card with its name and address and carefully, I take it.
"I own a tea shop not too far from here. If interested, feel free to stop by anytime so we can continue over some tea." The man offers and suddenly cracks a smile. "It's on the house since your performance last night was remarkable."
So I'm not crazy. It was really him.
Before I could thank him one last time, he rushed out of the exhibition and I was all alone again, clutching his business card along with his handkerchief.