Jessie's POV
"Mrs. O'Connor you have a meeting with the investors in twenty." Vanessa came into my office.
I sighed, too tired to go into another meeting. Too tired to do anything at all, work was supposed to distract me but it doesn't even do that anymore.
"Cancel it please, I'm done for the day. Tell them I had an emergency and that we'll reschedule." I took my coat off the chair and grabbed my bag.
"As you wish miss." Vanessa said before quickly exiting my office. I followed soon after with my car keys at hand.
It was freezing outside, it was mid November already... time seemed to pass by faster when you were suffering. I know I shouldn't be... that I shouldn't say that— I'm pregnant, I'm finally pregnant again even if I wasn't looking to be... or at least not because of Patrick again.
But I fucked up.
I fucked up and I hurt Kaden and myself because I let people's opinions guide my actions.
Maybe if I hadn't gone that day with Patrick to visit his parents, if I hadn't let the whole talk about kids get to me again and then Elizabeth's words about me going to hurt Kaden— which I did, she wasn't wrong and I know she wasn't telling me that to mess with me—she said it because she cares for her and shows it.
And at least one of us did.
It's been a month since I last saw her, I didn't try to reach out to her again. Why would I? I've hurt her enough for a life time. No matter how badly I want to go to her.
I shouldn't have gave in to him, to his parents and to my own pathetic need to fix a broken marriage by having a kid.
But now it's done, there's no way back and this might be the last chance I got to having a kid.
We all have our own wrongdoings, especially in my marriage—both Patrick and I despite him not knowing my affairs and him thinking I don't know about his. I don't want to bring my child into a home where she never got to see their parents together, into a broken home.
But sometimes staying together breaks the home more, it hurts more in the long run than a separation would. Having and raising a child in a home where their parents hate each other... that could be hell on earth for them and even for us.
Once I got to the house it was empty as I expected, it was still too early for him to be out of the office. Patrick has been more at home since we found out I was pregnant, I can't deny that—it's just a shame it took that for him to do so.
I grabbed my phone and dialed my mom, my mind was made up, but I still needed my mom.
"Hello my baby, how are you?" My mom said as she picked up my call.
"I'll be better soon." I said as I slumped on the loveseat.
"What's wrong Jessica?" My mother's soft voice resonated through the voice.
"I can't— I can't keep pretending mom, I'm not happy anymore. I'm not happy in this marriage." I sniffed as my voice broke. "I want to leave... but I don't want to ruin this baby's life before it's even born."
"Sweetie—"
"I keep telling myself the divorce will be for the better for everyone, but what if the baby grow ups to hate me because of it? I don't want them to hate me mom— not them, I can't have that. I can't! What if—"
"Jessica breathe, remember? You stop, close your eyes and focus on the sound of my voice and the feeling under your fingertips... and breathe in." She told me the same words she has been telling me since I'm a teenager. My mom is the only one who's ever been able to help me through my anxiety attacks.
"I'm fine..." I murmured. "I'm fine."
"You are and you are not alone, I'm right here listening to you. Now what about divorce?"
I gulped, "I'm going to divorce Patrick. I want to."
She hummed, "Do you want to tell me the reason that made you come to that decision."
"I cheated," I blurted out. "And so did he... but I didn't just cheat mom... I fell in love with with them. But that's not the only reason why, I don't love Patrick anymore and I haven't for a while, our marriage was nonexistent until the baby. I wasn't happy and I'm still not happy— I'm tired of pretending." I wiped my tears away.
"Jessica why haven't you told me this before? Why did you hold in to all this on your own baby? Pretending to be something you are not for the sake of others. What have I always told you?"
"That I don't need anyones validation... that I can't lose myself in order to fit the standards and expectations of others." I mumbled remembering the many nights my mom would go into my room just to make sure I slept.
Many parents would be ecstatic that their child would be doing their utmost to have the best grades during school. So that's what I did.
I thought I would make my parents happy.
I did everything everything, I was president of every club, I ran for prom queen, I did sports, I captained the cheer team. I even volunteered at the shelter, I helped the old neighbors.
I was an overachiever.
But I also loved that people wanted me around. Loved that they loved me, so I would become the version of me that they liked. I would do everything so they didn't dislike me.
So they wouldn't leave me.
I was fake and unsure of myself and I still am.
Hayley knew that... and so does Kaden.
My mom saw right through me, saw how I would push myself beyond my own limits to do everything. That even something below a perfect grade was enough to send me spiraling. That turned into sleepless nights, skipping meals, anything that would keep me from accomplishing was out of the equation for me.
Even dating... but then again Morgan was the exception. I liked her and I was willing to lie about my grades to get her to spend time with me... and because of it I got distracted and that costed me the valedictorian title in school.
So my parents took me to therapy all during my teenage years, it helped just about enough. I was stubborn and young, I thought those session were stupid. I didn't know how badly I actually needed them.
When I get distracted I lose everything.
I lose track of my mind.
That's what happened to my marriage. I got distracted and lost track of it, I didn't try harder.
"That includes your marriage, Jessica. If you have been unhappy for so long then why stay? Why try for another kid at this point."
"Because I know Patrick wanted one and a part of me still wanted to make him happy. I could finally give you and dad grandchildren, to his parents as well. It was a long shot with me and now it happened... is it too late to leave him? I am being irrational? I am destroying my family even more mom?"
I wanted the baby too... just not with him.
"It's never too late to leave sweetie. You can't keep trying to please everyone else but yourself. You don't love him anymore—but you don't hate him either, but you might one day if you stay in that loveless marriage. There are healthier ways to do this and divorce might be that first step, that doesn't mean you and the baby will be alone—you have never been alone Jessica."
"I'm scared mom." I whispered.
"I'm here with you. Do you want me to travel there?"
I didn't want to be a burden, I didn't want to force my mom because I was insecure and pathetic. But I needed my mom now more than ever. "Please."
"I'll go talk to your dad and book a flight, okay?"
"Okay..." I heard the front door open. "I'll talk to you later."
"Fine, I love you."
"Love you too mom." I hung up and wiped the traces of tears from my cheeks and went to grab the folder from my bag.
"Jessie?" Patrick's voice echoed through the house until he stood in front of me through the living room. "Hey, what's wrong? Were you crying?"
I approached him and handed him the folder. "I want the divorce."
"What?" He said with both shock and confusion.
"You heard me."
"Are you crazy? What about the baby? You can't—"
"I cheated. And so did you Patrick."
"You cheated? With who? What? I didn't cheat on you Jessica!" Patrick looked between me and the folder with the divorce paper already signed by me—his blue eyes widened.
I got out something else from the folder and threw it on the coffee table. "I'm not stupid Patrick."
"You had me followed?" He said grabbing the pictures of him kissing with a woman in his car and another of him out on dates with that same woman — who I recognized as his secretary.
A cliche he is.
"There's are not even new, there's are from those three months you didn't bother coming home. You think I wouldn't try and find out what you were up to?"
He put them down and ran a hand through his bearded face. "I'll leave her, okay? I'll leave but don't make me sign those papers."
"No, you'll leave me. I'm done Patrick. We can still share custody and coparent—we just don't have to pretend that we love each other for that."
"Jessi—"
"You'll still be present in the baby's life, if that's still what you want. I wouldn't keep our baby from you. But I think we have hurt each other enough, so do us a favor and sign Patrick, please. This marriage has been over for a while."
He sighed, not denying anything I said. "I want to be in the baby's life."
"I'm glad to hear that."
Patrick wasn't a bad man, not the best husband, but he wasn't a bad person. He had a heart, the same one I fell in love with years ago. I care for him in some capacity still and I know he feels the same. That's why I know he wouldn't fight me to the point we'll go to court.
I watched as he took out a pen from his jacket and put the papers on top of the table to sign them.
If only I had done this before... maybe Kaden wouldn't hate me now.
"I'm sorry." Patrick handed me the folder.
"I'm sorry too."
"For everything Jessie." He looked me in the eyes.
"Me too."
—
A/N - Here you have it! Jessie's POV and it wasn't exactly easy to write... she is more complex than you think, but I hope I did a good job getting her character across here.
Thoughts?