Shit. I woke up this morning and darted for the toilet bowl as soon as possible. I ran in a nick of time and got sick. This has been going on for almost 3 weeks even when I was at The Town in Sao Paulo, Brazil. I already sensed what was going on with the missed period, the nausea, and the tender breasts.
At the Howard Stern Show, I said I wanted kids with Jordan, although I knew it might have happened already. We've been dating for over a year and a half. I'm just scared and nervous about how Jordan would react. The last time I was pregnant, I was seventeen was in treatment, and then thrown into tour. The last time I was pregnant, I was forced to give up the most important person in my life thirteen years ago—I miss seeing her grow up. Maybe, one day I can see her again one last time.
This week has been a bit too much. I breezed through the VMA's and the performances, which surprisingly did not take a toll on me. Now, I am done with the promo of REVAMPED and about to release my memoir this week. I'm grateful for my long time off to just rest and join my baby Jordan on his tour. I will be following him to different States and Canada since this is my baby's first tour.
Currently, there are five positive pregnancy tests in front of me and I am at home alone. I sit on the bathroom couch and grasp the moment that I'm having another baby with my baby. We've been trying but not really since Jordan is heading for tour. Right now, Jordan is at tour rehearsals, which I hear are going great. I just hope he can be here with me for this pregnancy and we can have our little family. This time at 31, I am ready to become a mom again. I'm ready for those firsts and meet my baby. I just hope Jordan is ready too.
"Ladybug!" Jordan yells my nickname and I hear his feet run upstairs, "Baby, where are you?"
"And I'm sorry...I'm in the bathroom, babe," I yell back at Jordan.
"Are you okay? What's going on?" asks Jordan peeking near the large bathroom door.
As he sees me on the couch, Jordan snakes his strong arms around my waist gently and gives my forehead a kiss. I kiss his lips slowly and I lean against his sweaty chest. Oh God, I run quickly to the toilet and get sick because body odor is a killer to my nose. I flushed the toilet, washed my mouth, and my eyes met with Jordan's concerned face.
"What's going on, D?" Jordan asks as he stares at me nervously as his beautiful blue eyes look.
Then his eyes glance at the five pregnancy tests. We grabbed one and just examined it. Two thick lines. Positive. A surprised gasp comes from his mouth as he looks and a goofy grin appears.
I start crying and try to tell the news to him in a serious tone even if the obvious is stated.
"I'm pregnant," I reply in a serious tone and Jordan's smile grew wide.
"Pregnant?" Jordan asks surprised but I know this is genuine, even if he looked at the positive tests.
"Pregnant. We're having a baby, baby."
Jordan walks up to me and peppers me in kisses then gently picks me up bridal style into our bed and lays near my flat stomach. He looks at me for approval and lifts my shirt up to my chest, then nuzzles and presses his lips against my stomach. I giggle and smile at him loving our baby immediately.
"Hi baby, I am your daddy. I know you can't hear me yet, but you have the coolest parents ever. You have your super gorgeous mother who I hope you take after and then you got your daddy with sick tattoos. But, no tattoos for you, little one. I want to keep you safe as much as I can," smiles Jordan talking to my flat stomach.
"I love you. Did you know that?"
"I love you more. Thank you for this baby," smiles Jordan, "I will be protecting you two forever. We gotta get ready for your book signing."
"Yeah. What if I meet her?"
"Devonne? I'll keep my eye out for her. She's just a younger version of you. Right?" smiles Jordan.
"Yeah. I asked my team to read the names ahead of time and saw her name on the list. Devonne's going to be there. I'm honestly scared," I say.
"What are you going to do when she asks for her book to be signed?" asked Jordan.
"I want to talk to her. I want to patch things up, even if she doesn't know me."
"I'll support you every step of the way. Now, you should get ready, baby."
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After Jordan and I grabbed dinner at home and talked about our plans. We also discussed his short tour with Royal & the Serpent so we can just focus on the baby. Any plans of tour for me were out the door as my priorities were this little one. Then, we talked about how we want to keep the pregnancy a secret until the doctors confirm it tomorrow and we can talk about it with our parents. Then, once we finished dinner we rushed to Barnes and Noble where there were fans waiting at the seats anticipating me. I noticed a few who are my loyal Lovatics who go to every concert and fly if necessary to see me.
"Do you see Devonne?" I whisper to Jordan as he helps me to my seat and the giant table.
"I'm keeping an eye. I'll let you know, Babybel."
Then, I began to read a passage from my book.
As I got to a certain chapter, I dog-eared the page and chose my words wisely. I wanted to read the Devonne page. I know she's out there and I just wanted to echo my feelings from page to a giant audience.
"Before I read this, everyone, please know that this might change your perspective about me. Good or bad. You might hate me after this, but that's okay. Or you might still like me, that's great. If you walk away, that's okay too," I began.
"I just turned 18 when I gave birth, that's right, you read that right, I gave birth to a daughter. Her name is undisclosed but her initials are DVLV. Once she was born, I was a goner and I did not want to let her go. But, I did. I signed an NDA before she was born so that I could not let anything tarnish my career with my prior manager, Phil McIntyre. So, be a mom and toss a career away, or give up DV? I did the worst thing that I regretted. I gave my own precious daughter up and gave up custody to her father. One thing though, she's hidden from the spotlight which I thank her father. However, I have met her a few times in my life. I was with her before I embarked on my Unbroken tour, my Demi World Tour as a toddler during a Meet and Greet, and recently I crashed into her. If I only had a few minutes longer, or a few days, a few years to now to know her. I'd ask her for forgiveness," I read and my tears were constantly watery.
As I stopped reading, everyone was watery-eyed as well. Some fans held their hands to their chest realizing this was the most open I had been. The most vulnerable moment and everyone remained there. The one person I unexpectedly locked eyes with was a teenage girl on the side seat. She held her skateboard close to her chest and spun the wheel. Her eyes were wide and processing everything I had just read. She mumbled, "No, no, no" to herself and rocked herself.
"Oh. My. God. That's her, Demi," whispered Jordan as he kneeled next to me.
"Are you sure?" I asked quietly.
"Those Mahogany eyes of yours," smiled Jordan as he stared at me, "they match hers. And her upset face is yours."
"Oh, shit. What did I do?"
As I stopped reading, I had eager fans line up for me to sign their book and get a free meet and greet in the process. I watched every fan come, I took a photo with them, a selfie if so, and wrote in their book. We talked, we laughed, and some hugged me. They thanked me for being vulnerable, especially about my daughter. As the process continued, I stopped to use the restroom and ended up having nausea from a strong perfume.
As I was in the bathroom, I heard crying and I had a guess who it was. It sounded like Devonne as she opened her mouth on the phone with her "Dad." Shit. She's telling Wilmer.
"Dad, can you pick me up soon? Once, I'm done with this meet and greet. How was the book passage? Effing brilliant. I-I gotta go."
She left the bathroom as she used her skateboard and I waited for her to exit. I washed up and went back to sign.
It was towards the end of the meet and greet when she and I locked eyes up close again. Her eyes were red from crying and she had this pissed-off look towards me.
"Hi!" I said cheerfully.
"When it comes to Devonne Vida Lovato Valderrama, Demetria, you are the mother. I guess I am your daughter," she replied, "it's nice meeting you, finally."