Author: midnightdancexx
Reviewer: SardonicBeauty
Genre: Contemporary Fiction
Shadowangel is a Contemporary Fiction-themed book that revolves around The Family of The Walminster. The main MCs of the story seem to be Persephone and Christian. The dynamic between them is interesting to witness.
The story portrays the seemingly perfect Walminster family, but slowly the truths unravel as we are introduced to different characters and their mindsets. As is the case with many families, there are always hidden lies, secrets, betrayals, and sometimes abuse. Shadowangel covers them in a very realistic manner and shows the readers the exact meaning of "Never judge a book by its cover".
The character of Persephone in the beginning chapters looks too cliché if I am being honest. How she responds and how everyone around her accepts those responses. In reality, if someone is being tortured at the level you have described Persephone going through, they won't get a chance to have a word or talk in the way she does. In terms of character development, I really didn't see any in the case of Persephone. Since the beginning, she has been headstrong and ready to say whatever she has on the tip of her tongue. I understand it is her defense mechanism, but a point of character development would be her healing from the trauma, and we, as the readers, see that journey.
Christian, on the other hand, shows signs of character development as the chapters go by, showing how he adapts to reel in his pain and answers in a calm manner, which is nice.
On the technical aspect of the story:
First, the chapters are of good length, but the pace sometimes is too fast. Too much happens in a single chapter at a single moment. There are too many changes in point of view in a single chapter, which disrupts the readability of the chapter.
Second, the way people speak is a bit unnatural. To make things more impactful, you can try the following steps:
- Rather than using dialogue or inner thoughts to show how the abuse happened, describe it through actions. This is a classic example of "show, don't tell". Instead of writing, "He hurt her", show how a person hurts someone and how it impacts the person being hurt.
- Bond the characters with their surroundings. When Christian finds himself on the street, describing his physical conditions changing due to staying there would be more emotional and relatable.
- Repeating a line three times does not show more urgency or importance. Instead of doing that, use the line once and then proceed to explain how the speaker feels about the incident.
- Descriptions like "As a speechless... air" are great, and I have no complaints. However, you can make them more impactful by adding little sensory details and a description of the surroundings from Seph's point of view. For example, how the sound of the closing door felt, or how she could feel the darkness caving in, etc.
Third, if you are starting the prologue from what seems to be a third point of view, it is best to keep it in that fashion. After the first paragraph, the line "as me, my mum, and my brother" can lead to reader disconnectivity or confusion. To make things clearer, you can start with "Libby, Noah's mom, screamed frantically. My fingers curled painfully around my other hand as she broke down at his bedside..."
You can change or edit however you wish; this was just an idea.
Fourth, you can leave "me and her might... at the moment" without any brackets, as it conveys her inner thoughts and adds to the plot.
Fifth, from a punctuation aspect, there are many places with missing commas. For example, in chapter 13, "I mean from the way... once and for all," in that paragraph, there should be a comma after the word 'nan'. These are just small things that you can easily add after you reread the chapters and edit them. Grammar-wise, I have no complaints.
The story is written beautifully. It has a very dark undertone mixed with the mystery of what and how it happened. With the changes I mentioned, the pace and transitions of the story would be smoother, more interesting, and more heart-touching.
The topics you covered in the story really need to be talked about, and you explored them in a very mature manner, which is praiseworthy.
I would rate this book 3.5 stars out of 5. This is a great book, one that could be more personal and better with added descriptions and some changes.
Good luck!