"Fearing not growing up. Keeping me up at night. Am I doing enough? Feel like I'm wasting time. Promise to get a little better as I get older.
And you're so patient. And sick of waiting.
Promising to do better."
August 6th, 2021.
Charleston, South Carolina.
𓇼 𓇼 𓇼 𓇼 𓇼
The sun rose above the house in elegance, peering through the curtains of the living room that sat with silence in the early morning. Tiredness flooded underneath my green eyes. Anxiety rushed through my bloodstream in pure terror as I thought of my friends being missing for almost two days. Despite the police having an idea of where they were located, I looked the issue up on the internet. My eyes read the lines "Teens disappear in a plane that belonged to the infamous Ward Cameron." The beating of my heart caused a small panic in my chest thinking about where they could have been in the entire world. I narrowed my eyebrows as I kept my eyes on the article, reading statements that came from Officer Shoupe who had hunted them down after they came in contact with unknown sources that weren't able to be named. I knew that this had to do with the Royal Merchant that they had been searching for.
Knowing that Rafe knew many things regarding the Royal Merchant Ship because his father was infatuated with the ideal of the gold entirely. A lump of anxiety sat in the back of my throat. I turned my phone off and threw it onto the small throw blanket that laid across the comfortable couch. My bare feet shuffled on top of the wooden boards that creaked in the silent house. Rafe laid in a deep sleep on the bed that we had been sharing. Being dressed for the day, I snuck into the room quietly to grab ahold of the shoes that I wanted. My hair sat in a long braid along my back, my body covered in warm clothing due to the weather dropping while we were in Charleston. Something in me wanted to believe that my friends going missing was a mistake. It was unbelievable. Unbelievable that JJ would want to take off from a home that loved him, unless he wanted to because he knew I wasn't in love with him. I knew I had broken his heart. It had pained me but I was happy with Rafe in the long run. Small pieces of hair fell onto my cheeks while I shuffled out of the bedroom. I shut the door behind me to avoid Rafe waking up to me not being in the house.
My hands dangled the Birkenstock clogs in my hands. The gray crewneck covered my body while my hips snuggled with the jeans that sat on top of my skin. I sat the shoes down on the wooden floor, slipping my feet inside of them. Sniffling from the allergies that hit me after being in the country for a couple of days. I bent down near the couch, picking up my phone and sliding it into my back pocket. My body went towards the backyard door that would settle the anxiety that rushed throughout my body. I couldn't take my mind away from my best friends that I had grown up with — What was so important about the royal merchant that they had to do stupid things? It boggles my mind knowing that they were capable of making the dumb decisions that they promised me they wouldn't make anymore after JJ was shot and almost killed. It made me angry to know that something could happen to all of them, or even worse; Killed over a foolish ship that didn't hold any meaning to them except for the fact that they wanted money, John B wanted to live through his father's legacy that he left behind but I knew that Big John would want him to be smart and safe.
Cold breezes blew onto my skin once I stepped out into the beautiful backyard that led down to a wide running riverbed. The long shards of grass laid on the open range of acres, silence surrounded me besides the comforting noise of the river rushing down stream. Cows mooed from across the street. Chickens crowded around their food barrel, horses and pigs ate the leftover scraps out of their trophs. Rafe's family had been up in the early morning but stayed inside their home while Kristin's husband went out to tend to the animals. Walking through the long shards of grass that came up to my hips, I headed into the direction of the riverbed that caused a sense of relief in my bloodstream. It reminded me of home. The ocean always had seemed to be the one true sense of happiness that brought itself to me. I kept walking through the long grass as my heart fluttered to the noise of the river. I laid my hand against the small bump while I was becoming closer to the river. Sunshine started to form behind the clouds, the grass sat wet from the rain that poured throughout the night.
My eyes gleamed around at the beautiful property that laid in all directions. Finally making it down to the riverbed, large rocks laid around the deeper river that became a natural ecosystem to the fish that swam downstream. Rainbow bass rushed down the stream while I found a flat rock to sit on to listen to the river rush. I sat with my legs up against my chest, staring into the stream that started to form a peacefulness that I had needed after hearing that my best friends were in possible danger. Yawning from the tiredness that ruptured from my eyes, I glanced around at the cloudy sky that was overly unhappy looking. I sat in the silence of my own peace while listening to the rushing cold water splash against the rocks and headed down towards the lower area of the river. Small deers sat across the river, munching on grass that overgrew near the fungus on the large willow trees.
Something in me felt a sense of peace to think about the nature that surrounded me. There was nothing better than the calmness of the Earth. The touch of the beautiful Earth that shines with perfection, I couldn't help but to admire the warmth that nature placed into my heart.
9:00 am.
A couple of hours had passed while I sat next to the stream rushing, listening to the atmosphere around me. I headed back towards the house that sat a couple of minutes away across the acres of large land that Ward and Rose purchased beside his family's home. I messed with the small ring that Rafe's grandmother had given me the prior day. My eyes focused on the surroundings that became an overwhelming calmness that I needed in the long run. While I walked across the grass, I noticed my boyfriend's figure standing in the middle of the kitchen as he brewed himself a cup of coffee after our wild night. I swallowed the anxiety in the back of my throat knowing that I would bring up his sister being missing for almost two whole days. The house flooded with the scent of freshly brewed coffee. Noises of the refrigerator opening and closing echoed as I walked into the house, closing the door behind me. Rafe turned his head into my direction with a smile starting to form on his face. I tucked the flyaway strands of hair behind my ears.
He closed the refrigerator after he grabbed a coffee creamer out from the side of the door. "Where did you go?" He asked with a soft raspiness in his voice that seemed strained. I walked towards the barstool seating area that sat outside of the kitchen. I pulled a barstool out, seating myself on the wooden stool. "Just went to get some fresh air by the riverbed." I explained to him while tiredness erupted from the under eye portion of my face. He tilted his head to the side as he popped the top of the creamer bottle off, pouring a small amount into his cup. "Oh." He responded and turned around to put the creamer bottle into the door of the fridge once again. He leaned over the island, sipping the coffee that coated his tongue in warmth. He looked at me as if he was analyzing my face. His blue eyes glazed from tiredness while he kept staring at the small features on my face before he sighed. "You seem tired, my love." He commented and gleamed his blue eyes into mine. His eyes made me feel a loss of air whenever he stared into mine. Making me feel so many emotions that I couldn't even tell what all of them were, unable to label it.
His blonde hair sat messily across his forehead. He bent over the island enough to flex his shoulders in a muscular mannerism. His face had been prepped for the day almost like he had washed his face with splashes of water from the faucet. His tan skin had shined in the cloudy sunlight that came through the window of the kitchen. His figure was thin and muscular, he had worked on his figure almost every day to keep himself in shape. Including the prior day before that he had gone out in the garage to work out and left me inside to watch television. "Is something wrong?" He asked and caught my attention by placing his large hand in front of me as he held his coffee mug in the other hand. I rubbed underneath my tired eyes. "No, nothing is wrong." I responded to him and intertwined my left hand into his own that he placed over the island. He shook his head at me while he kept looking me in the eyes. He analyzed me, the way that my body had been seated up against the barstool. "You don't have to hide anything from me." He commented as his thumb rubbed small circles on top of my hand.
I nodded my head at him in nervousness. My eyes felt a soft water gleam over the pupils, almost as if I was on the urge of crying. "Baby? What's wrong?" He asked me as I swallowed the lump that sat in the back of my throat. "Your sister and my friends are missing and have been for two days." I spat at him and felt the sadness overcome my body. The heat rushed into my bloodstream. He narrowed his eyebrows in confusion almost as if he didn't believe that it was real. "What do you mean missing?" He asked and sat his coffee down on the counter before he dropped my hand out of his own. He had walked around the island and grasped me into his reach. He pulled me into his chest with gentleness, holding onto me. "My dad texted me last night telling me that they were missing and I think it's over the Royal Merchant." I told him and swallowed the same pain as earlier in the back of my throat. "Do you know anything about that?" I asked him as he stared at me in the same confusion as earlier. He shook his head no. "Don't lie to me, Rafe." The anger overcame my other emotions that drove into my heart. Fearful, nervous, distraught, I didn't know how to feel when it came to my friends not being around. Knowing that I couldn't text them.
Rafe laid his hand on the countertop. He stared at me while he thought about what he wanted to say to me at that moment. "You told me before that you helped your dad." I told him and clenched the sides of my jaw in pain. Rafe ran his hands throughout his dried hair. He stared at me with an unemotional expression across his face. He shook his head at me once more. "I did but I didn't go any further with any of it." He admitted as he stared at me with an innocence glazing his blue eyes that dilated when he stared at me. Rafe sat down at the barstool and grasped my hands inside of his own. I stood up in front of him, feeling the warmth of his hands grow cold. In that moment, I knew that he understood what was fully happening. "I told Sarah not to let any of them go anywhere because it's going to get out of hand." He explained as emotion started to come back to his expressions on his tanned face. He ran his fingers through his hair once again as his other hand grasped onto my own. His left hand grasped onto mine, clenching with a gentleness. He shook his head almost like he was mad at himself. "God, she's fucking stupid sometimes." He stated while anger flooded his blue eyes that held love in them whenever he looked at me. I narrowed my eyebrows. I couldn't believe what came out of his mouth. He was angry at his own sister again.
The weather outside clouded around almost like Mother Nature could sense the storm of emotions that surrounded the both of us. The sense of loss hit my chest knowing that my friends were in danger. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I tucked a strand of hair behind my ears. Feeling numb in the moment — He had known all along that my friends were in danger and didn't think about telling me. I didn't know what type of danger my friends were getting into, but I knew it must've been an issue if JJ told me before I left that he brought me flowers "In Case" but didn't refer to what would happen. I felt an ache sharpen in my chest. "Where did they go, Rafe?" I asked him with a stern voice as he stood up in anger at his younger sister that had followed my friends around. He shook his head at me. "The last step for them would be to go to El Dorado." He responded and hovered over me with his eyes looking around at everything else but his own girlfriend. In the look of panic, I wanted to reach in my back pocket and pull out my phone to see if I could reach my best friends with a simple text. I hoped deep within my heart that they didn't leave the states for gold that didn't matter to anyone else but Ward Cameron and Big John Rutledge. It made me angry knowing how they could put themselves in so much danger that they didn't need to be involved in as young adults. They were just teenagers. The destruction that faced had damaged our teenage years in the worst way.
Wanting to cry at the idea of my friends being in harm's way or worse : Death. The idea of death was a horrific thing to even think about. I prayed in the depth of my heart that my friends would make it out alive in whatever issues they got themselves involved in. I knew that they were just teenagers that didn't think about anything important except for what was important in the moment to them. It got the best of all of us sometimes. "What can we do to get them back if they go there?" I asked him with a sincerity forming over my eyes. He shook his head and placed his pointer finger on his lip, almost like he was thinking intensely. "We can't do anything and you're sure as hell not going out of the country." He explained to me as he shook his head once more. I looked up at him with my eyebrows narrowed. "Why?" I asked him and watched him start to walk towards the bedroom door. His bare feet shuffled against the wooden creaking boards that laid throughout the entire home. "Because you're pregnant, dammit." He spoke loudly almost like anger started to rise throughout his bloodstream. The sound of him raising his voice made me flinch with a tenderness knowing that he was angry. He was angry enough to use curse words in response to hold his anger inside of him.
He walked into the bedroom, slamming the door behind him out of anger. Fearfulness rushed into my petite body as I wanted to start crying out of frustration and fear, instead I held it in. I sighed in a gentleness and headed into the living room to sit myself down. I shook my head with tiredness before I pulled my phone out in hopes to see that my friends were found. Hearing Rafe throw something in the room causing me to jump in the seat that I sat in. I placed my feet underneath me, staring down at my phone that sat in my lap. The phone opened to the screen that was a photo of Rafe holding me from behind in the mirror. His gentle arms held around me, laying his head on my shoulder and smiling into the mirror. He was such a sweetheart on a daily basis until he became angry over people's decisions. I opened the phone, going to the text messages between my father and I after he texted me late last night to tell me what was going on. I didn't want to involve my father with the Royal Merchant subject, knowing that he would think that it was unnecessary and stupid. He had always thought that way about Big John's decisions after he was classified as "dead" after his hunt of the Royal Merchant.
It made my father angry knowing that Big John gave up his role as a father to find gold that didn't matter in the real world, unless you're a historian. "Fuck." Rafe yelled from the bedroom. I stood up from the couch in a rush after hearing something echo almost like something was broken. My bare feet ran across the wooden floor, rushing towards the bedroom to make sure that he was okay after hearing something smash. My fingers grasped onto the bedroom door and pushed it open to see Rafe sitting on the floor in the bathroom, wrapping his hand with a towel. "Get out." He told me once he saw me come into the bedroom with a worried look rushing across my face. "What did you do?" I called out to him and ignored the demand he made towards me. He looked at me with anger flooding in his eyes while I approached the young man that sat on the wooden floor in the bathroom. "Babe, I told you to get out." He continued while I came into the bathroom to see glass shattered across the floor. My mouth wanted to drop open, wanting to help him in that exact moment. I saw blood soaking through the towel that wrapped around his hand.
"Watch out." He told me before I looked down at my feet to see glass in front of me. I tipped toed around the glass that was shattered across the dark wooden floor, easy to dissect where the glass was placed. "What did you do?" I asked him once again and made myself across the bathroom to where he had been seated. He sat beside the large bathtub that was near the window. He looked down at his hand, removing the towel that flooded with blood. I felt the warmth of his body once I bent down next to him. I made eye contact with the long cut that sat on the palm of his hand. "Baby, we need to get you to the hospital." I told him as he reached his hand out towards me to let me look at the cut. He shook his head at me in response to me telling him that. "No, Isla, no. It's not even that bad." He told me as he tried to stand up from the floor to head to the sink, wanting to stick his hand underneath the faucet to allow the warm water run on the large cut.
I grabbed his muscular arm to pull him back down on the floor. "Sit down." I told him in command in order to take care of him. It was my duty as his significant other to not only take care of him, but to make sure that he was doing the right thing. "You let your anger get the best of you again." I told him once again as he sat himself down on the flooring that surrounded the bathtub. He shook his head at me once again. He stared around the room with sadness forming over his eyes. "Stay right there while I go get the broom to sweep up the glass." I spoke aloud and tipped toed around the broken glass that sat on the floor of the large bathroom. He wrapped his hand around with a bloody hand towel as he watched my body walk out of the bedroom and into the great room that would lead into the kitchen. My bare feet were placed across the cold floor. Shuffling in the silence of the house, weather outside shuffled with thunder and lighting, sprinkles of rain smacked down on the concrete of the porch.
Heading into the kitchen, I grasped a hold of the brass knob and pulled the door open. The broom sat in the corner of the pantry door while the food settled onto the wooden shelves.
I held onto the broom and shut the pantry door from behind me. Thunder crackled from outside the large farm house, the warmth of the home started to die down from the anger that formed between my significant other. I shook my head with the same disappointment that I had the night of my birthday knowing that his anger got the best of him in the worst ways possible. I knew he cared about his little sister deep down, but he was so angry that she never listened to him. He wanted to keep his remaining family together. I walked back into the room while the rain became heavier and heavier as the time started to pass from when it started. Rafe still sat on the cold wooden floor with his head down in anger at himself. He didn't know how to express his emotions except for throwing things and yelling out of nowhere. It was hard for him due to his father forcing him to hold everything in. I knew that all he wanted was love to cover his pain, which was what I tried to provide for him as much as I could within the time I've been with him. I put the broom on the floor, scraping up the glass that sat lifeless on the wooden floor.
The shards of glass projected my reflection in a small pile in the black dust pan. Strands of my hair laid across my face that lusted with small amounts of oil from the day. Once the broken glass was swept into the dust pan, I walked across the wooden floor to get near my significant other that stood up across from me. "Take the towel away from your hand." I told him once I came over to him to view his hand wrapped in the same bloody towel. He took the towel off his hand and sat it on the marble counter. His hand was cut from the middle of his palm down to the bottom of his palm. The same shard of glass that cut him was pulled out of the palm, a small shard laid on the bloody towel. He laid his back against the countertop, his shirtless muscular body faced me with tenderness and watched me look up at him. "What did you end up throwing?" I questioned him and looked into his blue eyes. His pupils dilated when he looked at me, he had guilt covering his sad looking eyes. "The vase that sat on the other side of the counter." He spoke almost in an embarrassed tone that formed out of his throat.
"Do you want to tell me why you lost your temper?" I asked him almost like I was treating him in a motherly manner. He shook his head at me in the same embarrassment as earlier. "I just don't like the idea of losing my family, Isla. I got mad because my little sister can't do anything but ignore the things that I tell her in order to keep her safe. Then the thought of you wanting to be involved upset me even more." He explained to me and stared down at his hand that had slowed the bleeding from the cut in the middle of his palm. His right hand sat on the counter meanwhile his left hand was the one that had the large cut. "You're not going to lose your family, Rafe. You're not going to lose me either." I told him in reassurance despite the fear that sat in my chest knowing that my friends could be in serious danger. I prayed that the authorities could find them before anything could happen to them. He shook his head, biting his bottom lip as I opened my makeup bag to grab ahold of the tweezers that I had placed in the center. "I can't lose you." He told me with gentleness forming in his voice. A soft crackle sat in the back of his throat like he was choking on his own words. "I can't lose our baby." He spoke once again while I turned back to his hand with the tweezers in between my pointer and middle finger.
I shook my head at him and stared at the bloody mess that sat in the palm of his hand. I needed to get out any excess glass that was in his hand. "You won't though. I didn't plan on involving myself in their stuff." I responded to him as I gently held the tweezers in my hand and found a small piece of glass that sat in the bottom of his palm. "I know but somehow JJ always ropes you back into things." He commented out of annoyance and jealousy that JJ had always pulled on me like a puppet. He was the puppeteer. "You don't need to talk about JJ like that when I'm all yours." I told him and stared at the cut in his hand after pulling the piece of glass out of the palm in his hand. I sat the shard on the towel and looked at him with innocence in my eyes after I had cheated on him in the previous days. "You need to work on controlling yourself, you can't be doing this when we have a baby coming into our care." I spoke in a disappointing tone before I had squatted down to look underneath the cupboards in hope that I could find bandages and hydrogen peroxide. My eyes glanced around underneath the cupboards. Rafe sat in silence with his head down in anger at himself, contemplating his responses.
"I'm trying." He told me as he swallowed the pain and anger that sat in his chest. His heart yearned for someone to be in love with him ; which I was. He wanted someone to cover him with gentleness and love. "I know you are but even with small things that are just thoughts. You can't be throwing things when we have a little vulnerable baby around." I expressed to him and laid my eyes on the bandages that sat underneath the sink. I sat my hand on top of the bandages, pulling them out and looked around once again for hydrogen peroxide. He nodded his head at me. "I wouldn't ever harm you or our baby." He spoke aloud with a raspy voice. Sighing, I found the hydrogen peroxide and pulled it out from underneath the sink. I stood up from being in the squat position, sitting the products onto the counter beside him. "It's my job to protect you." He reminded me and looked up at me with the new gentleness in his eyes. I nodded my head at him, leaning in to kiss him upon his tanned cheek that sat with a tear running down it. "I don't blame you for anything." I told him as I placed my lips upon his cheek. Pressing down with a softness that caused his heart to flutter enough to relax himself in that exact moment.
His eyelashes fluttered and covered his bright blue eyes that stuck out whenever he would glance in the direction of other people. I pulled away from his cheek, resting one of my free hands on his back. "You have shown me that you want to do the right thing. You've changed your ways." I told him and grasped onto the hydrogen peroxide. I popped the lid of the product, grasping his hand by his wrist and pulled it to hover over the sink. "It's going to burn." I told him and held onto his other hand. He grasped my hand within his. Intertwining his long fingers within mine, his gold ring sat on top of the multiples I had on my own fingers. I poured the product on his palm. The blood around the cut had turned a white color, bubbling up in order to force the bleeding to stop. Small grunts came out of his mouth in pain despite his high pain tolerance. He clenched his jaw. "Not only have you changed your ways, but you're going to be a daddy soon." I told him to make him think about something else that didn't revolve around his sister being missing and the painful cut in the palm of his hand. He nodded his head while his jaw was still clenched tightly.
He stared down at the cut that bubbled from the product causing the bleeding to stop. He swallowed the lump in the back of his throat. Once the cut was done bubbling, I sat the hydrogen peroxide down on the counter and grasped onto the bandages that laid beside Rafe. I pulled the bandages out of the packaging. I laid the thick bandage across his hand and started to wrap in a consistent pattern around the large hand. "I hope that you and this baby keep changing my life." He told me with gentleness in his voice once again. I smiled gently at the small comment he had made. It made me feel like he had really wanted a good change for his life as a whole, to move on from living in the shadow of his father and to move away from being troubled. He was tired of being underneath the "Cameron" name when it came to living up to the expectations that his father had created. He didn't want to be like him. He didn't want to be anywhere near to what his father had been. "You'll be surprised how much a human being coming into the world can make so many things happen to us." I explained to him with a sweet smile forming across my face. I bit the end of his bandage to rip it away from the product, I sat the product onto the counter. "You should be good for a while until tonight." I told him once again as he looked up at me with the same gentleness in his blue eyes.
"Thanks." He told me and took himself away from leaning against the counter. He leaned his face down to mine. He pressed his lips against my forehead with passionate loving heating between the both of us.
"I love you. Your friends will be safe." He said with a reassuring tone much more than he had done earlier.
I nodded my head as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders. He placed his head on top of mine and leaned his cheek against my hair. "I love you more." I told him in response to his comment.
I didn't know how much longer my heart could take before it erupted with telling Rafe the truth about the infidelity I had with my own best friend. It would break his heart.
I wanted him to be happy but I knew that everything that started to heal would shatter into pieces again.