CRESSIDA
"So where does all of that leave us?" I asked.
"I don't know..." Spencer trailed off, looking down at his hands. "Where do you want it to leave us?" Oh god. Why was he putting it back on me? Surely he knew what I wanted by now, surely it had been well implied by this point. Everything had been me trying to show that I wanted him, but both of us were good at not being able to see those clues. After all, if he had been showing them to me I hadn't noticed.
How lowly did we think of ourselves to assume the other didn't want us? Was it on us or on the other person for not explicitly saying it? How long ago could we have done this if we had just been honest with each other? Where could we already be if we had said this five and a half years ago? Or if one of us had just left a note for the other on that damned computer?
"Cress..." He said my name so quietly, as if speaking it too loud or too fast might spook me. Like I was a timid animal that might run at any second. "I care about you." He said and my eyes reached his, and I saw the terror in his soft, amber coloured eyes. "I care for you." I was still frozen, unable to move or say anything, so he continued.
"I want what I imagined while I was in Millburn. The only thing I thought when you lied about being pregnant was how much I wanted it, when I thought Cat might have been telling the truth about her baby I lost control because it should have been you. When I lied about being engaged to you, my fingertips were still buzzing from the brush of contact we had. When you took me out of the interview room and started lying to Cat about us the only thing I felt was regret that it wasn't true." Why was I freezing? Wasn't this what I wanted?
"I kissed you when you walked out of the room, not just to solidify the lie for Cat, but to pretend for a bit longer that maybe it was real. And it was something I had been thinking about doing since we first kissed months ago. Earlier today when you said that I lied back then, I did. It did hurt when you pulled away from me, but I wasn't lying when I said I would wait for you." He said, and I felt my body begin moving. At first I just took hold of his hands, realising I had to prove I was listening. And then I shuffled to be sitting on my knees in front of him. "I know you're scared about this, that you don't want to ruin our friendship. So, if you don't want to do this-"
I let go of his hands and reached to hold his neck, nearly throwing myself towards him to crash my lips against his. The world seemed to slip away as his hands made their way to my waist, as my body felt like electricity was charging through it. All this from a kiss? I pulled away, resting my forehead against his as I felt his breath fanning over me.
"I fed you that story in Millburn so I could also pretend we were more than friends." I whispered, moving to straddle his lap, his neck still in my hands. "The pregnancy idea was just because I got angry that you wouldn't see me, but it probably stems from when I spoke to Morgan. When he told me Hank's full name and a part of me felt... jealous might be the closest emotion to it. He named his child after you and all I wanted was a family with you. At that point I thought you hated me, that it wouldn't be possible."
"I've never hated you..." he whispered, his eyes only on mine as my face hovered above his.
"I know that now, but back then was a different story." I said, letting go of his neck to push his hair out of his eyes. "And then everything else happened. It all made me realise how much I care for you too, how possessive I'm going to get if you let me."
"Possessive?" He whispered, his hands running up my ribs, pulling the sweater I had intended to sleep in up my torso and revealing a sliver of skin. The touch probably felt more intense because I'd already slipped my bra off when I got ready for bed; and there was no doubt in my mind he was very aware of that fact right now.
"Yes, possessive. I got jealous because Tara got to do your psych eval instead of me, because she got close to you. And don't get me started on Cat..." I trailed off, he smirked.
"What about her made you jealous?"
"Everything." I said, tilting my head to the side as he moved his hands back to my waist. His thumbs tucking under my sweater to run over the skin on my hips. The movement was sending jolts of ecstasy through me.
"Everything?"
"The way she had your full attention, the way she touched you... the worst was when you danced with her." I admitted.
"You've always wanted to slow dance with someone," that was something I mentioned the first night I stayed with Spence years ago.
"Yes. The entire time I was half a breath away from storming into that room and tearing her away from you." Or killing her with my bare hands. His smirk grew into a smile, his eyes still locked on mine. God, he would be the death of me. "You have no idea how much of a relief it was when I did."
"I could take a guess, judging from everything you said to her afterwards." I grimaced as he spoke.
"I think I forgot you were on the other side of that glass." I said, he nodded with a raised eyebrow.
"I deserve an equal?" He questioned, and I went to climb off of his lap but his hands were still on my hips. His fingers held me still, preventing me from pulling away and I swear I heard him say 'no' under his breath as I tried to move.
"Yes." I answered, and his grip tightened on my hips.
"And we're made for each other?" Wow, I really should have been paying more attention to what I'd been saying in that room.
"Yes."
"When we lock eyes, when I focus on you, nothing else exists?" God damn it, I didn't like how this was turning into an interrogation.
"Yes."
"This isn't the first time you've used us to get on the nerves of a criminal. It's what you did with Harrison Cooper. You said you would never have fallen for him because of me. You didn't date anyone after you left either... is that because of me too?" He asked. I let out a slow breath and nodded.
"Yes."
A few moments of silence passed between us then, and the closeness of our bodies was sending my heart into overdrive. His breath fanned over my collarbone, each exhale a new blanket of warmth on my skin. But I didn't move a muscle, I couldn't. This was where I wanted to be.
"My attention will always belong to you." That wasn't a question, it was confirmation that what I had said in that room was right. "No one will take me from you, I'll always be yours." He was proving my lies were the truth, that it wasn't just in my imagination.
"All I see is you..." he whispered as his hands slipped under my sweater, running along my bare back. It was a direct copy of my words from that interview with Cat. All he sees is me. "All I want is you..." All he wants is me. His hands trailed back down my sides, his touch featherlight down my ribs and stomach. And I knew what the final line would be. All he needs is me.
"All I need is you." His hands held my waist once more before he kissed me hard and slow, my arms wrapping around his neck to keep him close. To make sure he couldn't pull away from me.
My heart was racing as his hold on me changed to a pull, forcing my chest against his chest, my hips against his hips as his hands ran under my sweater. His fingers trailed up my sides, along my ribs and his thumbs brushed both of my peaks at the same time. I let out a sharp breath at the contact, my body flinching involuntarily at the sensation that shot through me.
"Are you okay?" Spencer whispered as his hands froze, pulling his face just far enough away to speak but not so far that each word didn't graze his lips against mine.
"Yeah, I'm okay. It's just been a while..." I whispered back, he nodded, brushing his nose against mine with the movement.
"Same." He replied, smiling as he moved his hands down my sides again. "You're sure you're okay with this?" His hands settled on my waist once more, his palms warm against my cool skin.
"Mhm." I hummed as I nodded. "Are you?" There was a moment of silence that passed as he stared at me, his brown eyes so dark in the dim light of the bedside lamps it was almost like I was looking at a different person.
"Yeah, I'm more than okay with this." He replied before he crashed our lips together once again. I let myself fall into the feeling of longing and safety.
Let him grasp the bottom of my sweater and pull it over my head.
Let him kiss every inch of my skin and leave a burning trail in his wake.
I kept reminding myself to breathe, his lips and tongue and teeth on any available skin, and my hands reached the bottom of his sweater. My fingers curled around the soft material as I started lifting it upwards, and he had to pull away from me to allow me to take it off. I threw it to the side before I pushed him onto his back, my lips kissing his neck as my chest was on his. Feeling his skin against mine was addictive, the warmth and closeness enough to make me crave more.
It was why my hand moved of it's own accord, pressed against his chest as I felt every part of him, as my body slipped to his side for easier reach. As I ran my hand down his lightly muscled abdomen and reached the waistband of his sweatpants. I didn't think twice about what I wanted to do before my fingers slipped underneath his clothing and I took hold of his shaft, stroking him slowly as his head tilted back into the pillow.
"Cress..." His voice was low, almost like a warning before he took a sharp inhale. "If you..." He whispered as I stroked him again and his jaw tensed. "I won't..." His voice was roughened, like it was a struggle for him to speak. So, I made it more difficult for him to do so by hastening each pump of his member.
"You won't what?" I asked, as innocently as one could as they watched someone come undone by their touch.
"Last." He said before a moan left his throat, the sound made my stomach flutter and the warmth at my core grow. It made my thumb brush over his head and watch as his body shuddered; at least before he caught my wrist and made me stop.
There wasn't enough time to breathe between him stopping me and the way he used his hold on my wrist to roll me onto my back, trapping me under him with that wrist pinned above my head. He was between my legs, his other arm being used to prop up his weight next to my head. For a moment he just stared into my eyes, and then he let go of my wrist, his fingers making their way into my hair.
"What are you doing to me?" He whispered, to which I smirked. "Don't answer that." He added before he kissed me, his tongue running over my bottom lip before I let him in. It was as if every move he made was to learn each crevice of my body, each stroke of his tongue against mine a way to familiarise himself and commit me to memory. Almost like every trail of his fingers was akin to drawing part of a map he was creating for himself, just for himself.
But then he was gone, pulling away from me and letting the cold air of the room hit my bare chest, spreading goosebumps all over my body.
"Spence?" I asked as I opened my eyes and saw him walking towards his bag. My curiosity got the better of me as I sat up, wrapping my arms around my chest as he fossicked through his things. "What are you..." I trailed off as he pulled out a small square piece of packaging.
"Thought I might get this ready, if you want to go that far." He said, walking back over to me as he furrowed his brow. "Do you?" I tried to focus on his eyes instead of what was extremely visible through his grey sweatpants.
"Yes, if you want to I'm definitely okay with that." I replied, and me being me, I couldn't just leave it at that. Of course I couldn't keep my damned mouth shut. "The only problem is that we're both still half-dressed."
"Well, we won't be for long. I just wanted to get it now because I'm not done with you yet and I know I won't want to stop touching you from this point on." He said as he threw the condom onto the bed, next to my hip. "Does that work for you?" He asked as he forced me onto my back again.
"Depends on what you want to do to me..." I trailed off as his hands planted themselves either side of my head and he settled his hips between my legs, his face hovering just inches above mine.
"Well, what would you prefer I do?" He asked, and I shook my head as I decided I had to move and wrapped my legs around his waist, my hands moving to hold his forearms as they kept his weight above me.
"Anything, I'll take anything." I answered, and he lowered himself onto his elbows, my hands tracing up his arms and moving to wrap around his torso.
"So you'd take this?" He asked as one of his hands ran down my body, trailed down my stomach and pushed below the waistband to my sweatpants. His finger ran down my slit once before he honed in right where I needed him.
"Yes." I breathed, moaning as he began torturous circles that were winding up my core. That were making me grip onto his hair and dig my nails into his back.
"And what if I used my tongue instead? Would you take that?" He asked as my eyes fluttered shut, my stomach twisting itself into knots with each stroke of his fingers.
"Mhm." Was all I could manage to get out as I tilted my head backwards.
"I need a 'yes' from you." He whispered against my neck, and I couldn't stop the moan that escaped my lips at the contact. Focus. I had to focus for half a second to give him what he wants.
"Yes." It was the quickest I had ever said a word, but as soon as he heard it he wasted no time in trailing burning kisses from my neck to my breasts to my stomach to my hips. All the while his fingers never stopped those little circles that were becoming a little faster with each passing second. Well, they did stop when he took a hold of the waistband to my pants and started to pull them down...
And I suddenly felt very self-conscious. While I had slept with someone before, they hadn't bothered doing this for me. Maybe Spencer noticed my body go tense, because his calm voice reached my ears.
"Do you trust me?" He asked, and I answered without hesitation.
"Yes."
"Then let me do this for you." I lifted my head enough so I could look at him. His soft brown eyes were completely fixated on me as he slipped off his own sweatpants. "If you get too uncomfortable or you don't like it just tell me to stop and I will. Do you want me to keep going?" He asked, and I nodded. Apparently that wasn't enough for him, since he tilted his head to the side. I couldn't stop the smile reaching my face as I let my head fall to the pillow underneath me again.
"Yes." I dragged the word out on my tongue until I felt him drag my pants and underwear off in one movement. And before that self-conscious feeling could override my body I heard his voice just above a whisper...
"Shit, Cress, you are absolutely perfect."
I watched as he settled between my legs and kissed my inner thigh, slowly working his way up from my knee. How could I feel wrong in my body when he was treating me like a private treasure only he could touch?
And how could I think anything when his tongue reached my core?
"Fuck." I couldn't stop the word from slipping out of my mouth, or stop my body from shuddering at the new sensation; not that I wanted to. No, what I wanted was to commit this feeling to memory.
The way his tongue flicked against me, they way it caused me to shiver and moan. How he pushed two fingers into me and curled them to hit that perfect spot as he sucked on my clit. The burning I felt over my entire body mixed with the feeling of pure euphoria. And the sense that somehow I still needed more from him even though I was surely seconds away from release.
But then his fingers that were inside of me replaced his tongue. Through my inability to breath I managed to watch through half-closed eyes as he opened the condom wrapper with his teeth and put it on, all the while still circling me exactly where I needed. His touch suddenly stopped as he moved to hover over me once again, and I looked into his eyes.
He was waiting for me to speak, and maybe he just expected me to say 'yes' to the unasked question. But my breath shook as he looked at me like I was the only person in the world, and I needed to tell him exactly how I felt.
"All I see is you." I whispered as his hips settled between my legs. "All I want is you." I said as he readied himself at my entrance, and I had to take a deep breath to stay focused for just a few more seconds so I could say what I needed to say. I entwined my fingers into his hair to ground me, focused my blue eyes on his brown ones so I didn't forget to speak. "All I need is you."
He thrust his length into me and I pushed my head into the pillow as my back arched, as a whimper escaped my lips only to be caught by his mouth on mine. It hurt to start with, but he rocked into me slowly, holding my waist with one hand as he broke our kiss and rested his forehead on mine.
"Is this okay?" He asked as the pain turned into pleasure, as my whimpers turned into moans.
"Yes." I managed to whisper between thrusts, my hands holding onto his back.
"Do you want more?" He asked next, the tension in my abdomen growing tighter with each gentle rock of his hips into mine.
"Yes."
Each thrust became deeper, harder and faster. In response to it I wrapped my legs around his waist and my fingernails dug into his back once more, dragging down and leaving scratches in their wake as my body shivered. As my inner walls pulsed and my core coiled so tight I thought I might explode.
"You feel so good, Cress." He whispered before a groan left his throat, and I was so god-damned close that all I could respond with was a whispered 'fuck' under my breath.
"Come all over me, angel."
I screamed as I came undone. As a shot of electricity jolted through my body and made my skin tingle. As I dug my nails into his back even further just to make sure I was leaving a mark on him.
Spencer moaned in my ear as he came with me. As his body shuddered over me. As the breath left his body.
We stayed still for a few seconds, just breathing each others air and allowing ourselves to come down from cloud nine. Just watching each other as we both realised what we'd just done.
I relaxed my hands and removed them from his back before he fell to the side of me onto his back. Having him gone so quickly made me feel like something was missing, like I was only truly whole while he was a part of me.
"I..." He trailed off as he stared at the ceiling and I stared at him, watching as he removed the used condom from himself.
"What?" I asked, slowly rolling my body to face his and propping myself onto my elbow to give me the high ground. To have him looking up to me for once.
"Are you okay?" He asked, and I smiled while letting out a breathy laugh. It was hard to catch my breath, I wouldn't lie, but it was obvious he was having the same issue.
"Yeah, more than okay. You?" I returned the question, and he smiled as he nodded. "I need a 'yes' from you." I said with a smirk, he groaned as he pulled me on top of him.
"Yes." He answered, a hand on the back of my neck as he pulled me down to kiss him slowly. I heard a hum of pleasure from his chest before I pulled away.
"We should probably get cleaned up." I said, he nodded slowly. "I was thinking we could have a quick second-shower..." I told him, his eyebrow furrowed.
"We?" He asked as I sat up on top of him.
"It would save water if we showered together." I told him. "But that is dependent on how much protection you brought with you, since apparently you knew what you wanted from this little road trip of ours." I added as he slowly sat up underneath me.
"I packed a box, just in case, so we should be covered. I didn't expect anything, I was kind of more just hoping..." He said, and I let out a chuckle.
"You and me both." I responded while getting lost in those amber-coloured eyes. "Now, would you like to join me in the shower?"
"Yes."