My head hurts. There's a loud and raspy sound.
As I held the lifeless Haniel in my arms, my vision was bleary from my own tears. I also realized that the thunderous voice was coming from my throat.
It was me. I was screaming from rage and sorrow.
A few seconds ago, it felt like the strings that have been circling my throat finally snapped at once.
Before I knew it, my non-existent voice came out for the first time. Perhaps my curse was broken.
I don't know how. I wasn't even on the right mind to celebrate the recovery of my voice. I was just too devastated by the death of my companion.
"Why, Alistair?" I queried in between sobs. "You shouldn't have done this... How could you break your faith to me? Why did you do it? Just why?!"
Grand Duke Averill had an emotional look on his face. I was appalled by his reaction. How dare he? What right does he have to look woeful right now?
"I never betrayed you." Alistair took a deep breath, as if trying to compose himself. "I did this for you."
My mouth froze. He did this for me? Really?
"It was a necessary sacrifice." His Grace explained further. "Think about it. Even if you two escaped from the tower and hid in the south, how long will you be able to keep running away from Lilith?"
The more he spoke, the more my anger rose.
"The plot will never progress unless the conditions are met. Until they acquire the devil's heart, they would keep hunting you even to the ends of the earth!" Alistair exclaimed as his justification.
No, this can't be happening. Wake me up from this nightmare. This isn't how it's supposed to be at all!
"The only way to protect you is to strike a deal with the devil, which I willingly took the liberty, no matter how much black magic repulses me!"
My face distorted in disbelief. "What? You struck a deal with the devil incarnate? Are you insane?"
I stood up and confronted him face to face.
"I did." Alistair placidly confessed. "We shared an oath. That Lilith won't kill you, under any circumstances, in exchange for the devil's heart."
Grand Duke Averill tilted his head innocently.
"Your brother cooperated, too. He was promised a different reward, I suppose." He glanced over Servan. "Say it. What did the devil offer you?"
"Well, that's..." My brother's face was contrite as he spoke. "She promised to break your curse."
"Thus, you can speak freely now that you have recovered your voice." Alistair pointed out.
My heart sank upon hearing those words.
That's exactly why it hurts so much. For these two to be in cahoots against Haniel... I know that they did it out of love. It's twisted, but love nonetheless.
But I didn't want any part of that twisted love.
Haniel is not merely a friend, but a companion that I envisioned to be with me in the future.
Despite the predicament we found ourselves in, we promised to overcome it together and to stay with each other through thick and thin. He was, in many ways, the source of my comfort and solace.
And they murdered that man in front of my eyes.
On top of that, they laid a trap by using me against him and pushed him to a point where he couldn't do anything to fight fair and square. It was so low.
Haniel Calypso Astana was a man of integrity.
He didn't deserve that kind of death.
"None of you even asked if I wanted any of this."
Both Alistair and Servan flinched at my words.
"Sure, you did it for me... but did you think I'd be happy with an outcome that spawned from betrayal?" My voice trembled from bitterness.
Tears streamed down on my cheeks.
"Both of you never considered my wishes at all." Sobs escaped from my mouth. "You said you did it for me, but you decided all of this on your own!"
"Sister," Servan began crying. "I'm sorry."
"Haniel was the only one who..." My lips parted.
His face suddenly flashed on my mind. The depth of his purple eyes, the little smiles he would often make, the purest stares he always subjects me to.
"Only Haniel cared about what I wanted to do!" I broke down into sobs. "Unlike the two of you, he asked me what I wanted, where I wanted to go!"
It hurts so much. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even get myself to look at his corpse again.
I have never cried so much like this before, even when Princess Himari died, even when I learned of Rumi's horrible end. My heart never burned like this. My chest never felt as heavy as this.
"Why are you being like this?" Alistair queried.
I was stunned by his nonsensical question.
"I knew you would be upset, but I never thought you would be this upset." He heaved out a deep sigh. "I thought you would at least understand."
I stared at him with disbelief. "What?"
"Astana's death was already written in the stars." Grand Duke Averill asserted. "He was someone who's not meant to live long in the first place."
Before I knew it, my palm landed on his cheek.
When I slapped his face, Alistair stayed still.
I clenched my fists. "Don't get arrogant. It's not up to you to decide whoever gets to live and not."
He turned his gaze back to me. "My apologies."
"Your Grace, what in the world happened to you?" I sneered at him. "I can't recognize you anymore. You seem like an entirely different person."
Grand Duke Averill stared intently at me.
"Well, I lost you, and I'm about to lose you again." His voice was calm. "That's why I'm doing this."
I bit my lower lip so hard that it bled.
"I understand that your emotions are heightened, but this is the most optimal choice." Alistair told me then averted his gaze. "What's done is done."
His next words filled my heart with rage.
"Get over it, Isabelle." he stated nonchalantly.
At that moment, a part of me died. It was the part of myself which loved Alistair Kirsten de Averill.
My heart belonged to him all these years. I was comforted by his existence each time I died. He was my sun, the only light in my life. But now, Alistair only causes me pain and heartache.
He's no longer the same man I used to love.
And I'm about to be that kind of person to him, too. I will no longer be the same woman he loves.
"Let me have a final word with my companion."
I turned my back from him then walked towards the lifeless body of Haniel. When there was no movement from the grand duke, I looked at him over my shoulder, my eyes ablaze and bloodshot.
"You've trampled on my heart enough. If you still have even a shred of respect for me, let me bid farewell in peace for the last time, Your Grace."
Alistair breathed a heavy and long sigh.
"Very well. You have an hour." His Grace sternly said. "And you're coming with me to the north."
I stared daggers at him. "Says who?"
"Says me, because there's no point in all of this if I don't take you back with me." Alistair remarked firmly. "Even if I have to chain you, I will do it."
I decided not to waste my own breath on him.
As I laid beside my companion's corpse, Alistair and Servan both left the forest and stayed at the glades. I sat down with Haniel resting on my lap.
The first thing I did was to close his eyes.
Those deep purple eyes that mesmerized me.
"Haniel," My voice cracked. "I'm sorry."
I had so many things that I wanted to tell him, but I started with an apology. I wonder, if he had not met me at all, would his fate have been different?
"This may sound selfish to you, but I'm glad that we met." I whispered to his body. "Thank you for everything. Let's meet in our next lives, Haniel."
My tears fell as I planted a kiss on his forehead.
"I love you."
It wasn't a lie. I wouldn't dare lie to the dead.
That's just how I felt at that moment. I loved him, not in the way he wanted to, but it was love.
It was the kind of love that would make me think of him every time I look at the night skies. It was the kind of love that would make me cry for him every time summer comes and goes after a while.
I loved him, not in the way he wanted to, because Haniel wasn't a greedy person. He would've been contented with a small piece of my heart, but that was not enough. That was not how I loved him.
Because I loved him more than we both knew, so much that I left my heart with him during that fateful summer, frozen in sorrow for eternity.
---
I didn't have much time, so I could only manage to bury Haniel's body on a shallow grave that I dug.
Alistair and Servan are both waiting for me at the glades. Grand Duke Averill gave me an hour. If the time exceeds and I'm still nowhere in sight, they'd probably go back to the spot where they left me.
That means I only have less than an hour to run.
Yes. I'm going to escape, even if it kills me.
The grand duke wants to take me with him to the north, and something tells me that he's going to do everything to bring me there. Unfortunately, I no longer have the desire to stay as his hidden lover.
At this point, I just want to live alone.
Away from all of the main characters of the novel.
However, as if fate doesn't even want me to enjoy the luxury of living, I encountered the last person I would ever want to cross paths at a time like this.
"Oh?" She grinned. "If it isn't our useful bait!"
When that pink hair and crimson eyes appeared before me, I immediately understood my fate.
My third role will soon come to an end, it seems.
---