The loud music and constant chatter of the party overwhelmed Tyler. Looking for an escape, he slunk out the backdoors to the patio, where he hopefully could get some peace and quiet. His roommates Dylan and Chase, who were also his teammates on the Westerland U soccer team, had nagged him to come along, just this once. Most of the time, he preferred to stay behind in their room, where three narrow beds were fit into a tight space, to finally enjoy some solitude in their absence. When finally alone, he could binge Queer Eye on Netflix and dream of being as out and free as those guys, or, which admittedly happened much more frequently, indulge in some gay porn.
College had made everything worse. His hormones seemed to run amok on a daily basis, but there was no release for them since he was also caught in an environment where all signs of anything but macho behavior were looked down upon. Girls and sexual conquests were all the guys in the locker room seemed to talk about and words for men attracted to other men were used as slurs on a daily basis.
Tyler missed Hernan. Because while he had not been out with his best friend yet he'd never felt like he had to be anyone other than himself around him.
Here, he couldn't be himself.
Then, there was the Sebastian Lopes situation, which had increased the volatile pressure level inside Tyler even more. Arriving from Brazil to play for the team, with perfectly tousled shoulder-length curls and a golden tan, Sebastian made Tyler's pulse rise every time he looked his way, which he tried to avoid doing for that very reason. He couldn't show any signs of weakness. If Dylan and Chase ever found out about his leanings, he knew the consequences could be dire.
There had apparently been rumors last year about a player being gay, without any proof, and he'd been abruptly awoken one night to get his head shaved. After that, he'd been ostracized by the whole time until he finally caved and dropped out. The coaches had done nothing to prevent any of this.
Sipping on his Fanta, Tyler took a seat on a sunbed, which overlooked a smooth pool that glistened in turquoise. They had a game the next day and he wasn't going to show up for it with a hangover, even if he was unlikely to play. Dylan and Chase had no such qualms and had been delighted that Tyler, who had been gifted his cousin's old car before leaving for college, could be their ride for the night. That may be the main reason the duo, who weren't brother but could be mistaken as such with their similar unkempt mops of dirty blonde hair and punchable faces, had insisted their third roommate should tag along.
So now, he had to wait for them to be done partying until he could leave, which probably wouldn't be soon, considering that several kegs of beer had just been opened.
Tyler had figured college would be different; freer, considering he would no longer be under his aunt and uncle's roof and depending on them. But being on his own was so much more restrictive, having to fulfill the requirements of college and also fit into the mold of the good-looking jock.
Not even soccer was going well. As a freshman, he wasn't close to the starting line-up and mostly had to carry water bottles and run for stray balls at practice. Luckily, or unluckily perhaps since his current situation wasn't conducive to his mental health, his scholarship would carry over four years, regardless of whether he actually played or not.
Maybe it would get better. Maybe it would get worse.
Frustrated by his lack of options, Tyler threw the empty soda bottle into the pool, watching the surface ripple and droplets cascade over the tiles above. It was momentarily satisfying but as the water once again became still, the dark thoughts returned.
"Not enjoying the party?" the question came from behind Tyler, spoken by a familiar voice with South American flair.
"I-" Tyler turned to face Sebastian, being momentarily rendered mute by how the reflection from the water made his amber eyes dance. "I just needed to get away a bit."
"I get it." Sebastian took a seat beside Tyler. A light spring breeze made his wavy hair rattle in the wind. Tyler wanted to catch it between his fingers but restrained himself like he always did. "I'm not much for parties either. My roommate forced me to go, apparently, I need to get out more."
"Same." Tyler smiled, hoping to see Sebastian's eyes glitter in response. "I'm driving Dumb and Dumber in there more later."
"Ah." Sebastian immediately knew Tyler referred to his good-for-nothing roommates. "Might be a late night for you then. It looked like they had just got the party started when I went out here."
"Maybe they'll pass out from partying too hard," Tyler suggested hopefully because he really wanted to get home to catch a proper amount of sleep before the game tomorrow. If his roommates were completely out of it, he may even be able to watch some porn under the cover of his comforter.
The mixture of Sebastian's smile with lurid images from erotic videos brought a blush to Tyler's cheek. He couldn't think of such things now. He needed to act discreetly. He couldn't reveal his embarrassing crush.
"So..." he started trying to think of something to change the subject. "What do you think of tomorrow's game? You're starting, right?"
Sebastian nodded. His talents on the field were evident and he had easily landed a starting spot on the midfield. "It'll be a tough game," he said. "But I think we can beat them." The Brazilian put a hand on Tyler's shoulder, causing inappropriate jitters to travel down his spine. "I hope you get to play. I've seen you at practice. You're good. You just need to showcase it to the coaches more."
Tyler sighed. "Yeah, I'm just... not like that. I'm not loud and obnoxious." Truthfully, he knew he could be both those things but only among people he was comfortable with. The environment in the soccer team somehow made him shrink and fade into the background, even though he'd never been a wallflower before. There was a certain brutishness expected of him that he just couldn't deliver, and the permeation of such sentiment made spending time with his teammates a less-than-enjoyable experience. He was tired of hearing of boobs and pussies, always described in an exaggerated and probably inaccurate manner, and he was tired of hearing insults thrown in all directions.
"You do seem more well-behaved than most of the other guys," Sebastian agreed, still patting Tyler's shoulder lightly. Was he flirting? Tyler was too inexperienced and confused to be able to read the signal. Going by what he'd seen in those videos he watched late at night, Sebastian was definitely looking for some action, but he suspected those narratives were not an accurate depiction of the real world. "And a lot nicer as well."
"Thanks." Tyler giggled nervously, unsure of how to act. "You too. You're also nice, I mean."
He smiled. Sebastian smiled back. The pool glistened magically. The music from the party formed an atmospheric backdrop. Only the night sky was watching.
Was this a moment? Like one of those Tyler had seen in romantic movies--because he didn't only watch erotic material, it was just a recent preference.
Before his brain could make a logical analysis, his head moved. He turned slightly toward Sebastian, whose hand was still on his shoulder, and then tilted his chin to the side, just like he'd done with Sarah almost a year ago.
When their lips met, it felt right. It was cataclysmic and healing, mending wounds he didn't know he had. It was just lips against lips but it was also something else: an eruption of emotions hidden deep down which now got free space to roam.
It only lasted a few seconds. Perhaps surprised by the attack, Sebastian moved in rhythm with Tyler, making him believe he'd interpreted hints in the right way. But then, he leaned back, giving Tyler a baffled look that hit him right in the heart. "I didn't mean-" he started. "I mean. I'm sorry, Tyler."
Tyler didn't need to hear anything more. His brain caught up with reality and he realized what he'd done. He'd fucked everything up. He'd outed himself to a teammate. And soon, the whole team would know, including Chase and Dylan.
In a frantic state, he jumped up from the sunbed, ignoring Sebastian's pleas for him to stay. He needed to get out of here. He needed to get away from everything. Now.
Running down the driveway of the house where the party was held, Tyler clasped his car keys in his hand. He didn't care that Chase and Dylan were dependent on him for getting him. He didn't care that people would wonder where he went. He only cared about getting away.
As he unlocked the car and turned the key in the ignition, raindrops started to fall on the windshield. Tyler hardly even noticed the smattering droplets while he sped away toward nowhere.
Author's Note: Yeah... this one hurt to write :(