It's been five solid months since my last update, but I want everyone to know that I haven't forgotten my characters at all. Their story means a great deal to me as much as my readers do, but stuff has been eating up most of my time, sadly. With the little chance and motivation I had, I wrote this chapter (so, some parts may seem...well...), and without taking more of your time, I present you Chapter 23❤️✨
• NATHAN •
Open day...I wasn't particularly excited about it. No, maybe I was, or was I? My chest held more weight than it should while my stomach did merry-go-rounds as I tried to understand my feelings.
Still figuring out if I should be in school this morning, I tapped my left foot over and over against the marbled finish of Lola's parlor, waiting for my cousins and aunt to get done with their almost never-ending preparation. I was never late for anything, but today the whole family seemed to be hell bent on ruining what I might call a new experience.
Lifting my left arm, I checked the time...well, fuck.
"Lola, what's going on?" My deep voice broke the quiet of the living area as I was alone, sitting on the nice and comfortable leather sofa. Only if anxiety wasn't tying me down, I would've turn on the flat screen TV staring blankly at me.
"Adelewa is looking for her favorite socks," said Lola as she hopped down the stairs. Sweat stuck her wig to her forehead despite the entire house being fully air-conditioned. As if sensing my eyes on the wig, she peeled it off and dumped it on the coffee table.
"How so?"
"Are you asking me?" My aunt said, now rummaging the room for little pieces of clothing, ones which could easily be replaced.
Unbelieving, I sighed and closed my eyes, slouching into the sofa. Lewa, my fourteen year old cousin—whom I usually regarded as my sister—had many problems, but the number one being she hated not getting what she wanted, how she wanted it. God help me if the socks weren't even in this house anymore.
"What are you doing?" Motherly hands slapped my thighs. "Oya, get up from there and assist in the search."
I jolted. "Wh-why should I? I always tell her to be careful with her stuff, y'know." My share just liked being scatterbrained and careless, since she deluded herself into thinking that boys found it cute. Not this boy here, though.
Aunt Lola had this warning glare in her eyes, the type my mom used in getting my lazy ass to start working. Nigerian mothers... I just knew, when Lola talked about the missing socks, I'd be involved in the search.
"Fine, fine." I dared not heave a loud sigh in this situation.
Ten minutes of peeking under pillows, crawling below tables, and moving sofas away, I stood before the nervously smiling Adelewa who had her complete uniform on, from her school hat down to her favorite socks and shoes. I would've called her cute–much to her liking–if she hadn't stressed the heck out of me this morning.
The most frustrating part of it all was how I found the sock lying directly underneath Lewa's lttle bed. For goodness sakes, she told me she had checked that location already.
"I apologize...sincerely." She pulled a pair of puppy's eyes on me. I rolled mine. Her plea wouldn't have appeased me but for time running out and her little sister hugging my waist.
"Don't be angry at Lewa mama," Ebun pleaded, her small hands wrapped round my body still.
Her soft braids tickled my palm as I patted her little brown head and poked her soft, little nose. "I won't be angry with Adelewa."
My statement brought smiles to the sisters' faces, though Adelewa muttered something about my constant mispronunciation of her name. Right now, I didn't care if the De in her name was pronounced as a dee or a day.
I shrugged, not voicing out my thoughts, and followed them down to the garage where Lola was waiting patiently in her navy blue car. The forgotten anxiety resurfaced as we exited the compound for our destinations. I tried bobbing my head nonchalantly to the gospel music booming from the speakers all for nothing. My stomach loved the discomforting flips it was doing.
"What's on your mind?" Lola asked, her eyes fixated on the road. "You've been acting off since this morning."
"Nothing."
"Shior. Nothing indeed."
She continued driving, seemingly saving her words for another time. I stared out at the young people trying to earn a living for themselves, through the window. My stomach churned some more.
I was foolish enough to think my aunt would let go of the issue until she asked again when the Lagos traffic held us on the spot. "What is it? Is it because Noel isn't present for your open day?"
How can she ask that so freely? With Lewa and Ebun—
I turned to check and relaxed visibly in the passenger seat. Lewa had her ears plugged while Ebun was fast asleep.
"I don't know." I seemed to be doing a lot of slouching this morning.
"You most certainly know," said Lola, like she had mind-reading abilities. "You're never unsure about what you feel and why you feel them."
Not all the time, aunt.
I faced the window once again. "Well, sometimes."
"And this is one of them times, abi?" She pressed on, trying so hard to get the words out of my mouth.
But there's a way just not admitting stuff made them less daunting to me. I'd rather not acknowledge the feeling that's welling in me out loud to anyone. Acknowledging negative feelings made it seem like I was sealing an invisible pact, like I was accepting them, welcoming whatever they'd bring.
"Nathaniel."
"It's just Nathan, aunty Lolade." I groaned. Lola liked figuratively stepping on my toes, calling me names that I wasn't given, trying to make me spill all of my thoughts. We'd gone over this ages ago.
"Oh, what's that I'm hearing? I told you Lola is just fine too. You can't even pronounce it well till now." Well, it ain't like it's entirely my fault. "Can you tell me why that is, Nathan?"
"Lola..."
"Come on. You know I hate seeing you brooding and all."
"I am not brooding."
"Oh, you aren't?" She managed to switch glances between me and the tarred road. "Then the romance novel I read last night described it wrong. You sure have all the qualifications to be called that right now."
My facial muscles eased a bit. I guessed it was because my forty years old aunt still read novels in-between work and taking care of three kids.
"Is that a smile?"
I corrected my mistake that instance. "It's not."
"My bad. I guess I need an eye check."
"Definitely. I know of a certain doctor." My lips slowly formed a smile, Lola's too. And we both ended up laughing for a while, the kind of laugh without a reason, the needed kind of laugh. We stopped at about the same moment, and I was grateful Lola still focused on the road.
"So, will you tell me now?"
Taking advantage of the lessened tension, I pulled at my eyebrows and confessed, "I'm kinda nervous. This," My mouth was at a loss for words. "This whole thing is novel to me. From the parent part to the latter. I don't know how to feel, or if I'm supposed to feel anything at all."
"Are you serious?" My aunt would've stared at me, her almond eyes nearly out of their sockets, however she focused on the car which was trying to overtake her. "Why didn't you tell me this before?"
"I didn't want you worrying about that, Lola. I still don't." I tapped the dashboard using my index and middle fingers. "I can handle my own issues."
"Hmm." She nodded, mirroring my action. "Now, on a scale of ten, how bad is this nervousness?"
"Not as bad as you're reacting to it."
"Wow, I'm overreacting—okay."
"You know I was only kidding." I poked her forearm.
"Your issues can never be too much for me to bear, and you know it." She trained her focus on the road. "I'm always here for you." My aunt took a few seconds to roughen up the hair I spent thirty minutes styling. I cared little about it to whine. Although she might not have known, I heard the words that almost sounded like a whisper. "I have to."
The rest of the drive consisted of afrobeat songs and Lola singing—piercing my eardrums—loudly with Laoye following suit. Although my nerves kept me more reserved than usual, I loosened up and let myself be free with my family till I arrived before the huge, black gates of my school.
_
She was asleep. Her rich brown braids fell over her eyelids, and under the mercy of the sun's tender rays, she looked just like the fictional princess Loaye described to me last summer. Seeing her asleep made me glad that she wouldn't have to see this tired me again.
The sincere concern she had for me the day I had a little fight with my mom remained fresh in my memory. For the first time, someone other than my family saw through the one-way mirror, the facade I put up as a form of protection. And she didn't really know me.
It shook me, left me too stunned I had no better choice than to push her worry away. Because if I told her everything, right from the Genesis, nothing would change. I'd still have things to be upset about, dreams to be worried about, and momentary insecurities that she couldn't help me with. That nobody could help me with.
Taking out my airpods, I sat in my seat, by her side. I didn't have the time to think about how no-one else had arrived. I just wanted to fall asleep peacefully for once, in the absolute quiet of the classroom. Even if it would be for a short while, I needed to shut my problems out and hope I had a dreamless sleep.
That's all I wanted. Yet, I woke up to a familiar set of eyes which held a look quite as familiar to me–concern.
"Hey," her smile faltered as she greeted me, probably because she had watched me. I watched as she fiddled with her fingers, while I struggled to find words.
"Uh...hey?"
"Nathan," No way did she dread her next words than I did. "Are you feeling well?"
Puzzlement was my go-to when people asked me this particular question, feigned puzzlement. I'd pull my brows together, acting like the question wasn't in order when it actually was.
I'd planned to do that with Kaira. Had. Her brown eyes magically got bigger than usual, pulling all of me in like I wasn't just at war with myself seconds ago. Assuming I had the chance to offload the entirety of my burden to another without care, I'd do that right in this moment.
My heart thudding hard and fingers curling in, I formed the worst thing one could possibly call a smile. "I'm okay."
Kaira, whose company I'd come to enjoy, wouldn't have that. But at the same time, she should read the signs I was giving instead of pressing on. "But your breathing was kinda unsteady just now, and I can't not do anything about it."
I forced a laugh, wishing this could lighten the lump that gathered in my throat. "Can't not?"
"Nathan," she grumbled, her little fists hitting her wooden desk. "That's not the issue at hand."
"Then what is?" I asked, coolly like my head wasn't in a huge turmoil. The suppressed anxiety coupled with seeing my dad in rage just now, and knowing that telling her all these scared me tore my insides apart.
Why wasn't anybody coming in? The moment I needed Caleb and his big mouth, Dan's weird talks, and Mara's delusional words, they weren't here to rescue me. I ironically shrunk under her soft gaze of worry, as I always did with the others.
"What's happening with you is."
Having nothing else to do, no more excuses, I brought my attention to my intertwined fingers on my table. I released them and began tracing shapes, lightening the tone of my voice. "The bad dreams? Everyone has them; they're inevitable."
"I don't have them."
Liar.
Knowing I might regret my next words, I said them, half anticipating her reaction...anything to downplay the situation, anything to make this conversation come to an end. "Because you're a fucking angel, Kaira."
I looked at her as she visibly struggled with what to say. If she was offended, she did well in covering it up. "Nathan, I just want you to know if you ever need someone to talk to or just some company, you can count on me."
As Kaira's words washed over me, my eyebrows shot up a little in surprise, and a rush of gratitude warmed my heart. They caught me off guard, filled me with both shock and comfort. Not that I wasn't expecting her to be so caring, but my harshness should've made her say something else.
"It's just a bad dream, Kaira," I said, turning away, "not a nightmare."
For a split second, I thought she would continue in her quest to get the truth out of me, but then her sudden laugh had me staring at her in confusion.
Kaira's laughter continued. Then she stopped and glanced up, biting her lower lip as if to control her embarrassment, looking at me with an obviously made up smile. "This is so embarrassing," she admitted, her voice slightly shaky. "I can't believe I just—"
"It's fine." It isn't. I couldn't tell which I felt: relief that she made no further attempts, or sadness that I just let go of the chance to let her know everything. "This is...it's just between us, so it's okay, yeah?"
"Of course, it's fine." Although her voice was calm, her smile steady, I could tell she was as fine with this as I was.
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Thanks a bunch for reading! And I also thank those who recently voted and added KAIRA to their reading lists😩✨
I really appreciate you all