My eyes fluttered shut early into the morning, the sun had not yet risen in the sky, but the night was slowly dwindling.
The moment that my consciousness began drifting off into oblivion I was once again in the forest, evergreens towering over me along the well beaten path from both sides. The night was eerily still, not a hoot of an owl or the whistle of the wind anywhere nearby. Just like with the night prior I attempted to walk forward but was glued in place by some invisible force. Memories from yesterday replayed and suddenly the same sound of galloping horses echoed through the night. Quicky the same two chestnut-colored horses came speeding down the dirt road, as did the voice of the old man. In the life-like dream everything played out exactly as it had before. My heartbeat raced as I stood frozen to the ground as the two equestrians threatened to trample over top of me, the man continuously called for me to move, like I wouldn't if I could. The only difference was the face that now belonged to the man of whose arms I was in. Upon his head was the same dark colored top hat, the same timely suit, and the same wavy brown hair. The only difference was the face that undeniably belonged to robin.
Abruptly I woke in the late hours of the afternoon, my breath broken up into heaving gasps, my heart pounding uncontrollably from the all too realistic dream. Frantically, I looked around the room, a part of me expecting to see nature surrounding me, instead realization hit that I was still in the same room as I had been in when I fell asleep. The grey walls and never-ending bat decor scattered the one-bedroom apartment from all sides.
Inhaling and exhaling deeply I was finally able to regain control over my shaky breathing. Despite the cool air in the room, I wiped a bead of sweat that threatened to fall from my forehead.
I'm not sure why the reoccurring dream held such an effect over me. Maybe it was because I had never before dreamt about any other man. More than likely it was due to how real it all felt. Usually, I could control my dreams as it was after all, it was a figment of my imagination. That lack of control made me feel helpless, like I was trapped inside my own mind. That was what terrified me the most.
"Just a dream." I whispered, pushing myself up from the couch, walking towards the cold coffee pot in the kitchen in hopes to put the whole thing behind me. Though not once did Robin's face leave my mind.
Going to grab the milk out of the refrigerator, a small note on a pink sticky note caught my eye, taped to the front in Layla's familiar handwriting.
Didn't wanna wake you but meeting with a client at 8a.m.
Having lunch with Jesse.
See you after.
P.S. If you need a ride before that Harvey said to call him. He's just sleeping off his hangover.
I discarded the note, quickly making my coffee, sighing when the warm liquid hit my lips. Again, the events from the night prior, the real-life events, replayed, and I smiled. Especially, once I saw the familiar light blue denim jacket from across the room on the unmade couch where I had been sleeping. I had almost forgot that I had it stuffed under the pillow.
Just then Harvey walked through the door, still wearing his clothes from yesterday plus a pair of red ray-ban sunglasses shielding his eyes. His curly brown hair much like the rest of him, sat disheveled on top of his head. The light shown on him from outside briefly before he walked in, the light causing a auburn tint to color the tips of his curls.
With a low mumble of unintelligible curses, he walked in, quickly shutting the door behind him, doing the same with the curtains of the window that I had just recently opened across the room in the living room. With a huff of annoyance, he plopped himself down on the couch, removing his shades.
"What's wrong?" I asked, grabbing a black mug out of the cupboard, a batman symbol on the center of the cup.
"I don't know what's wrong with me." He grumbled, leaning his head on the back of the couch, resting it on the wall behind.
"Is this about Jaimie?" I questioned, earring another grumble from the other room.
Stirring in the sugar to his otherwise black coffee I peeked out of the corner of my eye to see him rubbing his hands over his face, something he always did when he battled with himself. I'm not sure if it was because of his obvious hangover, or the fact that he thought that the counter that separated the kitchen from the otherwise open living room hid him from view, but either way his internal struggle was noticeably bubbling to the surface.
Walking over with two cups in hand I handed him his cup. He was so caught up in thought that he hadn't even realized I had walked over to him. With a quick 'thanks' he took the steaming cup, downing half of the cup with one large gulp, before putting his attention back into space.
"Did something happen?" I asked, and he shook his head. Silently, I urged him to go on. For someone so keen on listening and helping to mine and Layla's problems he had quite a hard time opening up himself.
"I wish it did." He whispered, now taking an interest in the logo on the outside of his cup, attempting to distract himself with anything that he possibly could.
"Where is he?" I asked, wondering if he had done what he'd done every time since him and Percy parted ways. He was always reluctant to get romantically involved with anybody, and would always push them away once his physical desire was satisfied. The only thing that I didn't really like about him. He was my best friend, but what he had been doing wasn't right. It wasn't him.
It took him a while to answer, and to be honest I didn't think he would. In the years that I have known him there had only been a handful of times where he actually let himself be vulnerable. He was always so caught up with helping Layla and I with our problems. I was starting to wonder if that's how he coped with his, by burying them and preoccupying himself with our needs before his. I was thankful for his support, but it wasn't healthy for him.
"He's asleep at the apartment. That's why I came here." He mumbled.
I couldn't hide the slight surprise on my face. The fact that Harvey hadn't already kicked him out... well that was unheard of.
"I know. I know. I screwed up." He went on, as I just stared at him on the sofa, confused.
"What are you talking about?" I asked, curious to how bad of a hangover he had, because he was beginning to make less and less sense.
"I don't know what's wrong with me." He said again.
"Okay. I need some clarification." I told him. The only response I got was another deep sigh as he once again rubbed his hands over his face.
For quite some time we sat there in silence. I could almost smell the smoke in the air coming off as he thought intensely, debating with himself about something that went far beyond my understanding.
"Just tell me what happened." I urged, but he shook his head.
"You can talk to me you know. I would never judge you." I reminded him.
"I know. I know you wouldn't Jewels. It's just- I don't really understand it myself, so how am I supposed to explain it to you?"
"Try. Just tell me what happened from the beginning. Maybe we can figure it out together." I couldn't even begin to count how many times he had said that very thing to me. He looked over to me in solace, nodding his head in understanding.
"We drove home from the festival, it was just me and him; Layla got a ride from Jesse, and on the ride back to my place we just...talked. I was drunk, and maybe it was because of that, but usually when I drink I'm not like that. I said things... things that I shouldn't have said. I told him things... things that I haven't told anyone since..." By the way that his eyes shifted, his voice trailing off into the distance, I knew that he was talking about Percy. Suddenly how he was acting, what he was saying, it was all making sense.
"This is a good thing though. Right? I mean if you're opening up maybe it means that you're ready to get back out there. Maybe you're ready to move on." I knew that my last sentence struck a chord with him by the look in his eyes, and the twitch of his jaw, but it needed to be said.
"I moved on a long time ago." He lied. The temptation to make a sarcastic remark teased the tip of my tongue, but I pursed my lips, knowing that the unnecessary comment would just shut down his moment of vulnerability.
"He seemed nice." I commented, recalling the way that he would complement Harvey any chance that he could.
"He is. That's part of the problem. It would make everything much easier if he was just a douche."
"So you're saying that your problem with him is that he's too nice?"I chucked.
"No. My problem's not with him." He admitted.
"I just- This is the last thing that I wanted to happen." He went on, leaning his head back, looking up to the ceiling as if the answer would magically appear in thin air.
"You like him. Don't you?" I asked, but it wasn't like I really needed a response to the question. He wouldn't be acting like this if that wasn't the case.
"I don't know." He answered, but we both knew the truth.
"Why don't you go back to the apartment before he wakes up?" I suggested, again he shook his head in dismissal.
"Why not? Isn't it about time you break the cycle? I mean come on you spend one night with a guy and never see him again. What's the harm in seeing someone more than just for that one time?" I could tell that what I was saying was affecting him, but he was my friend and I had to speak the truth otherwise this conversation would be pretty useless.
"I can't. I can't do this again." He responded, obviously referring to what happened with Percy all that time ago.
I knew that he was afraid of giving his all to someone else again, and I've known for a while now that all of these one-night stands were just a coping mechanism, his attempt at preventing himself from getting hurt again. But that lifestyle... it couldn't be making him happy.
"It's just- last night was different. We did all the stuff I usually do with other people, but even that felt different. We danced, we talked about what we liked and didn't. He told me about his time in England and how, for some reason he decided to stay here awhile while he worked. It might be because he's older... I mean he's so much different than the other guys in this crap town. There's just something about him... I can't explain it."
I smiled as he went on, realizing the obvious sign of endearment that surpassed mere lust. The last person that I had ever heard him fawn over was Percy.
"You should give it a try. After all, we only miss the shots we don't take." He cracked a smile, laughing at the statement.
"Did you get that off a hallmark card or something?" He accused.
"I think I saw it on the cover of a magazine or something." I joked as he playfully hit my arm.
"It's been so long, I don't even remember what I'm supposed to do. Besides, what if he doesn't what anything more than what we've already done? I mean it would be just my luck to be into someone that just wanted sex. I guess I would probably deserve that though." He voiced his fears, one foot on the fence of taking the leap forward.
"Just do whatever you think is right. But maybe you could start with going back before he wakes up or before he leaves." I reasoned, getting up, and heading to the door.
"What if he already left?" He asked, following me, looking much more sober than he had when he first walked through the door.
"Then call him." I told him, opening the door, letting him out. I didn't want to kick him out, but I knew Harvey, if he didn't leave now, while his mind was temporarily cleared, then he never would, and would talk himself of even the possibility that he even liked this man in any way other than a physical partner.
He turned around briefly, opening his mouth to voice another unneeded doubt, before I cut him off.
"It'll be okay. Just don't overthink it." He nodded, before taking off back down the stairs and out to his car.
After he left I grabbed my bag in the corner of the room, raiding through the clothes I had purchased just yesterday with the help of Harvey before hopping into the shower.
An hour after I got out, I had tried on every combination of outfit that I could come up with before finally settling on a black and white flannel, grey crop top, black ripped jeans, and leather boots, throwing on my favorite crescent moon shaped necklace. I fixed my hair, my eyes darting from the ticking clock to the wild chocolate brown waves that cascaded down my shoulders.
My mind raced, a twisting feeling in my gut emerged, while my cheeks already tinged with crimson color, just the mere thought of meeting with Robin.
The loud roar of an engine came rumbling towards the outside of the apartment complex when the nervous feeling in my gut increased. With my heat racing I stared into the mirror, attempting to control my breathing and fade the color in my cheeks. With great difficulty I calmed myself, repeating the same sentiment that I had told Harvey only hours ago. "Don't overthink." I repeated, until the words hovered above the anxiousness.
Exiting the bathroom, I quickly grabbed my purse along with the large jean jacket folded on the couch, taking off out the door and down the steps. The blue and white Ford truck instantly came into view as he was parked directly where the steps of the building met the sidewalk and the road.
As soon as he saw me Robin got out of the truck, coming to the passenger side before opening the door for me and helping me up. The small but sweet act was enough to break the control that I had leashed in only moments prior. When he retook his place in the driver's seat, looking over to me, an award-winning smile on his face, I knew that I was done for.
"Ready?" He asked. I nodded, but a part of me understood that I would never be ready for this wild ride, another part of me acknowledging that no matter what I said or thought, there was nothing more that I craved.