~Colin's POV~
I can feel how livid I am. How fucking livid, I am beyond angry, beyond frustrated. NO! No!? Who does Reese think he is employed by? Has he not realized, after nearly five years, that I am not the kind of man that people say no to, least of all his employees?
I step out of the elevator, my jaw tight with frustration and find myself coming to a halt. Ellie MacWan is waiting for the elevator, standing with one of the other interns, one I don't know the name of but I do recognize her from the group that Emery was hired with.
I gaze at her in surprise, and she gazes at me with a deep frown.
"Go ahead," Miss MacWan says to her co-worker, who steps onto the elevator and heads off. The girl turns to me and nods formally "Mr Corrette."
I force an even breath through my teeth to calm myself down. I am not in the state of mind to talk to Emery's roommate, I can feel the need to drink again, my head is throbbing a little. That's probably why I reacted so angrily towards Reese. Well, that and I'm not used to him saying no to me.
"By the way," Miss MacWan continues when I have stayed quiet long enough. "You can stop paying me her rent. I can afford the rent and extra groceries. I can take care of her on my own. We don't need your help."
I feel my eyes harden and my hand tighten into a fist. I can take care of her on my own. She has picked the wrong man to cross. Emery is mine! No she's not. Well, she is not Ellie MacWan's either.
"I can afford to keep it up," I mutter coldly.
"What if I don't want your help?"
"I don't give a fuck what you need," I snarl. "I care about Emery getting what she needs and if paying you a couple thousand dollars a month is what it will take then I will do it. She might have left me, but I still care about her and I will still look out for her, even if it's from a distance."
Ellie blinks a little gazing at me with a small nod. She takes a moment to look me over before frowning a little "have you been drinking, sir?"
I snicker a little "don't question me, Miss MacWan, it's not your job."
Ellie considers me a moment longer before she nods. She steps over to the elevator button and glances at me. "I am taking care of her. She'll be okay, with or without you." Why did I have to make the elevators so fast and efficient? I want her to have to wait longer, I want to be able to defend myself, tell her to go fuck herself that I would still look out for Emery and make sure she had what she needed, but instead, she steps on the elevator and disappears.
Emery freaking Palmer is going to be the death of me even though she is not even near me. How is that possible? Stepping out the front doors I glare at the man standing beside the black town car.
"Nixion?" I growl.
"Yes, sir," the man says with a nod, he opens the back door for me, "it's an honour to meet you, sir."
I get into the car and glare out the window. London better have a scotch prepared for me the moment I step into the house. Fuck Ellie MacWan and how easily she accepted Emery, what happened to her believing Emery was her competition. Fuck her and her ability to look after Emery and her needs at the moment. She'll be okay, with or without you. Fuck her!
When Nixion pulls up at the house, I get out and head inside. "London a scotch," I order as I slam the door, making the house tremble a little. Tossing my jacket at the woman I head up to my room and change into some joggers and a t-shirt. Heading to the fitness room I don't even strap on gloves before I start beating the hell out of a sandbag.
When did I become so fucking pathetic? When did a girl have the power to break me? I can feel it, I can feel how badly my world has tipped on its axis because of her walking away from me. Because she decided to leave and I hate it. I miss her! I miss her smell, her company, and the conversations we had, I miss her smile. I miss how it felt to have her squirm and squeal my name as I made her desperate and needy. I miss her.
When my knuckles are red and painful I gulp down the glass of scotch London left for me, before heading down to the kitchen. "Another," I say to London before glancing at Reese who steps into the house. "Whatever you had to do, I hope it was worth it."
Reese gazes at me, he looks rather uncomfortable under my gaze and I frown.
"What did you have to do?" I ask.
"Sir, I'm sorry but I can't say," Reese repeats.
I frown deeper "you are picking a terrible time to cross me, Reese. You are on thin ice, know that."
"Yes, sir, my deepest apologies, sir," Reese says before he heads for his room.
I glare after him before I head up to my office to do some work... well maybe.
. . . .
I really am broken. Never have I ever skipped a day of work because I didn't feel up to being around people. It's safer if I stay home today anyway, I don't have the strength to keep myself from reacting if I see Ellie MacWan again. Hell if Jay Mills even crossed my path he would be in need of work compensation. I am angry at everyone, at the world, at myself. I'm angry because I am sad, because I feel pain that I have never felt before, for a girl I knew from the beginning would walk away from me eventually.
I knew this was coming! I knew one day Emery would see that I was not good enough for her and run for the hills, why am I so broken because of it?
As I sit in my office at home I squint at my laptop. The words are rather blurry. I can tell that I am slowly sobering up, there is a little bit of pounding behind my eyes and a little bit of nausea races through me.
I slowly get to my unsteady feet and make my way to the kitchen. "London a double."
She hesitates a moment before she nods and pours the drink, placing the glass in front of me. I take it and down it in one burning gulp.
"Another," I say as I clear my voice.
"Sir," she says in disapproval but does as she is told.
I glance at her with a warning glare as I sip my fresh drink. I glance at the door when I hear the doorbell. I frown a little when three minutes has passed and London hasn't made a move to the door. "I guess I will get the door, you and Reese are..." I trail off as I wander over to the door and pull it open. My eyes widen, my heart jumps and I have to take a full minute to actually process the person standing on my step. "E-Emery?"
She is gazing at me in surprise, it looks as though it took a while for her to actually process me too. "Whoa, Ellie was not exaggerating... how many doubles of scotch have you had?"
I frown a little, Miss MacWan told her we spoke yesterday? "What are you doing here?"
"C-can I come in?" Emery asks hesitantly.
Honestly, at that moment I am not even sure if she is actually standing outside and I have to consider her again for a moment. I slowly nod and step back.
Emery steps in and smiles at London. "Hey, thanks," she says as the woman takes her coat. Can you get a glass of water and bring it up to the room for Colin?"
I look at her with a deep frown "what are you? My mother?"
Emery glances at me, clearly not finding the humour in my joke. "No, and that's why I'm going to help you. Because I am actually here to help. I help you Colin, not hurt you." She steps closer to me "come on, Colin, let me help you upstairs. Let me tuck you in. Clearly you need sleep and lots of it."
"It is two in the afternoon," I say.
"Doesn't matter, please."
I hesitate gazing at her in my drunken state for a long time. After a long minute, I finally nod and take her outstretched hand. "It's good to see you," I murmur shakily. This has to be a dream right? I would wake up to find out I had passed out in my desk chair or something, oh well, I would appreciate the dream world for a moment... for the first moment. I've never had a good dream before.
"Yeah? Both of me?" Emery asks with a teasing smile as she guides me up the stairs and into my bedroom.
I snicker a little in amusement at her words as she guides me over to the bed.
"Take off your pants," she encourages as she locks the door, setting the cup London had brought up on the side table.
I gaze at her in amused surprise. "Aren't you going to buy me dinner first?"
She slowly shakes her head in disapproval. It's like I can sense how much effort it took to stop her eyes from rolling.
"You so badly wanted to roll your eyes there," I say with an amused smirk. "You know you can, I shred the contract."
Emery locks eyes with mine and then slowly rolls her eyes.
"Naughty girl," I say, through an amused laugh. I follow her instructions, undoing the belt and buttons on my pants before I let them drop to the floor.
"Shirt," Emery murmurs.
Again, I obey. "You know the last person who bossed me around was Joyce."
Emery gazes at me with a small, unamused laugh. She steps closer to me, "but unlike Mrs. Hendricks, I have no ulterior motives. I just want to help you, because I care about you, Colin. I really care."
I gaze down at her and feel my cold, beaten heart stir at her words. God, I hope this is not a prank, joke or a dream... I don't think I could survive it if this isn't true. I slowly lean down pressing my lips firmly to hers. She pulls away rather quickly and I frown.
"No, not right now, not like this," Emery says looking at me. "I feel like I'm taking advantage, doing that right now."
I laugh in disbelief. "You take advantage of me? I give you full permission, Emery."
She slowly shakes her head. "Lay down, get some sleep. We will talk in the morning." She takes a step back from me.
I quickly catch her arm, gazing at her with a pleading look. "Stay. We don't have to have sex, just lay next to me. Keep the nightmares at bay."
Her gaze warms a little before she nods and smiles a little "okay."
I lay down in the bed and she pulls the blanket over me, tucking me in before she lays down next to me. "Stay," I whisper as I set a hand against her leg reassuring myself that she can't leave without me feeling it.
. . . .
The first thing that I notice when I come to the next morning is how badly my heart is beating behind my ears. It's like my blood is having a drum solo. I grimace why do I not have any curtains? The next thing I notice is that the spot next to me is cold. When did she get up? Did she not stay? God, was last night really a dream? Did it even happen? I grimace as I slowly sit up. I'm in my underwear so either I put myself in bed or Emery really did come by. London would have never undressed me. It was against my rules for her and Reese to see my scars.
I glance at the side table, and can't help but smile a little. There is a small bottle of orange juice and a large bottle of Gatorade with a sign Drink me. Next to the Tylenol and Egg McMuffin is a sign that reads Eat me. I smile and am reminded of the wonderful morning after I slept with Emery for the first time.
I take the pills, swallow down the orange juice in one go and then turn to the Egg McMuffin, taking a bite. I grimace a little at the taste, I have never had one of these or at least not in my adult life and now I remember why.
I take another bite before I give up and return to the wrappings. I don't care how good grease is for healing a hangover, I will take the pain over the terrible taste... I don't know if it actually counts as food.
Slowly getting to my feet, I grab a pair of PJ pants and a t-shirt, slowly making my way down the stairs and to the kitchen. I stop in my tracks when I see Emery sitting at the island. The newspaper opened out in front of her, pencil in hand.
She glances over her shoulder with a small smile, "I hope you don't mind I've completed half of today's crossword for you. And the stocks today are looking alright if I am reading this correctly, but then again, I do not own a multimillion-dollar company so you might want to check it."
I gaze at her in surprise and slowly make my way over to the island. I glance at London for a moment when she places a mug of coffee down in front of me. "I thought last night was a dream."
"You sort of sound disappointed," Emery says with a small tilt of her head.
"Well, it would have been my first good dream," I say with a small shrug. "It would have been nice, having one."
Emery frowns a little before she smiles a little "hopefully the real thing is better."
I slowly nod, I frown a little, glancing at her. "So... I was a cocky ass last night?"
Emery laughs and shrugs "no more than usual."
I smile a little in amusement at her words. The first smile I have felt in ten days. "Great... so?"
Emery turns her gaze to mine a moment before turning down to the paper. She slowly folds it up passing it to me.
I take the paper, gazing at her. "Emery, why are you here?"
She hesitates, looking at her mug. "I-I, wanted to check in with you. See how you are holding up."
I gaze at her with a small frown. "In my experience, when two people break up, they don't see each other. Or check in. No matter how terribly they hear the other one is doing."
"Well, maybe you have been dating the wrong woman," she says with a small teasing edge to her voice.
"Emery, enough jokes. Why are you here?" I ask again.
Emery turns to me, gazing into my eyes. "I-I've had time to think, I-I know I asked you to show me... show me how bad everything could get. I think I realized that I-I could have stuck around and talked through things... I-I just – I got so scared and overwhelmed. What happened, what you did to me, it scared me, Colin. But more than that I realized I could never give you something that you so desperately needed and I..."
I gaze at her, gently touching my hand to her cheek. "Emery, you are everything I could ever want. I-I want, I w-wish I could give that part of me up... I do, more than anything."
Emery gazes at me skeptically.
"Besides, I shouldn't have listened to you. I should have said no. What we did... normally I wouldn't have done until the fourth or fifth week into a Sub's training. Hell, I've only done that to two other women. Women who loved the punishment, who wanted more pain. I rushed it for you because you asked, but I shouldn't have. I knew better, knew you were not ready, perhaps never would be ready for that. I shouldn't have agreed and for that I am sorry."
Emery gazes at me nodding slowly, "Colin... I don't know if I will be able to give that to you, ever."
I gaze at her as I spin her around against the counter, lifting her up to have her sit on the granite. I slowly shake my head "you broke me, when you walked away. That was the moment I realized that I don't need that as much as I need you. When you left me, you broke me more than I have ever been broken before. Hell, if my father had managed to break me the way you did, I would have died."
Emery gazes at me, her eyes swimming with stress and uncertainty. She touches her hand to my cheek, and I surprise myself when I don't flinch or tense up. I like it and nuzzle her palm a little. I've missed her touch, the feeling of her skin against mine. "What happens when I can't go deeper into the darkness, Colin?"
I gaze at her "then you pull me out of it. Emery, I thought I was the one that would awaken something in you, that would change you. But I was wrong. You are the one changing me. From the moment you walked into my life you have started to change me. I've never felt so lost and broken as I did when you left, I have never drank to forget... I guess I didn't this week either but only because no amount of alcohol could erase you, could heal what you took from me."
Emery gazes at me, her eyes softening a little.
"I believe that I wasn't born capable of love, hell, Emery I don't think I was born with a soul. But you give me hope, that maybe I can learn, I can learn to love, maybe I can heal enough to earn a soul," I say, leaning my forehead against hers.
"You are not your father, you're not his crimes, Colin. You're a good man. A man of integrity and unbelievable strength and courage."
I smile at her words, she is still giving me more credit than I deserve. She is everything I want, everything I need, everything that I could ever hope for and in that moment, I realize, I could never spend another day without her. I brush my hand over her cheek, then my thumb over her lips. "Let me spend the rest of my life, proving to you that I am doing my best to be everything you deserve."
Emery gazes at me in confusion, she tilts her head a little in my hand. "W-what are you saying?"
"Marry me," I say, tilting her chin up a little. "Be my wife."
Emery gazes at me in surprise. "Colin... I-I don't know... we just..."
"We just spent ten days apart, and I never want to do it again. They were the worst ten days of my life and that is saying something. I never want to be without you. Marry me, Emery Palmer," I whisper.
Emery gazes at me in shock, her eyes clouding a little with tears. "Yes."
I grin a little, "yes? Say it again."
Emery laughs and a few tears trickle down her cheeks, tears of happiness and shock. "Yes, I'll marry you, Mr. Corrette."
I grin, "Emery Corrette has a very nice ring to it." I barely finish the sentence before I crash my lips to hers, passionately portraying my affection, possessing her mouth again for the first time in a week. Fuck I have missed her. Missed how she tasted, how it felt to have her tongue run against mine. I have missed what it feels like to wrestle her tongue into submission.
I pull away a little gazing into her eyes, smiling brightly "now can you take advantage of me?"
Emery laughs a little, "fuck me, Mr. Corrette."
I growl a little in desperation as I pick her up in my arms, feeling myself grow instantly hard as she wraps her legs around my waist. Fuck I am desperate for her. Desperate to make her remember how desperate she needs me. I don't have enough time to make it to my bed, so instead I carry her to the couch and place her down.
"London, disappear," I order over my shoulder.
"Yes, sir."
Emery laughs a little gazing up at me "you could say please."
"Not enough time," I breathe, I force her shirt up and nip her nipple between my teeth.
She cries out in surprise looking at me. Her eyes were hungry with desperation, with lust, for me.
"I've missed you so much, baby," I breathe as I trail my lips down her clothed breast and force her pants off her at the same time.
"I've missed you," Emery breathes out breathlessly. "Fuck Colin, please, don't tease too much, not right now."
I smirk a little looking up at her "already begging me for it?"
"It's been ten days, my sex monster is very angry," Emery says through a moan as I pull her panties off and kiss her pubic mound.
I laugh kissing her chest as I force my zipper down.
"Wait," Emery mutters looking up at me and closing her thighs.
"What?" I ask gazing at her with a frown and desperate eyes.
"Have you slept with anyone... during? I-I only ask cause if so... could you? Do you have a...?"
I touch my hand to her cheek, "between hating myself and missing you I haven't had much time for anything. Let alone sleeping with some pathetic seconds."
Emery smiles and stretches her legs out, "alright, use me like a plaything."
I shake my head slowly "better yet, let me worship you like you deserve."
"As long as it ends in a gut-clenching and mind-blowing orgasm do whatever you want," Emery says.
"Yes, ma'am," I say with a laugh before dipping my head down between her legs, guiding her leg up over the top of the couch to help stretch her out and give me more room. I dip my tongue between her legs, forcing her open with it. "Already so wet for me, baby?"
"I'm always wet for you, babe," Emery breathes.
Fuck I am not going to last long. The burning I have for her is blinding. I have craved her for ten days, craved her scent, her taste. Never in a million years did I believe that she would come back. No woman I ever slept with had ever come back, but Emery has always been different.
I tap my tongue against her clit before I run it along her slit, exploring her, relearning her, working her.
"Please, Colin," Emery whimpers tugging on my hair.
I let her guide me up, so I press my lips to hers in a passionate kiss. As I push into her, I growl into the kiss, gripping the couch cushion to help steady myself. Thanks to her leg being stretched over the couch she is stretched wide already which allows me to explore her deeper. I growl in desperate lust as I feel her muscles grip my erection, ready and building to milk me for everything I have.
I nip her lower lip and tug it gently as I thrust hard into her, using my knee, I guide her other leg wider, with my hand I guide it up and around my waist.
"Fuck baby," I growl through a lustful rasp.
"C-Colin!" Emery moans loudly, pulling away from the kiss as her head tosses back against the cushion.
I let my head hang over her, watching her expression of desire, her eyes clenching shut, her mouth parting a little with each moan as I thrust into her. Claiming her as mine once again. I can feel my release, the tingling in my abdomen, the burning sensation racing through my body, the clenching of my balls, but I am desperate to hold back, to let our reunion last longer.
I reach down between us and pinch Emery's clit, running it between my fingers.
She squeals out her approval and pushes her hips up against my, bringing her clit deeper into my hand, and angling her depths for me so I could thrust harder and deeper.
"Are you ready to cum for me?" I whisper against her shoulder.
Emery groans out her reply, it's more her body that answers me. I can feel her muscles spasming around me, her body reacting more violently with each thrust. Yes, yes she is teetering on the mountain just like me. And we were going to spiral down it together for the first time in ten days.
It's amazing how much tension I build when I don't have sex for ten days. I grunt through a growl of desperation as I bury myself inside her and begin to release.
Emery cries out in pleasure. As her walls clench around me tightly, milking me for everything I can give her, for the first time of my life I feel my heart speed up and my vision turn blurry. Clearly, I pent myself up far too much as I dive into the darkness, feeling Emery go limp underneath me, as I barely fight gravity to prevent myself from crashing on to her.
. . . .
~Emery's POV~
I breathe a deep breath as I stir, slowly opening my eyes I smile as I take in Colin passed out on top of me, that explains the extra weight on me. I don't mind it, I like it. I know it has only been ten days but to me it felt like a lifetime. A lifetime without the man, without his presence, I have missed him. I didn't realize how much until I saw him.
I shift a little so I can pull my arm free from the mountain of man that is lying on top of me. I gently move my hand to his hair, playing with it. He shifts a little on me but doesn't wake.
When Ellie came home to tell me that she had seen Colin, that he looked broken and smelt strongly of booze I had felt so... sad. Reese had described him as broken, but I didn't really believe it until Ellie confirmed it.
When Colin opened the door yesterday, I was left stunned, his dark circles around his bloodshot eyes. His inability to focus on one spot for more than a few seconds, the strong smell of scotch. Had other people realized how broken he was? Had his executives realized that he had been going to work drunk, could that get him in trouble? I hope not, Colin held it together no matter what, the one time he slid off the rails a little and let the pain he felt out, he shouldn't be penalized for that.
I smile and raise my head off the couch so I can breathe in his scent. The cedar and citrus, the scotch, the mint, him. He's mine... I'm engaged to him! Sure, there was no ring, but he had asked me, and I had said yes. He had asked me without even knowing my little secret.
That had been what I wanted. It had been my goal yesterday, to come over, mend the relationship, talk through the complicated parts, and heal before I told him. I wanted to get back together because we care about each other... because we love each other not because of the baby.
I grimace a little as Colin nuzzles my breast in his sleep. God, they were sensitive. When he nipped them, I had to physically bite my tongue to not tell him to watch it. But I didn't want to seem too different, yet. I wasn't ready to tell him, not just yet. I wanted to let our relationship settle before I added that complicated part. I shift a little, hoping Colin would wake up soon, I needed the bathroom, I have to go nearly every hour these days. This kid better be incredibly cute.
I turn my gaze to Colin, examining his peaceful face. He already looks better, some sleep and a day without a scotch has done him wonders. His face is back to the handsome, manly face that I love so much. There are no more bags around his eyes, his eyes are not bloodshot or swollen. His knuckles are swollen and brusied... he must have been boxing a lot these past few days. I love watching him sleep, he is so peaceful... When he is awake, he doesn't act like someone who is twenty-nine, he rarely even looks like he is. The beard he that is covering his face right now doesn't help make him look his age. But when he sleeps it's like he becomes youthful again. Like the pain and the years melt away.
Of course, our baby will be cute, any baby that Colin makes will be incredibly cute. He has incredible genes, well... except the ones he got from his father. But even his eyes... his eyes are amazing.
Colin shifts a little on top of me as his eyes flutter.
"Morning," I whisper.
Colin turns his gaze up to me and slowly lifts himself up, "sorry am I squishing you?"
"No, having you lying on top of me is nice. It makes me feel safe," I murmur gazing up at him.
He smiles a little and leans down to press a warm, affectionate kiss to my lips. When he pulls away, I brush my thumb over his lips. "How does a girl get this lucky? How do I get to call you, my fiancé?"
"I am the lucky one," Colin insists. "Incredibly lucky." He pauses a moment before he adds "so, you aren't feeling any regret?"
"No. Definitely not. I know our relationship is complicated, but I know I love you and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you and that is enough," I say. "Everything else we can sort out."
Colin nods slowly.
I brush my finger down his cheek "what are your nightmares about?"
Colin frowns a little gazing down at me, he hesitates a moment. "I don't want to tell you exactly what they are about, you'll hate me."
I frown a little "Colin what can you possibly tell me that will make me hate you now?"
"I helped him," Colin finally says, his tone turning to one of disgust.
"What?" I ask in confusion.
"He used to make me lure women to him," Colin says.
I gaze at him in surprise and horror, letting his words sink into me.
Colin stares off into the distance like he is reliving some dark and terrible memories. "I was an innocent kid, a perfect weapon. When I was little it was incredibly easy, all I had to do was walk up to a woman, tell them I was lost and then I would guide them to the emergency exit where he would be waiting for them. He would put his hand over their mouth and tell them that he would kill them or me, or someone close to them if they dare screamed. If he was in the mood to wait, he would take them to the car, stick them in the trunk and drive to the house. The walls there where thin... paper thin it seemed and I would crank the TV loud, so I didn't hear what was going on, didn't hear the screams. But if he was feeling more like the monster he was, he would fuck her in the back of the car, while I stood outside it or sat in the front seat."
I gaze at Colin with my mouth a little open in disbelief. Satan that was who his father was. How terrible was it to sit in the car while your father raped women or sit in the same house, hearing the screams and the cries of the pain his father inflicted. "Oh my God Colin, I'm so sorry."
Colin turns his gaze to me, shakes his head and sighs heavily "he would reward me when I did a good job. Buy me anything I wanted, and when I failed or refused, he would beat me. For the first couple years, I didn't really grasp what he was doing... I mean I did but not fully, so I just did it. I liked the rewards he would give me, I had cool clothes, a skateboard, anything I could ask for. But when I turned like eight, I started to realize what I was doing, and I refused and would just take the beatings. But then he found out about my sister and brought her to live with us, then I had no choice. He would threaten to beat her if I refused, I couldn't make her take the beatings because I refused so I started doing it again."
I gaze at him sadly brushing his cheek with my thumb "where is she now? Your sister?"
Colin flinches a little at the question and slowly sits up.
"Colin?" I ask gently.
"She's dead," Colin whispers. He glances at me "she died in foster care while I was in juvie."
I gaze at him in shock and sadness. Sitting up I kiss his shoulder gently "I'm so sorry."
Colin breathes a heavy sigh and shakes his head "let's talk about anything else. How was your week at work?"
I shrug gazing at him "fine. I mean the rumours about us are all over the place but I have found it's pretty easy to ignore them thanks to my cozy office."
Colin smirks a little and touches his hand to my cheek. "Good. I'm glad the office is coming in handy."