" You can't follow your heart when it is more confused than your head."
I've never felt so fucking vulnerable in my entire life. Not once had anyone had this much control over me, and I fucking hated it.
This warmth in my chest was something so foreign that I was a little skeptical as to if it was normal at first. Love. Damn the word that meant such little to me before Harry. I was so sure, so fucking sure that there was no such thing. That it was all make believe and that no matter what you did, it would never last.
The thought of love, and actually being in love are two completely different things once you are able to experience both. Nothing feels wrong when you're in love. Everything is nothing but optimism, and happiness. It's pure, and enlightening. It's what most people spend their whole life's trying to find. And after admitting to myself that I was indeed in love, I realized how essential it was.
Before it all though, the only view of love I had ever been able to witness was one that fell apart without so much as a goodbye. It was selfish, it was greedy. It wasn't love, but I can't get that preconception out of my head. It's like someone saying that everything you have ever learned was all wrong, and that there was a whole entirely different way to it.
Nonetheless, my brain was at war with my heart. The two obviously not on the same page with where I wanted to be, and it inly left me more confused than anything.
The bell ringing brought me out of my daze as I stared at the end of my pencil, tapping the end on the edge of my notebook. Everyone shuffled out of class, and headed to the hall to get to their next class. Being in the last of the crowd, I make it into the hallway and to my locker. Not that I ever really use it as it is more a distraction- a normality.
My fingers aimlessly turn the dial and unlock my locker as people walk past me with haste, and honestly only pisses me off. What can I say, I hate most people.
My mind drifting off into thought, and just pure daze. That is until someone places the body onto the locker next to mine. I start to feel giddy as I expect it to be Harry. Just imagining his curly locks placed upon his head, and his boyish grin aimed at me.
I am soon disappointed though as I turn to find Brett. His black hair now gelled, and resembled that of a tar pit. The smile on my face quickly disappeared before I moved my gaze back to my locker, occupying myself. Anything to distract from a conversation with him.
"Awe, is little Stellz ignoring me now?" He cooed in such a way that I immediately wanted to vomit. He was literal scum.
"What the fuck do you want Brett?" I asked annoyed, and frustrated. I wanted nothing more than for him to leave me alone. And I certainly didn't want Harry to pass by, and witness any part of this conversation.
"I saw you at prom, babe. Instant hard-on just from looking at you." I shook my head at his comment. I would normally feel such gratification from comments like those, but coming from someone, anyone, other than Harry was instantly sickening. His arm now placed across the opening of my locker, stopping me from ignoring him further. "I didn't get a chance to shag your brains out though, you were quite occupied with fucking saint Styles all night."
I instantly grew defensive of Harry, especially when someone who resembled that of human garbage as much as Brett did. "Shut the fuck up Brett, and leave me the fuck alone." I spat, turning in his direction. The scowl on my face was so deep, I could feel the wrinkles forming.
His face turned to that of an evil smirk, his hand harshly gripping my upper bicep. I softly hissed in pain as his pulled me closer to him before speaking. "Seems you're quite fond of this little boy-toy of yours hm? I suppose him and I could exchange some notes on how killer you are in bed. I'm sure he would love to hear about how I would fuck you no more than six months ago. Or how not even a month ago you blew me in the girl's bathroom right over there." He nodded toward the bathroom behind him. "I can just tell from the fucking look on your face that you don't want that to happen, now do you Stella?"
I drew in a shaky breath as the thought of Harry finding out about what I did with Brett terrified me. Not only because of the way Harry would be hurt by it, but that he would more than likely end "us", and that alone brought me on the verge of tears. Fuck being vulnerable.
"You're really going to fucking blackmail me?" I scolded through gritted teeth. "And here I thought you couldn't get any more pathetic."
"You really should watch that pretty little mouth. I certainly can find other ways for you to occupy it." My body physically shudders as he eyes my body up and down.
"What I did with you was a mistake. I'm not one to regret much Brett, but I can assure you that you were definitely my biggest one." I spoke as I clenched my jaw, closing my eyes.
"I feel so honored, babe." He spoke bringing his hand to his chest, releasing my arm. "Don't worry though, I won't tell him. I've come up with an ultimatum though." His eyes peering over my shoulder as someone must have gained his attention.
"Your little lover's on his way, but I'll be sure to get the information to you." He spoke, a sly smirk on his face before slipping away into the slew of crowded teens. My mind was reeling with anxiety, and just pure fear. Brett was so fucking close to ruining the one thing that actually meant anything to me.
This is all your fault, not his, my mind reminds me. I can't believe I always manage to fuck up the good in my life.
A hand on my shoulder pulls me out of my own self-destructive thoughts. My eyes wide, and filled with racing thoughts. I soften once I realize it was Harry. His eyebrows furrowed though at my appearance, and glanced down the hall before looking back at me.
"You okay? You look like you just saw a ghost. Did that guy say something to you?" He asked, so concerned. I wanted to vomit.
"Yeah, no I'm fine. I just really hate everyone here." I shook my head, finally shutting my locker before turning fully towards Harry.
A chuckle left his pink lips, his dimple as deep as ever. "I would hope you didn't hate me though."
I smiled up at him before moving closer. I shook my head replying, "I could never hate you. You are the exception to my worldly hatred."
He smiled before leaning down and softly pecking my lips. The hallway was mostly empty as the bell was soon to ring. We pulled away, smiles still etched on our faces as our eyes connected.
He grabbed my hand and we walked along to chemistry, the rest of the people in the hall doing the same by going to their classes.
My head was still far from being content though. Whatever ultimatum Brett had wasn't going to be one of my liking- that was for sure. But I can't have him threatening to tell Harry about the fuck up I had when I was too afraid to admit my own feelings to myself.
Damn, I really fucked up.
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hellloo my babes :)
so i made up for the short ass chapter last update for writing a 1300+ chapter for yall! (not a whole lot but still love me ok)
i am actually really happy with this chapter, it was really fun to write
haha, my ass is numb i've been sitting on my floor for hours now writing (and getting distracted)
okay real quick I wanna give zarryjawline a shout out because she just started a new fic & it's honestly gonna be cool asf! It's like a badass harry fic & it's actually really unique from other badass stories! I's called 'Facade' so make sure you check it out!
okie q's from last chappie:))))))
What do you think about while writing?
while writing, idk, i want my story to be really unique and different so I try to write things that I would want to read. I really do love writing for stella though because shes like that inner sex goddess inside of me who actually has confidence lol, but her demeanor and her inner battles are my favorite to write with.... idek if that answered your question.. wow that was lengthy i apologize.
Where are you from? Not being creepy or anything lol just curious. I'm from NZ
-lol, not creepy at all haha. I live in Texas
okie dokie then my loves. brace yourselves for these next few chapters. i mean, i might even end up hating myself for them.
okay that is all.
i love you so much, and talk 2 me if u want i'm only kinda lame!!!
highlight here w a q if u have one lmao idk
What's your guys' favorite movie? I can never really answer this with just one... :/
until next time
juliaxx