Theodore Nott had been three years old when he learned his mother was dead.
At this age a sighting of a wealthy pureblood mother with their child was a rarity. He hardly saw his father. He had assumed his mother was the woman with the crinkly eyes and the communicative hands.
Mother, he signed to her, in greeting. He had learnt the sign himself, he stood in his quarters. There were few toys. There was a carpet Theo quite liked. It was lined with gold.
Who he had assumed to be his mother shook her head, she walked in quite slowly, avoiding the small pink flower patterns on the carpet Theo was most fond of. Theo frowned at how she had not removed her shoes. His mind swiftly preoccupied with how to communicate to the elves that it needed cleaning.
He looked down at the carpet, flinching in shock when he felt a hand on his cheek, he could not understand how quickly she had reached him.
I am your grandmother not your mother. She signed, he furrowed his eyebrows, confused.
Then who is? He signed. Blaise had a mother. Draco had a mother. Theo assumed his was on vacation. Or perhaps employed.
She extended a hand for him to take. He shook his head. If she took his hand he could not speak. She allowed him to follow her out of his quarters, to the stairs.
Theo had never been allowed to climb the stone steps. It was deemed to dangerous by his old nanny elf. He glanced up at her, and took her hand when it was offered. Anything to avoid being picked up.
The steps were terrifying. He did not like being touched. Theo grew afraid by the fourth and had to collect himself. He could feel the shoe tapping on the stone beside him as he decided to press onward, stepping up one at a time.
He reached the top, and took his hand back quickly. I did not enjoy that. He signed, I don't like you very much anymore. I had hoped you were my mother but now I hope you are going to buy my affections back because that is the only way I will ever look at you again.
Theo shut his eyes matter of factly. She tapped on his shoulder.
I will bring you to see a mime. His grandmother signed.
Now?
After I show you your mother.
I would prefer the mime.
His grandmother smiled. It was a sad smile. Her eyes crinkled at the corners. He looked like his older brother. She hadn't the time to miss him. Cordelia Nott was far too preoccupied becoming fluent in sign language to avoid the need for anymore runes on the soft skin of her youngest grandson.
The young Nott heir was incredibly intelligent. She had him explain himself in sign language about every opinion he ever expressed.
Theodore Nott was an incredibly peculiar and particular child. He preferred odd days to even ones. Mondays. Wednesdays. Fridays. Sundays. There was an even number of odd days. He enjoyed the irony. He did not know what irony was but he was certain he would grow into a fondness for it.
He enjoyed lining up his books. He enjoyed choosing flowers from the gardens to press in the heavy novels he could not understand yet.
You are my grandmother he signed, she nodded,
I am your mother's mother.
Where is she?
His grandmother pointed to a painting on the wall. It was a portrait of a young woman in a wedding dress. She was really quite young. Her skin porcelain smooth. Her eyes framed with heavy dark lashes. Like his. Theo looked up at his grandmother and then back at the painting.
Can I meet her? He signed, his grandmother shook her head. Theo shifted on his feet, not accustomed to not getting what he wanted. He was so small. Why not?
She is gone, T H E O
Tell her to come back.
I tried. I failed. Signed his grandmother, it would be another three years before Theo learnt of his brother and five years before Theo realized his mother had killed both her son and herself.
She had taken the life of her son after the realization of what Feodore intended to do to him. She knew she could not save him. Instead she made it painless. Her son slipped into the afterlife peacefully.
She killed herself a week later. Unable to live with the pain. Theo, six months old at the time, had been crying in the next room. He always blamed his father. His father had killed them.
I'm sure you did your best, grandmother Theo signed, unsure why his eyes felt too full and his throat felt constricted. I need a moment. Three year old Theodore Nott sat down on the ground. He disliked feeling. He disliked feeling completely.
He looked up at his grandmother, unsure why it was raining from his eyes. He put a hand to his chest, and shook his head, he did not understand why it felt tight. Or why Blaise had a mother, and Draco had a mother but he did not.
He hardly knew his father. He did not want to know his father. He was old. And found him odd.
His grandmother was not physically affectionate. She stood, observing the young Nott heir as he searched for the words to explain the feeling in his chest.
She worried about him. She was old. Theo was young. Barely beyond infancy. She worried he would be alone. When she fell ill the worry worsened.
He had Blaise.
Her worries were eased by a handkerchief Theo showed her when he was around thirteen years old. Maybe fourteen. She was older now, she payed little attention to his age. She refused to. He would grow without her. He had received the handkerchief for Christmas.
Cordelia liked seeing her grandson's dimples. He was sitting in the seat by her bed. She picked up her cane propped up at her bedside and tapped the ground to get his attention, he schooled his features,
What's her name? She signed, The girl who sent the flowers. And the handkerchief,
She did not send the flowers. Her grandmother did.
The handkerchief had not left his hand for longer than thirty seconds. It rested on his lap as he signed to her.
I don't want to talk about her. Theo signed, red spotting his cheeks, she is very inconsiderate.
Cordelia glanced at the beautiful bouquet. Then at the hand-embroidered handkerchief. She arched an eyebrow. Her grandson was not overly fond of people. He disdained evidence of people cluttering his life.
She could see the card on the table. The one accompanying the flowers.
For the famous Theo Nott it read in lovely cursive writing.
Cordelia looked at him again.
You are famous, my boy, she signed, the red spread on his cheeks, and he shifted in his seat. He touched the handkerchief again. She likes you.
She is very inconsiderate.
Why do you say that?
Theo's face was blank, he struggled to find the words to describe her. I wanted to walk her back to the castle. And she remained with the H I P P O G R I F F. And I waited. She was drawing the bird instead.
How dare she. Cordelia signed. Theo nodded in agreement, she suddenly had the impression this was something he seldom confided in anyone. Did you ask her to walk back with you?
No. But She is in R A V E N C L A W, she should have been capable of figuring it out, and the colours hardly suit her. It irritates me. And she steals. She steals magical creatures. She stole an I G U A N A, from the dark lord- what if he comes back to take her away? It will be terribly inconvenient for me when he does. Theo ranted, he seemed flummoxed and quite cross with the poor girl for making him feel something.
What colours would suit her?
Pink. Gold. They should invent a new house for her. Theo thought for a moment, Although if she were in Slytherin it would make my life much easier.
How so?
She could inconvenience me at a nearer distance. He signed as though it were the most evident thing in the world.
Theo had very often wished Maddie could be in his house and not the furthest one from him.
Why would you want to be inconvenienced? Cordelia signed, Theo's cheeks burned. She knew better than to inform him of it.
She is lovely. Was all he decided to sign. He felt it was all he needed to.
He looked down at the handkerchief again and picked it up. Maddie had made this herself. She barely knew him. He glanced at the flowers. Maddie was kind. She was good.
Not in the smug way Gryffindors announced as they reasoned why they won everything. In a way that never was announced. Or insisted upon. Because it needn't be.
Maddie liked daisies. Her fondness was contagious. The contagion complimented by impeccable taste.
The fabric of the handkerchief was well chosen. Not silk to be too cold or too obvious. Theo was unsure what it was but the thread count was very high. It was a sage green. The fabric was charmed to clean itself after one shake. Ingenious.
No one had ever made anything for Theo before. Everything was purchased. Theo touched his initials on the handkerchief. She must have had to ask after his middle name. Invested time in this. In him.
Theo did not understand why Maddie chose him. He did not know what made him special in her eyes. He did not understand why she would want anything to do with him.
However, he rejected the notion of her wanting anyone other than him harshly.
She is lovely. He signed once more. His grandmother nodded. Do you think the dark lord will come for her for stealing his I G U A N A?
I'm sure he has more important things on his mind, my boy, Cordelia signed, how is B L A I S E,
Number six just died. He's with his mother. He liked this one. He understood his affinity for purple. Although I always thought he was better suited to a richer violet colour.
Cordelia eyed the handkerchief Theo was now deliberating on how to fold. The lovely inconsiderate, inconvenient, thief who had made it had impeccable taste.
Cordelia shut her eyes and exhaled, Theo was very capable of taking care of himself, so adept at caring that his skill extended to those closest to him. Cordelia hoped the girl with exceptional taste and a fondness for daisies knew what she was getting herself into.
"Grandmother," Theo said aloud, noting her shut eyes, she opened them, do you need to rest? Are you alright?
I am fine. Simply tired.
Can I stay? Theo requested, I can have tea prepared by the time you wake.
That would be lovely, thank you, T H E O,
Theo nodded, tucking the handkerchief in his pocket.
Theo would carry that handkerchief for a year. He tossed it carelessly into the trunk at the base of his bed after returning home for Christmas, attempting and failing to loathe Madelena Noceda for accompanying someone, anyone else to the Yule Ball while he was forced to return home to his father.
Theo found it again two years later.
He was exhausted laying on the floor of his bedroom, failing to remove the dark mark from his skin, becoming increasingly frustrated. He had begun summoning objects at random to remind himself he was a capable wizard and not an utter failure.
The sage green handkerchief fluttered to him, caught in the cover of his first copy of Don Quixote. He touched it delicately.
Maddie. Oh, Madelena. His darling. She loved him. He loved her. He should read her letters. Her birthday had passed. Guilt gripped him.
She had sent him a howler. He had allowed it to explode. Theo admired his initials on the soft fabric, a fluttering feeling of pink and gold filling him entirely.
Theo did not wish to return to her a failure. Maddie would already be cross with him for not reading her letters. He did not wish to be cross with himself.
Madelena Noceda. He enjoyed the inconvenience she caused to his life.
Theo liked rushing from his arithmancy class to meet her after History of Magic. He liked taking her bag off of her shoulder and carrying it for her. He liked spending an additional fifteen minutes in Hogsmeade because Maddie enjoyed lingering in the shops and he did not wish for her to go without holding his hand on the way back to the castle. He was very fond of the inconvenience of her existence.
He should read her letters.
Theo was not exceptionally gifted at taking care of Maddie's heart. No matter how much he prided himself on it.
He had left her sobbing on the cold stone floor. Theo had killed someone selected in consequence to her. He should have stayed.
He wrote her letters, enjoying the ease of the written word a great deal more than he ever enjoyed speaking. Love letters.
He wouldn't blame her for burning them now.
Theo was the architect of his own heartbreak. He could see it now. Maddie vulnerable. Theo absent. A vulture would strike at any instant to pick at her remnants.
Theo lifted his arm to gaze upon the stubborn mark etched onto his skin. The vile drawing writhing on his forearm, taunting him, he lifted Maddie's handkerchief to his arm, wondering if somehow love was the answer.
Theo shook his head. Foolish. A fool's wish.
Theo thought about the girl foolishly in love with him. He admired the golden Daisy he kept pinned to the cuff of his shirt. Blaise had liked it. And Blaise was very picky about jewelry.
Theo missed Blaise.
Theo missed Maddie.
Maddie missed Theo.
He was certain of everything. Maddie was never certain of anything. He was so sure of who he was in a way Maddie envied entirely.
She had not even been certain Theo had left her. She thought it a trick of the light. His letters- hallucinations. Perhaps he had decided to hibernate. Perhaps their entire relationship and their last exchange was a delusion she had invented for herself to improve her art.
She painted obsessively after her parents had passed away. Painting her mother obsessively until she forgot she had passed and had to be reminded. When she was eight she and Carlos held a funeral for a butterfly. She decorated an entire wall of her room with butterfly cutouts attributed to the memory. She enchanted them years later to flutter.
Carlos was much more accepting of an ending.
Carlos had noticed Theo had missed their birthday and had proclaimed Theodore Nott's banishment (unless he resurfaced with a note from a Latin healer) (Carlos does not trust the British ones) (he got sick after accepting a lollipop from st Mungo's aged nine) (he wont eat anything unless Maddie does first) (he trusts her intuition (she did not take the lollipop))
"Lena," he said, taking his birthday blunt from her and inhaling deeply, "Telenovela," Ernie Macmillan had rolled it for him, best in their year.
"Que?"
"Is solution to your problem," Carlos said, "you and I we go on a telenovela, there is guitar in the background- they love, twin plot lines, and we are trained singers, and we make lots of the money and we move away from this cold cold no sun place,"
He returned the blunt to her, Maddie observed the swarm of people in the hazy lighting moving to the pulse of the party.
"Where would we go?" Maddie asked,
"Somewhere warm." Carlos replied, "and we don't tell the boy with tortured soul,"
"Carlos-"
"It must be tortured, Lena, it must, how else can you explain him?" Carlos said,
"Oye, I don't want to explain him," Maddie informed him, Carlos nodded unconvinced,
"Que Linda, que guapa,"
"What?"
"You are so pretty when you lie," Carlos said, she blew smoke in his face, he took the blunt from her and pushed him, "oye, I'm delicate,"
"I don't want to talk about him," said Maddie swatting at Carlos, he caught her wrist,
"Nice ring."
"Sì? Sì?" He nodded, she flipped him off, Carlos laughed, "I like your shoes,"
"They're new I-"
"You think you can run in those?" Maddie asked, he stepped an arm's length away from her. Maddie had sharp nails tonight. He missed when she was dating Lavender- she was not as happy but her nails had been far shorter and blunter.
"Ja! They are gonna love us on the telenovela," Carlos exclaimed, leaning against the wall, "we should ask for mushroom oms next year," he sighed, "I feel I'd be enhanced by hallucinations. Maybe I am a hallucination,"
Maddie poked his cheek, he scowled disappointed,
"You know what we should do?"
"What?"
"Granger,"
"My nails are too long right now,"
"She's got this cat,"
"Oh,"
"We should liberate it, sí?"
"Ah dios mio, Carlos," Maddie breathed, "you scare me,"
Potter liked Maddie's top. She was on the other side of the room, she and her brother were between the Patil twins. A glittering butterfly was splashed across her chest, thin straps holding it in place over a too short skirt. She had a tattoo on the side of her ribcage.
The pulse of the party made his head fuzzy and he couldn't quite recall if he had seen Theodore Nott outside of History of Magic to pick Maddie up.
He finished his drink,
Theodore Nott was most certainly not at this party. He was somewhere else. And Maddie needed someone, she needed someone who was here.
Especially with this song playing, especially in that top, especially out of that top,
He wove through the crowd at the heart of the common room briskly until he was just before her,
"Happy birthday," he said, directed at them as a pair but spoken to Maddie,
"Gracias, Potter," Maddie said,
"Do you want a hit?" Asked Carlos,
"I didn't know you smoked," Harry said,
"We don't smoke," Maddie said, "is illegal, and wrong," smoke plumed from between her lips.
"Honestly Potter, Lena, and I have never tampered with the substances," Carlos said as Harry took the blunt and inhaled, coughing it out, Carlos laughed,
Ernie liked to jinx his blunts to embarrass gryffindors.
"Sorry," coughed Harry, his eyes flickered over Maddie, he couldn't help it. In all fairness, no one could. If Theo saw her he would blindfold everyone else in the room so the privilege of beholding her would be exclusively his.
If Theo were here Maddie would be with him. What if he was here? What if he was in the castle somewhere? Perhaps he was looking for her.
"Can I see your map?" Maddie asked,
"In my dorm?"
Maddie nodded,
"Thomas has the room right now but-"
"Potter, I saw Weasley drunkenly spinning somewhere vague and nondescript," said Blaise, a hand on Harry's shoulder, stepping between he and Maddie,
"Spinning?"
"Like a top."
"Can we watch?" Maddie asked, her eyes slightly red, her look slightly dazed, and her smile slightly wicked,
"Where?"
"Corridor."
"Which corridor," asked Carlos, also wishing to watch, "One with few windows I assume,"
"Is nighttime, Carlos, no sun exposure, he could be anywhere," Maddie whispered,
"A dios mio,"
"Have mercy on us, Santa Selena," Maddie said, Carlos signed the cross, "let it be on a cliff,"
Blaise eyed the blunt in Potter's hand.
"The man is capable of movement, Potter, I'm not sure how much a description will help you. Go on," Blaise said,
"No."
"No?" Asked Blaise, he arched an eyebrow,
Maddie nudged Carlos and pointed to it,
"Mira, Carlos,"
"A dios mio, Lena,"
"Why?" Asked Blaise, Harry looked at Maddie, "go find Weasley. Now." He took the blunt and put it out, Carlos gasped,
"You had no right-"
Blaise silenced him with a single glance, Carlos crossed one leg over the other and fixed his hair,
Maddie hit him,
"No puedo evitar cómo Mi hace sentir," Carlos muttered,
"Yo tengo una serpiente y tú tienes una serpiente-" Maddie said accusingly, "coincidencia?"
"Noceda. Do you want me to go?" Harry asked, looking at Maddie,
"If Weasley is spinning somewhere maybe you have to." Carlos answered, pushing Harry away and putting himself between Potter and Zabini, "so," he said to Blaise, "do you come here often?"
"Maddie," Harry said,
"Noceda, control your brother," Blaise said, "Potter, please leave."
"I haven't got a brother," said Carlos, "you also haven't got a brother- we have so much in common, Zabini, we should talk about it,"
"You are high," Blaise said,
"No. He is Carlos." Maddie replied, someone had brought a bubble machine she was enamored with it, slipping between Blaise and Carlos to reach it,
"You'll remember it tomorrow I promise," Carlos said,
Maddie wove through the crowd towards the source of the lovely bubbles, Blaise caught her wrist, and pulled her harshly towards the door.
Maddie stumbled after him, taken aback by the force of it, he sent her through the portrait hole and into the cold hall, Maddie turned to him as the portrait swung shut behind him,
"Where the fuck is Theo?" Blaise asked her, Maddie stumbled backward, he caught her before she could fall downstairs,
"I-"
"He's been gone for weeks, and, and- did his father summon him home?" Blaise asked,
"I-"
"And why, why, are you entertaining Potter?"
"Blaise-"
"I know he's uncommunicative or whatever the fuck you want to call it, but I mean- he- and you- and, and," Blaise huffed,
"I'm too high for this conversation." Maddie said, she took off her shoes to have a better chance at balance,
Theo would have simply carried her back to Ravenclaw. He'd done it once. Maddie had been fawning over him, in the Slytherin common room on Valentine's Day. She had been tipsy. Intoxicated more so with him than the alcohol. He had swept her up into his arms. Theo was very strong. He didn't like sharing her. She didn't like being shared.
"Yeah, well-" Blaise had his hands on his hips, "it's your birthday. He's not back. I'm worried. Do you know why he left?"
Maddie's eyes betrayed her, Blaise took her shoes and began down the stairs knowing she was sure to follow the stunning pair of red shoes,
He was not wrong,
Maddie followed him quickly, he walked to the kitchens, tickling the pear and requesting a meal that would sober her,
He waited for her to finish. Impatiently.
"Why did he leave?" Blaise asked her, "You didn't break up," he recognized her ring. "Did you?"
"No."
Blaise's shoulders relaxed, he sat down on the floor of the kitchens, his head in his hands,
"Thank Merlin," Blaise murmured, Maddie sat down next to him, "Maddie, Maddie- he just vanishes sometimes you know, has he owled you?"
Maddie was quiet,
"He has hasn't he- are you owling him?"
"He hasn't been reading them." She muttered,
"Where has he gone?"
"I don't know." Maddie said, "Home he said,"
"Home?"
Maddie nodded,
"Can't be." Blaise murmured, "why? Did something happen?"
"He hasn't told you?"
"He's preoccupied with something else at the moment, he's the prioritize sort- he very rarely looks at his life holistically," Blaise said, "that's what Mother says," he glanced at Maddie, "please don't tell me you respect his boundaries or some shit, please Maddie, just tell me,"
Maddie reached for Blaise's left arm, pushing up the sleeve, it was bare, he looked at her perplexed,
"What?"
"He's got one." She muttered,
"One what?" Maddie shook her head, incapable of assessing whether he already knew and was unsure of she did,
He couldn't know.
Blaise was Theo's friend, Theo described him more so as a brother than anything else. Surely Blaise viewed Maddie as a person. Not as a pet to maintain for Theo so he had something to love.
"An arm?" Blaise said,
"Serpiente," She said, holding his wrist and drawing the form of the dark mark with the tip of her finger, Blaise looked at her, his jaw tensed,
"He told you." Blaise murmured, Maddie nodded her eyes trained on him critically. "What did you say- it's not his fault, Maddie-"
"I told him I couldn't be with a death eater," Maddie said, Blaise's eyes widened,
"Why the fuck would you do that?" He raised his voice, Maddie moved away from him, snatching her shoes and holding them to her chest,
"He killed someone, and you are yelling at me?"
"He had no choice-"
"And where was my choice?" Maddie asked, "I didn't even get the chance to choose to keep him, he left-"
"He is going to do something properly stupid," Blaise said, "Maddie, he's not gonna want to lose you, he's, he's-"
"Not here." Maddie said, "Teddy is not here."
"Teddy?"
"Death eater, not death eater, cannibal death whatever you want to call it, not being here is a shitty shitty, como, shitty thing to do as-"
"You're wearing his ring," Blaise said, Maddie stood up to leave, and Blaise followed after her, "What did you say to him?" She walked out of the kitchens. The castle was colder now she was a little less intoxicated.
Her feet were bare against the cold stone, her beautifully sparkly shoes clutched to her chest. She missed her brother. He always understood. He would carry the shoes for her.
"Maddie, this is important, what did you say- what did you do- if his father does something to him it's your fau-"
Maddie turned to him abruptly, hair flipping as she turned.
"He killed someone." Maddie said simply,
"Yes, well, old news-"
"And you blame me."
"Maddie-"
"And no one thought, maybe Madelena should know her boyfriend is a murderer in a cult which has name like cannibal gringo crime organization?" Maddie said, narrowing her eyes at him, brow furrowed, nails sharp- Blaise stepped back, "I thought we were friends, Zabini. Did you know she looked like me?"
Blaise was silent.
"The woman he killed. She was innocent. Muggle. And she was chosen because she looked like me. She is dead because I exist. She was innocent. What if she had a family and now are waiting for her?"
"Maddie." Blaise breathed, "Maddie, I-"
"Noceda." She corrected,
"I've known him all my life, you're my friend, but he's my brother. It was not his choice to kill anyone-"
"Fuck off."