They see right through her, her voice cracked under pressure, her face gives away her emotions almost immediately, she isn't the girl she used to be, and something in her hated that, sitting on a bench with James in hogsmeade, trying to figure out when life took such a leap, for the worse.
She was cold, but numb enough to ignore that, wanting to leave but not having the courage to get up and leave, Nora didn't want to be here anymore, completely ignoring James by accident, forgetting he was still with her. Nora didn't understand why he didn't want to be with his friends, especially with the full moon coming tomorrow, you'd think you'd be with that one person.
Lupins life seemed to be worse for Nora, she may have hated her life and is filled with pain , but she will never go the pain of transforming into a werewolf every full moon and having no memory of the things you've done— except the scars that are left.
She watched the students walk around all happy and with their friends, while her best friend and brother sleep in and want nothing to do with hogsmeade, all of Slytherin not leaving their rooms now.
The death eaters were making things worse, because of Riddle, doing all the wrongs and ruining an image for the sons and daughters from Slytherin, scared to leave their common room because of the names they'll be referred to, she was scared, just like the rest of them. Yet nobody saw how they were hurting, knowing a family member was out there creating chaos and praising their dark lord.
It was getting worse, and the students at Hogwarts didn't know it, but Nora and the rest of Slytherin knew, especially those who were death eaters already.
Nora could've stayed with her brother and friends, but a part of her has already done the sadness and feeling frustrated in her room, needing a new location to show her sadness and ignoring the comments, one of the reasons James was sitting beside her. Bur she didn't care whether or not he was there, because it wasn't his battle, it was hers.
Her eyes followed one girl going into zonkos, wishing she was that little girl all by herself, still able to be a kid, but she wasn't. She was 18, waiting for time to go by.
James was silent the whole time, they were sitting on that bench for almost two hours now, in complete silence. Nora wondered if James was bored, if he wasn't he would've left already; but there he stayed, hoping she would say something.
Until he did.
Nora saw kids go back, James check his time on his watch and cleared his throat. She slowly looked away from the kids to turn to James and listen to what he wanted to say. "Do you want to stay here?" Was all he asked, noticing how hesitant he wanted to ask that, and it threw Nora off.
Her grey eyes were silver, her pain was hurting so much to have them look so dark and cold, the same way she was feeling. And she couldn't properly tell James why because she didn't know herself, but she liked the way he was still there for her, because he didn't like the fact of not comforting her.
"Oh, okay." Noras voice rasped, forgetting how she hadn't talked in over two hours, her legs asleep as she stood up, pretending it didn't feel well. Pretending was second nature to her.
They kept their distance, she knew he would do that, awkwardly walking away from one another. This time Nora was in front, her hands in her pockets and she kept walking by herself. Her head was down, wanting to be invisible like before, but it felt impossible these days.
"Hey, Nora!" Someone presence came beside her, the brunette could tell with it was Mary with the way Atticus describes her scent, recognizing the smells, raising her head. "Hi McDonald." Nora said, almost in a whisper.
"I was just wondering if Atticus is okay, you know with everything..." the curly haired girl trailed off, walking with Nora as she didn't stop. "He'll be fine, just one of those days." She faked her tone, it was everyday where he wasn't okay, but you couldn't tell someone like a Gryffindor that, the pain someone is feeling.
"Well alright, I'll see you around." She said, walking back to McKinnon and Evans. Nora didn't respond, James catching up to her as the entered the castle now, uncertain if they were going to go their own way now until dinner.
Nora turned to James after walking in a corridor, close to the moving stairs for him, her walk now going to be longer back to the common room.
James rested his hand on her cheek, forcing her to look at him, concern written all over his face. "You know I would do anything for you Nora." He reminded her, a soft smile appearing on her lips before she nodded. James gave a half hearted smile, worried for her as he kissed her cheek, knowing she wasn't in the mood for an actual kiss.
"You will always matter in this world, not as a Slytherin, not as a black, or a Pureblood, but as Nora, the feisty little girl." He teased, his hand slowly letting go of her cheek, letting her hand alone in the hallway.
Sighing deeply, Nora walked to the direction of where the common room, hoping to not see a lot of people, her heart feeling tight enough to suffocate and make her collapse. She hated how she was stringing people along to make them see her pain, subconsciously feeling the way she wanted to and hoping nobody would judge her for it.
James would never though, that's what she hoped.
Being lucky enough to not get bullied from someone, the girl tried to ignore the looks some gave her, mostly the girls that would typically whisper behind her back and laugh. It was always the blonde ones to do so as well.
The walls seemed darker, her goblins seemed meaner, a disappointment look growing on her face as she walked into the common room, silence everywhere. For once she craved the organized chaos that would happen, yearning for a first year to be yelling at Severus about something while Evan laughs at it.
None of it.
Her first thought was to check on the boys, noticing none of them were downstairs, making her way up their dorm stairs, first finding her brother and Evan, making sure they were okay.
It goes without saying that boys are messier than girls, but based on her dorm compared to her brothers, that's wrong. The door was already slightly opened, 3 boys laying on their beds, one snoring and the two silent.
Looking over to Barty crouch looking towards the door and giving a small smile to Nora, she gave a sincere nod to the lad, Evans head off the bed as he snores, regulus staring at a picture frame on his bed.
"Regulus, they're serving lunch if you want to come with me." Nora softly spoke, fibbing a little about lunch. The boy turned, his eyes were sadder than usual, Nora saw a moving photo of her and him, outside their house together when they were younger, Nora carrying him on her shoulders.
A photo Narcissa must've taken, loving her camera and always taking photos when nobody is looking. Nora had the same one at home on her dresser, wondering why he kept that one at Hogwarts.
"Where'd you go?" He asked her, noticing her jacket on. Reaching into her pockets, James getting Nora a few things, throwing a piece of candy on his bed with a crooked smile. "Hogsmeade, figured you needed some chocolate, I have some for you too Crouch, if you want?" Nora panned over to the lad, forgetting he was also in the room.
Nora didn't let Barty answer, throwing him a piece anyways. "Nora are you not at all effected by what they're saying about us?" Regulus asked, sitting up in his bed now. His hair was messy, eyes dark and droopy, it was like looking at herself, not getting any sleep the past few days. Sure she seemed fine, but she felt how regulus looked.
It scared her a little.
Sighing and walking over to her brother, regulus made room for her to sit down, admiring how comfortable his bed seemed, a little jealous. Nora took one good look at her brother, wishing they were still younger as she began to speak.
"Listen," she said, regulus paying attention, "I have been called names ever since Sirius left us, while they left you to be the golden boy, they targeted me." Nora explained. She never thought she was going to talk about herself willingly, wanting to express herself with her favourite person on this earth.
Her throat felt the need to close, saying something that her body isn't agreeing to, almost having control of what she does and say. Regardless, she needed to fight it, ignoring whatever her body was trying to say to her.
"The names were unoriginal and rude, but yes, I did feel the need to hibernate in my room all day, ignore everyone who was concern for me and be selfish for once, but then I did it every damn day. It was exhausting to feel tired— you've seen it with me right?"
Regulus agreed with that question, nodding his head shyly, letting her continue. "What I mean is, these things effect you and there's no real way to control your emotions, mope around, or don't. I'll still be here." Nora told him, her back shivered when she heard a sniffle, turning to see Evan on the bed with them, looking very hurt.
"What's wrong?" Nora asked him, his eyes being a little red. Regulus turned around to his best friend, eyes widening when noticing Barty was gone, a hand resting on Nora's shoulder. "I have bad news." He told her softly, his other hand shaking and in a fist, clearly holding something in his palm.
Those words were never a good sign, squinting her eyes and brushing her eyebrows together, not understanding what he could ever mean. "Evan no." Regulus whispered, his voice cracking under pressure. "What?" Nora asked between the two, feeling her hand open to the note.
She didn't even need to look at it before knowing.
Pacing, it was a good method to do when stressed out about something, a way to find out a plan, laying out the details every time your heel hits the ground, or pivoting to go walk the other direction. Either way, it wasn't helping with Nora, not anymore.
Strategizing was good for her most days, being able to have a mental plan, even for the little things, but the bigger things are what counted. Today was different. Nora couldn't wrap her head around the fact she's going to lose another person to someone so ruined and destroying everything around her.
Truth was, she was scared, especially for a boy like Evan, a boy she's grown to love despite the fact he's fancied her for many years now, someone she's trusted with her whole heart: and it seemed like it wasn't enough for his parents, to make him be a death eater before he was even 16.
And there she stood being 18 and may have to go through the same thing, being another betty, conflicted with her life and now it being rewritten for her. It can fuck up someone.
Pacing in her room didn't help anymore, currently making her way back from the quidditch fields, wanting to be alone for a while before the Hufflepuffs showed up. Her walk back was unfortunately disturbed, her brothers figure walking towards her as she sighed loudly.
"Oi! Not happy to see me?" He joked, his eyebrows bunching together for a moment. Nora didn't answer, waiting for him to say why he needed to talk to her, putting her hands into her jumper pockets, feeling a slight breeze hit her face.
"Do you remember what we talked about in detention?" He randomly asked. Nora shook her head, simply forgetting about that whole day, having other things to worry about. "Every thing you say goes in one ear, and out the other." She sassed, ignoring the slight gasp of air Sirius had to take, grasping that.
"Wow, hurtful." He stated, getting it over with as if it was a muggle bandaid and had it on for a while. "Anyways, I was talking about James and Lily for a while, and I now think... James is fancying a girl." He whispered the last part of the sentence, Nora stopping in her tracks.
"And why am I being told? Shouldn't you be telling lupin of Pettigrew?" Nora asked, tapping Sirius' head to making sure it was still working. "Because," Sirius said while slapping his sisters hand away,
"I don't think they notice. James is always out at weird times, and is smiling more. Only a girl can do that to a man." Sirius plotted, his thoughts going faster than being able to talk, laying his hands on Nora's shoulder to grasp her full attention.
"I need you to figure out who he likes, because then I could help him."
You're kidding.
Noras eyes shifted with worry, her eyes widening a little as cheekily stroked her chin, making be nervous as she was nervous herself. What the hell does a girl do in this type of situation. "Maybe, but what you don't approve the girl— what if she's in slytherin, or a year older?" Nora asked, pretending to not sell herself out.
If she could bite off all her nails, she would in this exact moment, her heart beat growing faster as she did not like this situation, growing.
"Nah. He doesn't go for Slytherins, plus he's into brunettes." Sirius said, not connecting the two. Nora was blessed to have a dimwitted brother in that moment, looking up at the sky and thanking it.
"Pay me four galleons and I'll do it." Nora settled on, only needing a little, as Sirius and her were still loaded with money from their uncle Alphard. It didn't take long for Sirius to deal on it; shaking hands and patting Nora on her cheek.
"You're a good sister." He told her, leaving her all alone once again with her thoughts. She yearned to not make him leave so fast, cursing herself for doing that.
What the fuck do I say to James?
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Hehehehe. Also, college is eating me alive, but I have this English and literature class and it's gonna help me with this book( if it doesn't I'll cry ) okay byes
- I haven't re-read this chapter from when I first finished it,
so point out mistakes pls