His heart felt like it took a trip through a shredder.
Fuck, this is harder than I thought it would be. It didn't help that his wolf had fallen hard for Kinsey, now she was doing adorable shit like wrinkling her nose when she absorbed any sort of information. They were both working against him while he was trying to keep his pack safe
This would have been easier if she wasn't so cute, if she was more like the monsters she worked with. Instead of solidifying his resolve to carry out his plan, she had completely dissolved it in a single evening. The more she talked, the more guilty he felt for using her.
Now, here she was, making space between them and looking up at him with tears glistening in her eyes. All he could think about was how much he wished this was a real date.
"Why are we really here, Damon?" she asked quietly. "Are you here for Carissa or for me?"
He took her in. All of her. From the pain in her eyes, to the defeated slump in her shoulders. The scent of her arousal ebbing away.
She really liked him. Or had.
The fucked up part was that he was starting to see why his wolf was drawn to her. It killed him that she doubted his motives, despite having every right to.
How many people had used her to make her believe she was no longer worthy to be loved?
Kinsey sucked in a deep breath and nodded, resolute. "I'll take your silence as a no, you are not here for me. . . I should go." She slid to the far end of the booth, about to leave.
He caught her hand. "Kinsey. Wait."
She didn't resist, but she couldn't bear to look at him, either.
"I'm here for you." He felt like such a dick for lying to her, for making her stay because he need more information on the Corporation, but it wasn't all a lie. Every laugh was real. The smiles she enticed out of him were real. "You're smart and beautiful--compassionate. You deserve far better than me, but I'm a selfish bastard and want you all to myself. If you'll take me."
Her mouth fell open. She joined him on the bench again, her cheeks adopting a rosy colour. A sour taste entered his mouth when he sensed her shame. "I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean to be rude. It's just. . . I'm really not used to this. To men wanting me. They usually only want Carissa."
He couldn't help himself. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her right up against him. Right where she should be. "Don't ever apologize for looking out for yourself. Nobody would think twice about walking all over you." He hadn't, and now look where it had gotten him.
She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, peering up at him timidly. "I'm not very good at that."
"Then I'll do it for you."
We will protect our female, the wolf agreed, purring contently at the feel of her supple body molding into his.
Who's going to protect her from me?
A waiter cleared his throat to get their attention. He struggled to hold two main entrees on his tray. "I can come back later if now's not a good time."
"No. It's all right." He touched the small of Kinsey's back and loved the way she subconsciously leaned into him. "Will you stay for the rest of dinner?"
She nodded, peering up at the waiter shyly. It was all the waiter needed to dish the plates out. "I will return in a little bit with the rest."
"Thank you." Her eyes fell onto the plate before her, yearning burned in her eyes. "This looks delicious. I haven't had steak in such a long time. . ."
If she thought the steak looked good, it was nothing compared to the view he had of her in that sexy black dress. It showcased every curve. Made her skin look smooth, like a porcelain doll. And those eyes, they seemed to glow in contrast to her dress. He wasn't kidding when he said he could skip dinner and take her home for dessert.
The ever growing tightness in his pants could attest to that.
She moaned when she took her first bite.
More, the wolf purred.
He couldn't agree more. She could make that noise whenever she wanted. Preferably under him. Or on top of him.
But it was more than sexual desire for his wolf. Her pleasure was music to his ears, whether it came from food or from him. He wanted her to be happy, always.
He clenched his fist. The beast was not making this easy for him.
"Uh, Damon?"
"Hmm?" He pulled himself from his thoughts and looked down at Kinsey. She had finished her steak.
"You haven't touched your food. Did you have too much to eat already?" She cocked an eyebrow his way, a silent dare for him to admit he had taken on more than he could handle.
He laughed. The human had no idea what she was getting herself into. "I think you severally underestimate shifters' appetites."
"I'll believe it when I see it." She lifted her glass of wine to her lips, holding his gaze as she drank it. When she set it down, she nearly knocked it over, being too busy ogling him to see what she was doing, then she giggled at her almost-accident.
The wine had really loosened her up. This was a good look for her, relaxed, unapologetic for the way she was.
Now would be the perfect time to get more information about Carissa and Victor. It was clear she didn't know much about the Corporation's plans at the moment. Given time, she'd learn more--and then he'd find out what kind of person Kinsey Ashe really was. Would she be appalled by the atrocities they commit on a daily basis, or would she be too hungry in her search for knowledge to care how she got it?
He saw it in her eyes, her bright-eyed curiosity, the undying thirst for more. She was still young and hadn't reached a point in her life when she needed to decide how far she was willing to go to get what she wanted. When she found out, Damon would be there, to stop her or to help her. Until then, he had to let her discover the truth on her own. He wished it was as simple as telling her what kind of monsters she was surrounded by, but if he delivered it wrongly or too early, or even too late, she would think of him as the monster for tearing down the delicate veil she had formed around herself.
But, as he gazed into her bleary eyes, he couldn't bring himself to question her further tonight. He had gotten enough information to warn the pack about the trail markers she had made. Damon was positive those markers would be used to trap his packmates. As Kinsey continued with her study and could be more specific with her findings, Carissa would be able to pick out a larger sample size for her perverted tests.
They ate through the menu, one plate at a time, and chatted for hours. Damon honestly couldn't remember the last time he had talked with someone for this long. The three bottles of wine certainly helped, but with his fast metabolism, his body made quick work of it and at most he would be buzzed for a few minutes. Kinsey had opted for water after her fifth glass, and had made quite the dent in every plate brought to them, but even at some point, she had to yield.
She leaned her elbow on the table and looked up at him through her lashes. Her eyes weren't quite able to focus on his; they drifted from his mouth up to his hair, smouldering like embers, just waiting to be ignited.
She'd been giving him that look all night, and every time she did, the urge to pull her into his lap and kiss her senseless grew stronger. The need to take her home and completely loose himself in her was nearly unbearable.
"You know, I thought you had ordered all this food to impress me," she confessed. Her words slurred together, though he could tell she put great effort into sounding telligible. "But you really do eat a lot."
Chuckling, he tucked her hair behind her ears. Her hair was so soft, he could play with it all day if she'd let him. "I burn a lot of calories when I shift. I have to make up for it somehow."
Even when she was drunk, her curiosity beamed. She sat up and blinked some of the haze in her mind away. "Really? I'd like to hear more about that."
He shook his head at her then summoned the waiter. He came swiftly with the bill. "I think it's time I take you home," Damon said to her while he paid for dinner.
She scowled at him when the waiter walked away. "You didn't have to pay for it. . ." Then she did the mental math on how much it would cost to order the entire menu and added, "I could have at least paid for my portion."
He looked down at her pout and smiled. Her nose wrinkled as her bottom lip stuck out. It was kind of adorable. How could he let her pay? "Don't worry about it," he assured her. "You can pay next time, how's that?" If she remembered this conversation in the morning.
The pout didn't go away, but she relented with a nod.
He took her hand and led her to his truck. She stared at the black truck with wide eyes, and began to resist as they drew near. "Oh. Um. I don't want to put you out. I can call a cab."
That didn't sit right with him. How could she ask him to abandon her with a stranger while she was inebriated? He cupped her cheek, softly brushing his thumb along the length of her cheekbone. "It's not a bother. I want to make sure you get home safely."
A cute, giddy smile spread across her lips. "Thank you."
He opened the passenger side of his truck, offering her a helping hand inside. Her divine scent mingled with his in the cabin, sinking deep into the leather. She peered around the interior, her lips twitching as she resisted a smile.
Okay, so his truck wasn't in its cleanest state. His clothes were strewn all over the place, a few tangled at her feet, most thrown over the backseat.
He scratched the back of his head, embarrassed he hadn't thought this far into the date. Well, he had planned the beginning and the end, but he had skipped a few steps in between. "One of the curses of being a shifter: constant wardrobe malfunctions."
She picked up a torn shirt at her feet, dangling it in the space between them. Her eyes went dark. He'd empty the entirety of his chequing account in a heart beat if he was offered a sneak peek into her mind right now. Her scent alone drove him wild. His jeans were ready to burst.
"Doesn't seem like much of a curse to me."
This woman was sensational.
Tonight, he was going to feast.
He started the truck and set a course for the University District. At this time of night, there was little traffic. They made good time to her building. He parked a few stalls down and killed the engine.
She licked her lips, teasing him to no end. Her desire permeated in the air, filling the cabin to the brim, and it took every ounce of self control he had to not drag her into the backseat and lose himself in her.
"Thank you for tonight. I had fun."
He slipped his hand behind her head, curling his fingers into her silken hair. "Let me take you upstairs. I want to make sure nothing happens to you on the way to your apartment." It was a lame excuse. They both knew why he wanted to go upstairs with her.
Clarity swam into focus in her eyes. She sat straighter, which coincidently moved her away from him. "It's a safe building. I'll be fine. No need to worry about me." She turned for the handle. "Anyway. Thanks again. Have a good night." She hopped out of the truck before he could do anything to stop her.
He sat frozen in shock, mouth ajar.
She. . . she just left!
You frieghtened her, the wolf tried to explain. As if he, a beast, knew better.
He gritted his teeth. I did not. Didn't you see? She's comfortable around us now. What could she possibly be afraid of?
As soon as the thought slipped passed him, the answer hit him.
"I'm not used to this," she had said. "Men wanting me."
He fell back against his seat, feeling as though his own mother--someone notoriously known for being a kind and gentle woman--had punched him in the gut.
His cellphone rang, tearing him from his thoughts. He didn't need to look at the caller ID to know it was his best friend. Slowly, he pulled himself out of the depths of his shock and answered the call, "Hello, Kalem. Did you have one of your feelings?"
A grunt of acknowledgement met him on the other side. "I take it the date didn't go so well?"
He let out an exasperated breath. "It didn't exactly go according to plan, no."
He wasn't supposed to get attached. Hell, he wasn't even supposed to like Kinsey. Or be bothered when she said small demeaning things about herself. Or when she hinted how she had been mistreated in the past. The demented beast inside of him was protective of her--possessive, really. Convinced she was his.
"I got some information from her tonight. We need to have a meeting. Some changes have to be made and they need to be done quickly."
"I'll call everyone once we're finished." After a beat, he added, "Is there anything else?"
"She doesn't know what's going on in the Corporation. It'll take time before we can get more on them, but in the meantime, I'll see what I can learn about Victor and Carissa."
"We suspected it would take time. Any information we can get will help."
He nodded in agreement, though Kalem couldn't see it. All of his energy had been sapped out of him. He had wore himself out trying not to go insane over this.
"If you got valuable information tonight," Kalem went on, taking on a gentler tone, a more cautious one, "why did the date not go well?"
He squeezed his eyes shut. "I. . ."
He couldn't bring himself to tell Kalem. He could tell him anything; they had been through far too much to keep secrets from each other. But, this time? Admitting out loud he had actually enjoyed his date tonight? It would make this feeling real, something tangible, something he shouldn't let go.
Something he couldn't allow. He had to put his pack first, no matter what the result did to Kinsey.
"She didn't invite me into her apartment," Damon finally confessed. He had to give Kalem something or he would know he was lying.
Kalem barked a laugh. "Ba! The great Alpha Damon Hayes--rejected!"
"She didn't reject me," he snarled, getting more worked up than he should about Kalem's teasing. "She just. . . I don't know." He huffed. He truly didn't know what to make of it. What he should do next. She wasn't anything like the women he had been with before. They weren't afraid to show him how much they desired him and they certainly never left him hanging at the end of a date.
"Are you seeing her again?"
"Yes. Tomorrow. We're going to Grimrock."
Kalem inhaled sharply. "She's going back out there after what happened? That's brave."
Damon snorted; he would have used a different word. The pack had orders to not harm her or to interfere with her work, but his pack members weren't the only shifters in the city, which was why he was coming with her. That, and the thought of another shifter laying their hands on her made his wolf roil under his flesh.
"Are you going to ask her to the fundraiser on Saturday?" Kalem's question startled him. With everything going on, he had forgotten he was hosting a fundraiser for shifter youth. His planners hadn't called him in days, so he assumed everything was running smoothly. Thank God. This was the first major event this city had held since the shifters came out and his name was stamped all over it. It needed to go smoothly.
Even if he had remembered, he didn't think it was the best idea to bring her. There were a lot of big figures coming to the event. Everyone's eyes would be on him, and, if he brought Kinsey, on her.
"I hadn't planned on it, no."
Kalem snickered. "Don't tell me you haven't thought about it. You couldn't ask for a better date: food, dancing, a good cause. She'll be putty in your hands afterwards."
"That's not my concern. Kinsey is very passionate about her job. If she mentions to any of them that she works for Bane. . . it won't go well for her and it won't look good for me."
"It won't look good for you, either, if she finds out you hosted a party and didn't invite her. Bring her, Damon. It'll be fine." Then the line went dead.
Cursing under his breath, he put the keys in the ignition and started for home.