chapter twenty-two.
The Fall of a Grisha
I DIDN'T SLEEP THAT NIGHT, MOSTLY OUT OF fear that I would come back face to face with the Darkling. Or Genya's scarred face. It was simply the worst night of my life. I felt as if from deep within the corners of the dark room, eyes were on me. I dared not to look into them, scared that I'd see the very same face again, smiling sadistically at me.
Alina's hand smoothed my hair back as Tamar settled down beside me in the armchair next to the bed. I hadn't said a word in the past two hours, I didn't think I really needed to in my state. Tolya had to carry me to my bed since my feet wouldn't allow me to move and I was grateful.
"I saw her."
Tamar and Alina glanced at each other.
"Genya," I said stiffly. "He's tortured her."
With a start, Alina embraced me again. I knew she was only trying to make me feel better. But I don't think any affection or gratitude is going to help this ever-growing pit of failure.
"Her face is scarred. He let his Nichevo'ya touch her." I took a deep breath and chewed my bottom lip. "And it's my fault."
"You didn't know," said Tamar gently.
I shook my head angrily and said, "He told me she wouldn't be touched."
Tamar shook her head and asked confused, "Has he been here?"
I glanced from Alina and then back to Tamar contemplating if I should tell her about the Darkling. But then, there was no more hiding it. I didn't have a choice.
I sighed shakily and said, "Not physically... this is going to sound crazy but I can see him. Every inch of him. At first, I thought it was some kind of illusion but then he touched me... that night when I screamed... I saw him and felt him. He kissed me. He said that he'd rip away everything that I know and love until he was my only shelter. That day at the chapel." I said and looked over to Alina. "I saw him sitting in the darkness by the entrance. He was mocking me. Mocking us. That's why I left so fast. He's always watching me. At night, when I try to sleep he's always at the foot of my bed or standing behind me at the desk. I've asked why he won't leave me alone but the only answer I get is 'because then I'd be alone too'—"
"Why didn't you tell us?" Tamar demanded.
"I was terrified, Tamar," I said.
"That's no excuse," she said more softly.
"I have none," I said sharply. "There is no excuse other than the fact that I genuinely thought I was going insane."
Tamar said no more. She looked down at her hands and fidgeted her thumbs together.
"When David put the coin into my hand not only did he use Merzost to transfer my power to the Darkling, he secured a binding, we are bound together. He can show up whenever he pleases and I can't stop him—"
"What if we removed it?" asked Alina.
I stiffened. David's words rang through my head, That coin didn't just transfer your power to the Darkling— it created a bond. If he dies, so will you. I couldn't just blatantly say that to them. Saints know how Alina would react to me telling her something like "Oh, and I'm going to die if the Darkling gets killed." No, I didn't even want to tell her. But I couldn't think of anything logical to reason with her, I wasn't going to lie to her again, but I didn't have a choice. I was done keeping things from her.
"There's something else David told me, Alina," I started. "The bond intertwined our lives, if he dies so will I."
I don't think I'd ever seen Alina's expression change so fast in my life because the next moment she had tears streaming down her cheeks, her skin seemed to lose its color, and her fist clenched at their sides. Tamar's expression was different, she looked about ready to kill me, or I hope the Darkling.
Alina shook her head and stood, "No," she said sharply. "I won't lose you, Freya. I won't allow it."
"I— I tried to see if there was any other way but there isn't. I thought that if we just removed the coin maybe... just maybe I could get my sun-summoning powers back, but I can't. The coin is a part of me now."
"That bastard," Tamar said angrily under her breath. "I'll torture him, I swear I will."
I thought of David for a moment. He'd told me that it had cost him something to put the coin into my hand. What was it? Genya suddenly came into my mind. And that's when I realized, it had cost him love to put the coin into my hand. It had cost him his love for Genya, David had loved Genya. A flare of emotions crashed through me in that moment.
"David said that it had cost him to put the coin into my hand. I just realized... He loved Genya, he loved her so much that he sacrificed his love for her." I said.
Tamar and Alina stared at me in astonishment, but I was too caught up in my thoughts and feelings that I'd barely recognized. That is why he looked so disoriented when he asked about her. It all suddenly made sense. This was fate.
I was meant to die. This was my Martyrdom.
But at that moment, Nikolai entered. Despite the early hour, he looked every inch the prince, blond hair gleaming, boots polished to a high shine. He took in my state and Alina's, then raised his brows and said, "Don't suppose anyone's rung for tea?"
He sat down and stretched his long legs out before him. Tamar took her place with Tolya at their posts, but I asked them to close the door and join us.
I knew I looked half the part for tea, but I couldn't bring myself to care. My cheeks were most like stained tomato red from crying, my throat raspy from screaming earlier, and my hair dirty and knotted.
"Did I interrupt a girl's talk?" asked Nikolai.
I shook my head and said, "No,"
He must have sensed the edge in my voice because he only nodded. Surely he knew I was still very much angry with him, so why did he bother to come here?
Alina was the first to speak, "We may have a problem."
Both Alina and Nikolai looked at me. I needed to tell him.
"I've seen the Darkling," I said.
Nikolai raised his brow at me and then said, "Come again?"
I sighed, wiping the tears from my eyes. "I've seen the Darkling."
"Where?" Nikolai asked and straightened himself on the armrest.
"Here... but not physically." I pushed up the sleeve of my nightgown to show the coin. "When the Darkling took my sun-summoning power, David had to use Merzost to transfer my power to him. But I didn't realize how much more it did. The coin in my hand has me connected to the Darkling somehow, we are bound together so he can show up here whenever he wants to and I don't have control over that. He watches me almost every day and night. I recently discovered that not only am I bound to him, my life is intertwined with his. If he dies, so will I."
Nikolai simply just stared at me, I didn't know what to make of it. I've never seen this expression in my time of knowing him. But the moment it came, it was gone, replaced with a stoic expression.
"You can keep this from happening, can't you?" Tolya asked.
"I can't. There is no way. The coin is part of me."
"There has to be another way," Nikolai said sharply.
I was almost surprised when I managed to detect a flicker of panic in his eyes.
"It's impossible."
"What if one of the Materalki tried—" Nikolai began.
"Nikolai, no. This is my fate. I'm not supposed to survive this. I cannot change my future." I insisted sadly.
"Who says?" He demanded.
I closed my eyes and looked down at the coin, my fingers coming to graze over the heavy weight of the metal in my hand.
"The coin does, my death does. All of it does, Nikolai. There is no redemption for me. If I am to die with the Darkling, to die knowing I saved your life. I can die knowing that."
"No," Nikolai said angrily. "Do you even hear yourself right now, Freya? How pathetic you sound? This isn't you talking, this is the—"
"I'm talking this way because it is the truth, Nikolai! Genya has been tortured! She's been hurt because of me and I couldn't do anything to prevent it! I kind of deserve what I have coming for me."
Nikolai's mouth snapped shut then, he was biting the inside of his mouth, thinking of what to say.
"How?" he suddenly asked.
"What?"
"How was she tortured?"
"His creatures," I said numbly. "Her face is scarred."
"Why did he torture her?"
"Because he knows Freya loves her, he knows and he's using her because she's Freya's weakness," Alina answered.
"But she's been loyal to him," Nikolai interjected hotly.
"The Darkling does not care about his Grisha," Tamar said. "Never has and never will, it's their power he cares about."
"It's never bothered him before, why the sudden change?" Nikolai asked.
"Because he wants me on his side. I have refused and he seems to not like rejection so he took it out on Genya." I said.
"This is pitiful." Tolya scoffed.
"Agreed," Alina said. "But he will take his chances. Freya and I have learned this lesson."
I nodded and looked at Nikolai. "You see, Nikolai? It is the only way. If we can rescue Genya in this war, me and Alina destroy the Darkling in the process. I can die knowing that she is safe."
Nikolai rose from the armrest a hidden glare behind his eyes as he stared at me. I knew he didn't like it, but he must see some sense in it. Hopefully.
With a shaken sigh he raised a finger and pointed at me. "I will not promise you anything, but I will find a way to keep you from dying and there is nothing you can say or do that will stop me. Do you hear me?"
I gave him a pointed look and said, "I wasn't asking you to promise me anything. I just want you to see the good side of this."
"What makes you think dying is a good thing?"
"Because," I said angrily. "I am saving all of you."
"And after you're gone? How do you think everyone will feel? How do you think Genya and Alina and everyone else will feel?"
I opened my mouth to say something but no words came. I looked at each face in the room, but more specifically Alina. There was a hollowness in her eyes, her skin still pale from when I'd just told her that I was going to have to die.
Then I looked back to Nikolai whose eyes held such anger towards me that for some odd reason scared me. I didn't give much thought to it though.
"I'm sorry." I simply said softly.
He turned on his heels and marched across the room and was gone.
❂♕
Nikolai avoided me all morning and afternoon, so I was surprised when he did talk to me at his birthday dinner. He'd seemed to have acted as if he hadn't been angry with me this morning. It had been a little strange at first, but I quickly realized that he was covering his emotions up by acting his charming self.
It would be a lie if I said him practically discharging his anger towards me away was unsettling. But then again, Nikolai did things strangely. He settled well enough with letting go of things that bothered him, for say, his frustration of Vasily and his inability to understand the way the world works. But then again, Vasily, an insufferable stuck-up oaf, who thought he'd been fit enough and have what it takes to rule a country, by simply feeding off what he'd settled upon from his father.
Saints, even he had been a stuck-up with me. I'd show him his place in this world by simply drowning him, because unlike him, I had power over him, not as a Queen, but as a powerful Grisha who'd also been considered a Saint nowadays. But truly, being in Vasily's presence was no better than thinking about him. I simply couldn't blame Nikolai.
Vasily had complimented my ocean blue kefta that had been made from shimmering panels and sheer gold silks. The bodice was set and beaded with white and the deep colors of the Summoner's blue that matched the jewels in my hair.
The table was crowded with the highest-ranking generals of the First Army and their wives, as well as all the most prominent Lantsov uncles, aunts, and cousins. The Queen sat at one end of the table looking like a crumpled flower in pale rose silk. At the opposite end, Vasily sat next to the King, pretending not to notice as his father ogled an officer's young wife. Nikolai held court at the center table, with me and Alina beside him, his charm sparkling away as per usual.
He'd asked that no ball be thrown in his honor. It didn't seem fitting with so many refugees going hungry outside the city walls. But it was Belyanoch, and the King and Queen didn't seem able to restrain themselves. The meal consisted of thirteen courses, including a whole-sucking pig and a life-size gelatin mold cast in the shape of a fawn.
When the time came for gifts, Nikolai's father presented him with an enormous egg glazed in pale blue. It opened to reveal an exquisite miniature ship set on a lapis sea. Sturmhond's red dog banner flew from the ship's mast, and its little cannon fired with a pop that released the tiniest puff of white smoke.
Throughout the meal, I listened to the conversation with one ear while I studied Nikolai. He seemed to be doing well, besides the slight clench of his jaw every now and then when his eyes caught mine. I was for sure, that even though he'd been putting on a show of not letting anybody notice his facade of what was really beneath the surface. That, and the fact that I knew he resented me for what I knew would come.
The nobles raised toasts to Nikolai's health. The generals praised his military leadership and courage. I expected to see Vasily sneer at all the praise being heaped onto his brother, but he looked positively cherry. His face was rosy with wine, and there was what could only be described as a smug smile on his lips. His trip to Caryeva seemed to have left him in a good mood.
At one point, I'd wanted to excuse myself from the party but went against it. I wasn't sure if the King and Queen would be too thrilled to hear that their Tidemaker had decided to escape to her bedside rather than continue to celebrate their son's birthday. But then again, I was a bit rebellious to them— even if they were too daft to notice.
The room suddenly felt as if it had been suffocating me and I was drowning in a feverish sweat. At first, I'd thought it was simply the heat of the room. But then I'd had to remind myself that there was a drift from the Squallers. A wave of nausea swept through me— but before I could even muster a word to Alina, Nikolai was settling down in his chair.
Nikolai bent his head and whispered, "I know my company doesn't count much, but you could try at least? You look like you're about to burst into flames."
I blinked at him, "Sorry, I'm feeling a little queasy."
Nikolai sent a concerned look, "Do you need to leave?"
I shook my head and said quietly, "No...no... It's fine... I think it's just because of how much I've eaten."
Nikolai cackled, "You've barely touched anything since dinner started, Freya."
Damn it.
"I'm fine," I said.
A few moments of silence passed over us when flavored ices had been served and Vasily rose to his feet and lifted a glass of champagne.
"Brother," he said, "it is good to be able to toast your birth this day and to celebrate with you when you have spent so long on other shores. I salute you and drink to your honor. To your health, little brother!"
"Ne Zalost!" chorused the guests, drinking deeply from their glasses and reassuming their conversations.
But Vasily wasn't finished. He tapped the side of his glass with his fork, producing a loud clink clink clink that regained the party's attention.
"Today," he said, "we have more to celebrate than my brother's noble birth."
If the emphasis weren't enough, Vasily's smirk would have been. Nikolai continued to smile pleasantly.
"As you all know," Vasily continued, "I have been traveling these last few weeks."
"And no doubt spending," chortled the red-faced general. "Have to build yourself a new stable soon, I suspect."
Vasily's glare was icy, "I did not go to Caryeva. Instead, I journeyed north on a mission sanctioned by our dear father."
Beside me, Nikolai went very still.
"After long and arduous negotiations, I am pleased to announce that Fjerda has agreed to join us in our fight against the Darkling. They have pledged both troops and resources to our cause."
"Can this be?" asked one of the noblemen.
Vasily's chest swelled with pride. "It can. At long last and through no small effort, our fiercest enemy has become our most powerful ally."
The guests broke out into excited conversation. The King beamed and embraced his eldest son.
"Ne Ravka!" he shouted, lifting his champagne.
"Ne Ravka!" sang the guests.
I was surprised to see Nikolai frowning. He'd said his brother liked shortcuts, and it seemed Vasily had found one. But it wasn't like Nikolai to let his disappointment or frustration show like it was now.
"An extraordinary achievement, brother. I salute you," Nikolai said, lifting his glass. "Dare I ask what they wanted in return for this support?"
"They do drive a bargain," Vasily said with an indulgent laugh. "But nothing too onerous. They sought access to our ports in West Ravka and requested our help policing the southern trade routes against Zemeni pirates. I imagine you'll be of some assistance with that, brother." he said with another warm chuckle. "They wanted a few of the northern logging roads reopened, and once the Darkling is defeated, they expect the cooperation of their Fjerdan Tidemaker in join of the Sun Summoner's efforts to push back the Fold."
He grinned broadly at me. I sucked in air through my nose at the words Fjerdan Tidemaker and wished to suffocate him. But I shook it off and only stared at him as he turned his broad smile to Alina.
"Which roads?" asked Nikolai.
Vasily waved his hand dismissively. "They're somewhere south of Halmhend, west of the permafrost. They're sufficiently defended by the fort at Ulensk if the Fjerdans get any ideas."
Nikolai stood up, his chair scraping loudly against the parquet floor. "When did you lift the blockade? How long have the roads been open?"
Vastly shrugged. "What difference—"
"How long?"
The coin in my hand began to throb.
"A little over a week," Vasily said. "Surely you're not concerned that the Fjerdans intend to march on us from Ulensk? The rivers won't freeze for months, and until then—"
"Did you ever stop to consider why they might concern themselves with a logging route?"
Vasily gave a disinterested wave. "I assume because they're in need of timber," he said. "Or maybe it's sacred to one of their ridiculous wood sprites."
There was a nervous laughter around the table.
"It's defended by a single port," Nikolai growled.
"Because the passage is too narrow to accommodate any real force."
"You are waging an old war, brother. The Darkling doesn't need a battalion of foot soldiers or heavy guns. All he needs are his Grisha and the Nichevo'ya. We have to evacuate the palace immediately."
"Don't be absurd!"
"Our one advantage was early warning, and the scouts at those blockades were our first defense. They were our eyes, and you blinded us. The Darkling could be mere miles from us by now."
Vasily shook his head sadly. "You make yourself ridiculous."
Nikolai slammed his hands down on the table. The dishes jumped with a loud rattle. "Why aren't the Fjerdan delegations here to share in your glory? To toast this unprecedented alliance?"
"They sent their regrets. They were not able to travel immediately, due—"
"They're not here because there's about to be a massacre. Their pact is with the Darkling."
"All of our intelligence puts him in the south with the Shu."
"You think he doesn't have spies? That he doesn't have his own operatives within our network? He laid a trap that any child could recognize, and you walked right into it."
Vasily's face turned purple.
"Nikolai, surely—" his mother objected.
"The fort at Ulensk is manned by a full regiment." put in one of the generals.
"You see?" said Vasily. "This is a fear-mongering of the worst kind, and I will not stand for it."
"A regiment against an army of Nichevo'ya? Everyone at that fort is already dead," said Nikolai. "sacrificed to your pride and stupidity."
Vasily's hand went to his sword hilt. "You overreach, you little bastard."
The Queen gasped.
Nikolai released a harsh laugh. "Yes, call me out, brother. A lot of good it will do. Look around this table," he said. "Every general, every nobleman of high rank, most of the Lantsov line, and the Sun Summoner and Tidemaker. All in one place, one more night."
A number of faces at the table went suddenly pale.
"Perhaps," said the freckle-faced boy across from me, "we should consider—"
"No!" said Vasily, his lip trembling. "This is his own petty jealousy! He cannot stand to see me succeed. He—"
The warning bells began to ring, distant at first, down near the city walls, one and then another, joining each other in a rising chorus of alarm that echoed up the streets of Os Alta, through the upper town, and over the walls of the Grand Palace.
"You've handed him Ravka," said Nikolai.
The guests rose, pushing back from the table in a gabble of panic. Mal was immediately and Alina's side grabbing her, and then my arm.
"We have to get you two out of here," he said, drawing his saber.
"Where's Tamar?" Alina asked.
The window exploded.
Glass rained down on us. I threw up my arms to shield my face and the guests screamed, huddling against each other.
The Nichevo'ya swarmed into the room on wings of molten shadow, filling the air with the whirring buzz of insects.
"Get the King to safety!" Nikolai cried, unsheathing his sword and running to his mother's side. The palace guards stood paralyzed, frozen in terror.
A shadow lifted the freckled boy from his feet and threw him against the wall. He slid to the ground, his neck broken.
I raised my hands at the same time Alina did and sent a long stark slash of water towards the shadow.
Vasily stood at the table, the King cowering beside him.
"You did this!" he screamed at Nikolai. "You and the witches!"
He lifted his saber high and charged, bellowing with rage. Mal stepped in front of us, raising his sword to block the blow. But before Vasily could bring down his weapon, a Nichevo'ya grabbed hold of him and tore his arm from its socket, sword and all.
He stood for a moment, swaying, blood pumping from his wound, then dropped to the floor in a lifeless heap.
The Queen began to shriek hysterically and surged forward.
『Authors note』
I'm back and still cringing at the beginning of this chapter.
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