— Miss Them When They're Dead
NATALIA BEXLEY DIDN'T believe the news at first. Her mind rejected any thought that involved her best friend being dead. When the news finally set in, she had been destroyed. She locked herself in her bedroom and hid under the covers like a child. In her mind, hiding away was like an escape.
The day Natalia arrived back at school people had bombarded her with questions and hugs. She tried to avoid the situation as much as possible. She tried to avoid reality, but being someone this close to Hannah was an invitation for people to ask about her.
A couple of days later and all of the questions stopped. Kids hung notes up and a picture on her locker. Natalia didn't take any part in that. She kind of just avoided that area of the school as best as possible.
Natalia knew shit was going down within a small number of students at school. She knew because she was tape one. It was only a moment of time before her best friend knew what she did.
Every person was flawed. Natalia was too. It made her sad that she had made Hannah's decision a little easier. It killed her inside that she was just another reason for Hannah to commit suicide.
When Clay Jensen gets those tapes, Natalia won't be sure what his response will be. He was a loose cannon while angry and he proved that time and time again.
"Bex." A familiar voice boomed from the behind her. She turned around, annoyed. Justin Foley had only stood there as she swiveled around.
"What?" Natalia asked, clutching the strap of her backpack. She saw kids eyeing them curiously given the scene they witnessed just weeks ago.
"He had them." Justin whispered and the girl before her pursed her lips.
"Then he has them. It's all the truth anyways. I didn't hear a single lie, and neither did you. Right?" Natalia said and Justin tensed up as the girl walked away from him.
✺ ✺ ✺
EVERYONE WAS SCARED of what Natalia Bexley might do. Not only was Clay Jensen a loose cannon, but Natalia too. Those two paired up could ruin everything, so everyone on the tapes have teamed up to keep that from happening.
Natalia walked the halls in search of one person. He was the only person who truly got her beside Hannah, but now she wasn't an option. Clay would do.
She silently crept up on him, knowing he'd notice her presence. He did in seconds. He relaxed his shoulders as his eyes met hers. She was like an oasis. All of the school talked about Hannah. The teachers even talked about suicide prevention. It was hell.
"Another shitty day added to the roster." Natalia joked and Clay shrugged. "I've been missing you, Jensen."
"Why is everyone acting weird today?" Clay asked, ignoring Natalia.
"They've been acting weird." Natalia replied.
"You have been too and right after Jessica began to act weird too. Now all of them are acting weird." Clay pointed out and he wasn't completely wrong. After the tapes began surfacing their odd little group of people, they've been on edge.
"I don't know." Is all Natalia can reply as the pair exit the school. "I'll see you, Clay."
Natalia made her way over to where Justin Foley stood, texting away. He was glancing up and caught Natalia strolling toward him. He did a double take and rolled his eyes when he seen her making her way toward him.
"We need to talk, Justin."
✺ ✺ ✺
Natalia never been to many parties, but what she knew is that she wanted to go to one if Justin Foley was going, He had been her best friend since she was eight. Natalia met him and Bryce Walker at around the same time, but she always knew Justin better.
He always struggled in math, where Natalia excelled. She began to give him answers in the third grade which seemed to continue throughout all of school.
"Bex, I'm telling you, do not get shitfaced like last time." Justin chuckled and threw his arm around her should with a smile.
"No, that shit was hilarious." Zach argued, walking on the other side of Natalia.
"It was so hilarious when I pulled a Kat from '10 Things I Hate About You'" Natalia replied sarcastically, recalling her drunken fall into Zach's arms from the last party at Bryce's.
"Seriously though, Bex. Stay with us." Justin said, his tone a bit more stern. All she did was roll her eyes, but she knew she'd stick with them.
Suddenly, the sprinklers turned on making the boys freak out. Zach began to use Natalia as a shield causing her to gasp, slapping him.
"Zach Dempsey, I swear to God!" She yelled, moving away from the boys who continued to get soaked. Natalie backed away and kicked Zach onto his back, helping Justin pin him down. "Karma, bitch."
Natalia walked up to the porch and saw Kat, Clay along with a new girl beside them. She waved at Kat and Clay, smiling at the new girl. Clay had been preoccupied with his new job, so they haven't talked in a hot minute.
Maybe it was because he found someone else.
"They're idiots. I swear, I can't take them anywhere." Natalia quipped and eyed Hannah again. "So, this must be the new girl, Hannah. I'm Natalia."
"Nice to meet you." Hannah smiled and Clay tensed as Natalia eyed him mischievously.
Kat began to clap, interrupting Justin and Zach.
"Yes! Liberty High's star athletes, ladies and gentlemen. So impressive." Kat teased while looking back at Natalia. "Sorry, boys. Can't have you in Hannah's house soaking wet."
"Seriously? What about Bex?" Justin asked and Kat waved it off as if that was already getting taken care of.
"Oh, my God. Look at yourselves, and anyway I'll give Nat something I brought."
Justin took off his shirt making Natalia scoff and roll her eyes, turning to Hannah, who seemed quite interested in the view.
"Better?" Justin quizzed.
"Improvement, for sure, but sorry, it's still a no-go." Kat replied.
"Come on, it's not a party without us." Zach argued with a smile.
"No chance. Go dry off and we'll take Natalia inside." Kat declared, clutching Natalia's hand and bringing her inside.
Natalia Bexley. Welcome to your tape.
The first day of school. Sophomore year. Natalia had been ready to end the school year as soon as it started. She made Clay ride his bike alongside her. She didn't want to go alone despite not being nervous. She wanted her bestfriend by her side.
"So, Hannah Baker is like super beautiful." Natalia commented as they walked up to the school together. Clay shrugged, entering the building. He held the door for Natalia.
"I guess." Clay responded bluntly.
"Oh, shut up, Jensen. You're like in love, and I'm jealous. No person will ever look at me like you do when you have a crush on a girl." Natalia whined and Clay rolled his eyes, opening his locker with ease.
Natalia's locker was always just one over, so they always met up at the end of the day.
You always had what you wanted. Until you wanted more.
"Justin looks at you like you're gold, Natalia." Clay replied and Natalia gagged at that statement.
"Jensen, Justin looks at every girl like they're gold. That's his appeal." Natalia corrected and Clay shrugged, closing his locker. "Maybe I don't look in the right places."
"Yeah. I don't think you do." Clay agreed before walking off.
Natalie sighed, slamming her locker shut. Maybe she needed to start.
When you began looking for love, you looked someone you trusted in the eye. What if you were looking at the wrong person? What if the write guy was someone you liked all along?
✺ ✺ ✺
THE NEXT DAY at school, Clay stormed up to Natalia with fire in his eyes. She expected this, but she didn't expect it so soon. She didn't expect hate to boil in his light blue eyes the next day.
"Is there something wrong?" Natalia quizzed and Clay clenched his jaw. Her tone was so nonchalant. She was in on this, and didn't tell him?
"Don't act like you don't know, Natalia." Clay spat.
"Know what, Clay?" Natalia asked, closing her locker. Clay's face began to flush with anger.
"You are on the tapes."
✺ ✺ ✺
Natalia Bexley's had been five drinks in when her lips were smashed into Justin Foley's. His hands roamed her body as their drunken minds lead them to the master bedroom in Bryce Walker's house.
It had been a drunken mistake both of them said, but it felt good when Justin's lips had touched every inch of Natalia's body.
Hannah Baker hadn't crossed their minds once. It was like she didn't exist that night. The pair had been eye-fucking one another shamelessly. Justin had been secretly egged on by Bryce Walker all night. If Justin wouldn't do it, he would.
Justin didn't want Bryce to.
When you apologized months later, you told me it was lust. It was a mistake. You were drunk. Then Justin told me what would've happened if he didn't. He had been scared for you. Did you lie to everyone when you said you wanted to? Or did you do it to avoid the consequences of the powerful Bryce Walker?
✺ ✺ ✺
"You heard it. I had to. I wouldn't of done that if I didn't have to." Natalia whispered, her tone grew frantic when Clay eyed her like a monster.
"You wanted to do it. Didn't you?" Clay asked and Natalia scoffed. "You said that it was a mistake and that you were drunk, but you didn't know what Bryce said, right?"
"I mean, that's what Hannah says, but I don't know. All I know is Justin did what he did and so did I." Natalia responded and Clay let out a sigh before walking away. No hate was left in his eyes. Only the worst thing next to it. Disappointment.
✺ ✺ ✺
I wasn't the only person who had something get sent around. So, did you, Nat.
Natalia slammed the stall door shut and laid one of her palms against the closed door, the other over her mouth, muffling her sobs. She trusted Justin, but whoever anonymously sent this voice memo out knew they'd know who it was. It wasn't Justin because he meant to keep it a secret too.
Giggling was heard outside of the closed stall. Along with the sounds of the voice memo.
Moans and cries rang out into the echoey bathroom which made Natalia's stomach swirl with regret.
The voice memo was captured the night Justin and Natalia hooked up. It was the sounds of them having sex. Loudly.
"I can't believe Bexley, dude. She is a total slut." A random girl commented, pausing the video.
"Oh, Justin! Justin, fuck!" Another girl moaned, picking on Natalia.
"Okay, but Justin sounded, like, really fucking hot. He was totally into it. Did you hear him?" Some bitch said complimenting Justin. Of course the guy gets praised while the girl gets slut-shamed.
You knew what it was like to be humiliated too. I think that's why we got along so well. That's why when you knocked on my door in the middle of the night, sobbing and begging for forgiveness a month later, I answered the door. I let you in. I befriended you. I befriended you even when that was my first heartbreak.
And stick around, Justin. I haven't even started with you yet. I know neither you nor Natalia meant to let me down. In fact, most of you listening probably have no idea what you were truly doing, but you'll find out.
— Savior Complex