Before I start this everyone needs to read this.
This story has to do with an eating disorder.
If it is triggering to ANYONE please DO NOT read it.
I don't want anyone to be triggered by my story, so please, please. If you are struggling with an eating disorder and know you will be triggered, just skip this one-shot. Please.
that's all.
I wish it was Friday. But no. Its not. Its Thursday and I have to go to school. I'm exhausted. I don't want to get up and go and since I'm at Derek's with the pack I'm going to have to eat breakfast.
Its themostimportantmealoftheday
I feel Derek move beside me. Normally we don't sleep in the same bed, I usually get up before he wants to go to sleep and move to the couch. I must've fallen asleep before him though.
There was a soft knock at the door followed by Isaac. He's perfect. I don't know how anyone couldn't love him.
He smiles at me "Scott told me to get you up." He said softly. "Thanks" I replied sitting up. He nodded and walked out closing the door behind him. I'm pretty sure he mumbled something about Derek and I being "mom and dad" I don't know. I don't care.
I walked into the bathroom, I stripped, and I pulled out the scale Derek had under his sink. I took a deep breath before I stepped onto it. Letting out the breath I closed my eyes.
I pretend to be a fat, healthy teenager. My dad pretends he doesn't notice. Everything is fine.
I open my eyes.
100.00 pounds. I'm officially at goal number one.
Ha.
Goal number two is 95. At 95 I'll be light enough to walk with my head up and meaty enough to fool everyone else. At 95 I'll have the strength to stay in control.
Goal number three is 90.
I put the scale away and climb into Derek's shower. This is normal. I have my own shampoo and body wash here. I have my own toothbrush. I even have extra clothes. I don't remember when I started leaving stuff here. I don't remember when Derek stopped caring my stuff was crowding his bedroom and bathroom. I don't remember when he would threaten me or slam me into walls. Or maybe I do.
I heard a knock on the door. I already knew it was Derek. "You can come in Der." I said. I heard the door open and shut again.
This was the routine. He'd wait until I was in the shower. Then he'd knock, walk in, go pee, brush his teeth, and depending on if he was showering he would get dressed or wait until I was done in the shower before getting in himself.
"What do you want for breakfast?" He asked dropping his hairbrush on the floor. "I'm not hungry." I said rinsing the shampoo from the little amount of hair I have on my head. "you didn't eat dinner last night, you're eating breakfast." He said opening and closing a drawer. He's going to brush his teeth. I shut the water off. "I'll just have cereal then." I replied grabbing the towel I had next to the shower and stepping out. Derek watched me as I grabbed my toothbrush. "What?" I asked. He shrugged looking away and going back to brushing his teeth.
I walked downstairs. I knew Derek wouldn't be to far behind me and the pack was in the kitchen. I sighed pulling a bowl from the cupboard and getting out a box of cereal and the milk.
I really do have to eat.
I pour too much cereal in the bowl (150) add in some silky 2% (125) and I sit at the island.
Derek walked passed me rubbing his hand across my back, the warmth fading when his hand did. I pushed the cereal around in the bowl until I noticed Scott watching me. I looked at him. "You okay?" He asked. I nodded "I'm tired." I replied forcing a spoonful into my mouth. Derek set a cup of coffee in front of me. I smile at him. Shit.
Coffee with creamer and sugar (77)
Isaac smiled as Derek sat next to me. He elbowed Erika who was looking at us. "You're right" she said. "They are like a mom and dad" she looked at Isaac. Derek almost spit out his coffee. "Excuse me?" He asked. "Why haven't you asked him out yet?" She asked. "What?" He said.
Derek Hale would never like me.
I put my unfinished bowl of cereal in the sink and grabbed my book bag. I heard someone get up. I knew it was Derek. I walked out the door heading to my car.
"Stiles" he called. "What?" I asked not stopping or turning to look. "Why'd you just leave. was it Erica?" He asked. "No" I sighed. "Why would I care what Erica thinks? Its not like I like you or anything." I heard my voice crack. "Am I really that bad?" He asked. Derek Hale was being insecure. What? "You're perfect Der" I said throwing my bag into the back of my car. "Then why don't you like me?" He asked. "Because you don't like me." I said flatly about to get into my Jeep. He pulled me up to him "that's not true." He said "I-its not?" I asked. He shook his head. "No. I actually really really like you." He said. "that makes one of us." I mumbled. By the look on his face I knew he heard me. "Stiles, you're beautiful." He said. I smiled. "Thanks" even though you're a liar. He leaned in and kissed me. I kissed back wrapping my arms around his neck. "Lets go see a movie tonight." He said against my lips "okay." I agreed. He let go of me holding open the door. "You should get to school." He said just as the rest of the pack walked out. We both knew they were watching us. I nodded "I'll see you later." I said. He nodded. "Yeah." He closed the door for me leaning through the window to peck my cheek. He walked off as Scott got in. "Gross" he laughed. "Whatever." I replied seeing him smile.
I sat at home waiting for Derek. My thoughts eating away at me. I can't think straight.
youhavetoeat
I'm not hungry
eatsomething
No
eatsomething
youhavetoeat
Leave me alone
Eat Stiles. Eat. Eat. Eat.
Don't eat. I can't eat.
Empty is good. Empty is strong.
Eat. No. Eat. No. Eat. No. Eat. No. Eat. No. Eat. No. Eat. No. Eat. No. Eat. No. Eat. No. Eat. No. Eat. No. Eat. No. Eat. No. Eat. No.
I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat.
There was a knock. Quiet enough my thoughts almost drowned it out. Loud enough it was identical to the pounding in my head.
I answered the door. "Hi" I said. Derek turned around. "Hi..uh..these are for you." He said nervously handing me a bouquet of roses. They we're all red. Every single one. They we're beautiful. Every. Single. One.
I wish I was a flower.
"Thanks" I smiled kissing his cheek and pulling him inside. "Just let me put them in a vase, then we can go." He nodded.
The car ride was silent. Silent and long and my thoughts tried overwhelming me once again. "Say something." I said. He glanced at me. "Like what?" He asked. "Anything. Please." I said. "Okay..how was your day?" He asked.
Not about me you adorable doof.
"Fine. I guess." I said. "Better now." I added. He smiled. "Well that's good."
We got to the theater, bought our tickets, and now was the part I was going to dread. Snacks.
Derek got pop and popcorn. "What do you want?" He asked. "Just water." I said quietly. "You sure?" He asked. "Yeah. I'll just steal your popcorn." I joked. I knew I wouldn't. "Okay" he said. He handed me the bottle of water and grabbed my hand leading me toward our desired screening room.
We held hands the entire time. The few moments he let go to throw out his stuff at the end was dreadful. But he quickly gripped my hand again. "Now what?" He asked. I stopped leaning against the wall outside of the building. I shrugged "I don't want to go home yet" I said. "You wanna get dinner?" He asked.
If I say no he'll be suspicious. If I say yes I'll feel like shit for not eating anything. Fuck.
"Uh sure.." I said. What did I do?
We got seated and ordered. I got a salad. "Can I ask you something?" He said. I nodded. "Was what Scott said true?" He asked. "I already told you it wasn't." I said. "Yeah but..you don't really eat. Anything." He said. I sighed "I just uh..I have this weird thing..where I don't like eating in front of people. Its stupid." Where did that come from?
Derek didn't look totally convinced. Although, he is a werewolf. Lying doesn't work well around them.
"Its not stupid." He said. "What?" I asked. "Its not stupid." he repeated. "My sister was like that." He said. I frowned "really?" I asked. He nodded. "Its not stupid. I promise." He said. I think he knows I'm lying. But...he doesn't seem to care.
I pushed my food around. I don't want it. I really really don't want it. "I uh..I'll be right back." I said getting up.
I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat. I can't eat.
I was on the verge of a panic attack. If I eat, then I'll hurt myself. If I don't I'll feel like I dick since he refuses to let me pay. I leaned against the sink. The door opened "you don't have to eat it." It was Derek. I looked at him. "If it's overwhelming you that much, you don't have to eat it." He came closer. "But you're paying...a-and..." he cut me off. "Stiles, it was like 2 bucks. You don't have to eat it." He said. I started crying "you know don't you?" I asked hugging him. He hugged back kissing my head. "Yeah." He replied. "And I'm not going to preach to you about how bad it is. But, I do think you need to get help." He said. I shook my head against his chest. "I don't want help." I said. He sighed not continuing the conversation, thankfully.
"You're really beautiful, you know that?" He said on the ride home. "Don't say that." I mumbled. "Its true." He said. "You're drunk." I told him. "Werewolves can't get drunk Stiles."
Oh God. The way my name rolls off his tongue just makes my heart clench and my stomach jump.
"Can we talk about ANYTHING else?" I asked.
We started getting closer to my house when I asked. "C-can I stay at your place tonight?" He glanced at me. "I just don't want to be home alone all night and my dad won't be home till I'm leaving for school and.." he cut me off. "I'll make you a deal." He said coming to a stop. I looked forward seeing the red light. I waited for him to continue. I waited and waited and waited and it felt like the light was never going to change.
"You can stay at my place..if you try to eat breakfast tomorrow." He said. The light finally changed. "Derek" I said "I'm just asking you to try Stiles" he said. I sighed "okay" I was quiet. So quiet.