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char has not left her room for the past week. everyone is so fucking worried. tim and matt can't sleep, her mother and pauline won't stop crying, and the media won't stop devouring her.
they didn't know if she was reading what they were saying about her. nick and lia tried to go in her room once, but she just went to the bathroom and locked the door.
she didn't wanna see anyone. she didn't wanna hear anyone. she wanted to pretend like humans didn't exist, and that it was just her.
for around 2 nights straight, chris snuck in and slept in front of her door in case she needed someone in the middle of the night. but nicole caught him and almost hit him in the nuts with a frying pan. he decided phone calls will do. so he left her voicemails every single day, even though she knows she won't listen to them, because let's be honest, who does?
matt, however, has been worrying the most. he wakes up at 7 and goes straight to her house, sitting in front of the door, knocking on the door every now and then. he usually goes back home at 11:45 because he gets sleepy.
however, one night, char was feeling extra sad. she didn't know what spiked this sudden sadness, but she couldn't stay alone. she didn't trust herself enough.
she heard shuffling from the other side of the door, matt was getting ready to leave. she almost flew to the door and opened it.
matt's jaw slightly dropped, he definitely didn't expect her to open the door.
"stay." she whispered, it sounded more like a plead than an order.
"o-okay." he sat back down.
"no, in here." she pointed to her room.
"oh." he stood up quickly.
she hadn't talked to him since that night.
he slowly walked in her room. he almost forgot what it looked like; what it smelIled like. he hasn't been in there in so long.
"nothing changed." he commented.
"are you kidding it smells like depression in here." she scoffed, throwing herself on her bed.
"i know how bad i'm getting." she added as an afterthought. "i know i'm losing myself quicker than last time."
when matt didn't respond, she took it as her sign to go on. "it wasn't that i loved isaiah more than josh.. it was the fact that isaiah gave me a false sense of hope. he made me believe that someone could love me without everything blowing up in my face. then he goes and cheats on me. it makes me feel like i'm the problem. not them. because this is what always happens and i'm just sick and tired of it. i don't wanna live my life with no love life, but i don't want it to be an impossibility."
"loving you isn't impossible." he added quietly.
"look at me, matt. look at what keeps happening to me. it's literally impossible." she pointed at herself; her messy hair, and the clothes she hasn't changed out of all week.
"then how am i doing it?" he asked, "how have i been doing it everyday since the day i met you?"
"because you think you love me. just like isaiah. and before him, josh. and before him ethan. and everyone else. once you actually get to be in a relationship with me, you'll realize that the whole time you were fantasizing about the idea of being in a relationship with me. not about me."
"i told you this before, and i'll tell you this now; it's always been you. you can do whatever you want with that. but don't say that no one can ever love you. because i have. i realized i had a crush on you in the 6th grade. i would get this funny feeling in my stomach when i would see you for the first time, or when you would touch my hand accidentally. and i still get them. just like before. i've loved you always. i promise you. because i know you. i know char. i know lottie. the rest only knew charlotte chalamet. timothee's hot younger sister."
"really?" she hates how easily she gives into love, but she's been a hopeless romantic since she could remember, she can't help it.
"really." matt nodded. he knew he could treat her better than any of her other boyfriends. even with less money. yeah, he couldn't fly her out to paris for breakfast, or italy for dinner, but he knows her. her knows her true likes and dislikes. he's practically her. and the same goes to her. they know so much about each other it's remarkable. they were made for each other.
"guess we'll have to wait and see." she gave him a smile, "i'm gonna go shower. you'll be here when i get out?"
"mhm." he nodded.
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when char actually got the water running, she had absolutely no motivation. she was just feeling energized; she wanted to fix whatever mess she got herself into, but that intention was long gone.
she sat on the floor of the tub, hot water hitting her back. she didn't even take her clothes off, she was that lazy. she's been in the shower for half an hour, and the once scorching hot water was getting colder.
"char?" matt knocked on the door. "you okay?"
she didn't answer.
"charlotte?" worry was evident in his voice. "you decent?"
she wanted to answer this time, but she physically couldn't.
"i'm coming in char, you better not be naked." he announced, walking in.
he saw her sitting on the floor, knees to her chest. mascara she forgot to take off was now smeared all over her cheeks.
"you okay?" he sat down on the floor in front of her, water droplets ricocheting off of her back and into his face.
"can we listen to taylor swift?" she mumbled, laying her face on her knees.
"sure. get dressed, we can go get mcdonalds." he nodded.
"no." she shook her head. "here."
"uh.. okay." he took out his phone from his pocket. "which song?"
she thought about which song she wanted. she thought real hard. "happiness."
matt winced. he didn't know all the lyrics to that one, but he's heard her play it every now and then, and the lyrics are fucking depressing.
the entirety of evermore played, then speak now, then half of folklore when she finally stood up and turned off the water.
"those were some depressing ass albums." she scoffed, grabbing a towel.
"tell me about it." he sighed.
"can you.." she motioned for him to turn around.
"i can leave, if you want." he said, turning around.
"you can." she shrugged. "but if you do i'll probably go back into the tub."
"i'll stay." he sat back down on the floor, his back facing her.
she quickly wore her clothes so that he wouldn't wait for long.
"don't look at my feet i don't bring socks into the bathroom." she informed, running out of the bathroom.
"no one brings socks into the bathroom." he reminded, standing up.
she wore socks with mini red scarves all over them, it reminded her of one of her favorite albums: red (tv obviously)
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cutie patooties
💜
J