Author: Pviscelle
Reviewer: SardonicBeauty
Genre: Fantasy/Thriller
"A Midsummer Night's Dream" is a fantasy-themed short story that revolves around Bierra Host, a seventeen-year-old girl. While the story is based on her, the premise is set from the point of view of an incubus.
Although it is a short story, I thoroughly enjoyed the revelations made in the plot. The story is set in the 1920s, and the dialogue reflects the language of that era.
The story is intriguing, providing interesting information and character details.
Now, let's focus on the technical aspects of the story.
Firstly, I'd like to address character development. The incidents are presented from the perspective of the incubus, not Bierra herself. While this adds an interesting perception, it doesn't contribute significantly to character development. To enhance the story, it would be beneficial to include finer details that show the changes in Bierra's behavior as she falls deeper for him. For example:
"I could see it in her eyes. I observed how she made excuses to spend more time with him, slowly torturing herself. She would lean her head on the window sill, watching him go out with her foster sibling, her delicate features marred by a frown, silently wishing it was her instead."
This is just an example. Showing the changes in Bierra's behavior would have a stronger impact than simply stating them.
Secondly, let's discuss the plot of the story. It's an interesting and impressive use of fantasy, showcasing the true essence of imagination. I believe the primary genre of this book is a psychological thriller, although it lacks the inner conflict that leads to a climactic moment. The plot revolves around focusing on the perspective of the characters Bierra imagines. To add more thrill to the story, you could depict how Bierra acts after imagining her time with the boy and show the negative impact it has on her foster sibling. This is just an idea or food for thought if you consider rewriting the story.
Thirdly, the setting of the story is well done, with sufficient details. To further solidify the timeline, you could incorporate elements such as the types of cars used in the 1920s, the educational system, and the specific schools present during that era.
Lastly, regarding other details: Instead of writing "incites against my chest," you could use a phrase like "a bestial or guttural growl rumbled in my chest." There are instances where you have used the past tense, such as "would" and "was," which are appropriate in some cases but incorrect in others. For example, instead of "he would frequent her house," it should be "he would frequently visit her house."
Now, regarding the topic of schizophrenia. When writing a story that mentions this topic, it is important to provide a trigger warning at the beginning of the chapter. You never know who might be reading the story and how it might affect them. There are mature scenes, and I would advise you to include warnings for those as well, as the actions depicted may be triggering for some readers.
In the preface, add a warning beforehand and also explain what schizophrenia is in your reflection, describing how it affects people, and provide a link to the source you obtained the information from.
I would rate this short story 4 out of 5 stars. It is an interesting read that offers a unique perspective. With some minor edits and another read-through, it can be improved.