tw: mentions of sexual assault
if you are sensitive to the topic, i am begging you NOT to read this chapter. your mental health and well being matters so much more. if you experience any situation to deal with sa, don't say silent.
January 21, 2015
Dear diary
Its been a month since we've gotten out of the US and Budapest is much calmer. We don't have to be undercover as much and we even have our own house. Its an apartment but it was big enough for me and Bucky. We didnt need anything big at all because its only us to.
Bucky and I have been living here for a lot of months. I had my 9th birthday, somehow Bucky knew it, and so actually i'm 31, i don't get it. I was born in 1985, but i'm physically 9. Weird, right? So I'm just gonna stick to 9! Bucky knew my birthdate some how. I guess it passed awhile ago but Bucky and me celebrated a few days ago.
Bucky says that were safe and Im happy. I also finished that book. I gave up after a month because it sucked ass but Bucky said I should learn how. So Bucky made me read a chapter a day. Turns out the book wasnt so bad.
Bucky said my reading and writing has gotten really good. He hasnt read my diaries but when we practice together he said i do good. I love Bucky. Bucky is my best friend.
- Cecelia Barnes
"Ceil, breakfast, doll!" Bucky said from the kitchen.
"Coming!" Cecelia yelled as she closed her notebook. She slid it under her bed and went running into the kitchen. Her brown thick brown hair annoying her in the process by getting into her face.
"Make your bed?" He asked as he placed a plate of eggs in front of her. Cecelia nodded her head as she grabbed a fork. "Lying to me?" He asked, Cecelia hesitated. She nodded her head, Bucky sighed.
"Cecelia." He said, sighing.
"Bucky." Cecelia mocked, he shook his head at her smart attitude. She dug into her eggs as Bucky grabbed a hair brush from off the counter. Her hair was a mess, and it showed. It was in knots, it was frizzy, and she also just had a bed head.
"We've gotta get you a haircut." He sighed as he ran the hairbrush through her long locks. She took a bite of eggs as he pulled at a knot.
"You need a haircut to." Cecelia said, Bucky chuckled as her head went back because of a big knot he brushed. "Ow." She said bringing her head back up.
"Sorry," He apologized as he ran the brush through her hair again.
"How're the eggs?" He asked, changing the subject. She nodded her head as she swallowed some.
"They're good." She complimented. Bucky raised his eyebrows at her compliment.
"No complaints?" He asked surprised. Cecelia laughed as she put her fork down. Usually she'd complain that they were to runny, or not runny enough.
"Nope." She said as he put the brush down on the counter. He was having a hard time getting the knots out of her hair.
"Well, thanks." He said, patting her shoulders. He started to put the
"Fucking God, why is your hair so thick?" He asked as he walked over to one of the drawers in the kitchen. He went through it as Cecelia shrugged.
"Ask my dead parents." She said, making Bucky frown. He shook his head as he searched for a pair of scissors.
"Don't joke like that, doll." He said, Cecelia took a bite of her eggs as he scolded her.
"They sold me." Cecelia defended as Bucky found a pair of kitchen scissors. "And then guess what, instead of money, mom got her brains blown out, pops-" Cecelia said as Bucky grabbed the hair brush. He brushed out her hair more, trying to get some knots out. Her head was dragged back and she yelped.
"Ceily, I'm serious. Don't talk about it." Bucky said. Cecelia nodded her head before apologizing.
"Sorry." She muttered, Bucky nodded his head.
"It's fine." Bucky said, he looked around before getting the scissors from his pocket. He looked around for something in the kitchen.
I need a bowl He thought to himself. Cecelia ate the rest of her eggs before walking to the sink. I can't give the poor kid a bowl cut He thought again before shaking his head. He put the scissors back in his pocket as Cecelia walked to the sink with her plate. She put it in the sink and then Bucky sighed. He was cutting her hair.
"Ceily sit down over here, doll." He said pointing at the chair. Cecelia walked over and sat in the chair.
"So what's the deal for today?" Cecelia asked as Bucky took the scissors out. He grabbed a piece of her hair and sighed.
"I was thinking we'd chill out here." Bucky said as Cecelia shifted how she was sitting, right as Bucky was about to cut off a chunk of her hair.
"Don't move, you've got a big bug on you." Bucky said and Cecelia moved around again.
"What? Where?" She asked looked past her shoulder.
"Stay still and I'll get it." Bucky said louder than expected.
"What if it kills me and I die?" Cecelia asked nervously. Bucky grabbed the scissors and cut off a big chunk. Her hair was still long because it went below her shoulders. She furrowed her eye brows when she heard the snip, and then a weight lifted off her shoulder.
She slowly turned around, her eyebrows knitted together. "What did you do?" She asked as he held up her hair with a reassuring smile.
"Ceily, I swear I know what I'm doing-"
"You just cut it out!" She cried as he held it in his metal arm.
"You got your first hair cut though." He said and she stared at him. She looked annoyed, but she was kinda happy, almost put at ease a little. She hadn't cut her hair in years, and her hair was thick, and always getting in the way.
It also reminded her of Hydra.
The amount of times she was dragged by her hair was horrible. Maybe that's why she preferred always having braids in a low bun, there was nothing to pull at.
"Let me even it out, and you'll like it. I swear." He said putting his hand out for her to shake in.
But maybe she deserved to have the constant reminder that she was a monster. A little girl that killed people. That's what she thought of herself at least, she actually couldn't even consider herself a little girl. That's because little girls don't kill more than a dozen each year.
"I'm gonna cut it either way, doll." He said and Cecelia turned around. He nodded his head as he grabbed the kitchen scissors again. He dropped the chunk of brunette hair and started cutting again.
"See, you're gonna have boys chasing after you now." Bucky said as Cecelia looked at her lap. Cecelia didn't like boys, or men in that matter. "Actually, no. You can't get a boyfriend till your 30." He said, most the boys Cecelia knew where 30. They'd do whatever they want. They didn't care how young she was.
"I am 30." Cecelia said, Bucky frowned, shaking his head.
"You know what I mean, doll." He said. as he cut another price out.
"I don't like boys, anyways." Cecelia said, Bucky looked down. He knew what happened, he didn't want to bring it up though. He knew those men would touch her, do and stuff to her. Essentially, they'd rape her. Pierce didn't care.
"What about me, doll? I'm your best friend and I'm a boy." Bucky said, making her giggle. It sounded much creepier than it should have...
"No, not like that. I'm never dating a boy, never ever." Cecelia said as she heard snips and then feeling hair go to the floor.
"That's a relief." He said and Cecelia nodded her head.
"Don't move." He laughed, Cecelia stared ahead.
"I'm gonna stay with you forever and ever and ever." She said, making him smile.
"What if you get sick of me?" Bucky asked. Cecelia sighed, rolling her eyes.
"I'll never get sick of you, Buck."
Bucky's heart melted heating the words come from her mouth. Though she was usually annoying, and she couldn't shut up, it was the moments like these when he just wanted to wrap her into a hug.
"How do you know how to cut hair?" Cecelia asked, Bucky sighed looking down. He's been getting memories lately, from when he was younger. Cecelia could say something, and it was like he was back in the 40s, sometimes earlier.
"I had a sister, our parents passed when we were younger, so I was kinda in charge I guess." Bucky said, Cecelia raised her eyebrows.
"What was her name?" Cecelia asked him, Bucky grabbed the hairbrush and brushed it through her hair.
"Rebecca, called her Becky though." Bucky said, Cecelia felt the hairbrush smoothly go through her hair for the first time in forever.
"I was an only child, I think." Cecelia said, Bucky nodded his head. "Any brothers?" Cecelia asked and Bucky shrugged his shoulders. Kind of.
"Somethin' like that." He said, making Cecelia furrow her eyebrows.
"What do you mean?" She asked and Bucky sighed.
"Remember Steve, the guy I pulled out of the river?" Bucky asked and Cecelia almost nodded her head. She realized she shouldn't, so then answered with a simple yes. "Well, he was someone like my brother, a long time ago." Bucky said and Cecelia sighed.
"So you weren't actually related?" Cecelia asked him, Bucky shook his head no.
"No, it's kinda like you and me. We're not related, we're just really, really close." Bucky said, Cecelia nodded her head. Bucky frowned and removed the scissors away.
After around 5 minutes, Bucky was finished. Surprisingly it wasn't horrible, a little uneven, but you couldn't notice much.
Cecelia was looking in the mirror with a smile on her face. It was the first time she liked her reflection.
Bucky stared with a smile. It was the first time she wasn't disgusted by her reflection. She was happy.
That's all Bucky wanted.
A/N:
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hey y'all