innocent

louisiana

"Buck, where're we going?" Cecelia asked as she looked at Bucky. In his hand he was holding a metal brief case with something in it. Cecelia had a sling on, which was Bucky's orders. She popped it out and back in after reaching for a cup in the cabinet. Her arm with the sling was probably a lot more serious than she considered, she thought since she was a super soldier she'd be healed within a couple hours, but that wasn't the case this time. So, no more using the right arm.

"To get Sam, I've got something for him." He said, Cecelia nodded her head and continued to look forward. They were on a plane to Louisiana, this was the second time they were on a plane in less than 24 hours.

"I saw Steve yesterday." Cecelia said Bucky raised his eyebrows. He looked down at her with confusion.

"What?" Bucky asked and she nodded her head.

"Yeah, visited him." Cecelia said as she laid her head on Bucky's shoulder. Bucky nodded his head.

"How is he?" Bucky asked and Cecelia shrugged her shoulders. He looked alright, but he was getting worse everyday.

"Better than tomorrow worse than yesterday." She shrugged as she looked up at him. He nodded his head and reached for hers. He held her hand as she laid her head on his shoulder. "I know it's selfish,  it I kinda wished he just stayed for you and me." Cecelia said as she played with his fingers. Bucky watched as she did so.

"It's not selfish." Bucky said, Cecelia shrugged again. "And I do to, doll. Then this whole shit show wouldn't have happened." Bucky said, Cecelia swallowed the lump in her throat as he spoke.

"He gave me Natasha's jacket, the one with the pockets." Cecelia said, Bucky raised his eyebrows. She took a deep breath. "I miss her." Cecelia admitted, Bucky nodded his head.

Cecelia had nightmares of October 17th. Natasha dying, Thano's hand around her neck, seeing Tony. Then she also had other things, what could've been. Maybe if Steve took Natasha dying as her fault, Tony never forgiving her or if she never made an amend to him, if Thanos killed her, and if the snap never worked. It always scared her.

Even though she finished her amends, her nightmares never went away. And that meant the Hydra Soldier was still apart of her. Stuck in the back of her head. She was a constant reminder.

Sometimes Cecelia felt like Celia was still there, talking her. As if she was a conscience. If Cecelia made a mistake, the Soldier was there to remind her of who she was. It made Cecelia feel horrible, sick to her stomach.

Even though Bucky preferred to be called Bucky over James, he didn't consider James as a bad person. He was James before Bucky, it's just that it was what everyone called him in Hydra, other than The Winter Soldier. So he didn't mind James, he preferred Bucky.

But, Cecelia was different. She hated Celia. She felt like that was just a name, a tragedy even. Celia wasn't good, even though she was a kid, but that's what Hydra called her. Cecelia hated that, it's what her horrid parents called her to. Cecelia needed a change. So when Bucky named her something, it meant a lot to her. It meant everything.

When Natasha and Steve asked her, Cecelia explained it. She expected them to say it was Stupid, or idiotic. But that's how Natasha was. She used to be Natalia, and then when she escaped, she didn't want to be Natalia, she wanted to be Natasha. Their acceptance meant everything.

But, that wasn't the point now. The point was that Cecelia felt like Celia was always there. Not the sweet little girl who cared deeply about her family, but the killer, the machine, the assassin.
She hated it. 

"Can I tell you something?" Cecelia asked, Bucky nodded his head.

"Go for it."

"Sometimes I feel like the soldier is still there. Not like, I can snap and go on a killing spree, but she's just there, in the back of my head just giving me a constant reminder of how horrible I actually am." Cecelia explained to him. Bucky nodded his head, understanding. She closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. "I had a nightmare, even though I finished the amends." Cecelia said Bucky looked at her, confused.