As my eyes fluttered open I took in my surroundings, allowing my hand to glide over the soft sheets, only to realize it was cold on Drew's side of the bed. I turned to see that she wasn't there, almost startling me. I took a deep breath, realizing that she was probably downstairs waiting for me to wake up.
As I laid face up staring at her ceiling I analyzed everything that had happened last night. Drew had most definitely came onto me, I had refused her, but not because I didn't want her. No, that wasn't why at all. I had refused her because even whenever I was desperately craving to feel her against me I wanted it to be fair to both of us. I knew Drew didn't care about those types of things, but I did, and I had confessed that I was willing to wait until she was ready.
I wanted her to be willing and ready to receive on my end, but I didn't know how long it would take for her to be comfortable enough.
I had to take into account that we haven't even known each other long, almost three months but not quite. I thought we had made amazing progress considering both of our situations, so what was the rush? I wanted Drew and I to work out more than anything, and waiting with her always seemed to be worth it.
I figured it would be worth it for this too.
I sat up as I heard Drew coming up the stairs. My heartbeat speeding up just enough to make me feel nervous, and when she appeared at the door I couldn't help but smile.
She stood there in all her glory, leaning against the doorframe with folded arms, "You're finally up."
I pouted, "How long have you been awake?"
She shook her head, smiling, "Only about an hour, don't worry."
"You should've woken me up."
She walked over to me slowly then, crawling over her bed to meet me. I felt my tongue wet my lips almost instinctively as her face came close to my own. She gave me a good morning kiss, something that was different on her end before responding to my previous comment.
"I wanted to let you sleep," she confessed, sitting on her knees in front of me. "You were exhausted last night so..."
I couldn't help but smile at her consideration. How could someone so damaged be so damn cute and selfless? I lifted my hands, cupping her face and kissing her a little more before realizing I had morning breath.
I pulled away, covering my mouth in humiliation, "I'm sorry, my breath stinks..."
She laughed, shaking her head, "I don't care. I made breakfast. Well, it's more like brunch now that it's ten-thirty but, come down whenever you're ready."
I watched her disappear down the stairs as I smiled to myself, realizing that I wouldn't regret my decision I had made last night.
Waiting would be worth it, I was sure of that.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Drew, please tell me you're here," I began to panic as I walked through the halls on my cell phone. Wednesday afternoon had come quickly, and today was the costume fitting. I had ordered Drew to meet me outside at 2 o'clock sharp so I can bring her where we needed to be.
"I'm outside. Are you panicking?"
I rolled my eyes and smiled as I made it out the front door, seeing her standing there with her phone pressed to her ear. We hung up but I responded, "I was, but now I'm okay."
She shook her head, smiling, "You should trust me more you know."
I grabbed her hand, pulling her into the building eagerly, "I do trust you, but I get like this for every recital."
It didn't take us long to make it where everyone else was waiting, and I caught sight of Jeremy, Amelia and of course Maria. I pulled Drew towards them and eventually everyone's attention was on me and my unfamiliar dance partner. I decided to ignore the stares as I stopped abruptly next to my other three dancers.
Amelia eyed Drew, "Hey, you're the gym worker!"
Drew seemed surprised to be recognized by the dancer, "Yea, it's Drew, though."
Jeremy chimed in, "That's her partner for the duet."
Maria nudged me playfully as Amelia seemed to eye Drew a little longer than my liking. She nodded, "I think it's awesome that you chose your girlfriend."
My skin ran cold at her comment, realizing most people here thought Drew was in fact my girlfriend when she wasn't. I sucked in a tight breath and corrected her, "Um, well she's not my girlfriend... I just said that to Andrews to make her feel bad."
Jeremy and Maria had gone silent as Amelia corrected herself, "Oh my bad..."
I was conscious of Drew's reaction because whenever the word 'girlfriend' had left Amelia's mouth her hand squeezed mine; making me aware we were in fact still holding hands. I let her go immediately, not wanting her to feel more uncomfortable than she already did.
Then they called for the soloists and I dragged Drew with me, knowing me and my group would be going later. I looked back at her, apologizing, "Drew I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable... I just told the director we were together because-"
"Why are you apologizing?" she interrupted as her silvery eyes looked at me. "I'm glad people think we're together."
I felt the relief settle in the place of my worry then, thanking God that she hadn't been mad or upset with me. Why had I been convinced otherwise? I mean we were practically together, just without the label. We had never discussed it thoroughly, but like I had told her, we would take it slow, but not too slow.
But now was not to the time as the design students grabbed Drew and I first, eager to get the one and only duet out of the way. I was shuffled into a separate dressing room apart from Drew, and I was handed the dress I had personally drew up myself. It wasn't anything spectacular, but I was eager to see it on me.
And I was eager to see Drew's as well.
I stripped, throwing on the dress and fixing it quickly against my body. I could hear Drew shuffling into her own apparel I had designed, knowing it was nothing too fancy. While I was wearing a simple black lyrical dress that came over one shoulder I had picked something out a little different for Drew.
I figured another dress would hinder her capability to execute the lifts, but khaki's and tight shirts also screamed 'masculine' in the dance world. I didn't want that, mostly because we were making a statement, so keeping Drew's apparel feminine yet comfortable was a necessity.
I stepped out, waiting for Drew to join me as I watched her throw the curtain back, revealing a sight for sore eyes. She seemed to love my outfit as she walked over to me, "You look..."
I grabbed her hand, "Thank you," and then I led her over to the full body mirror where the designers would take notes on any alterations. Although, looking at Drew I realized she probably wouldn't need any.
We stepped on the platform together, allowing the students to inspect us as I inspected Drew quietly. Her black, spandex shorts were made to look dressy, but I made sure they designed them with the most comfortable material. There was a fake button and pockets on the front, but they were merely for decoration. Her snow-white top was a loose yet feminine, boyfriend button-down, obviously made to contrast with her shorts and my own black dress.
I walked up closer to her, grabbing the front edge of her shirt and tucking it into the front of her shorts. I felt her suck in a tight breath whenever my hands grazed her stomach, and then the waistband of her pants..
I smirked, "You'll wear it like this for dress rehearsal and the recital."
Her eyes were taking me in along with my new found confidence. I was afraid for a second I had taken it too far with touching her but soon realized she had been nervous, but a good nervous. It reminded me of the way she made me whenever her own hands touched me.
She tilted her head, her blonde waves falling around her shapely face, "You designed these outfits?"
I nodded, "I might've had a big say-so. Why?"
She looked at herself and then me in the mirror, "Because I think we look great. You really have a good eye for things, you know."
I smiled at her compliment, biting my lip in response. I loved when she talked sweet, and I could tell she was genuine. I was more impressed by how great she seemed to look in her costume yet she didn't have her hair or make-up done. How was she so naturally flawless?
One of the designers tugged on the fabric running over my shoulder, "Do you think we need to tighten this up a bit?"
I looked at the student, realizing I had been completely lost in our moment. I nodded, "Uh, yea definitely. Also make the torso a little tighter."
Then he turned to Drew and asked, "What about you?"
Drew shook her head, "No, I think this is perfect."
The design student smiled widely, "I think it is too. These costumes go great together. I love how you kept them both feminine Bree, way to break the mold."
I took his compliment with ease, walking back to the dressing room alongside Drew. Before she disappeared I smiled, "I'll walk you back out after we change."
She nodded, "Okay."
I disappeared into the dressing room again to change back into my day clothes, knowing I would have to strip down one last time for my group fitting. I knew it wasn't until later so I wasn't worried, and I walked back out to meet Drew.
She smiled at me as I began guiding her towards the exit, knowing I would see her tomorrow back at the studio. Our last rehearsal was tomorrow night, and I decided to mention my plans to her, "So tomorrow Maria's going to watch stay during our rehearsal. Give us some feedback and help us with anything that might need a little attention."
Drew nodded, "Cool."
Making it out the front doors I looked up at her, the cold swarming around us quickly. The sudden temperature change was uncomfortable, but when Drew pulled me into her I suddenly forgot all about it. Her lips made my entire body heat up and I decided that I would never understand how she could do that to me.
She pulled away then, "I'll see you tomorrow."
Smiling like an idiot I nodded, "Y-Yea... tomorrow."
Good Bree, really?
She smirked at my nervousness, which seemed to have all of sudden made an appearance after her sudden kiss. She turned away then; most likely walking back to the gym considering it wasn't far from the university. I trembled in the cold until she turned the corner, completely disappearing from my view, and then I turned back to go inside.
Ever since last night something had changed in Drew, something good and I wasn't sure what it was yet. All I knew was that she was growing more affectionate, and I liked to believe that it was because I had agreed to wait for her. Maybe it was her forcing herself to get used to affection, which was good and bad to me.
I didn't want her to rush, but I did want her to push herself out of her comfort zone. I knew that was the only way we would ever get anywhere, and for some reason I had a feeling she was doing just that.
She was doing it for me, and that was the most flattering thing in the world.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Nearing the end of my final rehearsal with my group I could feel my emotions getting to me. It wasn't because I was mad or angry or anything, but this was my last group rehearsal with the people I had danced with for years. Some were newer than others but this was the group I had gone through my time at NYU with, people would I would most likely never have the pleasure of dancing with again.
I was an understatement to say I would miss them; well at least most of them, so when we wrapped up the final counts of our song I couldn't help but feel a little sad. Everyone seemed to feel the same as they all lingered, talking with one another. Of course this wouldn't be the very last time we danced together, but this would be the last time outside of the performance hall.
Jeremy was close to tears when he called out, "Okay, group hug before every leaves!"
I smiled at his sentimentality as we all gathered in for our giant circle. I couldn't help but feel a little overwhelmed by the joyful memories we all shared together, so saying a few words before they left felt like the right thing to do.
I cleared my throat, "I just want to say I'm so glad I had the pleasure of working with all of you over the last few years. This was honestly the best group of people I've ever met. I know this isn't the last time dancing together but, I know after this recital everything's going to end really fast. I want to say I'm proud of everyone beforehand, you all made my choreographing real, and I couldn't be more grateful."
Maria teased, hugging me closer, "Shut up, you're gonna make us all cry."
Another one of my dancers chimed in, "Oh gosh, I'm gonna miss these crazy rehearsals with you guys."
Amelia countered, "I may have hated all of you at times while rehearsing but I'm gonna miss it anyway. I've learned so much from all of you."
And with that we ended our final rehearsal, a few of them lingering longer than others. It was bitter sweet of course, but life went on, and although rehearsals were over we would still perform two more times together, then that was it.
I swallowed the lump in my throat as Maria walked up beside me, "You okay?"
I nodded, "Yea, just a little overwhelmed from all the feels."
She nudged me, smiling, "It'll be okay. Drew will get here soon enough and that'll all vanish."
I looked at her and rolled my eyes, smiling, "Shut-up."
Then as Drew walked through the door I felt my mood instantly change, just like Maria had claimed. She knew me better than most, and with one look from Drew all the sadness I had just felt melted away. How could she do such a thing without even trying?
She dropped her bag and smiled, "Hey Maria."
"Hey," Maria answered, giving her a smile before asking, "We should start, I have my last and hardest final tomorrow and I really need to study."
I knew she was right, which made Drew look at me with a concerned expression, "Do you need to study?"
I shook my head, "No, I took my finals earlier this week."
Maria teased, "And Bree doesn't really need to study. She's exceptionally smart. I still don't understand how she does it."
Drew looked at me and I beamed with pride. Even though this semester had been a piece of cake, my others had not. I had busted my ass, Maria knew that, but she always thought I was a genius because I could pull out straight A's without even trying. I just didn't have to try as hard as her, but that didn't mean I was more intelligent. I just retained a lot easier than she did, which wasn't a good or bad thing.
Drew stretched for a bit while I took a sip of water and found the song we were dancing too, giving me the chance to instruct Maria whenever she needed to press play.
Starting from the beginning Drew stepped behind me, repeating the moves for what felt like the millionth time. Yet my heart still slammed against my chest, almost out of habit now whenever her hands roamed my body. This was the same dance that had put me on edge about going home with her, and suddenly reminded me why I had been dying to leave with her after.
We continued our moves, obviously feeling a lot more comfortable with them since we had rehearsed consistently. They were second nature, so I allowed myself to feel more, and moving to the music became easier.
Time passed quickly as I prepared myself for our first extreme lift, Drew lifting me off the ground and allowing me to bend over her shoulder. It was done with ease and grace, but I had no time to look over at Maria. I would have to wait till we were finished to see her reaction.
We began moving faster, me spinning under her arm and coming face to face with her. It was so hard not getting lost in those eyes that seemed to glow a little brighter every time we danced together, but it was clear she enjoyed this.
The chemistry between us was obvious as well, and whenever we came so close I had to remind myself we had a job to do and not to get carried away.
Eventually I was behind Drew, my hands on her shoulders as I rested my head momentarily on her back. Her scent was intoxicating, and the way the warmth of her body touched mine only made me want her more.
I ran my hands down her right arm, kneeling slowly as I guided my face into her open palm, planting a quick kiss before I shot back up. I threw myself back only to have Drew's arm grab behind my neck, pulling me back into her just like we had practiced.
Continuing the dance moves the music surrounded me and Drew, almost sending us into another world. This was normal for us, but Maria was the one keeping us in reality. I knew she was watching but I didn't know if she thought good of it. I knew it was good, but I wanted it to be great.
At the moment Drew and I were hand in hand, facing each other as she pulled me into her. I leaped forward, my legs wrapping around her hips while my arms around her neck. She caught me, just like every other time, and I tightened my legs around her while she bent me over.
Although I felt so adrenalized I also felt exposed and vulnerable, which was intentional because it was meant to make the audience feel that way too. I could feel her abdomen contract as she held me up while I let myself go, her arm also supporting me under my back.
She let me go after we executed yet another tough move, allowing us to finally close out our first, but hopefully not last, dance. I was lost in her eyes even though the song had ended, and when I heard Maria's voice I was pulled back into reality once again.
"Holy shit, Breanna...."
I looked at her, "What? Was it too much? We can change-"
"Hell no! You're keeping it just the way it is! Are you crazy? Change it? That was almost perfecto!"
I smiled with joy, "Well thank you," and then I caught it, "Wait, what do you mean almost perfect?"
Maria laughed, "Well there were some parts that need attention, but it's easy fixes, don't worry."
I sighed, knowing we couldn't be perfect, "That's what you're here for."
She patted my shoulder, "No but seriously, it's... amazing."
I felt a wave of relief hearing that, knowing she meant it because even when she was my best friend she was also the most honest person I knew. If you wanted the absolute truth you went to Maria, and she wouldn't sugar coat anything.
She chimed in again, "Let's get to work so I can leave you two to it."
And so we did, and suddenly the anticipation for Saturday night was at its all-time high. I was overly excited to dance with Drew in front of hundreds of people, and I was eager to show her off to be honest. But most of all I was just happy that I had the opportunity, because if I wouldn't have gotten my solo taken away none of this would've happened.
And suddenly losing the solo was the best thing to ever happen to me.