ZEHRA
"Don't say, something you don't mean. You are not indebted to lie to feel safe or if you need something from me. Okay? Do you ask? No, you take it! You take whatever you want! And never explain to me why you wanted it! Okay?" he shoved my words away with his deep rage that just overwhelmed me and made me stick to the television behind me.
And the need, the question that arose in me was,
"So every time I will tell you I love you, you will never believe me?" I asked him, he says he wants to hear me from my soul. One that is not there, and can not be resurrected.
So, if someday, my words were meant for the right reasons, will they be welcomed with a shouting wrath followed by a series of apologies?
My question blindsided him, when he shook his head, trying to regain insanity, I was scared to challenge him alone, right now.
But I could not stop myself.
"I will accept it! When you are not saying it like a fucking empty vase! Zehra! When you mean it from your heart!" He gritted, his hands on his head, taking steps back, looking everywhere but me.
And I wanted those mixed eyes to stare at me right,
He must know! I am never going to offer him what he wants from me.
And his constant pressure, with his beautiful gestures, is maddening me!
Making me feel so bad about myself. Like I am a goddamn leech! A freeloader! A barnacle! Who is just sucking him off?
Some things I chose to make me feel like a whore. But being a blood-sucking moocher was never my choice.
And his approach to have my soul that does not exist? Is making me feel wretched and rotten.
"I don't have a heart and a soul! So stop torturing me! And just send me back to Vandigana" I yelled at him. And he halted, completely stilled.
The eyes that he did not meet with me while he was moving in the room, just stopped completely, as those raise to me. But those irises did not explode when they saw me right now. And the white pool where his gorgeous iris rested was a pool of red blood. Completely red.
This anger. I have witnessed it. I have seen this face, and this redness, this stillness.
It's the calm before the storm. The storm that left me dreading the last time I was caught in its winds.
But last time I had a saviour. Today?
I was alone in a room with him.
Just hide yourself in the room and shut the doors.
The words of instruction I have received several times replayed in my head.
The door was far away, with so many obstacles in the middle, the stool and the tables. And he was right across from me.
My fear was right, my nerves when they yelled at me to stop were right.
I shook my head, in the begging gestured, reminding the guy before me, I am Zehra. He would never hurt me intentionally and even if this was not intended he might do it in the fit of his anger.
He took a step towards me, and I shook my head vigorously. "Please, Daiwik no!" I begged him to be back, to be back at his normal state. But he just picked up his laptop and threw it beside my feet.
I gasped, sticking myself into the television even more, crumbling my feet back, so his attack does not hurt me.
I closed my eyes, shaking my head. My hand on my mouth, holding back my tears, and my screams, as he picked up the jug of water and threw it at the wall beside me. And the water splattered across me and the floor.
I whimpered. "You want to go back! You want to go back-" He started yelling at me now. He picked up the table and threw it across the wall. The beautiful table shattered in a minute, the glass across the floor.
I shouted this time, but getting one obstacle away, I instantly found myself running for the door. As I ran inside our bedroom and shut the door, applying the latch. I hold it still. But from the coloured translucent glass felt his huge body on the door already.
As he started pounding on it loudly, cursing to open it!
He did it last time too, but Dev stopped him.
I am alone. What if he enters? What will he do? I wondered shaking my head, as I hold the door still but his hard pouncing was easy to tell that it will break the latch. I started to shove the cabinets across the door, as I managed and sealed the door.
I sat across from the cabinet and tried to hold my racing heart still. My tears were no longer in my grasp, they kept flowing. I heard him yelling and screaming from the other side.
"You want to go to that hell hole! FINE!" He thumped on the door hard, and I am convinced this is his foot attack.
I put all my weight on the cabinet behind me, "Vandigana!! Vandigana! VANDIGANA!" He screamed so loud. His anger seemed to be rising along with his rising words.
As he started to pound on the door.
But soon the pounding turned into punches. And he broke a coloured glass.
His hands bled, his face slightly showily, fear ran through my nerves, but I stumbled on my feet, my eyes went to the bed and my cell phone rested there.
Instant relief ran inside me, as I walked up to the phone dialling Dev's number, and in two quick rings, he picked up,
"Is your fake wife not keeping you busy?" his greetings, but I shoved it away,
"Devakshaya!" I managed today, and the loud cursing was enough for him to go understand what was going on.
"I will be there!" he hung the call, and I turned to see, Daiwik hitting another glass next to the broken one. And in one quick shatter, the glass broke down.
I sat down, hoping that not being able to see me, might lower his anger.
"I fucking worked my ass off! So I can save myself! And come to save you! But you? You want to go to Vandigana?" he shouted again and again.
After four broken glasses, finally, the door sounded and someone took the enraged Daiwik away from my door, I looked at Dev taking him inside the television room. The anger did not reside for the next few minutes, and broken shattered pieces.
But finally, his rage died, subsiding the noise and creating utter silence. I breathe heavily, my heart beating in my ears, as I sat on the floor my legs hugging my chest.
His words, his awful words.
Your brother not feeding you was torture!
Your brother selling you to a man was torture!
Your brother hitting you was torture!
And you say I torture you!
Go! Go to that Vandigana and be tortured in real life!
I know all those were angry retorts, but a part of me got affected by his words.
I closed my eyes, trying to calm my nerves.
The door knocked and I almost jumped in my place.
I stood to my feet as I saw Daiwik standing on the other side, blood dripping down from his head.
Did he hit his head too?
His face had hindered by the wooden circular structural designs, "Please open the door," The tingle of fear stopped me, and he begged me again, "Please..." I slide the cabinet aside, my hands halted at the latch.
Hoping he is back to normal, with so moments and a creeping fear, I opened the door, his eyes meeting mine but the chaos in them had died too. As he fell on his knees before me,
"I am sorry."
~
PAST ( 1 year ago) -:-
I heard the knock and opened the door, nobody was home except me and Abu.
When no one was at the show, a part of me was well aware of who it was, I looked down and found the Gajra and the letter.
I picked it up from the floor and walked up to the pile of garbage in the corner of the alleyway and I threw it.
Hoping he could see, that I am not interested in his fake promises when he refused to acknowledge me.
I looked around, and I saw a shadow in the darkness of another house. I wanted to walk up, there and tell him how fake promises don't affect me. And that just stop sending me letters. And end this!
But, I decided to choose my silence over anything.
I stormed back inside the house. And since he was watching me I chose to throw all the letters I ever received from him in front of his eyes.
I walked up to where my books were, and shoving away the whole pile, I picked up the letters I have tied in a bunch, and walked out of the house, looking at his shadow, as he instantly turned his face around the moment he saw me. But in his eyes, I could feel the warmth of his eyes on my body. As I opened every letter, I tore it into four pieces right before him and threw it in the garbage.
One after another, I shred his presence from my life of four years and destroyed it. Completely.
Without any effort. I cried enough for someone who refused to see me that day.
And I am right because if I weren't he would have shown up and stopped me, asking me why I am doing this.
His silence was his admittance.
I saw my love being shredded by my own hands as I threw them into the pile of nothing.
I looked at his back and gulped down, tears slipped from my right hand, setting on my cheek, but I pushed it away. I am not going to cry for him.
~
PRESENT -:-
Watching him, falling to his knees once again, I shook my head, unsure of what to say. And what to do? I was confused, consumed in pain, in tears and fear.
His capability of ruining me, with his actions has just grown from the past to the present.
I shook my head, but his eyes with that small gleam of tears reflecting was suggesting to me that I should forgive him.
But how can I?
He was openly attacking me in his rage today, maybe I did push the trigger to his insanity but am I supposed to fear consequences every time I take the name of my hometown?
"I did not mean to hurt you like this," he said, on his knees before me but I shook my head.
"You did, and this hurt was deeper than in the past,"
I said, tears slipping away from the well of my own eyes.
"Please forgive me? Please?" he begged me, I shook my head and I just crossed him, as walked past him. He stood up, holding on to me.
"Dev, please, save me from him. One last time?" I asked Dev, who was still inside the room but chose to give us privacy.
I begged him, and he looked at me and then behind me. "Zehra...?" I heard the slow muffle, Dev did not say anything.
"Please..."I requested, and he gave a nod. "Fine, I can take you home." he accepted it, but his face as his eyes were a clear reflection that he only accepted it because his brother indicated it from behind me.
Well, so be it his help. I can't stay here for now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's impossible to justify who is right and who is wrong here.
What is your opinion?
TARGET - 7 opinions of the next update.
(I thought I will give it interesting for you all too)
ALSO, (You must read)
Do you all remember Kakitai, Nazma, and Sukriti, Shala? And do you ever wonder how they ended up in chandravani haveli?
Because I do!
Muqda and Aamira's stories were told about how they got there and what happened after the haveli was shut down?
But do you wonder? How many more stories have those four walls of that chandravani haveli have to share?
And if Muqda and Aamira were the protagonists of their lives.
Didn't the others were female leads of their own?
I don't know if your mind wanders, but mine constantly urges me to know, how many more stories were suppressed in that brothel.
Do you all want to know?
If so, please be interested to read the novella of THE DARK TALES OF CHANDRAVANI HAVELI and join me in the journey of the 7 women who were wonders in their way!
Will you all be willing?
On a side note* I will release the novella on an extra! And would not affect your daily books